Pastors Wife Judges People

Posted in the Richmond Forum

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Seriously

Lexington, KY

#1 Jun 12, 2010
I am just wondering what people think about this. I was friends with a Pastors wife on Facebook. I did go to their church and no longer attend the Church. We have always been on good terms. I noticed that I had been deleted as friend of hers on Facebook. I could not understand why. There were no vulgar, inappropriate posts on my Facebook page. Still puzzled, I was racking my brain trying to figure out why she would have deleted me. I though maybe she had simply completely deleted her Facebook...not so. Turns out, another church member, who is friends with family that we do not associate with any longer, have given her totally false "information" about myself and my husband (incorrect information) and she deleted me based solely on what this other church member said.

I am VERY hurt. Normally I could care less who deleted me on Facebook. This however, has bothered me. I honestly don't think I will ever participate in organized religion again. I do not blame God or anything like that. I love the Lord. This is not the first time I have been hurt through the PEOPLE that participate in organized religion. I pray for them. They do not realize the effects they have on people.
family

Richmond, KY

#2 Jun 13, 2010
would there be a chance you made remarks about church members on Facebook that was untrue & very hurtful and she deleted you so she wouldn't have to deal with false gossip. either way just let it go & move on.
port-a-potty

Columbus, OH

#3 Jun 13, 2010
Seriously wrote:
I am just wondering what people think about this. I was friends with a Pastors wife on Facebook. I did go to their church and no longer attend the Church. We have always been on good terms. I noticed that I had been deleted as friend of hers on Facebook. I could not understand why. There were no vulgar, inappropriate posts on my Facebook page. Still puzzled, I was racking my brain trying to figure out why she would have deleted me. I though maybe she had simply completely deleted her Facebook...not so. Turns out, another church member, who is friends with family that we do not associate with any longer, have given her totally false "information" about myself and my husband (incorrect information) and she deleted me based solely on what this other church member said.
I am VERY hurt. Normally I could care less who deleted me on Facebook. This however, has bothered me. I honestly don't think I will ever participate in organized religion again. I do not blame God or anything like that. I love the Lord. This is not the first time I have been hurt through the PEOPLE that participate in organized religion. I pray for them. They do not realize the effects they have on people.
thats one reason me and my wife no longer go to church anymore because the big wigs in church all think they are holier than thou, we use to be members in church but we feel down on our luck and ALL shunned us for it, my familys church in berea is very bad for untrue gossip, people love to cast stones before they ask about anything, everyone has a few skeletons in closets even a preacher does if they say they dont then ill call them a liar to there face. that woman doesnt realize it but she broke a golden rule "do onto others" as you would want them to do to you" or something like that. you must have attended pilot knob baptist.
But the other person that commented is right block it out, no one is worth free rent in your head, just never walk away from the big guy and ask god to show them there unfair deeds they cast upon you and it will be done, i do believe things come back to you 10 fold
You bet

Lexington, KY

#4 Jun 13, 2010
No, this would not be the case. I have not said anything negative about any Church or any Church members on Facebook. Matter of fact, I have not said anything negative about anyone on my facebook page, or anyone elses facebook page. I am totally shocked. There is nothing on my facebook that I would not care for Jesus himself to read. I haven't put anything vulger or that I would not say in Church on my facebook.

Your point is well taken. However, it is a shame to judge people based on what others say, and you shouldn't judge anyone anyway.
family wrote:
would there be a chance you made remarks about church members on Facebook that was untrue & very hurtful and she deleted you so she wouldn't have to deal with false gossip. either way just let it go & move on.
Seriously You bet

Lexington, KY

#5 Jun 13, 2010
Thank you so much for your post. I totally agree with you. People should do unto others and I do also believe in the 10 fold rule. I did not attend Pilot Knob though, it was another Church in Berea.
I doubt I will ever attend organized religion again. I love the Lord and plan on doing volunteer work.
Thanks again.
port-a-potty wrote:
<quoted text>thats one reason me and my wife no longer go to church anymore because the big wigs in church all think they are holier than thou, we use to be members in church but we feel down on our luck and ALL shunned us for it, my familys church in berea is very bad for untrue gossip, people love to cast stones before they ask about anything, everyone has a few skeletons in closets even a preacher does if they say they dont then ill call them a liar to there face. that woman doesnt realize it but she broke a golden rule "do onto others" as you would want them to do to you" or something like that. you must have attended pilot knob baptist.
But the other person that commented is right block it out, no one is worth free rent in your head, just never walk away from the big guy and ask god to show them there unfair deeds they cast upon you and it will be done, i do believe things come back to you 10 fold
Seriously You bet

Lexington, KY

#6 Jun 13, 2010
Also to the Previous poster "family" .....IF she had deleted me not to put up with false gossip then this would be different. I wouldn't blame anyone for that. I don't gossip and I don't listen to gossip. BUT, there was NO false gossip on my Facebook page. I did not say anything about anyone. The only thing I did was to wish my relatives and friends happy birthday and make positive comments on other peoples posts.

I would NEVER listen to what someone else told me about someone and base my opinion of that person on another persons comments...because THAT IS GOSSIP!!!!

As a Christian if she has an Ought (a problem) with me she should have confronted me about it. You imply that I was gossiping (and that is not the case) she should have called me out on it.

Christians please think before you do. I say this out of love.
family wrote:
would there be a chance you made remarks about church members on Facebook that was untrue & very hurtful and she deleted you so she wouldn't have to deal with false gossip. either way just let it go & move on.
judging

Richmond, KY

#7 Jun 15, 2010
I understand your point, but by the way your post reads, it certainly seems like you are both juding and gossiping. You say she should take it up with you and here you are doing the exact same thing taking someones else word for what and why she did it and then posting here instead of taking it up with her. I think you need to step back and read my post at least a couple of times. You will see that you or no one else is above passing judgement. You have proven it. Talk with God and talk with her. There is always room for forgivness.
Seriously

Lexington, KY

#8 Jun 15, 2010
I thank you for your post and have have read it 2 times as you suggested. I beg to differ with you on the following points:

1. "you are both juding and gossiping."
I disagree with you on this point because:
A. I am NOT telling the name of the church.
B. I am NOT telling th name of the pastors wife
C. I am NOT judging because I know it to be FACT that I have NOT said anything about anyone, posted anything and I KNOW that this other person is the true gossiper and telling lies which is hurtful to myself.

2."You will see that you or no one else is above passing judgement."
A. I TOTALLY AGREE

3."You say she should take it up with you and here you are doing the exact same thing taking someones else word for what and why she did it and then posting here instead of taking it up with her."
A. This is a forum that people discuss things in a manner that no one knows their identity. I am hurt and NO ONE knows who I am, I did not mention the Pastors wifes name, I did not mention the Churches name. SO therefore it is NOT gossip because I have not defemated anyones character.

B. I have taken it up with her and I am CORRECT on my what I thought happened. I PRAY for her JUDGING me based on someone elses words.

If want to gossip I will use names (the names or people and the names of Churches), locations, and so forth. I pray for people and hope that they can stop doing these hurtful things to other people and hiding behind religion to do it. They will be the ones to account for this one day.

"There is always room for forgivness."
A. I have already forgave her. But I tell you one thing. If I stick my hand in the fire and get burned once, its an accident. If I stick my hand back in again, its my own fault for knowing better- common sense. I pray for her because the Bible tells us to pray for our enemies. This is hard to do but I do it because God tells me to, not man.
judging wrote:
I understand your point, but by the way your post reads, it certainly seems like you are both juding and gossiping. You say she should take it up with you and here you are doing the exact same thing taking someones else word for what and why she did it and then posting here instead of taking it up with her. I think you need to step back and read my post at least a couple of times. You will see that you or no one else is above passing judgement. You have proven it. Talk with God and talk with her. There is always room for forgivness.
tabatha

Richmond, KY

#9 Jun 15, 2010
i don't go to church simply because i find most of the church goers to be hiprocrites and very judgemental. sure there are true followers of god but weigh each one and the fake ones fill up fastest. sad but true. and this is not judging it is fact. i have found many to not want to associate with gays, or people that don't believe in god, and such. if you have any true spirit and faith in you you'd not judge and be open to other people's way of living as long as they are good and not hurt or bother others.

i went to a church and the pastor knew of some family members of mine that got in trouble alot with the law. i however never in my life, yet he preached and talked exactly what they did putting me in the same circle as them, like i was a bad egg as well. and then again one hot summer day i ran into him with a pair of short shorts. i went back to the church and he is talking about wearing short shorts looking at me and wearing big gold necklaces. i had a big gold necklace on that day. although iknow some wonderful true christians at that church i will not go back because he is very judgemental. and by the way he works at a jail and my family members say he cusses alot. so this preacher is oviously not a true follower.
Fan of the big JC

United States

#10 Jun 15, 2010
you people need to go to Vineyard Community Church in Richmond. they dont do this stuff and they care about everybody no matter what your situation is or who you are. you should really try it out cause if you are really a chirstian there is more to it than just praying and doing volunteer work. that is a big part of it but worship is also a big part in it. you should really check out this church. they are down to earth people and they CARE about you and not just want you to come to there church!
strong

Richmond, KY

#11 Jun 15, 2010
i do know a wonderful man that preached all his life to his sons, family, and friends he retired and decided he would be a preacher to take up some of the new found free time. he is great in every way. always happy to help out someone and save them. he has given people cars' that needed one. although he is extremelt good hearted he has been duped alot as well. he has been tricked into giving drug addicts money and such.the sad part about this is just a few months ago his 2 sons' got killed together in a car wreck. he has one son left by his first wife but he wasn't as close as he is like to the other 2. one son was his now wife's only child. he was the baby. they worshipped the ground he walked on and every time you seen them they talked about their baby. it has devasted this family to the unbelievable. yet he still gets up to preach at church and try his best to carry on to not let his sons' look down on him although they are dead. he cries at church and talks about them and says he can't hardly go on but he's doing it for his boys. because that is what they would want. i just thought id share this heart wrenching story. when i think i may have a hard day i remember this man and his love for god andhis willingness to continue to do good to maybe save someone's life.
my opinion

United States

#12 Jun 16, 2010
well for what's it's worth I have to form my opinion on this matter. First of all if you had truly forgiven then you would not still be talking about it especially on here. Sorry but you need to take another good look inside. You don't know for a fact if you did not get it from her mouth yourself as of why she deleted you.
According to the Bible we are not to judge but to know them by the fruits they bare. That doesn't mean to go around trying to decide if this one is really right or not. Jesus will be the judge and do the judging. I am afraid to tell you all this but there will be pastors, deacons, Sunday School teachers lost the same as the murderers if they do not repent and really get saved. That doesn't mean they all will be. It doesn't matter what you profess it's simply what you posess in your heart. You really should not be going around putting down someone or a preacher for something he preaches because it was something you were doing. And to the other one who wrote about putting down gays...well honey there are sins and then there are abominations and if you would read the Bible you would know homosexuality is an abomination to God. He still loves them and He did die for them but their sin will cause them to be lost if they do not repent. This is NOT judging but this is simply the word of God. I think so many are so messed up in this world today. It's so easy to jump on the bandwagon with everyone else who puts down churches and pastors and their families. You don't like what the preacher says so you run from his church and run your mouths off. Simple if you don't want to live by the word then keep your mouth shut and stay home. Don't go starting links on here about it. You are no better. Gossip is still gossip whether it's the truth or not. You should be ashamed. Even though you didn't put your name on here the Lord knows who you are talking about. So ask yourself if this is what Jesus would do?? All of you ask it.
Seriously

Lexington, KY

#13 Jun 16, 2010
First of all thank you for your 2 cents. I will now give you mine.
I DID Not Mention this Pastors wife's Name, the Church, her husband any thing to identify her. YOU can not from an opinion about her because YOU do not know who she is. Maybe you are guilty of doing the SAME THING...I do not know...maybe I hit a nerve. MAYBE you are the Pastors Wife is is guilty of doing what was done to me. IF you are I pray for you.
1."First of all if you had truly forgiven then you would not still be talking about it especially on here. Sorry but you need to take another good look inside."
Don't Judge me sweetheart, just as you said. I have truly forgiven her and you do not know my heart, only God does.
2. "You don't know for a fact if you did not get it from her mouth yourself as of why she deleted you."
I DO KNOW FROM HER MOUTH this is why she deleted me. SHE told me. SHE listened to the gossip of others, not me.
3. "According to the Bible we are not to judge but to know them by the fruits they bare."
MY POINT EXACTLY - refer to my comment #2
4." You really should not be going around putting down someone or a preacher for something he preaches because it was something you were doing."
Are you on drugs? I did not put down any preacher. I referred to his wife, and she is not a preacher. I also did not NAME anyone's name.
5."So ask yourself if this is what Jesus would do??"
I can ASSURE you that Jesus would not delete me off Facebook based on the lies someone else told him! He would not listen to someone else's opinion to form one about me. BECAUSE HE WOULD BE LISTENING TO GOSSIP and Jesus wouldn't do that!.. I can promise you that.
A busybody is another close relative to gossip -- a person who meddles in the affairs of others. They are like a peeping-tom who snoops and spies. A busybody is the investigator for the gossips and rumormongers, seeking to uncover sensational details and to whisper the latest news. Sometimes busybodies are persons who have too much time on their hands, with nothing better to do than to talk too much.“Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to”(1 Tim. 5:13).
Seriously

Lexington, KY

#14 Jun 16, 2010
I HAVE B HURT BY GOSSIP!!!!!!! THAT IS WHY I AM HURT!!!! I DID NOT MENTION NAMES,CHURCHES, ETC!!!!!!!!
Gossip is wicked and sinful -- a seething disease of corruption from the mouth. Gossips use their mouth as a weapon -- a weapon which is always aimed at people to fulfill Satan’s desires to “steal, kill, and destroy”(John 10:10).“With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor”(Prov. 11:9). Gossip is an enemy to God and everything called holy -- a cancer which spreads a deadly infection to the body of Christ. Not only did Paul place a gossip in the same league with murderers and sexual deviates, but Jesus warned that for those who would offend his little ones, it would be better for them to be bound with a millstone and drowned in the sea (Mark 9:42). Surely, a harsh and horrible punishment awaits those unrepentant gossips who harm followers of Jesus.
Seriously

Lexington, KY

#15 Jun 16, 2010
"The hypocrite with his mouth destroys his neighbor," says Bible verse Proverbs 11:9.

AND TRUST ME HIS HURTS WHEN IT HAPPENS TO YOU!!!!! It has happened to me and it is HURTFUL!!!! I am NO different than when a pastor gives an illustration...I DID NOT NAME NAMES,I DID NOT HARM HER....Because you DO NOT know who this lady or the Church!!!!!!! You have no idea BECAUSE I AM NOT GOING TO GOSSIP and tell you who she is!!!!!
of something that has happened
my opinion wrote:
well for what's it's worth I have to form my opinion on this matter. First of all if you had truly forgiven then you would not still be talking about it especially on here. Sorry but you need to take another good look inside. You don't know for a fact if you did not get it from her mouth yourself as of why she deleted you.
According to the Bible we are not to judge but to know them by the fruits they bare. That doesn't mean to go around trying to decide if this one is really right or not. Jesus will be the judge and do the judging. I am afraid to tell you all this but there will be pastors, deacons, Sunday School teachers lost the same as the murderers if they do not repent and really get saved. That doesn't mean they all will be. It doesn't matter what you profess it's simply what you posess in your heart. You really should not be going around putting down someone or a preacher for something he preaches because it was something you were doing. And to the other one who wrote about putting down gays...well honey there are sins and then there are abominations and if you would read the Bible you would know homosexuality is an abomination to God. He still loves them and He did die for them but their sin will cause them to be lost if they do not repent. This is NOT judging but this is simply the word of God. I think so many are so messed up in this world today. It's so easy to jump on the bandwagon with everyone else who puts down churches and pastors and their families. You don't like what the preacher says so you run from his church and run your mouths off. Simple if you don't want to live by the word then keep your mouth shut and stay home. Don't go starting links on here about it. You are no better. Gossip is still gossip whether it's the truth or not. You should be ashamed. Even though you didn't put your name on here the Lord knows who you are talking about. So ask yourself if this is what Jesus would do?? All of you ask it.
Seriously

Lexington, KY

#16 Jun 16, 2010
Gossip slanders neighbor. It destroys a person's character or personal reputation. But beware! He who lives by the sword of slander shall die by the sword of slander. Almighty God says, "Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy" (Bible verse Psalm 101:5).....I pray for those who did this to me!!!!!!

In short, gossip is any communication that hurts people. "The words of a talebearer [a gossiper!] are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly" (Bible verse Proverbs 18:8)

If I had gotten on here and said Mrs. XYZ at Church XYZ then that would be different and yes that would be wrong....I did not and will not do that. Sorry if your own conscience is bothering you.
my opinion wrote:
well for what's it's worth I have to form my opinion on this matter. First of all if you had truly forgiven then you would not still be talking about it especially on here. Sorry but you need to take another good look inside. You don't know for a fact if you did not get it from her mouth yourself as of why she deleted you.
According to the Bible we are not to judge but to know them by the fruits they bare. That doesn't mean to go around trying to decide if this one is really right or not. Jesus will be the judge and do the judging. I am afraid to tell you all this but there will be pastors, deacons, Sunday School teachers lost the same as the murderers if they do not repent and really get saved. That doesn't mean they all will be. It doesn't matter what you profess it's simply what you posess in your heart. You really should not be going around putting down someone or a preacher for something he preaches because it was something you were doing. And to the other one who wrote about putting down gays...well honey there are sins and then there are abominations and if you would read the Bible you would know homosexuality is an abomination to God. He still loves them and He did die for them but their sin will cause them to be lost if they do not repent. This is NOT judging but this is simply the word of God. I think so many are so messed up in this world today. It's so easy to jump on the bandwagon with everyone else who puts down churches and pastors and their families. You don't like what the preacher says so you run from his church and run your mouths off. Simple if you don't want to live by the word then keep your mouth shut and stay home. Don't go starting links on here about it. You are no better. Gossip is still gossip whether it's the truth or not. You should be ashamed. Even though you didn't put your name on here the Lord knows who you are talking about. So ask yourself if this is what Jesus would do?? All of you ask it.
lisa

Richmond, KY

#17 Jun 16, 2010
Seriously wrote:
Gossip slanders neighbor. It destroys a person's character or personal reputation. But beware! He who lives by the sword of slander shall die by the sword of slander. Almighty God says, "Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy" (Bible verse Psalm 101:5).....I pray for those who did this to me!!!!!!
In short, gossip is any communication that hurts people. "The words of a talebearer [a gossiper!] are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly" (Bible verse Proverbs 18:8)
If I had gotten on here and said Mrs. XYZ at Church XYZ then that would be different and yes that would be wrong....I did not and will not do that. Sorry if your own conscience is bothering you.
<quoted text>
get a life...move on...you have to have something better to do!
Seriously

Lexington, KY

#18 Jun 16, 2010
Oh thank you so much Lisa....Hugs
lisa wrote:
<quoted text> get a life...move on...you have to have something better to do!
Wondering

Louisville, KY

#21 Jun 16, 2010
Just out of curiosity. Why were you going to church in the first place? Obvious answer would be something to do with God. If indeed that is your answer then why is it that because of something someone did to you, especially so small as to delete you off FB, that you decide to just shun the church all together and not go?
This is what irritates me with people today. If you're going for God, why let anyone stop you? Now, if you're going just to be seen(not saying you are), or if you are going for your own agenda that does not primarily include God, then maybe I can see why you'd get all upset.
Bottom line, Christians are just people. Just normal people that still make mistakes and still have to deal with the consequences of those mistakes. If I were in your situation and it really bothered me, then I would just speak to her privately about it. I'd tell her that she hurt your feelings, ask her if she'd like to talk with you about anything, leaving people anonymous if she wants to, and just work out the kinks. That there, takes more guts and more courage than to just get pissed off, and say "to hell with it" or whatever.
Organized religion in any shape involves people. People are by no means perfect, whether they are Christian or not. If you are so affected by her actions that you'd be this upset, you either hold her in higher regard than you should or you just have too high of an expectation for people in general.
Be glad that God doesn't forgive us like we forgive each other. Good Luck with whatever you decide to do.
Seriously

Lexington, KY

#22 Jun 16, 2010
Thank you for your post.

1. To answer your question as to why I was going to church. It was of course for God.

2. "then I would just speak to her privately about it."
If you would read my previous posts I have spoken to her, She admitted that she listened to gossip to form her opinion.

3."This is what irritates me with people today. If you're going for God, why let anyone stop you? Now, if you're going just to be seen(not saying you are), or if you are going for your own agenda that does not primarily include God, then maybe I can see why you'd get all upset."

Answer: I have been "Church hurt" before. This is why I am so upset. You are correct that people are human. I appreciate your saying if you are going for God don't let anyone stop you. However, God lives both inside and outside the church. He does not live in a building. I can serve my God in other ways than just dressing up on Sunday and "Playing Church" as I see hypocrites doing. I am not a hypocrite and I will not participate in these ways.

4. "Be glad that God doesn't forgive us like we forgive each other. "
Answer: I have forgiven her. I pray she will STOP listening to Gossip...I promise you thats NOT what Jesus would do.

There are plenty of soup kitchens, food pantries, homeless and veterans shelters that would be happy to have someone to help. More people should try it. God can use you to help his people in many ways. Going to Kohls and buying a $100 dress,$30 shoes and
sitting on a pew then leaving and going to Outback Steakhouse to eat on Sunday, then repeat the next Sunday and the next...think about it if that is ALL that you do...not saying that is what YOU do but for many that is a fact.

Wondering wrote:
Just out of curiosity. Why were you going to church in the first place? Obvious answer would be something to do with God. If indeed that is your answer then why is it that because of something someone did to you, especially so small as to delete you off FB, that you decide to just shun the church all together and not go?
This is what irritates me with people today. If you're going for God, why let anyone stop you? Now, if you're going just to be seen(not saying you are), or if you are going for your own agenda that does not primarily include God, then maybe I can see why you'd get all upset.
Bottom line, Christians are just people. Just normal people that still make mistakes and still have to deal with the consequences of those mistakes. If I were in your situation and it really bothered me, then I would just speak to her privately about it. I'd tell her that she hurt your feelings, ask her if she'd like to talk with you about anything, leaving people anonymous if she wants to, and just work out the kinks. That there, takes more guts and more courage than to just get pissed off, and say "to hell with it" or whatever.
Organized religion in any shape involves people. People are by no means perfect, whether they are Christian or not. If you are so affected by her actions that you'd be this upset, you either hold her in higher regard than you should or you just have too high of an expectation for people in general.
Be glad that God doesn't forgive us like we forgive each other. Good Luck with whatever you decide to do.

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