why do married or engaged men masturbate to porn

Posted in the Richmond Forum

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Curious

Harold, KY

#2 Jul 14, 2010
Me and my husband have been together for several years and we are lucky to have sex once every two weeks.
I have asked him if it's me? is there something wrong with me? do I not turn you on what is the problem? and he says it's not me that he enjoys sex with me and loves me more than anything.
He says that it's him that he has a problem with gettin it up and keeping it up,but he is always watching porn on the computer "without me know" he forgets to always clear history.
Or he is in the shower Masturbating " I have walked in on him several times".
I love him more than anything and would do anything for him but at the same time it hurts me that we don't have a healthy sex life I personally feel that is also very important in a marriage.
He keeps telling me he is gonna go to the dr to get something to help him " but he never does".
He stays up all night on the computer and when he comes to bed by then he is TIRED.
I have tried to tell him how I feel and it just causes an argement.
Please if anyone can help me understand what is going on here it would help..
dear abby

Winchester, KY

#3 Jul 14, 2010
Curious wrote:
Me and my husband have been together for several years and we are lucky to have sex once every two weeks.
I have asked him if it's me? is there something wrong with me? do I not turn you on what is the problem? and he says it's not me that he enjoys sex with me and loves me more than anything.
He says that it's him that he has a problem with gettin it up and keeping it up,but he is always watching porn on the computer "without me know" he forgets to always clear history.
Or he is in the shower Masturbating " I have walked in on him several times".
I love him more than anything and would do anything for him but at the same time it hurts me that we don't have a healthy sex life I personally feel that is also very important in a marriage.
He keeps telling me he is gonna go to the dr to get something to help him " but he never does".
He stays up all night on the computer and when he comes to bed by then he is TIRED.
I have tried to tell him how I feel and it just causes an argement.
Please if anyone can help me understand what is going on here it would help..
i suggest that you wait till he gets on the computer and then just undress and sit right in front of him. if he still wants to look at the monitor then let me know and we can talk
billybob

Richmond, KY

#4 Jul 14, 2010
Just let me know, and your sexual problem will be taken care of in a very satisfactory manner! You continue to be a loving wife, he continues to fantasize wth other women, and you will BOTH be happy!
whatever

Lexington, KY

#5 Jul 14, 2010
Y don't u try role playing? Put on a wig or diff style than norm. A totally off the wall outfit 4 u. Or get u some sexy heels and lingeria and b sitting n front of computer when u know he's getting on it.
Question

Georgetown, KY

#7 Jul 14, 2010
How many times a week are you giving it to him?
what

Nicholasville, KY

#8 Jul 14, 2010
theres nothing wrong with stroking it sometimes.. if you was a man you would understand...he may enjoy more than you..
SoOverIt

Richmond, KY

#9 Jul 14, 2010
if he's mastubating, he has no problem gettin it to stay up....good luck with that!
from a woman

Richmond, KY

#10 Jul 14, 2010
Curious wrote:
Me and my husband have been together for several years and we are lucky to have sex once every two weeks.
I have asked him if it's me? is there something wrong with me? do I not turn you on what is the problem? and he says it's not me that he enjoys sex with me and loves me more than anything.
He says that it's him that he has a problem with gettin it up and keeping it up,but he is always watching porn on the computer "without me know" he forgets to always clear history.
Or he is in the shower Masturbating " I have walked in on him several times".
I love him more than anything and would do anything for him but at the same time it hurts me that we don't have a healthy sex life I personally feel that is also very important in a marriage.
He keeps telling me he is gonna go to the dr to get something to help him " but he never does".
He stays up all night on the computer and when he comes to bed by then he is TIRED.
I have tried to tell him how I feel and it just causes an argement.
Please if anyone can help me understand what is going on here it would help..
Frankly when people have been married for a long time, fantasizing with or without porn is sometimes more exciting than sex with your spouse. That's just the way it is. When he's masturbating he's fantasizing about something he doesn't have and he knows how to get where he wants to get within a short amount of time. No matter what he is telling you, in all likelihood he isn't getting it up for you because he's bored with your sex life. Like someone else said, he doesn't have a problem getting it up or he wouldn't be masturbating. You shouldn't really take it personally, it's just part of life. You might want to try to spice things up. In some cases it works, in others it doesn't matter at all.
man

Lexington, KY

#11 Jul 14, 2010
i wouldn't take it personally. it's just something guys do. it has nothing to do with you.
Roid rage

United States

#14 Jul 15, 2010
Once every two weeks is not very often! It might be that you don't turn him on. Get him some Viagra and force few down him every couple days!
lol

United States

#15 Jul 15, 2010
your a fat cow or ugly or both. Either that or you really suck in bed or are not puttin out enough. When Ive a regular gf or fun buddy I dont jack off cause Im gettin what I need. Thats why I dont mind doing most the work I know how to get me off.
barber

United States

#16 Jul 15, 2010
If you're really worried about it do it for him without expecting anything in return. He's pounding it to get that nut and not have to deal with forplay , getting you off or cuddling or chatting or anything else involved with having sex with another person. Rub one out for him every now and then (without expectation of getting something back) and see if your sex life don't pick up !
Seriously

Mount Sterling, KY

#17 Jul 15, 2010
lol wrote:
your a fat cow or ugly or both. Either that or you really suck in bed or are not puttin out enough. When Ive a regular gf or fun buddy I dont jack off cause Im gettin what I need. Thats why I dont mind doing most the work I know how to get me off.
While I find the wording a little more blunt than necessary, physical appearance does factor in. After all, porn stars aren't typically beset by the rampant physical imperfection us normal folk must contend with. Has their been a gaining of weight or other changes in your physical appearance that may be influencing his sex drive?

Also, speaking from experience, emotional issues can have even more bearing than physical; has there been tension or arguments about money or who's working and who's not? Messy house? Other unresolved conflicts? Any or all of these o a man's mind will foster resentment and frustration, and will cause him to see you as an adversary rather than a sexual entity.

Safe to say he loves you, or he wouldn't be telling you it isn't you - he's attempting to spare your feelings. But he's hiding something, some hang-up that needs addressed. It isn't a matter of medical issues or he wouldn't be able to rub one out to porn; it's something twixt the two of you, and you need to find out what it is and what you can do to fix your end of it.

Good luck!
Seriously

Mount Sterling, KY

#18 Jul 15, 2010
...oops, mixed up a Their for a There in there, somewhere...
Curious

Harold, KY

#19 Jul 15, 2010
Seriously wrote:
<quoted text>While I find the wording a little more blunt than necessary, physical appearance does factor in. After all, porn stars aren't typically beset by the rampant physical imperfection us normal folk must contend with. Has their been a gaining of weight or other changes in your physical appearance that may be influencing his sex drive?
Also, speaking from experience, emotional issues can have even more bearing than physical; has there been tension or arguments about money or who's working and who's not? Messy house? Other unresolved conflicts? Any or all of these o a man's mind will foster resentment and frustration, and will cause him to see you as an adversary rather than a sexual entity.
Safe to say he loves you, or he wouldn't be telling you it isn't you - he's attempting to spare your feelings. But he's hiding something, some hang-up that needs addressed. It isn't a matter of medical issues or he wouldn't be able to rub one out to porn; it's something twixt the two of you, and you need to find out what it is and what you can do to fix your end of it.
Good luck!
Thanks..
men r jerks

Richmond, KY

#21 Jul 15, 2010
I have caught my husband watchin porn on the computer, many times while my daughter is in the next room asleep and he thinks there is nothing wrong with it. What if she gets up and he's sittin there watchin that? It's all about you men and gettin off. WHO CARES about gettin off all the time? I sure as hell don't. Men think that's all us women are good for is spreading our legs whenever they want,cooking,cleaning and taking care of kids. FUNK THAT my legs are stayin closed!! U men wonder why we are crazy,well I have some news for ya, u made us that way!!
Suki Suki

Richmond, KY

#22 Jul 15, 2010
Maybe he's bored. Go sit next to him when he is doing that and participate.. maybe then you wont feel left out. It can be really fun.
barber

United States

#23 Jul 15, 2010
men r jerks wrote:
I have caught my husband watchin porn on the computer, many times while my daughter is in the next room asleep and he thinks there is nothing wrong with it. What if she gets up and he's sittin there watchin that? It's all about you men and gettin off. WHO CARES about gettin off all the time? I sure as hell don't. Men think that's all us women are good for is spreading our legs whenever they want,cooking,cleaning and taking care of kids. FUNK THAT my legs are stayin closed!! U men wonder why we are crazy,well I have some news for ya, u made us that way!!
Sounds like there's a good chance your ol man is pounding his pud in the shower too.....LOL!

Most women just don't "get it" like most men don't "get it" with women......sadly , that'll never change
El Jefe

Houston, TX

#24 Jul 15, 2010
If he's achieving satisfaction on his own on a regular basis and finding excuses not to satisfy you, there's something going on here. That's pretty fundamental dishonesty on his part. Not only is he putting his pleasure before yours, he's acting like your pleasure doesn't matter to him at all.

You need to tell him that he needs to mend his ways in bed, or else he needs to see a marriage counselor. This isn't going to get better, if you don't do something about it, it's going to get worse.

If he won't take care of your needs, and he won't see a marriage counselor, you and he will both need good divorce lawyers. You might be able to put that off for a few years by burying your head in the sand, but it's going to catch up to the two of you, sooner or later.
Dittydumb dittydo

Richmond, KY

#25 Jul 15, 2010
Surprise him with a knob job or reach around. You need to spice it up or change things up.

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