Why do husbands neglect their wives?

Why do husbands neglect their wives?

Posted in the Richmond Forum

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DWDG

Lexington, KY

#1 May 11, 2010
I read a similar post on Berea topix and wonder what you think. I work in richmond and find so many men that treat thier wives and girlfriends as dirt. Taking them for grantite. If you think you are going to find something out there that is better...remember the grass is always greener until you experience it. You forgot the romance, the importance of love, you just take her for granite. Well idiots I and plenty of others that just moved here will take your left overs and treat them like they deserve to be treated. So keep your a___ hole ways up. Stay gone as much as possible...you will wake up one morning and realize geez I could have, should have and didn't. Now your finding a new one with worse problems.
sad

United States

#2 May 11, 2010
It's spelled 'granted'

Anyway, while I am definitely against the treating of any person (man or woman) like objects rather than people, these women you refer to are partially responsible, seeing as how they don't drop his ass after to first signs of dick-headedness. They are delusional... invalidly "in love" and falsely believe the relationship can work itself out, just by ignoring that black eye she got last week, or his arrivals home from "the office" at 6am
truth

Lexington, KY

#3 May 11, 2010
The question should have been WHY TO WIVES HAVE TO NAG ALL THE TIME.
just curious

Pomeroy, OH

#4 May 12, 2010
There's as many answers to this question as there are people. So a good solid answer is hard to come by. But my guess is that people have an illusion of what they think their spouse or soon to be spouse is like. After time goes by the glitter is gone and they don't like what they see but don't really want to do anything about the situation. Men become neglect and women wind up nagging.
just curious

Pomeroy, OH

#5 May 12, 2010
sorry, meant to say men become neglectful.
Aaron

Ann Arbor, MI

#6 May 13, 2010
I know an absolutely beautiful woman who stayed in a mentally abusive relationship for years because she "truely loved" the jerk. Makes me think there is something just as wrong with the woman since it was her second long term abusive relationship.
The abusers won't change and the bad boy chasers won't change either. Maybe once the ladies loose there looks and they have fewer and fewer "options" (guys giving them attention)will they start viewing mature acting responsable adult males as a viable relationship option. Most men in there late 40's and 50's are looking at the 30 year old ladies because the woman in their late 40 have lived past their experation date.
Younger ladies are harsh and judgemental when they have options, once those option run out then they want sympathy. It sounds mean when the shoe is on the other foot I guess, but it is what it is.
Aaron

Ann Arbor, MI

#7 May 13, 2010
OK maybe my soapbox got off topix. Sometimes a long term relationship or marriage causes people to take the other for granted. Everyone is different, so it's hard to say why husbands neglect wives. Maybe they think, "Oh she will always be there for me".
Blah

Berea, KY

#8 May 13, 2010
There are two distinct reasons why so many husbands neglect or mistreat wives, or vice versa.

Firstly, the mistreatING spouse - due to inexperience, selfishness or poor upbringing - simply doesn't know how to maintain a healthy, happy relationship.

And secondly, the mistreatED spouse doesn't demand better for themselves.

-

Before I go any further, let it be said that many men and women have some very unrealistic expectations in love and relationships. Fairytale ideals painted in film and fiction often bear little or no resemblance to real life, yet people raised on such pleasantries expect to be able to attain Hollywood-esque results. So if either party is clinging to ridiculous and fantastical notions of what a spouse or life in general should be, they can be expected to be repeatedly disappointed until they gain enough experience and wisdom to form a more realistic view of life and love.

Once expectations become realistic, it becomes a lot simpler:

Many mistreating and/or neglectful spouses haven't had the best examples to follow. Maybe a parent was absent in their childhood, or what parents they did have behaved in much the same way, imprinting such disinterest or abuse upon their offspring. Whatever a grown man or woman's reasons or excuses may be, once they've grown, it falls on them to take ownership of their lives and fix what needs fixed.

If they cannot or will not mend their ways, it's best for their unsatisfied partner to cut their losses and leave. A similarly poor upbringing lacking in assertive role models, or a history of externally imposed low self-esteem, may make this difficult, but the responsibility to take action (or the consequences for failing to do so) now falls squarely on the shoulders of the dissatisfied. If a spouse won't treat you right, and you stick around, you're giving them a free pass to continue the mistreatment.

The only way to safely avoid these situations is to identify such shortcomings and avoid them beforehand. Spending more time getting to know someone before cleaving to them is a tall order that requires a patience and reserve all-too-rare now-a-days, I know. But failing that, unsatisfied spouses are left with only two choices (three, if you count being an adulterous, cheating coward): Stay and be miserable, or end it and give both parties a chance to grow and be happy elsewhere.

Good luck to all in their efforts.
true

Broken Arrow, OK

#9 May 13, 2010
While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man wishing he could talk softly to her. While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND & INSULT her, there's a man flirting with her & reminding her how wonderful she is. While you HURT your woman, there's a man wishing he could make love to her. While you make your woman CRYthere's a man steali...ng smiles from her. Abuse isnt always physical..just always devastating, and WRONG.
missMe

Carmichael, CA

#10 Nov 2, 2011
DWDG wrote:
I read a similar post on Berea topix and wonder what you think. I work in richmond and find so many men that treat thier wives and girlfriends as dirt. Taking them for grantite. If you think you are going to find something out there that is better...remember the grass is always greener until you experience it. You forgot the romance, the importance of love, you just take her for granite. Well idiots I and plenty of others that just moved here will take your left overs and treat them like they deserve to be treated. So keep your a___ hole ways up. Stay gone as much as possible...you will wake up one morning and realize geez I could have, should have and didn't. Now your finding a new one with worse problems.
Tell 'em honey!

Since: Dec 10

louisville, ky

#11 Nov 3, 2011
I think when one becomes too comfortable in a relationship, they tend to think that they can do whatever as time goes by...thinking that the partner isn't gonna leave....
Male

Richmond, KY

#12 Nov 4, 2011
I have no idea why husbands neglect their wives. But I am glad in three instances that they do.
Walt

Winchester, KY

#14 Nov 4, 2011
Men treat women as they do because they can. There has never been a time in history when women are as desperate as they are now. Most will take whatever they can get just to have someone and then be a door mat to hang on to them. Most women have little self respect and they prove it everyday. They also easily give up sex to whoever is even nice to them and that is stupid on their part as well. Why would a man go to the trouble to do nice things, talk with respect and be fair when they can treat women like a dog and they are waiting at the back door begging them to come home.
nina

Suva, Fiji

#15 Oct 20, 2012
Man neglect their wife when they fall out of love....well my dear woman needs to understand this fact....if someone really truly loves you you will never even feel neglected. Know it and get over it that the best way to move on.....all the best ladies...its a real battle...be strong

Since: May 12

Darlington, UK

#16 Nov 27, 2012
Sometimes I wish I never got married..I got more attention from my ex boyfriends than I do from my husband.,.its really sad.
the truth

Lexington, KY

#17 Nov 27, 2012
the answer is called wedding cake.

Yes, it's true... wedding cake has an special chemical in it that totally kills a woman's sex drive. it makes her not want to do things she used to do for her man. now this chemical doesn't effect the man's sex drive... it's at the same level. so since the woman now doesn't do "those things" anymore, then man gets pissed off and say, well if you won't do that, why should i even engage in a conversation with you about your co-worker's aunt next door neighbor's dog.

wanna talk sports? ok! wanna talk beer? ok! wanna talk shoes? um, no!

just don't eat that wedding cake, and everything will be the same.

So, there is your answer....
neglected husband

Lawrenceville, GA

#18 Dec 6, 2013
To me (and many other men) it all boils down to respect if a man is given healthy respect he seldom strays. However if his love is used against him, if his looked upon as bank guard dog or a date and not respected as a man should be by a woman then you cannot expect him to give attention to that wan who consciously or unconsciously rejects him
neglected husband

Lawrenceville, GA

#19 Dec 6, 2013
Oops i meant that woman
Tanya

Los Angeles, CA

#20 Feb 27, 2014
My ex, who I just broke up with finally, neglected me. I never expected or asked for any presents, to be taken out, to be fed, for rides... for nothing! The only thing I wanted was time together... like going for bike rides & hikes, laughing & good times, and sex. He liked the outdoors stuff & laughing, but I had to beg for sex & even then he would say to me "I'm not a sex slave". I like to have sex everyday or even several times a day. Once a week was too often for him. He & I were best friends. He's a loner, likes to stay home, & doesn't really hang out with friends, which I'm ok with. I'm a happy person, laid-back, athletic, like to have fun, and am very direct. I always came to him with a smile & a positive attitude, while he always came to me with the opposite. We are very much opposites, but it worked. We balanced each other out. I don't ask for much, just basic love & affection. I'm not materialistic. If there is a problem I want to talk it out, but he doesn't want to talk about anything. He has terrible communication skills. However, I accept him as he is, will all his rough edges. But I never got any of this back. I gave love, attention, affection, and care. To get it back from him I felt like I had to beg. Never feels good to beg to be loved. And even as other guys hit on me, I never cheated. He would get angry when guys would hit on me or touch me at parties or public places, but those guys gave me more attention than he does! So what happens is as the woman is neglected she gets hurt, which turns to anger, and then often into nagging/complaining about how he is hurting/neglecting her. So men need to realize if he makes his woman happy & satisfied, she will never nag! The only exception is that she doesn't love you, but that's not something you can fix. The moral of this story is don't date a man that can't give emotionally or that is selfish. You will never be happy.
Tanya

Los Angeles, CA

#21 Feb 27, 2014
Well said! I think being emotionally unavailable, selfish, & not learning how to express emotions all contribute to this unhealthy relationship dynamic.
Blah wrote:
There are two distinct reasons why so many husbands neglect or mistreat wives, or vice versa.
Firstly, the mistreatING spouse - due to inexperience, selfishness or poor upbringing - simply doesn't know how to maintain a healthy, happy relationship.
And secondly, the mistreatED spouse doesn't demand better for themselves.
-
Before I go any further, let it be said that many men and women have some very unrealistic expectations in love and relationships. Fairytale ideals painted in film and fiction often bear little or no resemblance to real life, yet people raised on such pleasantries expect to be able to attain Hollywood-esque results. So if either party is clinging to ridiculous and fantastical notions of what a spouse or life in general should be, they can be expected to be repeatedly disappointed until they gain enough experience and wisdom to form a more realistic view of life and love.
Once expectations become realistic, it becomes a lot simpler:
Many mistreating and/or neglectful spouses haven't had the best examples to follow. Maybe a parent was absent in their childhood, or what parents they did have behaved in much the same way, imprinting such disinterest or abuse upon their offspring. Whatever a grown man or woman's reasons or excuses may be, once they've grown, it falls on them to take ownership of their lives and fix what needs fixed.
If they cannot or will not mend their ways, it's best for their unsatisfied partner to cut their losses and leave. A similarly poor upbringing lacking in assertive role models, or a history of externally imposed low self-esteem, may make this difficult, but the responsibility to take action (or the consequences for failing to do so) now falls squarely on the shoulders of the dissatisfied. If a spouse won't treat you right, and you stick around, you're giving them a free pass to continue the mistreatment.
The only way to safely avoid these situations is to identify such shortcomings and avoid them beforehand. Spending more time getting to know someone before cleaving to them is a tall order that requires a patience and reserve all-too-rare now-a-days, I know. But failing that, unsatisfied spouses are left with only two choices (three, if you count being an adulterous, cheating coward): Stay and be miserable, or end it and give both parties a chance to grow and be happy elsewhere.
Good luck to all in their efforts.

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