needing some advice
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help

Richmond, KY

#1 Nov 16, 2012
Okay so I have been having some major marriage issues since about June and I really need some non bias opinions and advice... My husband and I had been together for 5 years we had our ups and downs right after we got married in 2011 everything went to hell. We had just bought a home and then a month later he decides to quit his job and sell his car to fuel his new drug addiction which left me to struggle to try and pay the bills by myself with only my part time job. It got so bad I sent my baby to live with my mom because he had needles stashed everywhere and was always out of it. This behavior continued until we lost everything and were forced to move into an apartment. I begged him to change and to get help and he refused. I didn't know what to do I stayed so stressed all the time then in may I messed around and slept with his step brother. When my husband found out he was devastated he drug me around for a week and beat on me and I stayed and took it because in my head at the time I deserved it for cheating we split up. Then about a month later we tried to work things out we stayed together about a week then he set me up he planted some stuff in my apartment and called the police and I went down on felony drug charges. He promised he would see me through and that he would stick by my side he lead me on and strung me along for months and then when I was finally indicted on lesser charges he told me that I was nothing but a whore and he would never be my husband again. He went back to his ex and less than 2 weeks later he expects me to just be his friend I can't do that I hate him so bad for everything he did to me but I'm having a VERY hard time trying to get over him I don't know what to do he has done everything in his power to destroy me and he is the most evil person I know I want to see him suffer!! It's so not fair I'm still stuck dealing with court issues and he is living it up without a care in the world I know what I did was wrong and I feel horrible
help

Richmond, KY

#2 Nov 16, 2012
I know what I did was horrible but do I really deserve all of this??
RODEN

Ironton, OH

#3 Nov 16, 2012
He has shown his true colors and will not change since the weak mind is just a slave to the drugs. LEAVE and do not look back. Tomorrow is indeed another day and has to be better than the BS you have been thru. PS, take out a nice sweet LIFE INSURANCE policy on this loser of a husband since he will soon kill himself with a drug overdose.
runuts

Richmond, KY

#4 Nov 17, 2012
Your first mistake was choosing the druggie before your child! You stayed even after that. So, it was your choice that lead you where you are. First step in getting any part of your life back is stop blaming anyone else and look in the mirror. Until you own your truth figure out why you made those decisions in the first place, you will continue to fall. Get that part of your life out of your head and move on. Be a mother above ALL else or your child will make some of the same bad decisions you made and the circle of disfunction continues.
what???

Henderson, KY

#5 Nov 17, 2012
help wrote:
Okay so I have been having some major marriage issues since about June and I really need some non bias opinions and advice... My husband and I had been together for 5 years we had our ups and downs right after we got married in 2011 everything went to hell. We had just bought a home and then a month later he decides to quit his job and sell his car to fuel his new drug addiction which left me to struggle to try and pay the bills by myself with only my part time job. It got so bad I sent my baby to live with my mom because he had needles stashed everywhere and was always out of it. This behavior continued until we lost everything and were forced to move into an apartment. I begged him to change and to get help and he refused. I didn't know what to do I stayed so stressed all the time then in may I messed around and slept with his step brother. When my husband found out he was devastated he drug me around for a week and beat on me and I stayed and took it because in my head at the time I deserved it for cheating we split up. Then about a month later we tried to work things out we stayed together about a week then he set me up he planted some stuff in my apartment and called the police and I went down on felony drug charges. He promised he would see me through and that he would stick by my side he lead me on and strung me along for months and then when I was finally indicted on lesser charges he told me that I was nothing but a whore and he would never be my husband again. He went back to his ex and less than 2 weeks later he expects me to just be his friend I can't do that I hate him so bad for everything he did to me but I'm having a VERY hard time trying to get over him I don't know what to do he has done everything in his power to destroy me and he is the most evil person I know I want to see him suffer!! It's so not fair I'm still stuck dealing with court issues and he is living it up without a care in the world I know what I did was wrong and I feel horrible
Why in the world would you choose a man over your child? You need to leave that man and get your child back where he/ she belongs ! I'm not trying to be mean but you need to get your priorities in order and fast! I wish you the best !
help

Richmond, KY

#6 Nov 17, 2012
I do have my child back. I was just trying to help my husband. He wasn't always like that and I thought I could get him help, but obviously he would rather have the drugs than his family. He blames me for everything because I cheated but I feel like our marriage was broken way before that because of his actions...
Bluntly

San Diego, CA

#7 Nov 17, 2012
If I may, and this may seem crass, but it is necessary to understand all options.

Many times the problem is someone just does not understand what they are doing to another. When it is explained to them, they just don't get it, or they don't care. But sometimes it helps to have someone else speak to them about the issue.

Simple explanation. You have said you cheated on him. Ok, that is not the issue. Since you are willing to be friends with others. Can you not find someone that could speak to him for you. Become his good friend and have him ask your ex to leave you alone.

Look in the local gyms. No necks mean large .... well you know. So have some fun, relieve some stress, and sit back in peace.

I think I had my ex spoken too 3 to 4 times each week for the first couple months. But he can learn. I saw my ex a few weeks ago in a bar, its been 2 years now and I screamed at him and ask what he was saying about me now? The putz peed his pants standing right there. Yep. Slap me again I thought.
serious

United States

#8 Nov 17, 2012
On the drug charges, what were you actually charged with? Do you have any evidence other than word of mouth that he planted the stash? Was it fingerprinted? You can have your child removed for just the charge!! I'm sure you are young and because of the child together, wanted to make it work but drugs always win! If the charges stick, you will never be able to get a quality job. Stop making mistakes and you get help--you have suffered abuse to a degree and need counseling to get back on track along with a good attorney and family support system.

Tough love time my dear!
help

Richmond, KY

#9 Nov 17, 2012
Thanks no my charges have been amended way down but originally I was facing prison time... They have him on video with the stuff but the police didn't care they had enough to charge me and thats all they were worried about I told them over and over that it was my husbands but I guess they hear that alot. He called me a whore so many times it has totally ruined my self esteem I know i'm better than that. It's just been even harder to move on bc i'm still dealing with all the court stuff, and my child being taken was never an issue he was no where around when this stuff happened. I would never put my child in a harmful situation. I just hate that he can treat people like this and have no punishment or even remorse
Donny Baker

Richmond, KY

#10 Nov 17, 2012
help wrote:
Thanks no my charges have been amended way down but originally I was facing prison time... They have him on video with the stuff but the police didn't care they had enough to charge me and thats all they were worried about I told them over and over that it was my husbands but I guess they hear that alot. He called me a whore so many times it has totally ruined my self esteem I know i'm better than that. It's just been even harder to move on bc i'm still dealing with all the court stuff, and my child being taken was never an issue he was no where around when this stuff happened. I would never put my child in a harmful situation. I just hate that he can treat people like this and have no punishment or even remorse
You are so messed up. I swear to God you are. Please move out of that trailer park and at least get government assistance and get in the spousal abuse program on our dime, and quit trying(in the back of your mind) defending this little pussy who is trying to control your life. Please don't be like the national average of female abuse victims and return to this little punk because he'll promise you that he'll change. The little coward won't- believe me. I wish I knew who this punk was, so I could have a little "talk" with him, I swear to God I do.
Right

San Diego, CA

#11 Nov 17, 2012
Right there Donny. Hell, it may be state law!

An he said it too their faces!!!!
help

Richmond, KY

#12 Nov 17, 2012
Ummm I don't live in a trailer park and I have no intentions on getting back with him. He has already moved on and got back with his first wife. I'm just having a really hard time moving on and finding my self worth. I'm just trying to prove to myself that it's not all my fault because he has made me believe like it is. He has ruined my whole life I will never be able to get a good job so I can provide for my son like he deserves because of the legal mess he has gotten me into and its so not fair that he gets to go on without a care in the world. I know life isn't fair and people talk about karma but honestly I feel like people just made that up to make themselves feel better
Louisville Slugger

San Diego, CA

#13 Nov 17, 2012
help wrote:
Ummm I don't live in a trailer park and I have no intentions on getting back with him. He has already moved on and got back with his first wife. I'm just having a really hard time moving on and finding my self worth. I'm just trying to prove to myself that it's not all my fault because he has made me believe like it is. He has ruined my whole life I will never be able to get a good job so I can provide for my son like he deserves because of the legal mess he has gotten me into and its so not fair that he gets to go on without a care in the world. I know life isn't fair and people talk about karma but honestly I feel like people just made that up to make themselves feel better

You were given good advice.
Shooter

San Diego, CA

#14 Nov 17, 2012
OK, let me give you some real advise. Firstly don't put enough information here that the nutcase could find out and try to retaliate for. He has shown himself to be a coward and there is no telling what he may slither in and do.

That said, do you not have any brothers or father, a close uncle,someone you can talk to that can help you?

Hypothetically speaking as an example.

If, my daughter was having the same issues you have described, I would speak to the guy and explain how grievous it makes me feel for you to be sad. I am sure that an agreement could be reached wherein he leaves you alone.

Vise Grip Pliers: Helping to rationalize issues since 1929.
TYBasedgod

San Antonio, TX

#15 Nov 17, 2012
In case you are wondering who gave you a heart...it was me. I judged it as touching.

However if a mofo had me locked up I would get Medieval on his azz. I mean thats just too much. Pick up and move on. Figure out a way to destroy him. You can do that, you know, if you have the money. Just saying.

http://bit.ly/S20Rgx
help

Richmond, KY

#16 Nov 18, 2012
No I have no men in my life that are willing to "talk" to him and I wish I did have the money and resources to make him pay for what he did to me. Thank you all for your comments and advice.
Observer

San Diego, CA

#17 Nov 18, 2012
help wrote:
No I have no men in my life that are willing to "talk" to him and I wish I did have the money and resources to make him pay for what he did to me. Thank you all for your comments and advice.

In my opinion:

We have laws designed to help you protect yourself. You have the right to defend yourself in your own home. Buy a gun, preferably a shotgun, there is little requirement to aim. Do not go hunting him, or do anything to provoke him, but if he enters your house to attack you, then if you consider him a threat, then kill him.

One shot between the eyes and the problem is gone forever. There will no doubt be ramifications, but that seems better than taking a beating from him.
Donny Baker

Richmond, KY

#18 Nov 18, 2012
Observer wrote:
<quoted text>
In my opinion:
We have laws designed to help you protect yourself. You have the right to defend yourself in your own home. Buy a gun, preferably a shotgun, there is little requirement to aim. Do not go hunting him, or do anything to provoke him, but if he enters your house to attack you, then if you consider him a threat, then kill him.
One shot between the eyes and the problem is gone forever. There will no doubt be ramifications, but that seems better than taking a beating from him.
Good advice, but actually you need to aim a little bit lower, so he'll really get the message. You may not kill him, but he probably wishes that you had done the necessary deed, because now, he'll be talkin' like a four year old, and now, he ain't got nothin' to hold on to!
hello

United States

#19 Nov 19, 2012
Divorce. Cut off all contact. Don't speak to him in person, on the phone, or online. Change your address and phone number. Don't let him know anything. Get a restraining order. If he violates it he will go to jail.

You should have left him the second you saw the first needle.

And the person who mentioned trailer park didn't mean you literally live in a trailer park but you have a trailer park mentality. Staying with a druggie and sending your kid away is trailer park mentality.
Help

Richmond, KY

#20 Nov 19, 2012
I have a protection order that he has violated twice. He isn't afraid of jail. I can't file for divorce right now I have no money. It does no good to change my number somehow he always ends up with it.

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