Define the Role of a Step-Parent

Define the Role of a Step-Parent

Posted in the Renton Forum

“New Baby and Loving Him!”

Since: May 07

New Beig, MA

#1 May 30, 2007
I have a question~I am a stepmom of 3 wonderful children that my husband has custody of. We also have a child together. We all get along very well that most of the time the children call me mom. Now I never asked that they do that; In fact I asked that they not. It's been a few years now and I just let them call me either mom or my name without continuing to ask them not to.
The issue comes when the biological mother has her visitation twice a month. It usually starts a few days before and lasts a few days after the children return home. Firsts it's the e-mails and then the harrassing phone calls threatening to take the children and not return them, telling them they are not allowed to love me, and that their dad is a horrible person (among hundreds of other things that I will not mention). I can usually blow it off as can my husband, but it really hurts the kids when they hear this from her and return home hurt and sad. I have never said a bad word about her anywhere near the children and I would never no matter what. I believe she will screw herself enough by pulling this crap that I will just be there to comfort them and reassure them that they are allowed to lover whomever they wish and that my husband and I will be here for them no matter what. This of course only happens when she actually takes them and doesn't drop them off at her friends house or her parents house.
But in a wonderfully contradicting e-mail from her the other day she threatened me and argued that I was not their mother (no shit) and that I was only their stepmother and I was "going over my bounds" as a step-parent. Okay. I take care of them, help them with school work and life in general, take them out to play, love them and discipline them no different than my husband does.
What I would like to know is what exactly are the "rules" of being a step-parent? Are we supposed to act like babysitters and keep an emotional distance? I have heard alot about this lately and I wa wondering in anyone else had an idea of what exactly these people think we should be doing.

Huntsville, AL

#2 Jun 11, 2007

Qualicum Beach, Canada

#3 Apr 18, 2008
I find being a step father and try to over ride my wife and her adult kids I am alwways trouble. In order for me to get along I am keeping my distance. So far that works....

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