My Teen Verbally Abuses Me

[Depressed5675]

So I know that things could be worse.... she could be meaner.... but what she is doing is causing me to feel depressed. Lately I don't look forward to the days anymore. I know at some point in the day she is going to call me a fucking bitch, stupid, ugly, fat, etc. Now that she is always in trouble she calls me a snitch too.
I do my best to not react and usually I succeed but lately I can't help but to feel very sad.
I divorced her father years ago and he treated me very badly. Now I feel like I am stuck with another abuser that I can't get rid of.

[concerned]

You need to find a professional to speak with - you and your daughter. This is not meant to be harsh, but there is certainly something painful happening that needs to be addressed...

[jmc]

i am in the same boat my son mentally abuses me all the time and seems to find joy in it he gets really physically any more also i am to the point of being fed up

[LucysMom]

Depressed5675 wrote:

So I know that things could be worse.... she could be meaner.... but what she is doing is causing me to feel depressed. Lately I don't look forward to the days anymore. I know at some point in the day she is going to call me a fucking bitch, stupid, ugly, fat, etc. Now that she is always in trouble she calls me a snitch too.
I do my best to not react and usually I succeed but lately I can't help but to feel very sad.
I divorced her father years ago and he treated me very badly. Now I feel like I am stuck with another abuser that I can't get rid of.

So, I'm sure everyone says it's going to get better- but I believe it will. First off, why is she calling you names? Clearly your daughter is really unhappy, and lashing out at you seems to give her some sort of vindication. I think you need to have a talk together- I know it's like adding salt to a wound, but something has got to give. I remember calling my mother names when I was about 15 and going through some rough times- but it was short-lived and she solved the issue by shipping me off to her aunt for a summer. I lived on a tiny houseboat with my elderly aunt and uncle and after two months, I swore I would never take my mother for granted ever again.... and I haven't.
Now, I'm not sure if you can go carting off your daughter to a relative to make her appreciate what she has- but perhaps giving her a dose of what life could be like without a loving mother would make things a bit better?
I can honestly say that I'm sorry for what you're experiencing, but if you have any faith in your mothering skills and all the good things you have instilled in her- just hang in there, something will make her turn around.
Perhaps she has too much time on her hands? Maybe a job would be a good way to learn some appreciation & respect? Or volunteering at a children's hospital, battered women's shelter? Something to make your daughter see that it's not okay to treat anyone the way she treats you.
Good luck!

[Michelle]

My daughter calle me a fucking bitch the other day. I was so shocked that i slapped her face and then she erupted and called me every name under the sun. We had a very good relationship and since this happened 1 wk ago she won't even talk to me on the phone. I feel so terrible and wish that this did not happen. My husband removed her and took her to her grandparents. Since then she has refused to come home. i feel devasated and defeated. What can I do???

[Offroad Toy]

Michelle wrote:

My daughter calle me a fucking bitch the other day. I was so shocked that i slapped her face and then she erupted and called me every name under the sun. We had a very good relationship and since this happened 1 wk ago she won't even talk to me on the phone. I feel so terrible and wish that this did not happen. My husband removed her and took her to her grandparents. Since then she has refused to come home. i feel devasated and defeated. What can I do???

Wait for an apology from her. Let her think about it, she caused it, not you!

[Jenna]

I am sorry for you, and know all to well how you feel. My 16 year old son abuses me everyday in the same ways. Everyday I wonder when is he going to snap. I wonder what did I do wrong etc. I divorced his father a long time ago and have been remarried to a great man for 15 years now. My son has even started calling him his step father. I think talking to a perfessional is the only way to go at this point. I know I am headed for a nervous break down. If you every want to chat here is my email [e-mail]

Depressed5675 wrote:

So I know that things could be worse.... she could be meaner.... but what she is doing is causing me to feel depressed. Lately I don't look forward to the days anymore. I know at some point in the day she is going to call me a fucking bitch, stupid, ugly, fat, etc. Now that she is always in trouble she calls me a snitch too.
I do my best to not react and usually I succeed but lately I can't help but to feel very sad.
I divorced her father years ago and he treated me very badly. Now I feel like I am stuck with another abuser that I can't get rid of.

[Ellen]

Michelle wrote:

My daughter calle me a fucking bitch the other day. I was so shocked that i slapped her face and then she erupted and called me every name under the sun. We had a very good relationship and since this happened 1 wk ago she won't even talk to me on the phone. I feel so terrible and wish that this did not happen. My husband removed her and took her to her grandparents. Since then she has refused to come home. i feel devasated and defeated. What can I do???

You do not deserve to be called harsh hames nor sworn at and although you reacted in a strong way - it is understandable. As a mom you love and have taken such good care of your daughter, Im sure. When teens do this, they know its wrong, you know its wrong, everyone knows its wrong - and I would stick to my guns on this and let her go her way and think about it, even if that means that it isnt easy for you. In fact, I think one of the worst things to do is when the abused tries to make ammends right away with the abuser. When she has cooled down - she should tap into her memory of her loving mom and how all you can have is one mom, so she certainly shouldnt abuse her like this. Im tired of hearing psychologists saying - try to find out whats wrong - Ill tell them whats wrong - they think its okay to spew their anger on people who they know love them, and they dont have to impress, and they wouldnt dare do it to others they are trying to impress. You and your husband need to go to some kind of counseling though - the problem lies with him too- your daughter is using you, him and the grandparents like a ping pong game. Whenever something gets a little tough, dad pulls her out and brings her to grandmas house?? What kind of message is that!

[jjj4]

send your kids to boot camp

[lisa]

i have 3 daughters and they all have their days when they cheek me, but my eldest says the most unkind things to me, calls me names and is rude and impatient with me in public. She is 21 and graduated frm college a year ago yet she refuses to work. She hates my boyfriend of ten years and jala makes a point of letting hm know. Im at my wits end. She punishes me by leaving and staying with others. I nd help. Its making me very depressed