Bacon Hater Gets A Divorce

Bacon Hater Gets A Divorce

Posted in the Ravenswood Forum

First Prev
of 2
Next Last


#1 Jan 1, 2013
Cleaners & Cleaners Attorneys-At-Law
Petition to File for Divorce from the Bacon Hater
Petitioner: PrincessJCP v. Bacon Hater
a.k.a. PatriotJCP, DoctorJCP, SenoritaJCP, MademoiselleJCP, CheerleaderJCP, InquiringJCP, GirlscoutJCP, etc...
This filing is based upon intolerable and irreconcilable differences because you, Bacon Hater, are being nasty and mean.
Petitioner will be granted the following:
1. Alimony - not to be less than nor exceed $10,000.00 USD per month, unless all child support payments are not met for each said month.
2. Child Support -$1,000.00 USD per month per child. Number of children equals 6. Following are said children in order of birth:
Magna Cum Laude (With Great Praise)
Summa Cum Laude (With Highest Honors)
Valedictorian (Val)
Salutatorian (Sal)
That will be a total of $6,000.00 USD per month.
Petitioner also retains ownership of the following:
Farm in Jackson County, WV
House in Charleston, WV
Vacation Home in Cabo San Lucas, Mex
Timeshare in St. Thomas, U.S.V.I.
JC Penney credit card that you opened in '04.
Said Bacon Hater can maintain use of farm truck, clothing on his back, and whatever he can fit into his suitcase.
You will also be responsible for all fees (we charge $5,000.00 retainer and our cut rates are $5,000.00 per each hour herewith.)
Your wife has been kind enough to volunteer to pick you up and "take you to the Cleaners" (& Cleaners) office herself. We at Cleaners & Cleaners can not understand your behavior and why you would mistreat such a great catch as PrincessJCP. Both my partner and brother, King, and I can not see how such a wonderful, fantastic, intelligent woman could be treated so poorly. Shame. Shame. Another wonder of the world...
If you have any questions, please feel FREE to contact us at 1-800-CLEAN. We are Cleaners & Cleaners, LLC.
They don't call us the plumbers for nothin, because by the time we clean you out, well, you get the picture...
Richard "RICH" Cleaners
Kingford "KING" Cleaners
bacon hater

Flint, MI

#2 Jan 1, 2013
I'd never have a Nissan in my household.


#3 Jan 1, 2013
P.S. Since you weren't wise enuf to sign a pre-nup and you married for "luv", well, it looks like you're gonna be taken for the proverbial ride...


#4 Jan 1, 2013
bacon hater wrote:
I'd never have a Nissan in my household.
Of course you wouldn't. Never said it was yours to begin with.
2 posts removed


#7 Jan 3, 2013
Order in the court!

Now, where is this Mr. Bacon Hater. Oh, yes, you. It has come to my attention that you are being kicked out for being nasty and mean, is that correct? By the way, do you call that a haircut? Comb your hair, boy.

In addition to the recent petition for divorce from your beautiful, intelligent, soon to be ex-wife. Honestly, Mr. Hater, you must be crazy, bananas or something. Heck, just make that a bowl of fruit, yeah, that's what you are, a basket of fruit, a real fruitcake.

Anyhoo, Rich and King Cleaners have pointed out to me that you are not only guilty of the heinous crime of being nasty and mean, but also of the various and felonious acts of purchasing and using substances not yet legal in this fine state.

On that note, I sentence you to 30 days in our infamous south central. Officer Peabody, handcuff the criminal and let's go. I need a ride anyway up Corridor G. I have some shopping to do at Staples and the Wallymart.

Bam! Bam! Court is adjourned!!


#8 Jan 3, 2013
Hey bacon hater, you bear a striking resemblance to that guy (pig) in the new Geico commercials. You know the one - you're sitting on the plane and giving the flight attendants a difficult time - not willing to give up your handheld device.

It's gotta be you. I hear you are on this forum all the time. Yeah, I heard about you and how you don't like us "cops".

You're in my car now. Judge Narly, you don't mind if we take the long way up to the hoosgaw, do ya? I want to "formally" introduce myself to this here fine citizen.

Syracuse, OH

#9 Jan 3, 2013
Hey JCPBabe you are having too much fun with this. :)


#10 Jan 3, 2013
King wrote:
Hey JCPBabe you are having too much fun with this.:)
You weren't "Bird" in a former life, were you?

P.S. It's no coincidence that one of my divorce attorney's name is "King".:)

Since: Sep 11

Charleston, WV

#11 Jan 3, 2013
No wonder you got divorced. You are 50 shades of crazy!


#12 Jan 3, 2013
Louda wrote:
No wonder you got divorced. You are 50 shades of crazy!
Not crazy, creative. Unlike you, who is very boring. I am a Designer's Original and the Great Creator created me.

And the divorce? I'm divorcing him, Jack, don't get confused.

Point Pleasant, WV

#13 Jan 3, 2013
PrincessJCP wrote:
<quoted text>You weren't "Bird" in a former life, were you?

P.S. It's no coincidence that one of my divorce attorney's name is "King".:)
Hon,I'm not sure about how this works,but let me tell you my theory...from my prospective..from all that I know is true...
When I'm at work.. At my JOB,and I post on Topix,my location is sometimes United States,sometimes Elmhurst Il., and maybe even THAT changes...I seriously don't know how that works... Now when I'm home,it always says(as far as I know,I don't check it)it says Point Pleasant,WV... This must be because I PAY for Suddenlink cable,phone and Internet...
Suddenlink covers a large area and I can only assume that all other Suddenlink customers address comes up the same...
So why do you assume ALL posters "from Pt Pleasant are the same person..? I am Bird and only Bird... I have had an occasional person using the same topix name. Their right. But good lord woman!..!Suddenlink has a boatload of subscribers...we are not yall the same person...
I hate that this post is so long,but enough is enough...

Since: Sep 11

Charleston, WV

#14 Jan 4, 2013
ThePrincessJCP wrote:
<quoted text>
Not crazy, creative. Unlike you, who is very boring. I am a Designer's Original and the Great Creator created me.
And the divorce? I'm divorcing him, Jack, don't get confused.
No, I meant crazy. You may in fact be creative, but I agree that you were created by the same "Great Creator" that created Dahmer. I don't care who is divorcing who. He'll be better off without you. Crazy is contagious. Let's just all hope that he got out in time.

Ardsley, NY

#15 Jan 4, 2013
Bacon is a little gay bich

Springfield, NJ

#16 Jan 4, 2013
He really is.


#17 Jan 4, 2013
Did the criminal get admitted into the pokey, Officer Peabody? Well good. I'm glad you took the time to "introduce yourself" to him. It never hurts to teach our fine citizens who is really in charge and who to respect. I hope they give him a real haircut while he's in there, the boy just doesn't know what a comb is.

Now, on to more important business. Hee. Hee. I have to chuckle. The poor guy just doesn't know what he's in for. You know, the Cleaners brothers, Richard and King, great buddies of mine, well, between the 3 of us, we're going to really clean up with this character. Mop the floor with him if you know what I mean. Chuckle. He has no clue what we purveyors of the court are capable of.

Collusion at its finest. Heck, they ought to make a TV drama series about us. Anyhoo, back in the day, I remember we would settle these domestic disputes in a 1-court session, out within an hour. Wasn't much money to be made back then.

Nowadays, Heck, we drag these things out for at least 2-3 years and really jack up those billed hours. I always get my "under-the-table" cut. It makes up for what being a public servant doesn't. Nothin' like a bonus to keep the Mrs happy. Cleaners gave me a few g's already and I'm going to take her on that Cruise she's been barking about.

Rich said he'll be able to pay off that construction loan now on that new house he's building up on top of the hill - have you seen that thing - it's a monster, 12,000 s.f. at least.

Yeah, we got this thing down to a science now. I'll be able to coop ten grand in the next 6 months and put in that pool my wife wants to. You know what that say, Happy wife, happy life.

Kinda feel sorry for the ol' bastard, he should have kept his nose clean and treated his wife good. Seen this too many times, but hey, I can't complain since I am one of the beneficiaries of all of this.


#18 Jan 4, 2013
You're an honorable man, Judge. Glad we're on the same side of the law.


#19 Jan 4, 2013
You know, Peabody, I just hope the ol' bloke doesn't default on his child sppt payments. If he does that, then Judge Jowlburg will throw him back into the hoosgaw.

Never could understand that. Throw a man into jail for back child sppt - heck, how can he work and make any money if he's behind bars?

And Jowlburg - she really does look like a bulldog, doesn't she? Heck, she reminds of my ex-neighbor, The Water Buffalo. They're probably sisters.


#20 Jan 4, 2013
Hee. Hee. I know what you mean, Judge. We had one guy in lock-up for two years for default. It was a running joke and he laughed the hardest, considering he was getting 3-hots and a cot. That obviously isn't the way to go about getting those payments.

It's not good for you and the Cleaners brothers, either, to collect your share. I'll make sure the boys back at the station know to kick his arse out early for "good behavior" if the old Bulldog does thrown him in.


#21 Jan 10, 2013
Hey, Judge, you know my wife - Nurse Peabody, she works down at the Clinic. Well, anyway, she was telling me this story about this Cowboy from Oklahoma who "rode" into town and the Doc had to treat him for stripperitus. No worries, though, there is a cure for that. He's lucky he didn't "catch" something that there isn't any cure for.

My wife treated him and sent him on his way so he could "catch the next Train" out of town. She said he had a fetish for trains anyway.



#22 Jan 13, 2013
Hey, Peabody, did u read it about I know how Wall Hatfield must have felt with a room full of people arguing over a pig...

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker
First Prev
of 2
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Ravenswood Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Who would you like to see run for mayor? 14 min Matters 44
Logan gorman is out 15 min Ghi 8
Ravenswood Tudors not the quality food anymore. 19 min Tablespoon 16
Create your own Forum (Jun '15) 1 hr Ime 4,392
Weekly chick. 13 hr DrunkMike 1
Ravenswood Football (Dec '16) Sat Ltd 27
Mak Repair (Oct '16) Jan 20 I know Ive been t... 4

Ravenswood Jobs

More from around the web

Personal Finance

Ravenswood Mortgages