Mom is engaged to an alcoholic

Posted in the Portsmouth Forum

LOSER

United States

#1 Feb 19, 2013
This is after divorcing my alcoholic father. Who is supposed to go for help ? Him, her or me ???
ThatsSad

Nelsonville, OH

#2 Feb 19, 2013
I think you could benefit from having someone to talk to about this family situation.
I'd say they should too, but they might not realize they have a problem, or don't want to change.
Save yourself!
Good citizen

United States

#3 Feb 19, 2013
It's ok alcohol is good for us all
Good citizen

United States

#5 Feb 19, 2013
If he gets a little cranky get him some liquor and shut your mouth or go live somewhere else
notreally

Nelsonville, OH

#6 Feb 19, 2013
There's nothing I hate more than a drunk.
P.S. I'm getting drunk next weekend, and I hope to p1ss as many of you off as I can.
Good citizen

United States

#7 Feb 19, 2013
Yes let's all get drunk
Alcoholic

Bellevue, WA

#8 Feb 19, 2013
LOSER wrote:
This is after divorcing my alcoholic father. Who is supposed to go for help ? Him, her or me ???
I am an alcoholic but function and live alone because I don't want this disease affecting others. If your old enough get out of there. Your mom has to be the one who makes a choice what kind of relationship she wants between him and family. I do feel for you, best of luck.
Good citizen

United States

#9 Feb 19, 2013
Alcoholic wrote:
<quoted text> I am an alcoholic but function and live alone because I don't want this disease affecting others. If your old enough get out of there. Your mom has to be the one who makes a choice what kind of relationship she wants between him and family. I do feel for you, best of luck.
we should have a drink some time
FallenFromGrace

Nelsonville, OH

#10 Feb 19, 2013
I remember the first time my dad came home drunk. He was a military officer, a minister, and until that day, my hero...a model of respectability. So, I cried.
Maybe I sound judgmental... I guess everyone has at least one secret.
From that day on though, I never looked at him the same. I questioned everything he said, and doubted every promise he made. My hero had fallen, and I felt alone, and betrayed.
I grew up, and made plenty of my own mistakes, but I can't help but wonder, what if...
So I commend you Alcoholic for letting the cycle end with you. No one should have to grow up, knowing the shame of alcoholism or addiction, however, many do. Too many.
Gene

Bellevue, WA

#11 Feb 25, 2013
Alcoholism runs deep in many families, including my own growing up. Most of the time its hidden. There is alot of help even for the victims that are affected. Mental health centers have good information and counslers for advice when dealing with it.
Drunk man

United States

#12 Feb 25, 2013
Alcohol is a beautiful thing enjoy mt friends
Alcoholism

Nelsonville, OH

#13 Feb 25, 2013
While everyone feels at liberty to talk about the problems of addiction in this town, an unnamed monster sits quietly in the corner, waiting.
It waits for you, and for future generations. It looks so innocent, but it destroys lives.
It messes with your nerves for days after using it, you can become dependent on a chemical for a good time, it can cause you say and do things you never thought you would, and you may become a dysfunctional member of your family and of society.
If you don't agree, tell me how you'll feel about going before Marshal in the future. It's cost him a lot of respect. He's not alone though. Alcohol has cost us more than we realize.
Legal or not, alcohol destroys lives, and is no different from any other drug in that regard.
The hardest thing for an alcoholic, has to be losing friends and loved ones, who can no longer deal with the insanity, and jump ship.
It hurts, I know, but in this life, we generally get what we deserve. You can't get them back, and it's wrong to try. There's an answer though, and it's simple; just quit. You can at least stop the destructive cycle that your life has become.
agree

Emmaus, PA

#14 Feb 25, 2013
Eh
Alcoholism wrote:
While everyone feels at liberty to talk about the problems of addiction in this town, an unnamed monster sits quietly in the corner, waiting.
It waits for you, and for future generations. It looks so innocent, but it destroys lives.
It messes with your nerves for days after using it, you can become dependent on a chemical for a good time, it can cause you say and do things you never thought you would, and you may become a dysfunctional member of your family and of society.
If you don't agree, tell me how you'll feel about going before Marshal in the future. It's cost him a lot of respect. He's not alone though. Alcohol has cost us more than we realize.
Legal or not, alcohol destroys lives, and is no different from any other drug in that regard.
The hardest thing for an alcoholic, has to be losing friends and loved ones, who can no longer deal with the insanity, and jump ship.
It hurts, I know, but in this life, we generally get what we deserve. You can't get them back, and it's wrong to try. There's an answer though, and it's simple; just quit. You can at least stop the destructive cycle that your life has become.
smartest thing I ever read on here
Drunk man

United States

#15 Feb 25, 2013
There's hope in the bottle have a drink
gary

AOL

#16 Feb 25, 2013
does your mother drink also?
LOSER

Alexandria, VA

#17 Feb 25, 2013
Some wonderful and insightful comments on here, thank you very much. Some also not so ... but to be expected on here. What I don't understand is why my mother, a very grown woman, chooses these drunks ? She is not an alcoholic herself.
gary

AOL

#18 Feb 25, 2013
im just wondering if your calling someone who drinks, an alcoholic? is he mean?
al-anon

Nelsonville, OH

#19 Feb 25, 2013
Al-anon would say she a co-dependent, and gets satisfaction playing a role.
Many kids, from homes where alcoholism and addiction have ravaged, grow up unconsciously learning to play a role.

"The Caretaker: Usually a parent accepts this role. He/she tends to everyone's need in the family. A caretaker loses his/her sense of self in tasks of a domestic nature. Multigenerational alcoholic families will sometimes designate a child in this role, a sign of more serious pathology. The caretaker's purpose is to maintain appropriate appearances to the outside world.

The Hero: Alcohol bestows this role onto the individual whose accomplishments compensate for the alcoholic's behavior. The child excels in academics, athletics, music or theatre. His/her deeds assure the family that their definition is more than alcohol.

The Scapegoat: The family assigns all ills to the person who harbors this role. For example, they may tell this person that, "Mom would not drink so much if (Scapegoat's name) were not always in trouble. The scapegoat puts the focus away from alcohol thereby allowing the alcoholic to continue drinking. This role may seem strange in purpose. However, if there were no scapegoat, all other roles would dismantle. He/she allows others a pretense of control."
LOSER

Alexandria, VA

#20 Feb 25, 2013
Drinks everyday. Excessively. Not so much mean, but very belligerent. An expert on everything. An embarrassment. No I am not calling everyone that drinks an alcoholic. I know the difference.
Sober soon

United States

#21 Feb 25, 2013
I will drink to that

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