Dating Before Divorce is Final

Dating Before Divorce is Final

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Biblically Speaking

Columbia, MO

#1 Feb 10, 2010
Isnt it morally wrong to date or have a boyfriend or girlfriend before your have filed or filed for divorce? Biblically it is wrong to divorce if this is the reason! What does everyone else think!
well

Ford City, PA

#2 Feb 10, 2010
if they know theres no chance for it to work i dont think so. example, if one had an affair and the other knows they cant take them back or trust them why shouldnt they be able to at least get used to the idea of moving on?
Brass Monkey

Columbia, MO

#3 Feb 10, 2010
well wrote:
if they know theres no chance for it to work i dont think so. example, if one had an affair and the other knows they cant take them back or trust them why shouldnt they be able to at least get used to the idea of moving on?
If it is an affair the stain will always be there,if i were dating someone and i knew they had a an affair, i couldnt ever trust them! In the long run i would probably quit dating them!
JD Muckenfusser

United States

#4 Feb 10, 2010
yep.. cheating on the wife means theyll cheat on you
Passing By

Columbia, MO

#5 Feb 10, 2010
JD Muckenfusser wrote:
yep.. cheating on the wife means theyll cheat on you
Or the other way around!
Britney

Campbell, MO

#6 Feb 10, 2010
No, I do not think it is cheating. If you are getting a divorce that should be a sign that it is over.
barbraann
#7 Feb 10, 2010
actually by law once you file for divorce your legally sep and can. Morally? Well divorce is not moral except for adultery biblically speaking. I think that a person needs to take time to heal. Even if you wanted the divorce it takes a toll on you emotionally.
Passing By

Columbia, MO

#8 Feb 10, 2010
A Vow is a Vow! Doesnt that mean anything anymore!
Divorce Advise

Faridabad, India

#9 Feb 10, 2010
If the divorce isn't finalized then your still legally married, even if you're seperated. I would recommend focusing on God, and your children. However, it's healthy to have friends who will be supportive during this time for you. Helpful key word friends.
well

Ford City, PA

#10 Feb 10, 2010
i was talking about the one who was cheated ON should be able to date and move on! Read it again.
WalterS

Jackson, MO

#11 Feb 10, 2010
Divorces can take a year or more. When it's over, it[s over. Asolutely date, f your brains out, whatever.
run

Poplar Bluff, MO

#12 Feb 11, 2010
That's the problem these days. Anyone can say they are gonna get a divorce, but then actually never go through with it. Imo you need to wait until everything is final before being involved in any kind of new relatonship.
someone

United States

#13 Feb 11, 2010
I know someone who was legally seperated not living together at all divorce and been filed for the ex was so obsessed she drug the divorce out for almost 2 years going back to court changing things doing this doing that because she thought if she made it hard enough he would decide just to be with her she was also stalking his family and friends and some of his freinds extended family this woman is a real whack nut job who really needed to be locked up but because she has a little money that won't happen.Oh and the chick needs some serious medication and therapy IMO lock her stalker psyco ass up and throw away the key she is the type that will snap and everyone will say I knew she was nuts but nothing will be done until its to late.
A Farce

Columbia, MO

#14 Feb 11, 2010
What is really dumb is women or men dating with young children before filing or after filing for a divorce! They are only thinking of themselves in this case! I think it is morally wrong to date someone while you are still legally married!
Guest

Ford City, PA

#15 Feb 11, 2010
completely hypothetical here, honest, i am just curious.
say jane Doe tells her spouse john Doe shes pregnant with another guys baby and she loves and wants to be with him, lets call him rob to make it easier...she files for divorce and moves herself and her and john's 2 kids in with rob. should john not date until its final? if i were john i would not be considering reconciling, i would feel like i was waiting on the back burner to see if i was lucky enough to be her 2nd choice.
guest

Faridabad, India

#16 Feb 11, 2010
I think if you love someone enough to marry them and things do get so bad you divorce. I think you should wait till the divorce is final to be intimate with someone else. Like it's been said on here, It takes time for the wounds to heel if you were really in love. It takes time to get through all the hurt and emotional feelings that go with it. I for one have been separated 5 months, divorced 4 months and still can't bring myself to even want anyone else. I to am still working on being alone after a decade of loving someone. It amazes me the way I've seen others go on with someone else after a very short period of time. Something I know I can't do. I loved my husband very much and the fact now is, it's a hard SOB knowing that part of my life has come to an end and dealing with it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. So 5 months later I still dry my eyes when I think of how I wish it hadn't come to this. On the other hand it only took him 3 weeks after separating to be with someone else. Don't guess the love that I thought was there was real. Fortunate that it's so easy for him. In answer to the ?. I would never cheat. I would wait till it was final, and I did, and I am still not interested in anyone else. I love him and always will. When it's (being with someone else)right and it comes along, guess I'll be over him.

Since: Dec 09

Saint Louis

#17 Feb 12, 2010
There are two issues at stake here: legal and moral.

The legal issue deals with the civil divorce. According to the State, once a marriage is dissolved, the couples are free to do whatever they want to do: date, screw around, remain single, marry another person, etc.

However, the moral issue is much more complicated (and much less popular to hear). According to The Catholic Church (and Scripture), once marriage vows are taken, they are permanent and unbreakable. That is to say, as long as there was no impediment to the validity of the vows at the moment they were exchanged at the altar before witnesses, the vows are binding until one of the people who exchanged the vows dies. In reality, a married person who files for divorce is saying to the other, "I wish you were dead."

In the eyes and mind of the Church, even a civil divorce does not do away with the validity of the vows. All a divorce does is cause a separation. As a result, any kind of relationship - even after a divorce - is concidered an offence to the vows and therefore adultery. This brings up the issue of annulment.

Annulment does not affect a change on anything. An annulment is simply a statement of fact by the Church that the vows and therefore the marriage were never valid because of an impediment to their validity at the moment the couple stood at the altar. This impediment could be a mental impediment, such as a disease of the mind that kept the party from actually being capable of making the vow. It could be a previous, valid marriage. It could be cooersion. There are several other impediments that I will not get into right now. Simply put, the annulment simply states the fact that the marriage was never valid and does not dissolve valid vows because according to the annulment there never were valid vows.

In the teaching of the Church, two people who have exchanged valid nuptials will forever be married and, even in the event of a civil divorce, are to live according to their vows. It is a difficult teaching, but it is no less the truth; two people who have exchanged valid vows, get a divorce and begin to date or even "remarry" are committing the mortal sin of adultery. They are estranging their self from God and His Body here on earth.

I myself have been guilty of this offense and have since repented of it. I began dating a woman who was recently divorced but who had told me she was in the process of filing for an annulment. After several months passed and she and her ex-husband (legally speaking) began to drag their feet on the annulment process, I began to realize that, despite the fact that the two of them had "moved on" in other relationships, they were still very much connected in a way that was impossible for me to overcome. She was incapable of sharing herself exclusively with me bacause she was truly married to this other man.

No matter how much I showed my love and committment to this woman, she was always more committed to him. Her expressions of hate for his girlfriend and anger at him, I began to see, were nothing more than expressions of her feeling offended by his disregard for their marriage vows which were still valid.

They never got the annulment and I made the difficult choice to remove myself from her life, realizing I was investing in a relationship that was doomed to fail because I was interfering in their reconciliation and the healing of their marriage. She was still in love with him and he with her, but they were playing games with one another, trying to hurt one another in any way that they could, and I realized I was just a pawn in that game, another wake-up call to him, as were her previous relationships, and even her filing for divorce; she was simply saying to him, "shape up and meet me where I need to be met or you will lose me." She may never be able to admit this, and he may never realize this, but that doesn't change the fact of their valid marriage vows.
for thought

Saint Louis, MO

#18 Feb 12, 2010
guest wrote:
I think if you love someone enough to marry them and things do get so bad you divorce. I think you should wait till the divorce is final to be intimate with someone else. Like it's been said on here, It takes time for the wounds to heel if you were really in love. It takes time to get through all the hurt and emotional feelings that go with it. I for one have been separated 5 months, divorced 4 months and still can't bring myself to even want anyone else. I to am still working on being alone after a decade of loving someone. It amazes me the way I've seen others go on with someone else after a very short period of time. Something I know I can't do. I loved my husband very much and the fact now is, it's a hard SOB knowing that part of my life has come to an end and dealing with it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. So 5 months later I still dry my eyes when I think of how I wish it hadn't come to this. On the other hand it only took him 3 weeks after separating to be with someone else. Don't guess the love that I thought was there was real. Fortunate that it's so easy for him. In answer to the ?. I would never cheat. I would wait till it was final, and I did, and I am still not interested in anyone else. I love him and always will. When it's (being with someone else)right and it comes along, guess I'll be over him.
im so sorry.... but eventually as you said when the time is right youll find that someone that loves you the way you deserve to be loved!
its always best to make yourself happy before dragging someone else into your life!
and for the most part people start dating so soon because they need someone else to make them feel important!
good luck and God bless you!
Britney

Campbell, MO

#19 Feb 12, 2010
I do not think you should care about whether or not a person is dating before the divorce is final, everyone makes mistakes. Just because you made a mistake of marrying someone does not mean you owe them anything. Do whatever you think is right for you.
DoNna

United States

#20 Apr 23, 2010
Britney wrote:
I do not think you should care about whether or not a person is dating before the divorce is final, everyone makes mistakes. Just because you made a mistake of marrying someone does not mean you owe them anything. Do whatever you think is right for you.
how about before divorce is filed? If that's the case then get rid of marriage all together since you can sleep around once you no longer feel married right?

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