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Plum

San Mateo, CA

#1 Jun 18, 2011
When I fart it makes a plop noise. Is this normal??? And it has a mildew smell also, would that make me a stank butt??
Fartmaster

Middleport, OH

#2 Jun 18, 2011
You have a worn out sphinkter muscule. To treat this, you need to condtion it. Apply some K-Y Lubricating gel on your middle finger, insert the finger in the bun hole and clinch your butt muscules around the finger. Do this for at least five minutes twice daily for 3 weeks. Yours farts should return the a tweeky sound.

As for the mildew smell, stop eating pickled beets.
Dear Fartmaster

United States

#3 Jun 19, 2011
Why do my farts smell like meatloaf? And when I fart it seems to go on forever and their airy feeling like not a normal fart. Do I too have a worn out sphincter muscule? Thanks.
Ben There

Middleport, OH

#4 Jun 20, 2011
A "tuned" sphincter muscule is the key element to farting, actually its the gateway to farts. Do some simple butt crunchs and your will return to normal. As for the Meatloaf smell, quit eating from the dogs bowl.
Fartmaster

Middleport, OH

#5 Jun 20, 2011
Ben There wrote:
A "tuned" sphincter muscule is the key element to farting, actually its the gateway to farts. Do some simple butt crunchs and your will return to normal. As for the Meatloaf smell, quit eating from the dogs bowl.
Yes, Follow Ben There's advice.
mr food

Spencer, WV

#6 Jun 20, 2011
i think ur butthole is worn out from jail
Methane Melissa

Herndon, VA

#7 Jun 20, 2011
I have found that by drinking a teaspoon is Scope before every meal will reduce the stench of the flats. Now, for us ladies, we aren't necessarily proud of the decibel level of our toots. For this reason I sometimes insert a tampon in my anus after eating a meal of beans or broccoli. This acts as a muffler.
Ryann

Charleston, WV

#8 Jun 20, 2011
lmao oh please stop before i crap myself
Methane Melissa

United States

#9 Jun 20, 2011
Ryann wrote:
lmao oh please stop before i crap myself
Maybe you should put a tampon in there to prevent the leakage. If it will help your male ego, try calling it a manpon.
jonny one note

United States

#10 Jun 20, 2011
I'll have to try the,Scope thing. I let a fart once the stunk so bad it set off the smoke alarm.
stool pidgeon

AOL

#11 Jul 2, 2011
aunt maude used to complain of hot gas which scalded her. wonder what causes hot gas?
Burnin Mr Butts

United States

#12 Jul 2, 2011
I too have had those horrible burning farts! Yikes! They do burn, it's weird. It usually leads to the runs for me. It had to have been something I ate but I'm just not sure....:-/ any advice Fartmaster?
Methane Melissa

United States

#13 Jul 3, 2011
stool pidgeon wrote:
aunt maude used to complain of hot gas which scalded her. wonder what causes hot gas?
I like to refer to this as fartburn. It is kinda like heartburn, but in a different place. I've had it happen often but never really noticed any certain food causing it. Maybe inserting a Rolaid into the anal cavity will help reduce the heat.
crybaby

Middleport, OH

#14 Jul 4, 2011
jonny one note wrote:
I'll have to try the,Scope thing. I let a fart once the stunk so bad it set off the smoke alarm.
ITs not really the smell of mine that get to me. Its the burning of my eyes that I can't stand.
just wondering

AOL

#15 Jul 4, 2011
does "beano" really work?
Methane Melissa

United States

#16 Jul 4, 2011
just wondering wrote:
does "beano" really work?
I have never tried this product. Kinda takes the fun out of living, don't you think?

Speaking of fun, I was having a ball at the fireworks last night. I was walking by random people and darting when the fireworks were going off so they couldn't hear it. Then standing several people away and watching them react to the smell. This is what I call crop dusting. Try it.

Level 2

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#17 Jul 4, 2011
What can I do to prevent the sharts?
Methane Melissa

United States

#18 Jul 5, 2011
TrollMaster wrote:
What can I do to prevent the sharts?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before the elusive shart made its way into this thread. Being a dart purest, I feel that the shart should neither be discussed in a thread about farts nor poop. It is a stand alone topic.
Tuba

United States

#19 Jul 5, 2011
What about those farts that echo so loud in the toilet it sounds like an instrument!? Also the horrible bubbly bath farts?
Carl William Ray

Middleport, OH

#20 Jul 5, 2011
Has anyone here gave a pitbull hard boiled eggs? Untill you do I think this subject is pointless. LOL

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