my 18 year old daughter has moved in ...
MKent

Phoenix, AZ

#42 Aug 16, 2007
Our 18 year old daughter had an abortion last November after being impregnated by her boyfriend, and swore to us she would not repeat the mistake. We trusted her, but she lied and deceived us all the way and never stopped seeing the boy. Two weeks before her high school graduation, she announced she was pregnant again, left home to live with her boyfriend, and threw away her college plans. Her boyfriend lives with his mother and stepfather, and is a construction worker, no education. Her boyfriend already has a criminal record at age 19 for drugs and alcohol to a minor. The lying and deception was so deep and calculated, and it went on for so long. Her mother and I feel so hurt and violated, as she led a double life. We told her after the first pregnancy, if it happened again, she was on her own and we would not help her. We are going to move on with our life, and disinherit her and her offspring- as it is not fair to our other daughter. We have not heard from her since June.
Connie

Alpharetta, GA

#43 Aug 16, 2007
MKENT,

I know how you feel. You are hurt and feel lied to. My husband and I are dealing with our daughter having moved out about 2 weeks ago to go live with her boyfiend and his parents. I have not sleep in all that time. I'm so depressed I can barely go to work. If you look on the forum for yesterday you can read my story. At least I know that I and my husband are not the only ones going through this. I feel my heart is being ripped out. We love her so much but are having a really hard time dealing with it. His parents are allowing them to share his bed to sleep in. We took her truck away, and she had to quit her job. She has credit cards, etc. to pay for. She now lives 1 and a half hr. away from us. But she made the choice. He dropped out of highschool and makes very little money. His parents are basically babysitting them both. They can't afford to live on their own. They just want to play husband and wife. Wish I could give you advice, but we're trying to figure it all out too.
Rebecca Lynn

Aurora, IL

#44 Aug 17, 2007
MKent-
I am sorry to hear your story. My husband and I went through so much wqith our daughter in the past 2 years. Right before she turned 18 she decided that once she was 18 she didn't have to do anything we siad, or follow our rules. She was defiant, hanging out with a bad crowd, dating a boy who had a warrant out for his arrest. He was a loser and so were all her so called friends! We laid down the law and she fought it and ran away. I couldn't do anything because she turned 18 in 5 days. She BARELY graduated and had at that point moved out with her boyfriend. It was pure hell for our family. She has 2 younger sisters and we had to stick to our guns out of fairness to them. If she wanted to screw up her life there is nothing we can do. She was in a severe accident about a month ago, and it was really hard to not insist she come home from the hospital, but all she wanted was to get home to boyfriend who didn't even come to the hospital! Unbeliveable! She is still with him, and has no job because she has no car since it was totalled. We are waiting for her to get the insurance payout but it is taking a long time. Her father offered to help her get a good, reliable car but of course she says her boyfriend knows everything about cars and is going to get her one.
God help her. He is dumb as a rock.
Rebecca Lynn

Aurora, IL

#45 Aug 17, 2007
And for 1 month she is covered under my medical insurance. Then she is on her own to get her birth control. She acts like she is too proud to go to the health department for her birth control, so I am terrifed that soon I will be a grandma. My husband says to let her make her own mistakes and she will beforced to grow up, but how can I turn my back on a grandchild?????? There is no way she is mature enough to take care of a baby!! She can't even take care of herself!
Daughter Issues

Hudson, WI

#46 Aug 23, 2007
My 17yr old daughter has been giving us total grief. She does not listen to us (her parents) when we tell her no, she continues to live her own kind of life. She has a boyfriend who she has been with 4-5 mths, and he is at our house often because of his relationship with his parents.(he was adopted and well cared for) But the issue is he is a troublemaker.He also doesnt really live with his parents anymore as well due to not getting along with his parents. I have heard that due to him being involved with trouble is why he doesnt live home. His parents by the way do want him home. But instead he stays at friends houses. By the way he is almost 18. I have had a talk with him about issues in life, and that he needs to stay out of trouble, because I sure don't want my daughter getting involved with someone like that. He says he is trying to change his life. My daughter has been involved with a couple of his trouble outings where she has been with him and his friends as they did some bad things to a piece of property. The other thing she did was lie to the cops and told them that her b.f. wasnt in the house as they were looking for him so my daughter got arrested for that!! I am so concerned about my daughter, she doesnt get it or she just doesnt care. Im so upset of how my daughter is taking her boyfriend over her family. I have occasional talks with her, when she has a little time for me that is, and I tell her exactly how I feel, but it dont go anywhere. She (My daughter) tells me how much she loves her boyfriend and that he is going to change. I try so hard to keep positive about it, but Im sorry, I just dont think the guy is going to change until he goes through treatment, for a long time. I have so much more to say, but I would need a lot of pages so I will leave it at this and hopefully someone can give me some advice of what we can do as parents. My daughter is 17 and she does what she wants.
Braidwood Mom

Aurora, IL

#47 Aug 24, 2007
Dear Daughter Issues-
Oh my Lord- I hear ya!!!! My daughter moved in with her boyfriend, and she called me yesterday freaking out. She totalled her car 3 weeks ago and lost her job because she couldn't get work and her boyfriend was yelling at her because she was tired of "supporting her a$$." Give me a break!!!!! She always has had a better job then him, and she also gave him all $2000 of her graduation money, and cashed in all her savings bonds for college and gave it to him.( Much to our disgust! All that money was supposed to be for college!)
They got evicted yesterday for having 2 dogs in their apartment ( which I told them not get! They can't even take care of themselves!)
I told her to just come home, but she said she loves him and can't leave him because he has nowhere to go ( bad family life). Then she asked me if the could both move in with us and I said NO WAY. He is abusive to her just for starters, and I have 2 other younger girls in the house so NO WAY. I got her settlement money yesterday to replace her car, but I am afraid she will give it to him and not go get a new car.
I am just as sick as you are about the situation!
Rebecca

Springfield, WI

#48 Aug 27, 2007
I got a call from a car dealership tonite telling me to come down to co-sign for a car for my daughter. I said no. Then I was on the phone on an important call and someone beeped in and I didn't answer. It was my daughter. I tried to finish my call but she kept calling over and over and over, alternating between my cell and home phone! When I finally finished my call I was so aggrevated already because she probably ( honestly!) had called about 30 times! I answered her next call and she was FURIUOS because I won't co-sign for her. I said "You want to move out and live with your boyfriend, go ahead, but you deal with circumstances. Have him sign for you."
She is so mad at me.
Oh well.
Plainfield Mom

Plainfield, IL

#49 Aug 27, 2007
Rebecca wrote:
I got a call from a car dealership tonite telling me to come down to co-sign for a car for my daughter. I said no. Then I was on the phone on an important call and someone beeped in and I didn't answer. It was my daughter. I tried to finish my call but she kept calling over and over and over, alternating between my cell and home phone! When I finally finished my call I was so aggrevated already because she probably ( honestly!) had called about 30 times! I answered her next call and she was FURIUOS because I won't co-sign for her. I said "You want to move out and live with your boyfriend, go ahead, but you deal with circumstances. Have him sign for you."
She is so mad at me.
Oh well.
That's right, she wants to move out, play house and act all grown up, then, she needs to start being responsible for herself. That's her choice. Now, I would have been smart enough to say "Ok, Mom, I will", and, then, after all the papers had been signed, I would have bailed. Oops, hope she doesn't read this.
Rebecca

Aurora, IL

#50 Aug 28, 2007
Hey- don't give her any ideas! LOL
She called me this AM and wanted to come over and pick up the outfits I got her to go on vacation. She is going to Dinsney World with us ( without her boyfriend- no he is not invited. We have had this planned for a year.)
She had a better attitude- I hope it stays that way. She better not be such a little brat in Florida that it ruins our vacation. I have no problem telling her to park her butt in the hotel room.
Plainfield Mom

Plainfield, IL

#51 Aug 28, 2007
Rebecca wrote:
Hey- don't give her any ideas! LOL
She called me this AM and wanted to come over and pick up the outfits I got her to go on vacation. She is going to Dinsney World with us ( without her boyfriend- no he is not invited. We have had this planned for a year.)
She had a better attitude- I hope it stays that way. She better not be such a little brat in Florida that it ruins our vacation. I have no problem telling her to park her butt in the hotel room.
Well, I hope you have a great vacation. Who knows? Maybe she'll be on her best behavior the whole time hoping to butter you up into co-signing for her new car.
cindy

AOL

#52 Sep 2, 2007
Elizabeth wrote:
Hi everyone.
I am a producer on a new show for NBC and we are looking for young girls in these situations. Our host is a former marine and looking to give out some tough love. Looking to get your daughters back and put your family back together. Please give me a call at 877-836-3402 as soon as possible! Your whole family could get a free trip to Chicago!
But how do I get my daughter to agree. She won't leave him and makes escuses for him.
cindy

AOL

#53 Sep 2, 2007
I too am a single mom of an 18yo daughter. She started a relationship with a boy 3yrs older. He presented himself as a poor puppy, difficulties but trying real hard to do good. I fell for it hook, line and sinker for about 3mo ass I watched what was unfolding. But my daughter doesn't see what destruction has already occured. She has moved out. He bought hre a car and a puppy. He has done short jail time, severaltimes for DUI, failure topay fines, etc. He is into drugs and sells drugs and now to stay our of more jail, he is a narc. She is so under his control. She is using, too I'm sure. And there is even more less reasoning with that. The brains of a teeager use no frontal lobe reasoning. They can't put on teh breaaks and say,,,whoah, stop, this is not a good situation. Teenage minds have always and will always be like that, it will never change, it's how we operate. The problem is the world is changing. The tools which teens use for rebellion are more life destructing than ever before and willonly get worse. Nothing is "crossing the line". Anything is "OK". They see all the news from music and actor idols and they want the same experience. And by goodness they are "18 and we(parents) can't do anything about it" It is so unfair and sad. You can't MAKE them leave that situation. I fear my daughter will end up in legal trouble herself. He is ruining her life. She is letting him.
cindy

AOL

#54 Sep 2, 2007
MKent wrote:
Our 18 year old daughter had an abortion last November after being impregnated by her boyfriend, and swore to us she would not repeat the mistake. We trusted her, but she lied and deceived us all the way and never stopped seeing the boy. Two weeks before her high school graduation, she announced she was pregnant again, left home to live with her boyfriend, and threw away her college plans. Her boyfriend lives with his mother and stepfather, and is a construction worker, no education. Her boyfriend already has a criminal record at age 19 for drugs and alcohol to a minor. The lying and deception was so deep and calculated, and it went on for so long. Her mother and I feel so hurt and violated, as she led a double life. We told her after the first pregnancy, if it happened again, she was on her own and we would not help her. We are going to move on with our life, and disinherit her and her offspring- as it is not fair to our other daughter. We have not heard from her since June.
I don't know the answers. I am in your same position. You'll have to read my post down the page a bit. Just knowing we are not alone isn't real helpful, but is a little comforing when the kids say, "no one elses mom" is as strict, invasive, whatever wrods they are using as we are. I just am consumed with this destrution. I pray constantly. I know God hears adn will answer.In His Time, His Way, His Will. We MUST be patient and stand in FAITH!
Rebecca

Aurora, IL

#55 Sep 6, 2007
Plainfield Mom wrote:
<quoted text>
Well, I hope you have a great vacation. Who knows? Maybe she'll be on her best behavior the whole time hoping to butter you up into co-signing for her new car.
Disney World was wonderful, and I really enjoyed my being there with my husband and 2 younger daughters.
My 18 year old spent the entire vacation on her cell phone worryinmg about what her boyfriend was doing and crying. I told her to leave her cell phone at the hotel room and have fun, and she refused. She walked behind us or way ahead of us the whole time talking on her cell phone and then slamming it shut and cussing, and then she would call him right back.
Next time we go on vacation we are not inviting her. She was more excited when we dropped her off after vacation then she was to go!
She can just stay home and argue with the loser in person.
Plainfield Mom

Plainfield, IL

#56 Sep 6, 2007
Rebecca wrote:
<quoted text>
Disney World was wonderful, and I really enjoyed my being there with my husband and 2 younger daughters.
My 18 year old spent the entire vacation on her cell phone worrying about what her boyfriend was doing and crying. I told her to leave her cell phone at the hotel room and have fun, and she refused. She walked behind us or way ahead of us the whole time talking on her cell phone and then slamming it shut and cussing, and then she would call him right back.
Next time we go on vacation we are not inviting her. She was more excited when we dropped her off after vacation then she was to go!
She can just stay home and argue with the loser in person.
Hey, Rebecca! Haven't seen you around in a while.

Glad to hear that you had a great vacation, in spite of your 18-year-old. I'm like you and try to get my 16-year-old to go everywhere with us and he just would rather be with his friends. I can't really say that I blame him, because I was the same way when I was his age. It's just really hard to let go, though, and know exactly how you feel. My husband always tells me to just give it up and that we'll have a much better time if he doesn't come along. That's because he's usually asking what time we are leaving, wherever we may be, so he can get back to hanging with his friends.

I'm sure as your daughter matures, she will realize that she's wasting precious time with this guy who's making her miserable all the time.

Any new updates on the yellow trailer?
Rebecca

Aurora, IL

#57 Sep 6, 2007
Plainfield Mom wrote:
<quoted text>
Hey, Rebecca! Haven't seen you around in a while.
Glad to hear that you had a great vacation, in spite of your 18-year-old. I'm like you and try to get my 16-year-old to go everywhere with us and he just would rather be with his friends. I can't really say that I blame him, because I was the same way when I was his age. It's just really hard to let go, though, and know exactly how you feel. My husband always tells me to just give it up and that we'll have a much better time if he doesn't come along. That's because he's usually asking what time we are leaving, wherever we may be, so he can get back to hanging with his friends.
I'm sure as your daughter matures, she will realize that she's wasting precious time with this guy who's making her miserable all the time.
Any new updates on the yellow trailer?
I'll post an update on the forum for the yellow trailer.
I just tried to ignore my daughter because she was being such a brat. Then she had the nerve to say that she wished she hadn't come because she was too old for the kids and all the adults refused to "acknowlegde her as their equal."
OMG!
I can't beleive she said that.
Another thing that REALLY bothered me was that she spent over $250 on presents for her boyfriend and his family! Last Christmas she didn't even get her sisters ANYTHING. Even a pair of cheap earrings from the dollar store would have been OK- just something to say "I'm thinking of you."
But she spends all that money on them- it made me sick. She ignored all of us and was really a brat.
Now she just calls me here at work and told me that she went to the eye doctor and got new contacts and glasses since her insurance I have for her runs out this month. She said she told the eye doctor to just bill me for the balance!!!!!!!
Johnny

Hampstead, NC

#58 Sep 24, 2007
My 20 year old daughter graduated high school with honors, left for college, partied. moved out of the dorm and into an apt. with her female friend. after a couple failing semesters, the college tossed her ot. she fell out with her girlfriend and moved in with her boyfriend and his mom.
he's a nice kid, really is. after a year, that relationship fell apart because she can't be trusted and lies all the time.

she won't move in with her mom because of all "the rules", she moved 600 miles away to live with me and my wife of 18 years, we were so happy.

That was 8 months ago.

Since then it's been nothing but lies, drugs and terrible disrespect. It's a terrible situation for me and my wife, especially my wife, who doesn't deserve tobe ill treated at all, especially by a 20 year old with an attitude.

I try so hard to talk with her about what she's doing to her life, et cetera. No matter what I say or ask, I get only shoulder shrugs, or "I don't know".

She's moving out tommorow, with a friend or two that she's only known for 6 months, but as far as she's concerned, she knows everything, me and my wife know nothing, and the only thing that matters is what my daughter wants then and there, nothing else.

I'm broken hearted and so damn sad right now.

I hope everyone else's problems work themselves out, I wish I had some answers, but I'm afraid I'm in an equally frustrating boat.

I'm going somewhere to cry now, somewhere nobody else can see me, I'm the tough guy type, always handling the situation, always. I just feel so broken right now.
Rebecca

Aurora, IL

#59 Sep 24, 2007
Sorry to hear that Johnny. Still the same thing with my daughter too. I can't beleive it's been one year since she moved out! She only calls me when she needs something. Friday night I didn't have my cell phone and so she called my husbands and was like "let me talk to Mom. "
Ni " Hi Dad- how are you?" or nothing. She didn't ask me how I was either- just started complaining.
Oh well.
Hopefully they will all grow up soon, before anything bad happens!
Carole

United States

#61 Sep 25, 2007
I can't beleive what I'm reading is something I haven't written myself. My daughter just turned 18 in Aug and last Sunday moved out to live with her coke addicted boyfriends mother. The 2007 version of my daughter is a complete opposite of the 2006. She USED to be heavily into community service. She had won multiple Cook County Sheriff awards. She was in a touring group called "Good Vibes" that went to schools to do a little Play/skit/musical about teen issue such as drugs, sex, alcohol, teen suicide, etc. She was in her Madrigral Choir at school that performed around the communities. Then.....The Boyfiend, Not a BAD kid, but more of an abused kid we all felt sorry for. I gave my child WAY to much credit, and I thought her strong leadership personality could HELP him and we let him stay with us, we were so wrong. We've drug tested her for coke and it came up positive, we grounded her, but her boyfriends 18th Birthday was 09/19 and she wasn't going to be grounded for that and she left. Now they both live with the coke addicted Mother we tried to get him away from. I have heard messages on my daughters phone from her begging them to go buy her drugs....the police...no help whatsoever. I have sent them to the house twice, but all they do is look for my daughter (who hasn't been there either time) and say they will be back. It's so frustrating and mind boggling to have her change so much in so little time.
Plainfield Mom

Plainfield, IL

#62 Sep 25, 2007
Well, for what it's worth, I was the black sheep daughter who moved out that same month that I graduated high school with my boyfriend. Look how I turned out!!!!

Oops, get professional help quick!!! LOL, just kidding. They'll wake up eventually.

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