my 18 year old daughter has moved in ...
Heart broken

Pasadena, TX

#386 Jul 18, 2010
I'm 18 and not telling my parents i'm moving out. I would just turn into a scream fest and i just want to leave peacefully..
amber

AOL

#387 Jul 27, 2010
hi my name is amber i have a 18 year old daughter that i raised on my own pretty much. her father paid child support but i was the main one in her life. well we got into a aruement 2 weeks before she graduated from high school and she moved out and into her boyfriends house where he lives with his parents. i am having a real hard time forgiving her. i say really mean things to her only because we have always been very close and now she is letting this jerk control her. i feel like she has betrayed me. she was all i really had in my life and everything is different now. i do not no how to deal with all of this. i have found out that she has lied to me a ton of times all kinds of stuff. what do i do?
JAA

Montgomery, IL

#388 Jul 27, 2010
mom going crazy wrote:
She turned 18 on april 26th of this year about a week ago she had me drop her off at a friends house to stay the night. the next morning I went to pick her up, as she had asked me to do, to find out she didn't even stay there at all. This was on a saturday night, on friday night the day before she wanted to go out with a couple of friends one which had move to texas and was back visiting(which was a boy) she asked me if her boyfriend called to tell him she wasn't feeling well and she had gone to bed, I didn't want to get in the middle of it, but I was hoping she had started to come to her senses about this boyfriend. So someone seen her out and called her boyfriend therefore he was calling my house non stop, came to my home at 2am yelling profanity to me calling my daughter bad names etc., she came home told him it was over that was the las I knew. Now back to picking her up I was frantic I called the boyfriend and he told me not to call him, he had not seen her in 2 days, I spoke with one of her friends who had talked to her and told me she was at his house. I went to his house, in which his whole family lied to me saying she wasn't there. She has moved in with him, his dad its a duplex his dad lives in one his gradmother in the other, his mom is in prison, she has lied to me constantly says shes coming home only so he could get her clothes, which broke my heart again I felt so used. She is so cold to us heartless, her friends have been calling me telling me to get her out of there because he is so controlling, she has no friends he has aligenated her away from everyone. I am truely scared for her future and I cannot quit crying my heart hurts so much, but she's 18 a adult she says, but I can't understand what her family has done for her to act and treat us so bad. I need to make her understand I love her and to get her home. Please if anyone has any suggestions please I need help or a soultion to this quickly I'm deseperate Thanks Mom going crazy!
just make sure she knows you love her and wil always be there for her, but shea has to learn on her own hopefully she comes around good luck and god bless
bad data

Hillside, IL

#389 Jul 28, 2010
Amber, please don't take this the wrong way, but you might want to start with some therapy, both for your daughter and yourself. It sounds like life has been pretty rough, and sometimes you needs to get your own ducks in a row before you start tackling someone else's. If you're employed, and have health insurance, check and see if your plan covers mental health therapy for you and your dependents. If you go to church, see if your pastor does counselling, or can recommend someone. Statements like "I am having a real hard time forgiving her" are a pretty good clue.
sad aunt in Forida

Fort Lauderdale, FL

#390 Aug 21, 2010
Heart broken wrote:
I'm 18 and not telling my parents i'm moving out. I would just turn into a scream fest and i just want to leave peacefully..
Please I hope you dont your parents love you. They want the best for you ...do things the right way do not throw your life away
dlt romeoville

United States

#391 Aug 22, 2010
Amber. I eloped from home. Left the state. Dad in Viet Nam (yes, I am old now) Mom heartbroken.

here is what I learned from the other side.

Be sad, but try to hide your anger. Like I was, she probably doesn't put much thought or care into you emotions. And anger with recriminations, though aimed to make her feel guilty only serve to push her further away.

Be as supportive as you can. Offer to help get her set up for futher education. A trade school, a junior college. Send her cookies occasionally, or an outfit she left behind.

So long as she knows you have her best interest at heart and are not ranting, she will feel mor free to come home to momma if/when her honey does somethiogn she doesn't like.(if she does, welcome her and try not to say anything bad about HIM).

In the meantime, try to be polite to him. You ain't gotta love him, just have on your company manners so she will visit you at HOME. Since he might be part of those vists, try to remove any either/or scenerios.

You must try to make it all seem very normal that she visit...or move home with momma if need be. Recriminations and anger will only postpone any idea she has, whenever it happens, and she might decide to stay.

Hard for us mom's to endure the sefl centered decisions of our kids. I think my mom taguth me more about grace in that situation than anyone else could have. don't cut ties, Amber. Don't give your girl any more reason to stay where she is.

Believe me, besides being heartbroken, embarrassed in her community, sad about "the wedding' she and her sister planned for me from birth, concerned about the reaction of my father, who was in Nam at the time..and he blamed her, silly man, my mom was ANGRY! By the time I had settled and visited back home, about a month later, all my bedroom furniture had been sold and she told me to take everything else out of the room. Imagine the hurt in my callow little heart...that surnityure was bought for me when we lived in Germany. At least, it was bought and put in my room....I always thought to have it for my kids. Not exactly like having your daughter elope, breaking your heart in the process and destroying years of wedding dreams.(My mom and her sister made wedding dresses, etc, for their daughters...), but it did hurt my feeling...And was the only clue as to how angry my mom was. I visited every couple of months, ran away to her when hurt/angry...she was my 'mommy' til she passed. See your pastor, Amber, and do what we mom's do. Bite the bullet and do what is in the best interest of your kid. Good luck, honey. I am sure Amber will want to come home someday. Make it easy for her so she will be glad to be home.
dlt romeoville

United States

#392 Aug 22, 2010
Heartbroken. HOney, you need to tell your folks. Get your self ready first. Make up a budget showing how you plan to pay your rent, feed yourself, get to work and school.

Assure them, because it wil come up, that you are not leaving home so you can party. Or be snuggy with your boyfriend. Tell them you couldn't and won't accept living in a party house, and that while you like/love your boyfriend, you have plans to accomplish beforel you settle into marriage or have a baby. That you are very definate on those things will be extrondinarily careful on all three matters..party's, marriage and pregnancey.

Let them know who rour roomates will be and shy you are sure they will pay their share.(work history, discussions, signed agreements, etc)

Mostly, remind them that you will only be 10 blocks (2 hours , whatever) away and plan on seeing them often. You couldn't live without your mom's meatloaf and plan to see them often. That you are hoping they will be happy at your attempt at independance, come to visit you when you set up, maybe offer you some old pots and pans and have a hot meal ready if this doesn't all work out as you hope.

Let them know you are counting on their advice, their visits, their sympoathetic ear if anything goes a bit wrong. That you are not 'leaving' THEM, you are trying out independance, close to home, no less, so you hve a ssafety net.

Don't fight if they do start yelling. For heavens sake dont' say 'you knew they'd be like this!" or start with all the reasons they are 'driving you out' and al the things they have done 'wrong'. That is all very teenagy. Be adult about the move and the telling. Sympathize with their concerns, but have your reasons/answers ready.

It is terrible to leave home on a angry note. It is and will always be your home. Hug your mom tand tell her that,...good luck
tammy

UK

#393 Sep 13, 2010
my daughter also walked out at the age of 18 to live with her boyfriend and his dad and also her boyfriends 2 brothers who are autistic.i dont no were her b.f lives she never told us or invited us to meet her b.fs parents .we just asked her to be more thoughtful towards her family as just lately shes been ignorant ,throwing all her meals in the bin and eating at her boyfriends house without informing us that shes eating out,spending all her time in her bedroom texting her bf and she trashed her room that we decorated for her when she went to skegnes with her b.f for 2 weeks and never thanked us or anything,and she didnt turn up at a v v good family friends funeral in favour of playing water squirters with her boyfriend who has over time seemed very controlling.so we asked her to be more respecfull.she told us we dont let her out late ,but she never asked and if she had asked she would have had our blessing she just smirked ,packed her bags and left.ive also just found out she hasnt reapplied for collage.becouse shes managed to get a bedsit share with 1 of her boyfriends mates and shes gonna work longer hours at mac ds to fund this.up to now shes had top grades ,its such a shame for her.i dont no what to do i /we are a loving family and have always been able to chat n talk about anything altho my daughter has always been rebelious,but now this.please help i dont no what to do
connie

San Luis Obispo, CA

#394 Sep 15, 2010
I cannot tell you how amazed I was when I came across this page. My 19 yo daughter is with loser boyfriend, his mother drug addict & father is alcoholic, now out of jail. I fell for his sob story, for fours years they have been togeter. He comes across very innocent. But I know what a manipulator he is, and how much he hurts my daughter behind closed doors.

They fight almost daily,& she use to cry constanty, yet kept running back to him. She tells him she doesn't want to be with him because he is so mean to hear, then she goes running back to him!She has given him money from her grandma which she saved up for college. Well, as time went by, I found out he was living in his truck, lost his job (because of there constant fighting), has been unemployed for past year, she smoked pot with him, and lied to me, he climbed over my fence, broke it, spent the night in my daughters room daily, pretending he leaving, according to roommate which I found out leter, and both deny it to this day.

Last straw was when she began to call me names, belittle me, tell me I was the one lying, ignore my existence, basically being disrespectful. Continually egging me on, to get me angry, knowing I won't yell, while she rages on trying to get her way.

She doesn't listen to reason. After telling her numerous times because of her lying and not following rules and being disrespectful, she contintues to accuse me of wanting to save money!! I could not believe it. She doesn't want to take responsiblity for the lies, and attacts me.

Normally my daughter is wonderful, and I've told her she is my sunshine. She goes to college & works, beautiful and smart. Yet she is with this loser boyfriend, who strangled her, and police was called, helicopters looking for him. We use to have close relationship, now calls me names everytime I see her. I asked my ex husband to take her because I needed a break from her disresepct, lies and breaking rules. I don't understand what is going on, and it breaks my heart. I don't let her see me cry, and I try my hardest to remain calm but firm. But it's so damn hard. So I cry in private.

I love her dearly and miss her. I read some of stories of daughters have come back home, and wish I could feel the warmth of her touch, and laughter ringing in my house, sweet disposition, which I know she has deep within her.

Thanks for the inspiration in my darkness.
mmk-nj

Springfield, NJ

#395 Oct 2, 2010
I am glad I am not the only mother that is having her heart ripped out, sleepness nights etc. My daughter is 17 and is the most head strong difiant child you have ever met. Her boyfriend is a loser as is his friends. She has lost all her friends and we are afraid she will be thrown out of school. Our whole house is upset and we have no idea where to turn
mmk-nj

Springfield, NJ

#396 Oct 2, 2010
tammy I just read your comment and we have some similiar problems. We took her to a doctor on Thursday and I actually had to call the police to make the police have her come with me - when we walked out she had her boyfriend waiting. She said all the right things and I would imagine laughed all the way to his house on how as she says how sick her mother is. We have seriously thought of sending her somewhere but we know we would never get her on a plane not to mention we would have to take out a second mortgage just to pay for this. I have two older daughters in college who are doing wonderful what have we done wrong
Teetee

United States

#397 Nov 27, 2010
Voice of Reason wrote:
This thread is now three years old. The 18 year old is now 21 year old!
no the 18 is 18 I just posted for support its my child thank you
Katherine

Oceanside, CA

#398 Dec 3, 2010
So I have read a good majority of these articles and Yes I have the same issue with my 17 year old daughter. God forbid we yelled at her! The next morning her 20 year old boyfriends mother comes to my work saying that she was basically taking my daughter because she can't live at home because we are so mean to her.. Oh geeez, I thought that was called parenting, trying to keep her safe, sorry we can't actually yell or get frustrated. My husband is the evil step dad, although the only dad my daughter knows, and then this woman proceeds to tell me that she had to send her son, my daughters boyfriend away to her sister when he was 17 because he couldn't live with his step dad, who happens to be a Superior Court Judge. Oh and she is taking my daughter to live with her, in her Condo, because she doesn't live in the 'BIG House' because she and her husband don't always see eye to eye. Hmmmm! considering that our family has been together for 11 years, we all live under the same roof and by the same rules, we have had 6 kids together, I am wondering who has the issues. I told her that she has no idea what she is getting herself into and that my daughter is a habitual liar and apparently good enough that this apparently smart woman only sees how bad she is treated, or at least my daughters version. She even said she would call CPS or have her husband draw up papers if I didn't agree to my daughter going to live with her, hmmm, interesting, I wonder what we would be charged with, trying to keep our daughter safe, not allowing her son who is 20 and since he was 19 to sleep with my at that time 16 year old daughter. We asked them to stop, this woman knows this and said, oh she understands, but now, my daughter is basically sleeping in their house with him from my understanding. I am distraught of course, I love my daughter and understand that as parents we go through challenges with our children, I too was a challenge, but I never involved strangers or other people. These people have money and I guess position, so they think they can throw that at us. She moved about 2 hours away from us and she basically cut communication, except both her and her boyfriend write things on facebook, that upsets my other children. From seeing these postings I see this situation is just something rampant in our society, and she has serious growing up to do. What I am disappointed about more than anything is the interference in my family by her boyfriends family. Believing and encouraging my daughter to alleniate her family. I do email my daughter and I have asked her several times, what happens when you don't like this boy anymore, I guess there will be another. She will always be welcome home, but my feelings toward her have ever changed, I love her but she will have a long way to go to ever earn my respect or confidence.

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#399 Dec 9, 2010
Oh my, I cant believe all these stories sound so much like mine. The heartbreak has been unreal surrounding my daughter leaving home, not just for my husband and me but also her younger siblings.
I just cant understand what she is thinking or if she is thinking at all. She was/is a very bright and talented young lady. She used to have passions and goals. Seems like all she cares about now is being with him and pleasing him. It's got to be some sexual attachment thing with these young girls that gets them acting so crazy.
Anyhow she left home in June and doesnt appear to be coming back anytime soon. He doesn't like her to visit with or talk with us. She never answers the phone or texts when he is around and if she comes by the house, which is rarely, he calls and texts her repeatedly. It is so annoying.
He can't find or keep a job. The job he has now she got a friend to hire him. Wonder how long it will last, His mother thinks their little relationship is wonderful and allowed them to move into her home. She doesnt appear to be too bright to me, letting 2 teens barely out of high school shack up in her house.
Anyhow, all we want is our daughter and sister back. We want that once happy and free spirit back in our lives and in her own. I miss that person so much.
Her father/my husband told me that the only time I hear from her is when she wants/needs something. I hate to admit it but I am starting to see it is true. Havent heard from her in 4 days, then I receive a text from her basically asking for money for her and him to move out.
Are you kidding me?! Does she think I am honestly going to support them? I couldn't even reply to her I was so disgusted. If you want to shack up and play house by all means go ahead...hook line an sinker...that means pay your own bills.
I came here looking for the magic answer and I still havent found it but it did feel good to vent, so thanks for listening and I'll keep praying that she is safe and for me to be patient while God handles this in his way and his time.
Jose

Madison, NJ

#400 Dec 19, 2010
DO Not call this Elizabeth NBC person, Why would they have a YAHOO account. If you do a search for the phone number in google, keeps changing their name. Some sort of scam.
Michelle

Pasadena, TX

#401 Dec 27, 2010
My daughter is 19, legally grown i know, she moved out today, she figures because she's grown, no one has the right to tell her anything. She's been trying to leave since the summer, i've been me holding her here, i just want to make sure she's finished college , and be somebody not co-dependent on anybody, so i thought she should stay here @home and go to school (college) but i guess it must be time for her to spread her wings, cuz things just went from bad to worst, She wouldn't do anything around the house, i couldn't tell her nothing, all she knew was her phone. I don't know maybe she was suffocating here, It really hurts though, its tearing me apart...its just really hasn't been day one yet, she just left this morning. How long will I hurt? Oh by the way, I'm new here, first post, good to hear others feeling like me and in a similar situation.... Thanks for listening.
Sleepless Mom

Laurel, MD

#402 Jan 15, 2011
Wow it's amazing how similar all these stories are. Mine is almost identical with a slight twist. My daughter ran away 3 months ago, 6 weeks shy of her 18th birthday. She stayed with her boyfriend's family briefly then moved in with a friend. Within a month she was fired from her job for not showing up and dropped out of college at the school's request since she was failing all her classes. Here's the twist--she was then whisked away by my parents and sister who have been supporting her and will probably continue to do so indefinitely. She has learned nothing and I fear for her future. We were fully supporting her and she has my family believing my husband is evil, even though he's been a terrific father to her since she was 6. We tried to show her some tough love, but they interfere. We turned off her cell--they bought her a new one. I still cry myself to sleep every night because I essentially have no relationship with my daughter or my family. I have two other kids at home and one on the way. In some ways it makes it easier knowing we're good parents, but this pain is like no other. I missed out on a baby shower because the family is torn apart. That makes me feel so hurt and angry. I'm trying to be strong, but it's hard when there's a hole in your heart and a knife in your back. I'm sorry you other ladies are going through this as well. I pray we all find peace. I've tried to give it over to God, but it's hard to let it go.
OMG

West Terre Haute, IN

#403 Jan 16, 2011
Get over it shes grown up your not.
Miquel

Romeoville, IL

#404 Jan 16, 2011
mom going crazy wrote:
She turned 18 on april 26th of this year about a week ago she had me drop her off at a friends house to stay the night. the next morning I went to pick her up, as she had asked me to do, to find out she didn't even stay there at all. This was on a saturday night, on friday night the day before she wanted to go out with a couple of friends one which had move to texas and was back visiting(which was a boy) she asked me if her boyfriend called to tell him she wasn't feeling well and she had gone to bed, I didn't want to get in the middle of it, but I was hoping she had started to come to her senses about this boyfriend. So someone seen her out and called her boyfriend therefore he was calling my house non stop, came to my home at 2am yelling profanity to me calling my daughter bad names etc., she came home told him it was over that was the las I knew. Now back to picking her up I was frantic I called the boyfriend and he told me not to call him, he had not seen her in 2 days, I spoke with one of her friends who had talked to her and told me she was at his house. I went to his house, in which his whole family lied to me saying she wasn't there. She has moved in with him, his dad its a duplex his dad lives in one his gradmother in the other, his mom is in prison, she has lied to me constantly says shes coming home only so he could get her clothes, which broke my heart again I felt so used. She is so cold to us heartless, her friends have been calling me telling me to get her out of there because he is so controlling, she has no friends he has aligenated her away from everyone. I am truely scared for her future and I cannot quit crying my heart hurts so much, but she's 18 a adult she says, but I can't understand what her family has done for her to act and treat us so bad. I need to make her understand I love her and to get her home. Please if anyone has any suggestions please I need help or a soultion to this quickly I'm deseperate Thanks Mom going

crazy!
who cares
new to plainfield

Bolingbrook, IL

#405 Jan 16, 2011
OMG, I've moved into a town crawling with sleazy 18 year old girls and female gym teachers sleeping with the teenage boys at PNHS. Wonderful, I thought Plainfield was such a great community?

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