my 18 year old daughter has moved in ...
Alana

Ewa Beach, HI

#365 Jul 29, 2009
Jean wrote:
I was writing here last year. My brilliant daughter left on her 18th bday with deadbeat/abusive boyfriend and his mom....you know the story! Anyway, she left him in October, went back to him in November, and finally moved home in December.
I am SO thankful she is home and safe, but our relationship is strained, and only time will heal the pain. She is seeing a counselor weekly because she wants to. I'm not making her. And if she decides to leave again, so be it. I learned I can't control her, and she is an adult making her own choices. If one of the choices is to hurt me, it is my choice on how to respond.
I learned that she will always be my daughter, but I do not have to put myself in the middle of her stormy life. I can choose to distance myself from her, and still love her as a mom.
Thank you for your update. I am at the beginning of the journey. I need to hear that there is hope. Good luck to you and I will pray that your daughter continues on the right path.

Alana
stressed mom

Lahoma, OK

#366 Jul 30, 2009
I just wanted to update you all. It has been quite a week. My daughter got sick and missed to much beauty school so they have moved her back to the next class in November. She was going to wash her car yesterday and ended up rear ending someone. Luckily noone was hurt but it messed up the front of her car pretty bad so she is without a car for a while. But, in all of this despair her and her boyfriend broke up last night. I haven't had a chance to talk to her since it happened. She left me a note on my chair this morning so I will have to wait to talk to her when she wakes up and calls me at work. I know she is pretty upset but I hope and pray they stay broken up. Keep your heads up ladies there is hope. Take care everyone!
GiGi

Marcus Hook, PA

#367 Jul 30, 2009
Hi Jean,
How long was your daughter gone for? It breaks my heart but I know the reality is that our relationship will never be the same. She insist on telling people that I kicked her out and makes me out to be the bad guy. She told her sister yesterday that she does not want to have anything to do with the family right now. She is doing her own thing and is very happy. Mind you neither one of them have jobs, a car, not even a cell phone. They are living with his father who is an ex-convict in one of the worse parts of Phila. She comes from a very nice family and has never wanted for anyting in her life. I am not saying I am wealthy by any strecth of the imagination. I am a single mom and I worked my butt off to give her these things. I can not understand how someone can make such a life style change in one day.

I need to find a way to move on with my life. I am already on anti-depressants and they have helped alot but there is no medication in the world that can take away the pain and hurt that I feel because of her betrayal.

I wish you all the best with your daughter and I hope you can restore your relationship with her. I also hope that she stays home safe with you, where she belongs. What you said makes so much sense. " If one of the choices is to hurt me, it is my choice how to respond". That says it all.

Please keep up posted on the situation and I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts...

Take care,

Lori

Since: Aug 09

Northampton, UK

#368 Aug 9, 2009
HI
i have a 20 year old duaghter who is now in my home , asleep in bed. She has fallen out with her boyfriend. I don't ask. I do not become involved.I am not going to be the one that cheats her out of a valuable life lesson and turn round and say I told you so. I love my daughter very much and yes she is a pain. But, I wanted her and could never cast her aside because I don't like the way she is handling things. Bite your tongue but always be there. If you have no money don't give money and then throw it back in her face when she comes running again. You have control of your life. If she wants to be angry let them but walk away. Then when you are calm act as though nothing is wrong. If your parents treated you the way you are treating them would you like it? No I am not critisising at all because they are still here and brought up well but it is their life and occasionally need a shoulder to cry on.
Money and friends round are a no no as you cannot keep giving. Its your home and they have to make a decision. Hard I know to bite your tongue but by rejecting is not going to solve any problem. Be a grown up and take responsibility.
GiGi

Marcus Hook, PA

#369 Aug 9, 2009
Talk to me when your daughter is not home sleeping in her bed, or when you have no idea where she is living or how she is living. I don't see anyone here on this forum rejecting their children. Only moms in deep pain because of the hurt and worry their daughters have caused them. Be a grown up and take responsibility??? Are you freaking kidding me??? Are you on drugs???? Maybe you need to really read the post first to see what we are going through before you pass judgement on any of us...

Since: Aug 09

UK

#370 Aug 10, 2009
GiGi wrote:
Talk to me when your daughter is not home sleeping in her bed, or when you have no idea where she is living or how she is living. I don't see anyone here on this forum rejecting their children. Only moms in deep pain because of the hurt and worry their daughters have caused them. Be a grown up and take responsibility??? Are you freaking kidding me??? Are you on drugs???? Maybe you need to really read the post first to see what we are going through before you
pass judgement on any of us...
No never taken drugs . Have been through so much but do not wish to share that. Its all about how you feel and never the vulnerable. Stop making yourself victims and take control.
I am not shouting about how she has made me feel and what she has done. I do not want sympathy.
I am a grown up and do accept my responsibilities.
GiGi

Marcus Hook, PA

#371 Aug 10, 2009
I think you need psychological help yourself. And I will say it again...You do not belong on this forum. NO ONE IS LOOKING FOR SYMPATHY...just support and obviously it is not going to come from a small minded idiot like yourself. Not to mention half the stuff you write makes no sense at all...
Jean

Brea, CA

#372 Aug 12, 2009
Calm down everyone. I have humbly learned not to judge anyone, especially parents. I used be appalled that someone would let/want their daughter to be on the pill...when my daughter left with her boyfriend, I PRAYED that she was on the pill! Goes to show how you can't really know what other people are going through, and what decisions they have been forced to make.

It is so hard. I don't even like to think about what my life was like last spring and summer. It is still much too painful. You just try to go on and make the best decisions you can with what you have. I said and did so many things that were awful. But at the time, I had so few choices and did what seemed right at the time.

Anyway, we need to be nice and support each other. I know all of us are trying our very best.
Alana

AOL

#373 Aug 13, 2009
I flew back to Ca dnd met with my daughter yesterday. She says that she is still going to school but is going to live with her boyfriend. I asked if they had found an apartment near her college and she said no. I told her if she drove from his house to school it will take her 6 hours a day. Impossible. She told me not to worry. When I asked why she wasn't driving her car, she told me it was not working. So now she has no phone (broke it and will not get a new one) and no car, but somehow she is going to drive to school 3 hours away. Again I tried to reason with her, go to school, try living with your brother, see your boyfriend on the weekends. If he loves you he will understand and it will be better for both you if you have a college education, etc. etc. But she won't look at me and just smirks and tells me "don't worry, I have a plan." Of course she will not share that info with me.

I asked her to spend the night at our house so I could drive her to her last orientation tomorrow. She said she would call me today to let me know if she would do that or not. School starts on the 24th, and at that point it is all up to her. I know I cannot make her go if she does not want to. Her dad who was going to finance everything for the next 4 years has and will cut her off and besides paying her heath insurance I am going to have to stop supporting her financially too. I was hoping that her Summer of "fun" was over and she would be the daughter I know again. I thought if I talked to her face to face she would understand that we all love her and are worried about her, we are not trying to make her life miserable. I am so sad, I can't stop crying, I love her so much. I keep talking to people and no one can understand why she is doing this. Although I needed to and am glad that I came back to CA, I am losing hope. Unless something changes in the next week I doubt she will go to school or come home.
Thank you for "listening" to me. Getting it out helps a little.
Jean

Brea, CA

#374 Aug 13, 2009
Oh boy. I'm sorry. It just stinks to feel so helpless. It is up to her. Obviously, you (and your family) did a great job on getting her to this point in life--college awaits. If she blows it, she'll have to pick up the pieces herself, and she probably will, in her own time. Hopefully, she'll start school, but if she is not ready and willing it won't work out anyway.

There is no understanding it. Went through the exact same thing with my daughter. She missed her first semester of school. Enrolled last spring at a community college and is totally excited to start again this fall. It was all done on her time, and when she wanted to do it. Maybe it's a control thing? My daughter is incredibly stubborn. All I know is that after losing out on going to a great University, and realizing she'd never get to go if she stayed with her ahole boyfriend, she started to move in the right direction.

Your daughter will come to her senses, but in her own time. Again, I'm so sorry. I know how hard it is.
Alana

AOL

#375 Aug 13, 2009
Jean wrote:
Oh boy. I'm sorry. It just stinks to feel so helpless. It is up to her. Obviously, you (and your family) did a great job on getting her to this point in life--college awaits. If she blows it, she'll have to pick up the pieces herself, and she probably will, in her own time. Hopefully, she'll start school, but if she is not ready and willing it won't work out anyway.
There is no understanding it. Went through the exact same thing with my daughter. She missed her first semester of school. Enrolled last spring at a community college and is totally excited to start again this fall. It was all done on her time, and when she wanted to do it. Maybe it's a control thing? My daughter is incredibly stubborn. All I know is that after losing out on going to a great University, and realizing she'd never get to go if she stayed with her ahole boyfriend, she started to move in the right direction.
Your daughter will come to her senses, but in her own time. Again, I'm so sorry. I know how hard it is.
Thanks Jean, knowing I am not a lone helps. I know she will eventually come to her senses, but I hope that it will be sooner than later. Before she has made too many mistakes and burnt too many bridges.
I am glad that your daughter is home and getting her life back together, it gives me hope when I read your updates.
Thank you, Alana
Handyman Pride

Morris, IL

#376 Aug 16, 2009
i went through this with my daughter. but it took her till she was 28 before she came to her senses.
keep the faith.
Randy Lambert

Chicago, IL

#377 Aug 20, 2009
Who gives a [email protected]#$t
mom going crazy wrote:
She turned 18 on april 26th of this year about a week ago she had me drop her off at a friends house to stay the night. the next morning I went to pick her up, as she had asked me to do, to find out she didn't even stay there at all. This was on a saturday night, on friday night the day before she wanted to go out with a couple of friends one which had move to texas and was back visiting(which was a boy) she asked me if her boyfriend called to tell him she wasn't feeling well and she had gone to bed, I didn't want to get in the middle of it, but I was hoping she had started to come to her senses about this boyfriend. So someone seen her out and called her boyfriend therefore he was calling my house non stop, came to my home at 2am yelling profanity to me calling my daughter bad names etc., she came home told him it was over that was the las I knew. Now back to picking her up I was frantic I called the boyfriend and he told me not to call him, he had not seen her in 2 days, I spoke with one of her friends who had talked to her and told me she was at his house. I went to his house, in which his whole family lied to me saying she wasn't there. She has moved in with him, his dad its a duplex his dad lives in one his gradmother in the other, his mom is in prison, she has lied to me constantly says shes coming home only so he could get her clothes, which broke my heart again I felt so used. She is so cold to us heartless, her friends have been calling me telling me to get her out of there because he is so controlling, she has no friends he has aligenated her away from everyone. I am truely scared for her future and I cannot quit crying my heart hurts so much, but she's 18 a adult she says, but I can't understand what her family has done for her to act and treat us so bad. I need to make her understand I love her and to get her home. Please if anyone has any suggestions please I need help or a soultion to this quickly I'm deseperate Thanks Mom going crazy!
Jean

Brea, CA

#378 Aug 20, 2009
Wow, Randy Lambert must be one haute guy. Hugs and kisses to you, my friend. Glad you stopped by.
Tracy

United States

#379 Oct 14, 2009
I am going through a similar situation. However Im not so sure Im as mad at the kids as I am at the so called Parents of the 17 year old boy my daughter moved in with. How could they allow this? What could they possibly be thinking? I begged them not to let my daughter go with them. She is 18 and basically they tell her she can make her own decisions and do what she wants. And Legally they are right...They just leave out all the stuff she will be giving up. Health insurance, college money, relationship with her family, ETC They have no idea about our family and didn't even try to know what the dynamic of our family is. I am so hurt and ashamed. What the sad part is the law wantsyou to use all your resources to support your adult teen but tells you at 18 they can run the show. It is a vicious circle.
Desperate mum

Australia

#381 Jan 24, 2010
My 17yr old daughter has been giving us total grief as well. She is involved with a 19yr old boy with a criminal history.Every week she will pack a small bag of clothes and go running to his mums house where he lives as well.There was a piece in the paper about him 4 days ago about him being in a car swinging a baseball bat at another car while his mate had a shotgun pointed at the other car as well, I showed her the newspaper clipping and said do you believe everything you read. She is so nasty to me I bought her a $8000 car for 16th birthday no thanks no nothing. I am selling the car cause of her attitude and bad choices,she is so angry with me she said I am not her mother anymore. I cry everyday, I gave her everything.
knowledge is not wisdom

Naples, FL

#382 Feb 21, 2010
you parents seem like you all are innocent i hope one day you realize the pressure that is on these kids and yes one of you said the pressure if living on her own will wear off. yes true in this economy about 75 percent of the time... most stories i could positively tell you that some kind of drugs or galavanting is going.... Janet how do you know your daughter isn't safe because she changed her mind. she's with a grown boy it sounds like. i 'm sorry it sounds like drugs to me. Hey also I'm not saying its right or wrong but you have weigh your options... find out which temperament your daughter is so you can approach daughter correctly.... there are 4 dominant temperaments look into this you mind shed some light Best of luck i will prayer for mothers peace but that will only come if you let god let go and no true mother is at peace... they always seemed to me to be worrying about somehting
Jim

Greensboro, NC

#383 Jun 1, 2010
Since she is 18, you can't do anything to make her stay at home with you. The only thing I can say to you is that she will be a different person at 26. You will have a better relationship them. I would tell her you love her and are here for her. Your relationship will be better when she is more mature and has experienced some heart ache and lived some. She can't possibly understand your wisdom and experience at her age. Eighteen year olds are very foolish and do dumb things that will impact the rest of their lives. We all did...

Pray for her and him. Put the differences behind you and look to the future for the better relationship vs. now. Keep your standards and what you think is right. Don't compromise your morals just to have the relationship back. Sometimes it is better to back off some and just pray about the situation.

Let her know you are there for her if this relationship fails. Be ready to pick her up off the floor if this fails. But try not to say "I told you so", be tender and loving. You will win in the end if this boyfriend is not meant to be her spouse. If he is, you will need to make peace with him at some point.
Mom

Pinson, AL

#384 Jul 6, 2010
I have a 22 yr old who has a 2 yr old son we have taken care of them both and they live with us. She met a 17 yr old boy dated off and on for 10 months and moved in with his parents left her son as we raise him anyway. Neither of the two work or go to college as she quit! She lost all contact with her past and only talks to welfar moms or his family! She told us to stay away there is a problem she is pregnant now! She wasn't stable for the first child, and still not stable for this child. Please help
Voice of Reason

Joliet, IL

#385 Jul 13, 2010
This thread is now three years old. The 18 year old is now 21 year old!

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Plainfield Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News Woman Charged After Allegedly Hiding Seafood in... (May '11) 5 hr dutcher72 2
Investors never invest their own money (Apr '11) Fri Mogul 10,935
another one bites the dust in Lockport Fri This town blows dong 14
Gazal removes more threads (Mar '17) Oct 19 f Krueger 9
Review: iLoveKickboxing - Aurora (Feb '15) Oct 18 wow 63
News New Lenox Man Nabbed in Forest Preserve Sex Sting (Aug '12) Oct 16 Woodyshark 28
News Names in the News: Baldermann to Lead One-Schoo... (Jun '12) Oct 15 Your Lesson for t... 8

Plainfield Jobs

More from around the web

Personal Finance

Plainfield Mortgages