my 18 year old daughter has moved in ...
distressed

Toledo, OH

#324 Oct 6, 2008
Hi Jean. My daughter did come to her senses finally. She moved some stuff in this past weekend and next Saturday we are bringing the rest. She on her own is enrolling in College after a year of being out of high school. She is enrolling for January classes. He tried to talk her into staying their with him but she said no she wants to come home and also go to college. He is trying trying to say we stay and we will do more and I will get a better job and go to college now. She told him he always says that and never does. Believe me your daughter will see the light. I just had to learn to leave her alone and not bad mouth him and she figured it out. It was hard. They are still planning on staying together and seeing each other every other weekend he is an hour away. I hate that but I think that will also fade in do time. Good luck and keep your hopes up. I will update you soon. Let me know how it goes for you.
c harris

Blue Springs, MO

#325 Oct 7, 2008
I have a daughter that is 18 .Has a boyfriend that is 19 . He has no drivers license . Works fast food walks to work . Just found out today .They are getting married .She just started a new job . SHE is still in school. And just moved out .Tried talking to her .But i know nothing .Slammed the front door in my face . While growing up his parents moved every 2 months .Never stayed in one place . They lived in a motel while the boys where young .His father beats his mother . They are all drunks .MY child was not brought up this way .Why is she going down this road . H E L P !!
Jean

Pasadena, CA

#326 Oct 7, 2008
My daughter is in her 3rd month living with her loser. They both work minimum wage jobs, no car, no college. I know it's unbelievable. Mine at least calls me now about once a week. I almost can't stand talking to her, but I want to keep communication open for when (I pray) she decides to leave him.

Distressed - I just want to jump up and down, dance, and celebrate with you!! I am SO happy! I'm hanging in, and hoping my sweet daughter will get to the same place yours has. It's so hard, as you know! Yeah for you!
distressed

Toledo, OH

#327 Oct 9, 2008
Thanks Jean. She sounds like the same sweet sencable girl I raised and it took mine living with him 4 months. She will get to that place of seeing how it is to be with a loser. I never thought it would happen this soon but it will with you also. I know it will. Same with you c.Harris. I guess what I learned is they have to spread their wings without us being angry and lecturing them. When I stopped that she realized but hated it more when I talked bad about him. As hard as it was I just stopped but still planted seeds in her thoughts. Hang in there!!
Jean

Pasadena, CA

#328 Oct 9, 2008
God Bless...I wish you all the best.
sue

San Clemente, CA

#329 Oct 16, 2008
I have a daughter, 18. The last 3 years of high school was a nightmare. I think I deserve an award for getting her to graduate. I divorced her father when she was 5, he has a bad drinking problem and would call her all the time when he was drunk. He says horrible things about me to her. She has seemed like she has hated me for the last 8 years. I remarried 6 years ago and she has been awful to both of us. She met a boy a month before she graduated and moved in with him against my wishes. She shouldn't be working full time and trying to go to college. She refuses to come see us or talk to us and has now changed her email address. She has a little brother who is 3 and asks where she is. I can't believe my daughter would do this to me and I am finding that I can't get through the day without crying. What can I do?
sue

San Clemente, CA

#330 Oct 16, 2008
I forgot to add that her boyfriend is 21 and works at AM PM, no college. They live in a condo near her father (who has hurt her all her life) who is now involved with his first cousin. She has cried about him so much to me, how he has hurt her and done nothing for her, yet he is the good one. This all makes no sense to me.
Alienated Mom

Whitney Point, NY

#331 Feb 22, 2009
I feel for you. I am almost in the same situation. My daughter moved in with her boyfriend and he has alienated her from all of her family as well. She has called me a lot for money or pay a phone bill or car insurance or other things because she did not have a job. He is on SSI for depression or something. Doesn't want to work, get a job, or live in the real. Well it gets worse. She ended up pregnant, and through the whole pregnancy he told her to get out and he didn't want to be with her and all this other stuff. Well, she is still there and now she has had her baby. I never got called when she went into labor. He and his mother were in there when she had the baby. I went over there yesterday to see her and my new first grandson and I am not allowed in the apartment, so I had a 5 minute visit in my car. I don't know what to do. We need to get her and the baby away from him and back around her family where she is loved. The pain and hurt inflicted on me and my family is pain I don't know if I can ever get over. I call and get no answer. I think he deletes my calls and controls her. I told her I love her and I will help her get out , pay for an apartment until she gets on her feet. But she says she doesn't want to move. I just don't understand why she doesn't see the whole picture
Don

Warrenville, IL

#332 Feb 22, 2009
Don't give up. Just be there when you can, and let her learn the world. You can't protect another human being from themselves, but, if you did your best raising her, she'll be back. My son moved out, against my wishes, at 17, now he's 27 and we're best friends. My daughter moved to Georgia and then California when she turned 19. We email and call every week, but I had to be patient.
It's really hard for an adult to come off of 18 years of intense parenting. Most people aren't prepared for the feeling of helplessness that an empty-nest parent goes through. You'll accept her independence, and she'll begin to miss and need her parent.She needs to learn that you are not the problem. But you have to be there when she really needs you. It's really worth it, I promise.
Randy Lambert

Chesterfield, MO

#333 Feb 25, 2009
Please end this frigging thread already
Mom

Chicago, IL

#334 Feb 26, 2009
Your teen who has crashed the 4th car, never should have been given a fourth or a third for that matter. You have to draw lines, when they start telling you how it's going to be. We become obsessed with their approval; we're parents, not friends. I learned the hard way.
Rebecca wrote:
<quoted text>
I feel your pain, Kay. Been there, done that. I am still paying for my daughters birth control but once she turns 19 I refuse. If she gets pregnant she will have to pay the price. My 18 year old just wrecked her 4th car this weekend. She's OK but now she has no car. She can deal with the insurance company and all the crap and trying to get another car with the settlement this time.
I'm not doing it.
sad mother

Hanford, CA

#335 Mar 11, 2009
My 18 year old daugther moved out and is living with her boyfriends mother and sister who is on drugs he is currently in jail on a felony we found out the she has been writing to him and his mother is giving my daughter the letters he writes to her i am so angry and sad and her father does not even talk to her she has been gone for 4 weeks she calls me but we end up getting into fights all the time. I keep telling her what a looser he is but she does not listen to anything. Both sides of grandparents are devastated and a cry every night i keep asking her to come home and her answer is are you going to let me talk to him he does not get out till next August. what should i do her father and i feel we need to stand our ground
nurse1

Hanford, CA

#336 Mar 11, 2009
had to change my posted name from sad mother to nurse1
shellybean

Oshkosh, WI

#337 May 1, 2009
I wish that I had some advise for you but unfortunately you are not alone. My 18 years old daughter moved out 3 weeks ago to live with her boyfriend of 20 years old and his parents. I don't know what I did to make her hate me but she does and told me all the time before she moved out. I fear that she is doing drugs and is pregnant. My 16 year old daughter works with her and said that she looks awful and is gaining weight. She only calls when she wants something. I have recieved 2 phone calls since.

She is giving up on a full ride to college which she had to go to a specific college for cullinary arts,,, according to her the best. Now she could care less she just wants freedom. I helped her buy a car and also bought her a lap top for college.

She is out of control and I try to tell her I love her and worry about her. Her answer is I am an Adult. I finally stopped crying after 3 weeks now and realized that I have to leave her alone and wait as long as I need to for her to realize that I am her mother and love her dearly.

Others who have been through the same thing say that in a couple of years she will come around. That just seems so far away.
shelleyk72

Chicago, IL

#338 May 5, 2009
My daughter is 18 and ready to graduate HS. she has been with her loser boyfriend for two years and I am kicking myself that I ever allowed her to start dating him. She has been awarded numerous scholarships and grants and has been accepted to all of the colleges I made her apply to. She is refusing to go. She would rather get married to this manipulative, emotionally abusive jerk. She is so young and foolish. I had her when I was 18 and blew my opportunities. I try to tell her she is making the exact same mistakes I made, but she just doesnt see it. Its so sad.
Rebecca

Morris, IL

#339 May 24, 2009
shelleyk72 wrote:
My daughter is 18 and ready to graduate HS. she has been with her loser boyfriend for two years and I am kicking myself that I ever allowed her to start dating him. She has been awarded numerous scholarships and grants and has been accepted to all of the colleges I made her apply to. She is refusing to go. She would rather get married to this manipulative, emotionally abusive jerk. She is so young and foolish. I had her when I was 18 and blew my opportunities. I try to tell her she is making the exact same mistakes I made, but she just doesnt see it. Its so sad.
She's so young- hopefully it won't take her long to see the error of her ways. My daughter is almost 21 now and she is FINALLY starting school in June!!! It just took her a little longer to grow up.
lori in ri

AOL

#340 Jun 8, 2009
hello everyone i have good news my daughter is home. she ran away with a looser almost 2 years ago at just 18. she ended up marrying him but thank god no children. we still have a way to go but she is becoming herself again needs alot of help though. he controlled her every move. she does not even know how to order from a menu he did that. she is planning on going back to school in sept already did 1 yr of college it was all worth the wait to all of you others hang in it does get better just give it time.
GiGi

Brookhaven, PA

#341 Jun 30, 2009
I am so glad I found this page. I thought I was the only one going thru issues with an 18 year old daughter. My daughter moved out a week after she turned 18 after she decided she could not live by my rules. Because I told her that while she was living in my house she had to follow my rules, this constitued me throwing her out and that is what she told friends parents and the school. I tried several times to no avail to get her to come home. She is living with her 22 year old boyfriend and his convict father in the ghetto of Phila. She has turned her back completley on the family and has blamed me for everything. Her father who has not been a part of her life for the past 11 years is now her best friend. I do not have a tear left in my body and have alinated friends and family because all I can talk about is my daughter and the pain I am feeling. I am told by many that she will come around and wake up eventually. I can only pray that this is true.
Rebecca

Aurora, IL

#342 Jul 7, 2009
GiGi wrote:
I am so glad I found this page. I thought I was the only one going thru issues with an 18 year old daughter. My daughter moved out a week after she turned 18 after she decided she could not live by my rules. Because I told her that while she was living in my house she had to follow my rules, this constitued me throwing her out and that is what she told friends parents and the school. I tried several times to no avail to get her to come home. She is living with her 22 year old boyfriend and his convict father in the ghetto of Phila. She has turned her back completley on the family and has blamed me for everything. Her father who has not been a part of her life for the past 11 years is now her best friend. I do not have a tear left in my body and have alinated friends and family because all I can talk about is my daughter and the pain I am feeling. I am told by many that she will come around and wake up eventually. I can only pray that this is true.
Hang in there! It WILL get better. My daughter did the same exact thing!( See the forum "Help! My Teenage daughter is driving me crazy!")

She finally came around- thank God!
It will get better.
You can vent here honey- believe it or not helps!
It did me!
lori in ri

AOL

#343 Jul 8, 2009
Hang in Gigi it really does get better and as Rebecca said this site helps with the pain. I just wish more girls would look at this site before they make the stupid moves. Keep the faith and try to keep comunations open with her for now. Good luck

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