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AnotherVictim

Whitesburg, KY

#104 Sep 21, 2009
Infidelity_Victim wrote:
<quoted text>
I am a woman that is a victim of infidelity. It's easy to say I would do this or I would do that. But, when it happens to YOU, it's a different story. I use to be like most of you. I always said if my husband ever cheats on me, I am leaving. Plain and simple. To me that's the easy way out of a marriage. I could have spared myself a lot of pain by leaving. I was determined to make it work anyway. I'm glad I stayed. We are stronger for the struggles that we have faced. TOGETHER.
As far as the other woman, I was mad. I was more mad at my husband. I told her I wanted to KILL HER, but in fact, it was him that I felt so much angry toward! I didn't "kill her" I held my head high, and would walk right past her while holding my husband's arm.
It took me some time to let all the angry I had against her go. At first I acted crazy. I sent her emails, called her, drove by her house, and etc. I learnt holding on that much angry, was not healthy for ME. I was allowing her to have power over me.
It's hard to handle all the emotions of an affair. If you hold your head high enough, it makes you the better woman. One more thing, in my case the "other woman" was a friend of mine for YEARS!!
I guess every WOMAN/MAN is different! My case I was living w/my fiance in which, we had our SON...My SON was 5-1/2months when I found out his FATHER was cheatin on me! At 1st I wanted to beat the CRAP out of him(I DID HIT HIM), I threw stuff, then I thought what am I going to do,here we have a SON, and I just graduated HIGH SCHOOL, and Ive never worked...my HEART fell to my FEET! Ive worked ever since my SON is now close to 19 and Im still not married, I wanted to be able to raise my SON myself w/out depending on a STEP FATHER....I worked 2 jobs 12yrs and now Im only workin 1...now that I look back I THANK the DEAD-BEAT DAD for what/WHO I am today, but I could've NEVER married him, when I found this out all the TRUST I had for him was gone! My SON was 18yrs and 1 day old when his DAD finally tried to contact him and asked if he could come to graduation, I told him it was up to our SON and he was like I wanna see U 2...I told my SON I have to much PRIDE to ever take him or even think of taking him back!
So thats why I say every WOMAN is different, but me I could never if Im dating someone and I find out they're cheatin thats it,'cause all the TRUST & OVE I had for them will be gone!!!
AnotherVictim

Whitesburg, KY

#105 Sep 21, 2009
CONTINUED from LAST POST******

This has effected my whole LIFE, Ive had some good guys and I just cant TRUST anyone, Ive been in a RELATIONSHIP w/the same guy now for 8yrs and its just hard to TRUST anyone I always think of what happened w/my SONS' FATHER!!!

U know I never even contacted nor talked w/the other WOMAN...They married, but its funny everyone calls the other WOMEN BITCHES,SLUTS,WHORES,etc.....b ut It takes two 2 TANGLE and I just knew what we once had was GONE, it wasnt her fault she didnt even know me, so I put the BLAME MOSTLY on him!!!

I do know one thing I dont ever wanna have to go through it again!!!
I always tell my GUY now, if U ever think of wanting someone else just be up front & HONEST,'cause I dont wanna ever have to live w/ PEOPLE laughin behind my back of what they know u have done!!!!!!!! If I ever wanna leave him, I will tell him and I want the same in return!!!!
seriously folks

United States

#106 Sep 21, 2009
You love her and she loves him he loves somebody and so it begins!!! Like I said folks love stinks and that's life....
well

Amelia, OH

#107 Sep 28, 2009
TWK wrote:
Statistics prove that when a man has an affair his wife always places all the blame on the "other" woman. The wife refers to "other" woman as s*ut, W*ore etc. Yet, you never hear them placing the blame on their husband. The only reason we can reach is that the wife cannot truly face the fact that someone you love and trust would hurt you that badly so it surely must have been the "other" woman's fault. Any thoughts.
well i think the guy should be blamed...UNLESS the woman knew he was married
good for you

Amelia, OH

#108 Sep 28, 2009
Simple wrote:
<quoted text>Unfortunately I have, I was your classic last one to know. I didn't have a clue here was the man that I had loved & was faithful to all the years we were together, I had complete trust & faith in him. When I found out what was going on it broke my heart (honestly until then I didn't know just how bad a man could hurt you & I was mid 40's) & to make matters worse I later found out that she was just one of many, had been going on for years. He was a great deceiver, he not only fooled me but all our families & friends as well Handle it, I asked him to leave the same day I found out, because I knew that no matter how we might try that I would never be able to completely forget it & that it could never be what it was. It took a year for me to recover, but I did & I have no regrets about my decision it was the right one for me.
That is good.. i dont know you but i am pretty sure you were better than to be cheated on..
good man out there

Harold, KY

#109 Sep 28, 2009
I was just taking a true toll on just how many unmarried good men they are out there if you consider your selfves a good man then tell me what makes a good man cheaters ;sorry ass men whom want work ;do not apply I sure hope some are out there cause be a sad world loosing all the men to this mess up world we live in.
wellllllll

Elkhorn City, KY

#110 Sep 28, 2009
I think women mostly blame the other woman for a few good reasons. One is because they want to keep their man, so it's easier for them to put the blame off on someone else then to face reality of it taking two to tango.
Next, they blame the other woman because sometimes women do know a man is either married or in a serious relationship with someone else and this becomes offensive to them.
Next it could be because most women are so skanky anymore that if they can't get a man's attention one way, then they rub it all over them and push themselves on a man and sometimes even when their spouse or girlfriend is present, so there's just a few good reasons for ya.
I personally don't put all the blame on a woman if a man takes part in it, but if a man isn't doing anything wrong and a woman flirts with him or tries pushing herself on him, then yeah I'm going to totally blame her.
Now if my man goes out on me with another woman, then I would say let me shake your hand to the other woman and then I would tell her that she just took a load of trash off my hands and bid him goodbye, because if someone can take him even for one minute, then I never truly had him in the first place. If a man cheats on you once, then he will surely do it again, because it doesn't stop, they just get more descrete about it.
My thoughts

Pikeville, KY

#111 Sep 28, 2009
Women do blame the other woman. Stupid huh? They should blame their husbands after all they are married. But turn it around for a minute. Us men do it this way, usually, if our wife cheats with another man we blame her, our wife, and usually shake the other guys hand, so to speak, cause you see it was the other man who has shown us how she really is.(no pun intended) Smart or not?
Simple

United States

#112 Sep 28, 2009
good for you wrote:
<quoted text>
That is good.. i dont know you but i am pretty sure you were better than to be cheated on..
Thank You.
Shania

Ireland

#113 May 13, 2013
Both people are to blame, but for some reason the married man gets a pat on the back whereas the other woman gets punished and ridiculed. Most of the blame should lie with the married man especially if he seduced the other woman, he is the one that is lying and cheating on both his wife and other woman. Yes the other woman is wrong to be with a married man but sometimes the married man keeps on and on until the woman gives in and she finds it too hard to resist even though she knows it's wrong. The woman can feel so much guilt and does not want to hurt the wife. But really the blame needs to be put on the MAN
i often wonder

Pikeville, KY

#114 May 13, 2013
Shania wrote:
Both people are to blame, but for some reason the married man gets a pat on the back whereas the other woman gets punished and ridiculed. Most of the blame should lie with the married man especially if he seduced the other woman, he is the one that is lying and cheating on both his wife and other woman. Yes the other woman is wrong to be with a married man but sometimes the married man keeps on and on until the woman gives in and she finds it too hard to resist even though she knows it's wrong. The woman can feel so much guilt and does not want to hurt the wife. But really the blame needs to be put on the MAN
I totally agree. Well, actually, I agree somewhat.
See, many times, a woman will say, "I would never cheat with a married man".
And she probably meant it when she said it.
Then, maybe she meets one, and he is offering her something that is missing in her own relationship, or in her life.
And she sees that he too is missing something, they are both seeking something from each other.
And, so, against her better judgement, maybe she finds the longing too great to resist.
But of course, if its discovered, she is automatically to blame.
She isnt innocent by any means. But then neither is he. But if the wife finds out, its automatically the other womans fault.
She had to have secuded the poor pitiful innocent husband, he had no willpower, being a man!!
Well, listen.
There is always pain.
The other woman probably feels more sorry for, and more understanding of the wife than anyone can ever believe.
As time passes, she probably wishes she could take it back. She probably wishes the man and his wife well and hopes that they can move on and be happy or at least be able to resolve their issues.
She probably just wants to move on as well.
But of course, she cant as long as the talk and fingerpointing and accusations continue.
But while she gets pointed at, and talked about and ridiculed for being the cause of all the problem.
He, gets put up on a pedastal and of course, he is forgiven.
I guess I can understand where the wife is coming from, I guess she does hurt to find this out about her husband.
But it isnt always about sex.
It is sometimes about a deeper need. This is what the wives need to look at, ask the husband why he sought another woman and why he continued after the first time.
Why is he given a pass for his own bad behavior??????
Why cant anyone see that he is unhappy, the wife is unhappy, the other woman is unhappy.
But, the wife does her best to forgive and to make it appear as if her husband was a victim of a trashy man hungry woman.
Well here is the way it just might have been.
HE might have persued her.
Do the wives ever consider that????
He might have made her feel that he really needed her and wanted her and she might have thought he was sincere.
Well, anyway, that is just what I guess just might have happened.
And sooner or later, all parties involved have to forgive each other and try to move on with their lives.
i often wonder

Pikeville, KY

#115 May 13, 2013
i agree about the wife staying for the trophy, they want to beat down the other woman, shes trash, shes a home wrecker, etc etc etc, however, as bad as the neighbors, friends, family and general public think about the other woman, secretely they pity the wife, they shake their heads behind her back and say, why is she staying with that cheater?
whats worse, is when she doesnt want anyone to find out, and she stays with the husband and yet, while she stays and tries to pretend her life is ok, she wants the public to see a happy couple who have a strong marriage, she continues to berate the other woman.
She contines to point blame and try to make herself feel justified in staying.
I doubt very often does the husband end up with the other woman.
But I also doubt very often he stops with just one other woman.
I say this to wives, I might be wrong, but, if hes done it once, he will do it again.
If enough time passes, and you stay with him and he sees you forgave, he will begin to feel he can pull it off yet again.
Just my opinion.
Eventually the public will move on to another breaking news story.
And while the other woman will sometimes continue to be seen as the slutty whorey trash who caused marital problems. Soon, the public will forget it and move on.
But, the wife will never forget it and she will never fully trust the man again.
And so the wife stayed for what? a life of where are you going, who are you with, who just called, who were you texting, why are you late, why are you leaving early, what where when who and never ever feeling totally secure.
And yet, she still blames the other woman, who probably heard how terrible the mans life was, how he never got sex or never was appreciated, never had a kind word, his wife was too young, too old, too uptight, etc.
To the other women, you will be the one sitting at home alone and lonely and depressed and sad on holidays and on weekends or whenever he is home with the family.
Doing the hubby/dad thing.
You will be missing out on a life of your own while waiting for him.
And make no mistake, wife or other woman. He is telling one one story and another totally different story to the wife.
He is just as miserable as hes making both of you.
But just like most men, he will stay, to be a dad and to not have to see his kids on weekends, pay child support and keep up two homes.
If he does go to be with the other woman, the fun and excitement will wear off as soon as they sit up house and the same humdrum existence begins as he had with his wife.
The wife suffers humiliation and pain and rejection. and a life long feeling of distrust.
The other woman suffers pain and lonlieness and insults and threats and accusations and blame.
The man suffers because he stays with the wife he cheated on and he can never regain her total trust and he still is miserable from whatever the original reason was he began to cheat in the first place.
No one wins!
Its true

Williamson, WV

#116 May 13, 2013
Yes, we do blame the other woman. Nine times out of ten, she is aware she is pursuing and sleeping with a married man, she knows it. She just doesn't care about the hurt and harm she is bringing to a family. We tend to let men off somewhat easier as they have a large ego and she strokes it, among other things. But I agree with many ladies here, once the trust is gone, its gone, therefore, a broken family results and everybody suffers, particularly the kids. I think many are just irresponsible with love freely given
a once cheating man

Pikeville, KY

#117 May 13, 2013
I cheated on my frist wife. It was about 3 years ago. We had been married only 3 years and I met a woman who was associated with my job, seen her on my route about 3 times a week and we begin flriting and next thing I now we are having lunch together one day and when we went back to her car, I kissed her.
So, next day we had lunch only it wasnt lunch, we had sex. and we had sex again the next day.
went on for about 3 or 4 months and we both persued each other, I guess if I had to be honest about it, I made sure I worked that route so I would see her.
and, I lied at first and told her I wasnt married, for about the first 3 weeks she didnt know, then the second day after we had had sex the second time, I admitted I was.
But, she never tried to stop, and she was married to.
Her husband began to get onto her when she was coming home late and finally after around 4 months she told him she was leaving, but I didnt know she told me she was leaving her husband, they didnt have any kids and she was able to support herself.
But I told her I wasnt leaving my wife and 2 kids.
She never tired to get me to leave my family, but when we tried to stop seeing ech other we couldnt, we was calling each other when we wasnt able to get together and we was texting and my wife was sitting right there and so finally my wife just came right out and asked me.
I told her it only happened once and it was only oral sex but that was a big lie. I had sex with that other wman at least twice a week for 4 months.
My wife stayed for about another 5 months or so but she was never trusting me and we fought all the time and ever time she would say stuff about it.
It finally got so bad I had to leave.
a once cheating man

Pikeville, KY

#118 May 13, 2013
So, now I am a divorced man and have to see my kids who are now old enough to ask questions and I got married again but it only lasted a few months then I just went and got a divorce, it was too hard, I regret everday I hurt my ex.
Shes with a new guy but she still has trust problems and that is my fault. the other woman is bakc with her man i reckon and I dont see her none now.
I changed jobs so we wouldnt be near each other or around each other but by then the damage was done.
I read some of this and I say it isnt either the man or the other woman to blame but each and like i Said that other woman didnt really know i was married at first, I guess one I told her she was alreay wanting to be with me and I was telling her how much i wanted her too and wanted to be with someone who was good to me, I said alot about my wife not being a good wife but looking back now I know she had the kids and didnt have alot of time to be able to be sexy and give me lots of her time but i was just as wrong as anyone in the whole thing, i lost alot and no the other woman didnt cause that i did.
suffered

Georgetown, KY

#119 May 13, 2013
i often wonder wrote:
i agree about the wife staying for the trophy, they want to beat down the other woman, shes trash, shes a home wrecker, etc etc etc, however, as bad as the neighbors, friends, family and general public think about the other woman, secretely they pity the wife, they shake their heads behind her back and say, why is she staying with that cheater?
whats worse, is when she doesnt want anyone to find out, and she stays with the husband and yet, while she stays and tries to pretend her life is ok, she wants the public to see a happy couple who have a strong marriage, she continues to berate the other woman.
She contines to point blame and try to make herself feel justified in staying.
I doubt very often does the husband end up with the other woman.
But I also doubt very often he stops with just one other woman.
I say this to wives, I might be wrong, but, if hes done it once, he will do it again.
If enough time passes, and you stay with him and he sees you forgave, he will begin to feel he can pull it off yet again.
Just my opinion.
Eventually the public will move on to another breaking news story.
And while the other woman will sometimes continue to be seen as the slutty whorey trash who caused marital problems. Soon, the public will forget it and move on.
But, the wife will never forget it and she will never fully trust the man again.
And so the wife stayed for what? a life of where are you going, who are you with, who just called, who were you texting, why are you late, why are you leaving early, what where when who and never ever feeling totally secure.
And yet, she still blames the other woman, who probably heard how terrible the mans life was, how he never got sex or never was appreciated, never had a kind word, his wife was too young, too old, too uptight, etc.
To the other women, you will be the one sitting at home alone and lonely and depressed and sad on holidays and on weekends or whenever he is home with the family.
Doing the hubby/dad thing.
You will be missing out on a life of your own while waiting for him.
And make no mistake, wife or other woman. He is telling one one story and another totally different story to the wife.
He is just as miserable as hes making both of you.
But just like most men, he will stay, to be a dad and to not have to see his kids on weekends, pay child support and keep up two homes.
If he does go to be with the other woman, the fun and excitement will wear off as soon as they sit up house and the same humdrum existence begins as he had with his wife.
The wife suffers humiliation and pain and rejection. and a life long feeling of distrust.
The other woman suffers pain and lonlieness and insults and threats and accusations and blame.
The man suffers because he stays with the wife he cheated on and he can never regain her total trust and he still is miserable from whatever the original reason was he began to cheat in the first place.
No one wins!
Couldn't of said it better myself!! So very true all of it!!!
broken

Winchester, KY

#120 May 14, 2013
I can honestly say I was blindsided when I found out my husband cheated on me. I felt anger first , angry at him, angry at her, angry at myself for not having the guts to leavey. I did confront the other woman who was his ex who was in an unhappy marriage and hell bent on making mine unhappy also. Their affair started before I was in the picture and I still wonder why he pursued a life with me when obviously he still had strong feelings for her. Their affair lasted though the birth of her daughter and the birth of my three children, her divorce and even the beginning of her new marriage. I tried to stay, even thought if we tried hard enough we could make it work. She did eventually move on and I guess the affair ended for fear her new husband and life would be ruined. I did eventually divorce my ex husband after trying to make it work for over two years. I've learned to let go of the hatred and deal with the sadness. I'm still sad for good times when I was sure he loved me, sad that my children are from a broken marriage, sad that I was so blinded by my love for him that I ignored the truth. He still tries to reconcile at times and blames ME for the divorce. I long for the friendship of the only other person who loves my kids as much as me. I still haven't forgiven her, probably never will. What started as a simple affair broke tore innocent children from their dads.

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