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21 - 40 of 117 Comments Last updated May 14, 2013
Sadie

Stanton, KY

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#23
Sep 7, 2009
 
Infidelity_Victim wrote:
<quoted text>
Thank you for being nice to me.
I do not have any kind of respect for a woman that would make the decision to sleep with a married man. Not knowing a man is married is one thing, but knowing and doing it anyway in my book is horrible!!! How do they sleep at night? The nights I have cried and cried due to her and HIM. All the pain that I have been through over this. Some kind of friend I had. After she slept with my husband (before I knew), she looked me right in my eyes and promised she would NEVER do anything to hurt me. I can still get angry when I think about it. But I let it go. I have made a lot of progress. I still back slide form time to time. It can sometime be a day to day struggle. I love my husband. I feel stronger at times, but like I said I do back slide. I have good days and bad days. This only happened to me last year. I think I have come along way. I'm proud of my strength. I refuse to let this evil thing win!!! However, this isn't his first infidelity either. Can love really conquer all? Or am I just another fool?
He has cheated on you more than once, and once was with your good friend? How can you be happy in this situation? You almost know he is going to do it again if he is not already. You deserve a happy life. Staying because it is the right thing to do is one thing but your happiness is more important. You love him but he does not you in the same way. It is hard to leave but once you do, you are a new "happy" person. I am speaking from experience.

“Nothing to see here.”

Since: Jul 09

In the pit of your heart.

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#24
Sep 7, 2009
 
TWK wrote:
Statistics prove that when a man has an affair his wife always places all the blame on the "other" woman. The wife refers to "other" woman as s*ut, W*ore etc. Yet, you never hear them placing the blame on their husband. The only reason we can reach is that the wife cannot truly face the fact that someone you love and trust would hurt you that badly so it surely must have been the "other" woman's fault. Any thoughts.
Because not only men cheat.....
All 3 are at fault (sometimes), the cheater, the mistress/master (sometimes), and the spouse.

1. adulterer/adulteress is at fault for not having the self control or for not having communications open to express the desire of the thing(s) they the relationship is lacking and sometimes for misleading their mistress/master into thinking that they are available.

2. mistress/master is sometimes at fault, if in fact they know that the person they are with is not exclusive theirs but a adulterer/adulteress. If they do know that their person is married then they are in the wrong.

3. Wife/husband is at fault for one not having communications open to know where or what the relationship is lacking and/or at a strain.

Why people cheat.
there are many reasons why this can happen but it pretty much can be summed up into 4 reasons.

1. Sexual attention.
The adulterer/adulteress is not satisfied with sexual performance.
(oral sex not being performed or not long enough. Sex not being performed often enough, or afraid to ask spouse to ask like a pony and to recite the Gettysburg address while duct taped to the ceiling fan.)

2. non-sexual positive attention.
The adulterer/adulteress is lacking in the relationship
(not enough hugging a kissing (not sex), doesn't hear "I love you" enough, Doesn't feel listened too/respected/validated.)

3. non-sexual negative attention.
The adulterer/adulteress feels frustrated from negative stress.
(Too much nagging (women), too many temper tantrums (men), being taunted, not supported, being bade to feel contempt.)

4.(and the worse)
The adulterer/adulteress was not caught before. or adulterer/adulteress was caught and did not feel punished.
As with children adults are in constant learning.
Like children we still learn right and wrong time the time of our death. If an adulterer/adulteress has had a previous relationship in which they displayed infidelity, and they received no type of correction, they then psychology have it in the back of their minds that it's is ok to perform that bad behavior. "B.F. Skinner theory of Radical behaviorism"

“Nothing to see here.”

Since: Jul 09

In the pit of your heart.

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#25
Sep 7, 2009
 
Also there is a old wives' tale that stands true.

"If you want to keep your husband, Be his chief in kitchen, his nurse when he's hurt, his best buddy when he wants to laugh, his teddy bear when he is scared, the lady on his arm when he wants to go out, and a whore when he want to go to bed."

But this also can be revised to the 20th century for men as well

"If you want to keep your wife, Be her chief in kitchen, her nurse when she's hurt, her best buddy when she wants to laugh, her teddy bear when she is scared, the gentleman on her arm when she wants to go out, and a gigolo when she want to go to bed."
both

Pikeville, KY

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#26
Sep 7, 2009
 
I think they are both to blame, no matter who initiated it, neither have to act on it, unless they want to. but women should have the decency to not fool around with married men, no matter what the story is, and married men don't need to go looking for it elsewhere, be FAITHFUL!
Free Thinker

Pikeville, KY

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#27
Sep 7, 2009
 
Men are the real wh**es. In all human societies and most mammal species it is men that are the most promiscuous yet women are the ones labeled with names like s**t and wh**e.
Strange ain't it?
Been There

United States

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#28
Sep 7, 2009
 
I've been there, my now ex-husband cheated on me it was one of the most painful things I've ever had to endure. I was faithful to him & loved him with all my heart the whole time we were together. Also I was foolish enough to believe in him & trust him. When I found out what he was doing I was absolutely crushed, he had to go! Who do I blame first him because he knew how I felt about him & what it would do to me, second her she knew he was a married man (50/50). I am over all that bad stuff now, but it has left scars I've still not been able to trust a man enough to start dating again.
been cheated

Inez, KY

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#29
Sep 7, 2009
 
cheaters think they will never get caught, fact is most men never even plan on leaving their wives. It's just a fun toy on the side. Women who "put up" with it are stronger than those who don't. I could have taken the easy way out but choose to stay and now were stronger than ever. It's very hard to trust, that I assume will come in time, it's been 3 yrs. and I still think about it every day. I do blame both but the woman also new he was married and wanted him to leave me for her. That never happened, I know my husband loves me and it was just a bad time in our marriage. I don't think if he ever done it again though I would stay. I do think everyone makes mistakes and I believe he is sorry. I hope I'm not wrong!!

“Nothing to see here.”

Since: Jul 09

In the pit of your heart.

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#30
Sep 7, 2009
 
Free Thinker wrote:
Men are the real wh**es. In all human societies and most mammal species it is men that are the most promiscuous yet women are the ones labeled with names like s**t and wh**e.
Strange ain't it?
Not always true.
Flashy Feathers Cause Female Swallows to Cheat
http://www.public.asu.edu/~kjmcgraw/pubs/Nati...

Fire-colored Beetles and Lightning Bugs, Honey Bee Queens, Topi Antelopes, Elephant Seals,# Jumping Spiders, North American Elk, Bower Birds, and Birds of Paradise to name a few all have higher rates of female cheating.
Amused

Stanton, KY

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#31
Sep 7, 2009
 
Baphomet wrote:
<quoted text>
Not always true.
Flashy Feathers Cause Female Swallows to Cheat
http://www.public.asu.edu/~kjmcgraw/pubs/Nati...
Fire-colored Beetles and Lightning Bugs, Honey Bee Queens, Topi Antelopes, Elephant Seals,# Jumping Spiders, North American Elk, Bower Birds, and Birds of Paradise to name a few all have higher rates of female cheating.
Not to get off the subject, but you are not from our area are you? You really come up with some off the wall ideas.
Lady D

United States

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#32
Sep 7, 2009
 

Judged:

1

Baphomet wrote:
<quoted text>
Not always true.
Flashy Feathers Cause Female Swallows to Cheat
http://www.public.asu.edu/~kjmcgraw/pubs/Nati...
Fire-colored Beetles and Lightning Bugs, Honey Bee Queens, Topi Antelopes, Elephant Seals,# Jumping Spiders, North American Elk, Bower Birds, and Birds of Paradise to name a few all have higher rates of female cheating.
I find your answers nery insightful and CORRECT!Either you are a true scolar or you GOOGLE a lot!Either way reading your posts are entertaining.POST ON!
Defender

Phelps, KY

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#33
Sep 7, 2009
 
Baphomet wrote:
<quoted text>
Not always true.
Flashy Feathers Cause Female Swallows to Cheat
http://www.public.asu.edu/~kjmcgraw/pubs/Nati...
Fire-colored Beetles and Lightning Bugs, Honey Bee Queens, Topi Antelopes, Elephant Seals,# Jumping Spiders, North American Elk, Bower Birds, and Birds of Paradise to name a few all have higher rates of female cheating.
You keep telling yourself that if you want to. Men make men cheat. They have a choice either to do it or not. People need to take responsibility for their own actions instead of looking for excuses and always blaming it on someone else.
Defender

Phelps, KY

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#34
Sep 7, 2009
 
been cheated wrote:
cheaters think they will never get caught, fact is most men never even plan on leaving their wives. It's just a fun toy on the side. Women who "put up" with it are stronger than those who don't. I could have taken the easy way out but choose to stay and now were stronger than ever. It's very hard to trust, that I assume will come in time, it's been 3 yrs. and I still think about it every day. I do blame both but the woman also new he was married and wanted him to leave me for her. That never happened, I know my husband loves me and it was just a bad time in our marriage. I don't think if he ever done it again though I would stay. I do think everyone makes mistakes and I believe he is sorry. I hope I'm not wrong!!
You are kidding aren't you! Heck if I were husband I would go out on you all the time because
you would lie down and take it. He's got it made!
Every man needs a good doormat like you. Once, maybe forgive but, to say if he done it again you would still stay is unbelievable. No staying is not the hard way. Having some pride and walking out the door is the hard way.
Amused

Stanton, KY

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#35
Sep 7, 2009
 
Defender wrote:
<quoted text>
You are kidding aren't you! Heck if I were husband I would go out on you all the time because
you would lie down and take it. He's got it made!
Every man needs a good doormat like you. Once, maybe forgive but, to say if he done it again you would still stay is unbelievable. No staying is not the hard way. Having some pride and walking out the door is the hard way.
I agree. Staying is the easy way out.
stinger

United States

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#36
Sep 7, 2009
 
thats how it goes while the wife is busy stalking the girlfriend he cheated with the husband is out looking for a new screw
Woman28

Scott Depot, WV

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#37
Sep 7, 2009
 
Not only men cheat women cheat also.. I always hear my husband cheated on me! You hardly ever hear I cheated on my husband..

I have cheated on my husband something Im not proud of, but I did it, and at the time I wasnt thinking of who Im going to hurt or who this could hurt, that came later, and it did hurt alot of people and Im sorry for that.. But it wasnt all my fault I mean it took the man to do it also! But I felt the heat from it and yes I deserved it, but not all of it.... I did deserve everything that my husband said and done though, because I did do it to him....

What cause's someone to cheat, human nature maybe, bored with your sex life, or just something new.. They will never be an answer for that... But for me it was the excitement of it, the thought being caught, and the attention I got from another man.

Thank God that we did talk and worked things out, I can say after that happend and the long talk, we are now more open and honest with eachother, and were not afraid to tell eachother what we want in the bedroom ;).... or outside the bedroom..
the other womans friend

United States

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#38
Sep 7, 2009
 
I have a friend that is the other woman and I have to say she feels bad about it but she loves him and he loves her they are even expecting a baby but sometimes she doesn't know what to do his wife doesn't know they have been togethre for over a year now and my friend has lost everything to be with him but he stil hasn't told his wife he has two other children and she don't want them to get hurt but this child is his too and she want him around for this child too sometimes I want to tell her but its not my place I think he should tell her sometimes I think about going to PMC while she is at work and telling her but what about my friend she would never talk to me again but she is always saying she just wished that she would find out so her life didn't have to be so complicated....what would you all do? maybe I should post it so she might read it....
I think

Stanton, KY

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#39
Sep 7, 2009
 
the other womans friend wrote:
I have a friend that is the other woman and I have to say she feels bad about it but she loves him and he loves her they are even expecting a baby but sometimes she doesn't know what to do his wife doesn't know they have been togethre for over a year now and my friend has lost everything to be with him but he stil hasn't told his wife he has two other children and she don't want them to get hurt but this child is his too and she want him around for this child too sometimes I want to tell her but its not my place I think he should tell her sometimes I think about going to PMC while she is at work and telling her but what about my friend she would never talk to me again but she is always saying she just wished that she would find out so her life didn't have to be so complicated....what would you all do? maybe I should post it so she might read it....
The wife is being made a fool of and the husband is spineless. The wife needs to know to get on with her life. There is nothing to be done about the children at this point, they are innocent and will have to be hurt, all 3 of them. This really makes me mad people let themselves get in this situation. I know they probably are sorry now but can't anyone think of consequences of their actions?
Defender

Phelps, KY

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#40
Sep 7, 2009
 
Woman28 wrote:
Not only men cheat women cheat also.. I always hear my husband cheated on me! You hardly ever hear I cheated on my husband..
I have cheated on my husband something Im not proud of, but I did it, and at the time I wasnt thinking of who Im going to hurt or who this could hurt, that came later, and it did hurt alot of people and Im sorry for that.. But it wasnt all my fault I mean it took the man to do it also! But I felt the heat from it and yes I deserved it, but not all of it.... I did deserve everything that my husband said and done though, because I did do it to him....
What cause's someone to cheat, human nature maybe, bored with your sex life, or just something new.. They will never be an answer for that... But for me it was the excitement of it, the thought being caught, and the attention I got from another man.
Thank God that we did talk and worked things out, I can say after that happend and the long talk, we are now more open and honest with eachother, and were not afraid to tell eachother what we want in the bedroom ;).... or outside the bedroom..
Did you blame the other woman when your husband cheated and did you blame him.
Defender

Phelps, KY

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#41
Sep 7, 2009
 
the other womans friend wrote:
I have a friend that is the other woman and I have to say she feels bad about it but she loves him and he loves her they are even expecting a baby but sometimes she doesn't know what to do his wife doesn't know they have been togethre for over a year now and my friend has lost everything to be with him but he stil hasn't told his wife he has two other children and she don't want them to get hurt but this child is his too and she want him around for this child too sometimes I want to tell her but its not my place I think he should tell her sometimes I think about going to PMC while she is at work and telling her but what about my friend she would never talk to me again but she is always saying she just wished that she would find out so her life didn't have to be so complicated....what would you all do? maybe I should post it so she might read it....
Wait a minute this man has a wife, two kids, two kids by another woman and now has your friend pregnant. Is that correct. Someone should tell this jerks wife so she can take him to the cleaners and get out. Don't you friend know that if she eventually marries him he is going to do her the same way. Has she ever thought about that. Sounds to me like this man loves no one but himself.
Brother Busby

Perry, OK

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#42
Sep 7, 2009
 
the other womans friend wrote:
I have a friend that is the other woman and I have to say she feels bad about it but she loves him and he loves her they are even expecting a baby but sometimes she doesn't know what to do his wife doesn't know they have been togethre for over a year now and my friend has lost everything to be with him but he stil hasn't told his wife he has two other children and she don't want them to get hurt but this child is his too and she want him around for this child too sometimes I want to tell her but its not my place I think he should tell her sometimes I think about going to PMC while she is at work and telling her but what about my friend she would never talk to me again but she is always saying she just wished that she would find out so her life didn't have to be so complicated....what would you all do? maybe I should post it so she might read it....
Personaly, I would stay out of it. Let the man figure out what HE wants to do. When guys cheat
they have no intention of leaving their wives. They do it because of Baphomet's Reason #1:
"1. Sexual attention.
The adulterer/adulteress is not satisfied with sexual performance.
(oral sex not being performed or not long enough. Sex not being performed often enough, or afraid to ask spouse to ask like a pony and to recite the Gettysburg address while duct taped to the ceiling fan.)"

This is 100% correct. If you really listened to your man you would know this.

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