Unruly 18 year old
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Trying to save a grandson

United States

#1 Jul 8, 2009
Ok all you Mom's Dad's Grandparents Aunt's and Uncle's that just might be raising a grandchild. niece or nephew. I have riased my grandson since he was born...almost always making sure he had diapers when he was little... shoe's..you know how it goes. We have always been very close. Now he is a "Wild Child" so to speak. Got hooked up with a girl from Pikeville and it has been down hill ever since...... he his driving my vehicle.... with no drivers license and a ticket that needs to be paid. All I want him to do is WORK and he won't.He won't listen to a word I say and calls me a Fu**in Bi**H.. and he really doesn't know what a B***H is ..yes I sometimes yell when I am so fustrated I can't stand him or myself. So I asked him to move out and tomorrow I am going to court to do some other things that need to be done..HELP!! Opinions please!! I'll take anything you have to say and try and do it. Yes I am alone with NO HELP from the parents. And I am DONE so to speak with it all...
Yogi Bear

Williamsburg, KY

#3 Jul 8, 2009
Bust his ass! They never get too old to correct!
kids

Perry, OK

#4 Jul 8, 2009
Trying to save a grandson wrote:
Ok all you Mom's Dad's Grandparents Aunt's and Uncle's that just might be raising a grandchild. niece or nephew. I have riased my grandson since he was born...almost always making sure he had diapers when he was little... shoe's..you know how it goes. We have always been very close. Now he is a "Wild Child" so to speak. Got hooked up with a girl from Pikeville and it has been down hill ever since...... he his driving my vehicle.... with no drivers license and a ticket that needs to be paid. All I want him to do is WORK and he won't.He won't listen to a word I say and calls me a Fu**in Bi**H.. and he really doesn't know what a B***H is ..yes I sometimes yell when I am so fustrated I can't stand him or myself. So I asked him to move out and tomorrow I am going to court to do some other things that need to be done..HELP!! Opinions please!! I'll take anything you have to say and try and do it. Yes I am alone with NO HELP from the parents. And I am DONE so to speak with it all...
First take back your car,then throw him to the curb...
motogirl

Ransom, KY

#5 Jul 8, 2009
Try having him arrested?
I know a lot of parents do that..
Yogi Bear

Williamsburg, KY

#6 Jul 8, 2009
Thats not the answer people...you dont have your children arrested or throw them to the curb...Bust his ass! They never get to big for a good ass whoopin by any granny! Once he finds out he is not boss...he will come under
kids

Perry, OK

#7 Jul 8, 2009
Yogi Bear wrote:
Thats not the answer people...you dont have your children arrested or throw them to the curb...Bust his ass! They never get to big for a good ass whoopin by any granny! Once he finds out he is not boss...he will come under
Tell that to the judge...
Feel so sorry for you

Hurricane, WV

#8 Jul 8, 2009
Trying to save a grandson wrote:
Ok all you Mom's Dad's Grandparents Aunt's and Uncle's that just might be raising a grandchild. niece or nephew. I have riased my grandson since he was born...almost always making sure he had diapers when he was little... shoe's..you know how it goes. We have always been very close. Now he is a "Wild Child" so to speak. Got hooked up with a girl from Pikeville and it has been down hill ever since...... he his driving my vehicle.... with no drivers license and a ticket that needs to be paid. All I want him to do is WORK and he won't.He won't listen to a word I say and calls me a Fu**in Bi**H.. and he really doesn't know what a B***H is ..yes I sometimes yell when I am so fustrated I can't stand him or myself. So I asked him to move out and tomorrow I am going to court to do some other things that need to be done..HELP!! Opinions please!! I'll take anything you have to say and try and do it. Yes I am alone with NO HELP from the parents. And I am DONE so to speak with it all...
I am neither a parent or a grandparent, and it's very likely that I will never be, but I do feel really sorry for the position you have been put in, or possibly put yourself in. You asked for an opinion, so here is mine. This generation in particular seems to be the most disrespectable generation to date, in my opinion. They have been handed everything they want no matter what financial hardships arise. I'm not saying a person shouldn't do anything and everything for their kids or grandkids, but at some point, these kids need to know that everything in life does not come free, they have to work for it. Also, you really need to think about what is going to happen to him when you are no longer here to get him out of trouble. These young adults really need to understand that those who are supporting them are not going to be on this earth forever. If people would open their eyes, they will take notice, that once prayer was taken out of school, and it became pretty much illegal to lay a hand on a child, even when disciplinary measures were necessary, that is when the trouble began. Spare the rod, spoil the child. I'm not saying by any means people should be beating their kids, but sometimes it's necessary to use the spanking method over "the talks" & the medications that most doctors want to push on these kids. I was spanked with switches & the occasional belt & I deserved every one that I got. I didn't think that back then, but I sure know it made me a better person and I respect people around me whether they deserve the respect or not. I guess really what I'm trying to say is you've pretty much done everything you can do for this kid. He's reached adulthood, he needs to hit rock-bottom before he will understand that you have done everything you can for him, but don't let him drag you down with him. Tough love is great, don't give him everything he wants. Don't give him use of your car, especially since you know he don't have a license. No license, no insurance makes you the liable party if he gets out & hits someone or does property damage. You will lose everything you have worked your entire life to have to support this kid. I know it's not easy to tell someone you love this much No, but if you really want to help him & YOURSELF, you'll get use to saying no until he decides to get his act together. Hope this suggestion helps. God Bless you in your efforts.
Yogi Bear

Williamsburg, KY

#9 Jul 9, 2009
kids wrote:
<quoted text>Tell that to the judge...
Its better for her to get to her grandson in time then to let him go in front of a judge...now isnt it? Its too late when he is in trouble by the law.
well

Charleston, WV

#10 Jul 9, 2009
There's not much you can do about all of this.
You know your Grandson loves and we know you love him but every teenager goes through this. I Wouldn't go to court or wope him cause that can be a cause of you going to jail.
Sit him down and talk to him, tell him how you feel, get closer with the boy and see what all's going on with, Bonding is always big help in these issues. You don't wanna do anything either of you will regret in the long run. YThe main thing is to pray about all of this, god does miracles, and it seems you might need a miralce to help you with this one.
Happy

Elkview, WV

#11 Jul 9, 2009
Trying to save a grandson wrote:
Ok all you Mom's Dad's Grandparents Aunt's and Uncle's that just might be raising a grandchild. niece or nephew. I have riased my grandson since he was born...almost always making sure he had diapers when he was little... shoe's..you know how it goes. We have always been very close. Now he is a "Wild Child" so to speak. Got hooked up with a girl from Pikeville and it has been down hill ever since...... he his driving my vehicle.... with no drivers license and a ticket that needs to be paid. All I want him to do is WORK and he won't.He won't listen to a word I say and calls me a Fu**in Bi**H.. and he really doesn't know what a B***H is ..yes I sometimes yell when I am so fustrated I can't stand him or myself. So I asked him to move out and tomorrow I am going to court to do some other things that need to be done..HELP!! Opinions please!! I'll take anything you have to say and try and do it. Yes I am alone with NO HELP from the parents. And I am DONE so to speak with it all...
I hesitate to respond because of course, I don't know all the facts, but here goes.....
I notice that you stated that since he "got hooked up with a girl from Pikeville" it has all gone downhill. Why blame the girl or anyone else for that matter. Does he not have a brain of his own?? It's called "personal responsibility" and if he has not been taught to think for himself and take responsibility for the choices he makes, then he is in for a rude awakening.
If you have not earned and demanded respect from him for the last 18 years, then you are in for a rude awakening. You can't spoil a kid rotten for 18 years and think suddenly at that 18th birthday they are going to be self-sufficient productive members of society.
I raised two sons that I love more than words could ever say but they were told when you graduate from high school, you have two choices, go to college or get a job and get out.
Like I said, I don't know your full situation but WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING by allowing him to drive your vehicle with no license. Don't you know you will be held financially responsible for any damage he does with your vehicle?
My sons are now in their 30's, and I can not imagine either one of them ever calling me a BITCH because if they did and I did not immediately fall over dead from a stroke, I would explode like an atomic bomb. Like Bill Cosby's skit, "I brought you into this world and I can take you out."
I have seen so many children raised by parents and grandparents who love and adore them and act like they can do no wrong-but remember, the rest of the world is not going to be that impressed with that child just because he is the apple of your eye. And we all have to live with "the rest of the world".

From what you said, I would kick his smartass out of the street (without your car) and let him learn how to survive with other people his age who are going to college, starting a job, and
starting a life. See how cool he thinks he is when he has no place to sleep or shower and no clean clothes for a few days.

As for you, you need some self-respect. If you don't respect yourself, he never will.
well

Clarksville, TN

#12 Jul 9, 2009
First of all, if he don't work then how is he getting gas money to drive your car? I'm not trying to be mean but come on. Cut him off, make him see how hard it is to earn the money he's throwing around and stop giving him free rides on everything. He is an adult now so he should be treated like one. The longer you give in to his ways the longer he will take advantage of you.
trying to save a grandson

Macon, GA

#13 Jul 9, 2009
Thank you for all your input. First of all how can I tell you about my grandson.and how much potential he has.....he is handsome smart fun funny likeable 6'4" and a damn smart ass! And yes he has a good brain and I'm not putting all the blame on the girl... He has worked the past couple of summers and everything was good.He started seeing this pot smoker from Pikeville..that comes from a low life family..all drugies of some sort... The grandmother will not help to enforce rules to help me on my end my grandson just wants everyone to leave him alone as he states. He was in drug court and then I had him sent to Rivendell where he finished second in his group and was very positive when he came home after 45 days there.He worked on school to finish while there so he could graduate which he did.I have always told him he had to work and got tired of giving him money and told him I was going to ask him to leave all he had to do to stay in my home was work every day and help with the weeds and take the garbage down period..... he did nothing.he won't set down and talk to me he won't listen... so two weeks ago I told him to pack his clothes and leave... he did and didn't say Gran I will do better... nothing. He has had a rough life which I know is no excuse but after I got guardianship he was exposed to church and was saved and baptized he has been exposeed to snow skiing and summers at the cottage fishing all I could expose him to I did. fun family times playing games and cards just the normal life clean home food I guess what very Mom or Grandmom would do. Anyway he called an asked for money on Monday for shoes so I gave him some money and then he came yesterday and got his xbox and I told him he had to leave it here as he would just sell it..and on and on. he just walks right past me so I am done ...done. I am going to get an epo and have the car towed back home and then see what happens I am tired of being run over and don't know what I have done wrong yes I've made mistskes but we all have .. so keep the comments comming as I am listening and I will not get upset by what you all say..and I am or feel I am have respect for my self...
sorry

Thelma, KY

#14 Jul 9, 2009
The money for shoes was probably for drugs. And the xbox is probably being sold for drugs too. Yes, you do need to take the car now before he winds up in an accident in YOUR car with your insurance?

I am sorry that this is happening. I know it breaks your heart; but drugs can quickly take over their lives.
smokin hot

Macon, GA

#15 Jul 9, 2009
Yogi Bear wrote:
Bust his ass! They never get too old to correct!
Yogi.. I need someone like you to come help me and show the young man just who is BOSS..can you handle that??
been their

United States

#16 Jul 9, 2009
Number one do NOT blame yourself! I use to do that myself. If I had did this or didn't do that. I too have a son thats 19 yrs old. When he was 18 yrs old I told him either get off the shit or move out his choice. Since he was 18 and though I or anyone else didn't tell him what to do, he left, my ex mother in law blamed me for kicking him out of my house. She didn't understand he had a sister and stepbrother in the home. He had failed a drug test and had been driving our vechiles. I also stopped that. Money he never gets from me unless its 5.00 for a meal. If he needs cig's I buy them give him. I have tried using tough love and not inableing him with his partying and so on. He hasn't got a job so like I tell him I'm not going to work to keep you up. It's had if its anyone of your family to watch them go on. My ex mother in law always blame my sons friends or the girl he was with. I told her NO!!! That he was 18 yrs old he has a mind of his own and he has choices just like the one I gave him. The last talk I have had with her she is saying I need to get him some help and has talked about me several times saying I threw him out. I explained take it anyway you want that I did what was in best for my family and the children I have at home. So my advice to you, is that stay strong, don't blame yourself. If he needs money for things buy it then give it to him don't give him money. And get your car back. And as far as his unpaid ticket, like you said its his not yours, let him pay it if not jail might help thats how I feel about my sons. Dont back down cause if you do then he will use it against you that you will give in again. Dont let him think you are being mean cause you are just using tough love!
sad

Morgantown, WV

#17 Jul 9, 2009
I know exactly what you are going thru. It is so easy for everyone to give advice or to place blame. Bust their butts. Well that is not an easy thing to do when the kid is 18, is it? Or they tell you you should have busted their butts years ago. Or do this or that or you didn't do this or that. Sometimes you just have a child that has to learn every lesson the hard way. You can raise them with all the love and support in the world, side by side with your other children, and they will still take the hard road. And for those who say to kick them out, well, yes. That is probably the best thing. But when your child (and this includes a grandchild that you have raised) comes home one day, hungry, needing a place to sleep or shoes, you have no idea how hard it is to turn them away. Every time you do, you wonder if you will ever see them again. You go to bed every night with their face in your mind wondering if this will be the night you get the phone call. I'm so sorry that I can't tell you what to do, but cutting them off from cash helps. If they need shoes, get them shoes, don't give them money to get them. Take back your car for sure because you will be the one losing everything when he wrecks it or hurts someone and you get sued. Other than that, try to hold on to your sanity and hope they stay alive long enough to grow up and see the light.
trying to save a grandson wrote:
Thank you for all your input. First of all how can I tell you about my grandson.and how much potential he has.....he is handsome smart fun funny likeable 6'4" and a damn smart ass! And yes he has a good brain and I'm not putting all the blame on the girl... He has worked the past couple of summers and everything was good.He started seeing this pot smoker from Pikeville..that comes from a low life family..all drugies of some sort... The grandmother will not help to enforce rules to help me on my end my grandson just wants everyone to leave him alone as he states. He was in drug court and then I had him sent to Rivendell where he finished second in his group and was very positive when he came home after 45 days there.He worked on school to finish while there so he could graduate which he did.I have always told him he had to work and got tired of giving him money and told him I was going to ask him to leave all he had to do to stay in my home was work every day and help with the weeds and take the garbage down period..... he did nothing.he won't set down and talk to me he won't listen... so two weeks ago I told him to pack his clothes and leave... he did and didn't say Gran I will do better... nothing. He has had a rough life which I know is no excuse but after I got guardianship he was exposed to church and was saved and baptized he has been exposeed to snow skiing and summers at the cottage fishing all I could expose him to I did. fun family times playing games and cards just the normal life clean home food I guess what very Mom or Grandmom would do. Anyway he called an asked for money on Monday for shoes so I gave him some money and then he came yesterday and got his xbox and I told him he had to leave it here as he would just sell it..and on and on. he just walks right past me so I am done ...done. I am going to get an epo and have the car towed back home and then see what happens I am tired of being run over and don't know what I have done wrong yes I've made mistskes but we all have .. so keep the comments comming as I am listening and I will not get upset by what you all say..and I am or feel I am have respect for my self...
Kids

Perry, OK

#18 Jul 9, 2009
trying to save a grandson wrote:
Thank you for all your input. First of all how can I tell you about my grandson.and how much potential he has.....he is handsome smart fun funny likeable 6'4" and a damn smart ass! And yes he has a good brain and I'm not putting all the blame on the girl... He has worked the past couple of summers and everything was good.He started seeing this pot smoker from Pikeville..that comes from a low life family..all drugies of some sort... The grandmother will not help to enforce rules to help me on my end my grandson just wants everyone to leave him alone as he states. He was in drug court and then I had him sent to Rivendell where he finished second in his group and was very positive when he came home after 45 days there.He worked on school to finish while there so he could graduate which he did.I have always told him he had to work and got tired of giving him money and told him I was going to ask him to leave all he had to do to stay in my home was work every day and help with the weeds and take the garbage down period..... he did nothing.he won't set down and talk to me he won't listen... so two weeks ago I told him to pack his clothes and leave... he did and didn't say Gran I will do better... nothing. He has had a rough life which I know is no excuse but after I got guardianship he was exposed to church and was saved and baptized he has been exposeed to snow skiing and summers at the cottage fishing all I could expose him to I did. fun family times playing games and cards just the normal life clean home food I guess what very Mom or Grandmom would do. Anyway he called an asked for money on Monday for shoes so I gave him some money and then he came yesterday and got his xbox and I told him he had to leave it here as he would just sell it..and on and on. he just walks right past me so I am done ...done. I am going to get an epo and have the car towed back home and then see what happens I am tired of being run over and don't know what I have done wrong yes I've made mistskes but we all have .. so keep the comments comming as I am listening and I will not get upset by what you all say..and I am or feel I am have respect for my self...
Been there done that,mine is now 25 and still not working and living at home,there's noway out..Been thru the courts haha!!talk to them like that works,they just have to learn the hard way cause i am assuming he is like mine is money means nothing to them,why because they have everyone handed to them..
Facts

Ransom, KY

#19 Jul 9, 2009
Put your foot down, take the car before he hurts someone or his self, take your house key from him don't let him back in your house, stop giving money, stop buying other things he needs, if he is 18 years old and wants to act like a grown up then let him go, it's better to let go then to worry yourself into a early grave, honey I know what you are going through, it will not get any better for you until YOU MAKE IT BETTER... I promise you, if you just put it in the hands of the Lord it will work, once you hand it over to the Lord don't take it back...It will hurt at first then it will get better...Good Luck
Facts

Ransom, KY

#20 Jul 9, 2009
Sorry had computer problems, it posted twice..
sad

Clarksville, TN

#21 Jul 9, 2009
He is 18, a adult, alittle to old for a spanking. I would take the car deff, and if he acts like he wont give it to you then call the police if the car is in your name he has to give you the keys. Then I would kick him out, I know it sounds harsh but he is 18, a adult, he needs to know what it is like to function as one, once he finds out that the "real world" isnt what is cracked up to be I am sure he will be running right back to granny. Btw I am sure you will keep an eye on him but I would not give in, tough love sometimes works. I wish you the best of luck!

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