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Can I accuse of cheating

Barnegat, NJ

#1 Oct 16, 2012
I've been married for 9 yrs to a Police Officer who are notorious for cheating...I never thought he had done this before now. A few months back we split for a month; he was told by me to leave so I could do what I needed to do with my kids - due to high stress and tension. Without an argument he left..and of course he was up my butt everyday...we wanted to take the kids to counseling before he returned to the home; and so we did that.
He was at our home one night; and I snooped through his phone only to find that he had this ladies number in his phone (she was like; 15 yrs older than me, and a tramp) I confronted him..he left and said he needed to get away from me, and that I shouldn't accuse...a few days later I told him I was going to start going out and meeting other people,(I didn't mean it) just wanted his reaction..he was calm..and I asked him about his lady friend and he told me her house was quiet and she had no baggage..meaning kids.
So, then he crawls back like a puppy, dumb as I am I tak him back...he then needs me to set up his computer; during which time I checked the history only to find her name and nude of photos of "her name" I took photos of everything and continued to investigate cause he always has to have proof!! So, I somehow hacked his Facebook to find a year earlier that he messages her that he hasn't seen her and she should stop by I read the entire conversation, and snapped photos..I presented this to him....And he flipped out blaming me that I don't trust him and he hated me!! I snooped around and found nothing valid, and he won't bazerk! I don't know if this was due to some innocent flirting or did anything happen? What do you all think?
Whoa

Poplar Bluff, MO

#2 Oct 16, 2012
I would get out of that relationship as soon as I could. I know a marriage recently ruined by cheating and the guy was a so called "cop". Not saying all cops are bad because I know that's not true, but the one she was with was the worst kind of person just in general. All he did all day was lay around their home and text chics and play games. You don't deserve to be treated that way, no one does. Now she is with a great guy who blows him outta the fucking water, had it not been for him being so horrible though, she might not have appreciated the one she's with so much. Don't put up with his games, you don't have to.
Can I accuse of cheating

Barnegat, NJ

#3 Oct 16, 2012
Whoa wrote:
I would get out of that relationship as soon as I could. I know a marriage recently ruined by cheating and the guy was a so called "cop". Not saying all cops are bad because I know that's not true, but the one she was with was the worst kind of person just in general. All he did all day was lay around their home and text chics and play games. You don't deserve to be treated that way, no one does. Now she is with a great guy who blows him outta the fucking water, had it not been for him being so horrible though, she might not have appreciated the one she's with so much. Don't put up with his games, you don't have to.
Thanks so much- I know I need to leave I just think he does this so I am scared to ask him....and I don't know if he's cheated? I am so skeptical ya know
toxic

Greenbrier, AR

#4 Oct 16, 2012
I think that if you don't trust him, you have two choices. The two of you can go to counseling to try to work things out, or you should leave the relationship behind and move on. You saw proof of him being inappropriate with another woman, whether you classify that as cheating or not, it is still wrong to have nude photos of another woman while you are in a relationship. Besides that, he was staying with her? Has he tried to prove to you that he can be trusted? Sounds like you deserve much better than what you are getting.
bro

Chickamauga, GA

#5 Oct 16, 2012
I have to say that reading these problems makes me realize just how okay I am with my shallow, selfish lifestyle. Not judging anyone, just content that I don't have to worry about these things. I'm not going to say don't look for a stable, committed relationship, but just remember ma'am, they're not going to stop making men any time soon.
wiz khalifa

Vilonia, AR

#6 Oct 16, 2012
I liked the part where she's like "somehow I hacked his facebook account"... stalker level 9000... hell hath no fury...

Since: Aug 12

Location hidden

#7 Oct 17, 2012
wiz khalifa wrote:
I liked the part where she's like "somehow I hacked his facebook account"... stalker level 9000... hell hath no fury...
Hahaa!! Thanks yes he's not very computer savvy and in that department - I am on top of it...I just wonder why the woman would act as if I am the bad person when I approached her and I wonder if there's guys on this post; I mean not for nothing but I consider myself extremely attractive - and she was sooo ugly...please share your experience on that with me...does that even matter?
I'm repulsed that he would even stoop to that level, but they say you gotta mess around with a 6 to appreciate a 10!?! But as a guy, do u think he banged her? Before I even tossed him out?

Since: Aug 12

Location hidden

#8 Oct 17, 2012
toxic wrote:
I think that if you don't trust him, you have two choices. The two of you can go to counseling to try to work things out, or you should leave the relationship behind and move on. You saw proof of him being inappropriate with another woman, whether you classify that as cheating or not, it is still wrong to have nude photos of another woman while you are in a relationship. Besides that, he was staying with her? Has he tried to prove to you that he can be trusted? Sounds like you deserve much better than what you are getting.
Thank you!! I just am so dead set on finding the truth!!! I don't know what consumes me to want to know so badly

Since: Aug 12

Location hidden

#9 Oct 17, 2012
bro wrote:
I have to say that reading these problems makes me realize just how okay I am with my shallow, selfish lifestyle. Not judging anyone, just content that I don't have to worry about these things. I'm not going to say don't look for a stable, committed relationship, but just remember ma'am, they're not going to stop making men any time soon.
Lol, this is true! And I appreciate your honesty..I just need to really find the truth...ugh, this is driving me crazy! He judges everyone- and I wonder now if its cause he is a pig!
Just Saying

Greenbrier, AR

#10 Oct 22, 2012
I don't blame you for wanting the truth. Lord your sleeping with this guy when he could be sleeping around with who knows and give you something. Doesn't sound like to me he will every be trustworthy, he sounds deceitful.

Plus how are you going to work things out with someone when they won't admit to wrong doing. Bet he would have a different opinion if it were you doing the cheating.

Does he ever tell you he loves or that he is sorry for cheating and having those pictures of that woman he cheated on you with? Or does he say things that make you feel like less of a woman or they do it for him and you don't?

Since: Aug 12

Location hidden

#11 Oct 22, 2012
Just Saying wrote:
I don't blame you for wanting the truth. Lord your sleeping with this guy when he could be sleeping around with who knows and give you something. Doesn't sound like to me he will every be trustworthy, he sounds deceitful.
Plus how are you going to work things out with someone when they won't admit to wrong doing. Bet he would have a different opinion if it were you doing the cheating.
Does he ever tell you he loves or that he is sorry for cheating and having those pictures of that woman he cheated on you with? Or does he say things that make you feel like less of a woman or they do it for him and you don't?
He won't admit it; I have taken photos of every ounce of proof of his attempts - after I attempted to get the truth from her- I can't get thru she denies denies anything and acts (both of them) as if I am crazy- and a stalker!! If some guy was on me, he would freak- mind you he's somewhat older than me...and he acts curt and as if I'm a drama queen. I'm so hurt I keep tryin to block all this But I can't quite stop letting this consume me. I wish I could trust him- he guards his phone as if its a weapon of mass destruction..idk anymore- it hurts like hell though. I'm sick
bro

Piedmont, MO

#12 Oct 22, 2012
I say find out if it drives him crazy. Hell, if he's the type that gets that upset about other guys then you probably wouldn't even have to do anything, just have some guy flirt with you in public a little. Your mistake is letting him think you have no other options than him. Maybe you're not the type of person to even do something like that but this is a power struggle and the only way to win it is with power, the power to win at this game or to walk away. For your sanity's sake I would suggest picking one, if you're willing to do neither of these things then you don't mind him doing it to you as much as you say or he's already won. Marinade on that.
Can I accuse of cheating

Barnegat, NJ

#13 Oct 23, 2012
I will give that a shot and hope it works; last night at 11pm while we were sleeping his phone went off --- and it was my chance to go through it...he received two texts, again 11 ish --- i got up pissed off n demanded to know who it was; he handed me his phone and showed me two messages with times of 6:20 and 8:15!! He thinks I am a total idiot! That just pissed me off - you have no idea how much I wished I knew or I never was in this predicament!! We were perfect?!? Do Men just cheat when things are fine? And why is it that woman chase after Cops and don't care if they're married
Can I accuse of cheating

Barnegat, NJ

#14 Oct 23, 2012
ReginaB1630 wrote:
<quoted text>
He won't admit it; I have taken photos of every ounce of proof of his attempts - after I attempted to get the truth from her- I can't get thru she denies denies anything and acts (both of them) as if I am crazy- and a stalker!! If some guy was on me, he would freak- mind you he's somewhat older than me...and he acts curt and as if I'm a drama queen. I'm so hurt I keep tryin to block all this But I can't quite stop letting this consume me. I wish I could trust him- he guards his phone as if its a weapon of mass destruction..idk anymore- it hurts like hell though. I'm sick
He Never says he loves me - when I first accused or asked him; he threw his wedding band at me and wished me dead...he was very scary...said I need mental health to come and help me.. He brings in every member of my family and bashes them, again only if accused, and diverts all of the convo onto me..I've tried a thousand times to nicely intro this topic and etc., ill never know; cause he won't have it..
trailer trash

Newton, IA

#15 Oct 23, 2012
ReginaB1630 wrote:
<quoted text>
He won't admit it; I have taken photos of every ounce of proof of his attempts - after I attempted to get the truth from her- I can't get thru she denies denies anything and acts (both of them) as if I am crazy- and a stalker!! If some guy was on me, he would freak- mind you he's somewhat older than me...and he acts curt and as if I'm a drama queen. I'm so hurt I keep tryin to block all this But I can't quite stop letting this consume me. I wish I could trust him- he guards his phone as if its a weapon of mass destruction..idk anymore- it hurts like hell though. I'm sick
It's time to get out!If he wanted a friend to talk to it would have been a man.It is not your fault,remember that.If he thinks your a stalker,its because he is hiding something.

Since: Aug 12

Location hidden

#16 Oct 23, 2012
I agree to a certain degree that it's time to get out; a very easy thing to say but hard thing to do...firstly, my kids would be destroyed, I'm so pent up and angry and left in the dark I have no clue what he did..all i have is bullshit and things I've seen, but never in the act, I'll never FORGVE myself if I threw in the towel and allowed some other woman the satisfaction of being a home destroyer without even me knowing. I'll spend the rest if my life tryin to decode my world in shambles..I hope all that read this post see and understand the absolute damage that one does in the act of being dishonest :(
guest

Saint Peters, MO

#17 Oct 23, 2012
You are looking at this from the wrong angle, you have your answer and the truth.
You will never have the "dirty" details of his tyrst. NEVER!!
You already caught him, it's his job now to make it better. You can either buy his b.s. and let it get flipped around on you.(How dare you look thru his stuff) and let the whole arguement become about your snooping, or call him out. When he goes to flip the fight, remember you are in the RIGHT!! Stay on topic, such as how I got these naked pictures off your computer is irrelivant compared to him HAVING the pics to begin with.

Decide now, your gut/heart/brain is telling you something is wrong. You have your evidence, you ARE his judge and jury. If you want to make it better, talk it out, but when the talk ends let it go.

It sounds to me like you can't let it go, until he admits and you will never have that, and he knows where you are weak at. Good Luck and move on FOR your kids
EX COP

Cape Girardeau, MO

#18 Oct 23, 2012
He's cheating.Been there done that.Biggest mistake I ever made in my life.Didn't realize it until it was to late.
Jax Teller

Vilonia, AR

#20 Oct 24, 2012
Ain't no such thing as an ex-cop -- Clay
Can I accuse of cheating

Barnegat, NJ

#21 Oct 24, 2012
Ok now that I'm sure I have at least guy and a Cop on my Blog; today's events were interesting; I hired a Polygraph examiner and my husband went bonkers! Lol, never mind the fact that (and I'm not trying to be some beauty queen) BUT, before him I was a Scores premier dancer (doesn't make me a whore) at a very high end classy place and made shit loads of $$ off of married jerks and had offers yada yada never took it serious, it was a job, but she is like "manerexic" looking and her teeth are yellow, she's well into the 50's and in desperate need of braces; I have augmented size C's she is a flat board of idk, frizzed out dried up gross hair, I haven't changed at all in appearance I DON'T GET IT!!! Men used to fall to my feet!!!! Why would he do this and with that!!!! Now he is going to take a polygraph or he's out!! What makes you guys do this????

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