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A Father

Elkins, WV

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#1
May 26, 2012
 
I have custody of my son and the mother was given visitation but she still don't try to see him. She was given 10 day a month, she might see him 1 day a month. He ask's about her all the time. What do you say to him went you know his mother don't want to see him. I know when he grow up he will remember this. While his mother and I were together she didn't take care of him my family and I did. I know that should of told me what kind of person she was.
parent of 3

Clarksburg, WV

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#2
May 26, 2012
 

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The only thing you can do is spare the feelings of your child, either telling him that she is working a lot and rarely has time off or that she lives a good distance from you. Your child as he gets older will make his own judgements about his mother, the worst thing you could possibly do is say anything bad about her or hurt him. He is young, and even though she is in the wrong it might backfire on you and he might feel that everything you said was to keep him from her.

Psych major

Since: Mar 12

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#3
May 26, 2012
 

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i agree with parent of 3 but my thing is how do u protect them from a mother that only wants them when a mother want to use there children to get what they want ? or play the best parent in the world when they dont pay for anything for them and live in the same town as you?
make a point

Montcalm, WV

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#4
May 26, 2012
 
to ask the mother in front of him why she dont want to use her visataion days? when he is a bit older he will know and decide more about how he feels towards her- my friends son did and he realized he didnt want to hang with his dad so much after all but he knew he always had the option when he wished good thing too because this boys dad died a few years later.
JuSt Me

United States

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#5
May 26, 2012
 
A Father wrote:
I have custody of my son and the mother was given visitation but she still don't try to see him. She was given 10 day a month, she might see him 1 day a month. He ask's about her all the time. What do you say to him went you know his mother don't want to see him. I know when he grow up he will remember this. While his mother and I were together she didn't take care of him my family and I did. I know that should of told me what kind of person she was.
In time your child will see what the truth really is. I have to applaud you on being a single father that says a ton about you and how much you care and love your child. Just keep doing what you are doing. Best of luck!

Since: Mar 11

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#6
May 27, 2012
 

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JuSt Me wrote:
<quoted text>In time your child will see what the truth really is. I have to applaud you on being a single father that says a ton about you and how much you care and love your child. Just keep doing what you are doing. Best of luck!
I know you had good intentions by saying that you applaud him for being a single father, but there's a lot of us out there. And many many more fathers who are fighting everyday to see their children, but are being kept from doing that by the mother. And the courts are still overwhelmingly discriminatory towards fathers.

Since: Mar 12

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#7
May 28, 2012
 

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Strap68 wrote:
<quoted text>
I know you had good intentions by saying that you applaud him for being a single father, but there's a lot of us out there. And many many more fathers who are fighting everyday to see their children, but are being kept from doing that by the mother. And the courts are still overwhelmingly discriminatory towards fathers.
yes but the courts also need to do something about the mothers that wont do anything for there kids to
there kids to

Buckhannon, WV

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#8
May 28, 2012
 

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andysgirl1981 wrote:
<quoted text>yes but the courts also need to do something about the mothers that wont do anything for there kids to
- There
- They're
- Their

- To
- Too
- Two

If you desire to be taken seriously, then you may wish to use the above-listed words correctly. I am not trying to be a jerk.

Since: Jul 11

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#9
May 29, 2012
 

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there kids to wrote:
<quoted text>
- There
- They're
- Their
- To
- Too
- Two
If you desire to be taken seriously, then you may wish to use the above-listed words correctly. I am not trying to be a jerk.
I'm sorry, but yes that's being yet another person just trying to point out flaws when someone is just trying to help, we know what they meant. so, so what.

Since: Jul 11

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#10
May 29, 2012
 
Anyway, i also agree on telling the child that the mother is busy or whatever reason would suit it. It's lying yes, but you just want to comfort them. Courts really do need to realize that it does not matter who is the father and the mother, it is which parent is best suited to care for the child. My husband fought for two years to get his child away from his junkie mother. She abused her kids, got high in front of them, had got arrested, no job, no car, no place of her own. My husband is drug free, don't drink, stable well paying job and stable home and yet that wonderful judge of Upshur co still had the nerve to say my husband was "wasting the courts time" but in time, he finally got his child. In our case, when our son ask why his mother isn't coming, we use the distance thing. We live 2 hours from here, so we usually tell him "she couldn't find a ride here" it's a good enough reason for him but the older he gets, I believe he knows and like someone else said, the child will make out their own judgement of the mother/father. Just never give reasons that make them think you was keeping them from her. We also sometimes just have him call his mother and let her tell him herself what reason she has for not coming, that way we don't have to lie to this child. Good luck and i hope it all works out for the best.

Since: May 12

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#11
May 30, 2012
 

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Strap68 wrote:
<quoted text>
I know you had good intentions by saying that you applaud him for being a single father, but there's a lot of us out there. And many many more fathers who are fighting everyday to see their children, but are being kept from doing that by the mother. And the courts are still overwhelmingly discriminatory towards fathers.
so true there are alot of single fathers that do a great job and get no credit from the courts
double edged sword

United States

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#12
May 31, 2012
 
Well, I guess it's a double edged sword. She can stay away and you can make sure that your child is being properly taken care of 29-30 days a month or she could come get the kid & do a horribly job being a mom. I know a woman right now who doesn't really want her kids but the judge gave the parents 50/50 custody & she seems to be giving the father all the ammunition in the world to take her back to court so that he can get full custody. So, then she won't look like she just voluntarily gave up her kids & then she can try to get pitty from everyone that she got her kids taken away from her by their father. What a load of crap.
Just the way it is

Buckhannon, WV

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#13
May 31, 2012
 
double edged sword wrote:
Well, I guess it's a double edged sword. She can stay away and you can make sure that your child is being properly taken care of 29-30 days a month or she could come get the kid & do a horribly job being a mom. I know a woman right now who doesn't really want her kids but the judge gave the parents 50/50 custody & she seems to be giving the father all the ammunition in the world to take her back to court so that he can get full custody. So, then she won't look like she just voluntarily gave up her kids & then she can try to get pitty from everyone that she got her kids taken away from her by their father. What a load of crap.
Its so hard in this town to get a good discision made when it comes to children, My step children reside with there mother even thou child protective services has taken them 3 separate times, The judge in our town keeps giving them back to her, and she says she only keeps them for the ssi that she gets for them because they are special needs children. It seems no matter how many times a mother messes up, it dont matter cause she will get another chance and another chance.
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frank

Elkins, WV

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#15
May 31, 2012
 
The judge in Upshur County favors the mother no matter if she is a druggie. My son finally got custody of our grandson. He had to hire a lawyer and fight real hard with the courts. You would think that after the mother left the kids alone in the house to go get a fix and not return for over 24 hrs. that would show she is not fit. Thank God my son came straight home from work that day. Don't know how long she had been gone. She left a 2 & 5 yrs. old alone. Know he is married to a wonderful girl and she loves my grandson and treat him like he is hers.

Since: Jul 11

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#16
May 31, 2012
 
You are right Frank, that judge looves to favor the woman. I mean from the way he acts, i believe a woman could sit there and snort a pill in front of him and he'd still let the kid go with her. I'm just glad my husband got his son and that your son got his kid, and i pray that all you men and women who are the better parent, get your children. Kids need to be raised in a stable home. not a drug filled abusive one.
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Just the way it is

Buckhannon, WV

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#18
Jun 7, 2012
 
wvufan87 wrote:
<quoted text>so true there are alot of single fathers that do a great job and get no credit from the courts
Yes sorry to say that is true, in upshur county our judge is in favor of women and no matter her situation he still leaves the kids there. Men have to really fight if they want there children and then when they get them they have to make sure not to end up back in his court room cause if they do he will hand them back over to the woman
wish you luck

United States

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#19
Jun 12, 2012
 
i raised someone else's child for it to only come back and bite me. i never spoke bad of her mother in front of her and she grew up to think her mother grand. i feel for you there is no good answer for you. i suggest you see a therapist and get advice from someone who is not emotionally attached to the situation and who is trained in how to handle these types of situations. i wish you luck its a tough place to be and will probably be tough on whoever you decide to have a relationship with in the future. my situation ruined my marriage. therapy could have helped me

Since: Jul 11

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#20
Jun 13, 2012
 
wish you luck wrote:
i raised someone else's child for it to only come back and bite me. i never spoke bad of her mother in front of her and she grew up to think her mother grand. i feel for you there is no good answer for you. i suggest you see a therapist and get advice from someone who is not emotionally attached to the situation and who is trained in how to handle these types of situations. i wish you luck its a tough place to be and will probably be tough on whoever you decide to have a relationship with in the future. my situation ruined my marriage. therapy could have helped me
Are you saying your marriage is over because of ur (ex) husbands daughter? I'm sorry. That is something i worry about. The stress and aggravation of the step parent role is a lot harder than people realize. I'm the one raising my step son, his dad works A LOT of hours, so honestly i do 95% of the raising, sometimes i just feel like i want my husband to help more, don't get me wrong, i love my stepson. I just hate that I'm expected to raise him,feed him, clothe him, deal with his schooling and i deal with his mother,(we DO NOT get along,tried tho, didn't work)....anything, yet when it comes down to it, i legally can't make decisions about his life.
During the custody battle (two verry long years) me and my husband fought all...the...time. We didn't want to admit that "she" had literally gotten under our skin enough to make us filled out divorce papers. We didn't divorce tho. I know when you marry someone, you are accepting any baggage that comes along..kids included, i personally find it harder to be a step parent. I feel like I'm always treating my own child and my step son different. I don't mean too. Sorry, I got a little off topic.
wish you luck

Buckhannon, WV

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#21
Jun 13, 2012
 
not saying because of the child necessarily but because of situations that neither of us dealt with in the right way. the mother a total waste of a parent did nothing but cause trouble for the child and i was left to deal with it. i wasn't always perfect and now i realized that therapy would have been a move for our family. accpeting baggage is one thing but not being on the same page on how to deal with the stuff in the baggage is the problem. i rarely found that my husband and i agreed on how to deal with it. something i didn't think of when i accepted the baggage being young and never having been a parent i assumed that my views on what was right and wrong were felt by others as well. i learned that our views on parenting were quite different and that is where the problem began. what was viewed as my not treating her as i would my own was only my view on how to raise a child learned from my parents its all i had to go on and then i learned his view was to use the child to get under my skin as well as her mothers when he was angry with either of us. and then i was slapped with the realization that he would allow whatever as long as he didn't have to deal with it, he only had an opinion when it wrinkled his little world otherwise i was expected to do and do and not say anything something very difficult to figure out until you actually live it. people who blend a family should go to a therapist and make sure they understand what page they are each on when it comes to their children. being a step parent is hard and can b extremely hurtful and can destroy your marriage if you do not support each other.

Since: Jul 11

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#22
Jun 13, 2012
 
I know what you mean. I was 17 when i came into my step childs life. I was still just a kid, i didnt have any children of my own. I was very afraid to say anything to this child in fear that his mother would attack me for it. My husband has never really corrected me on anything i have done to raise him, I guess the fact that i accepted the child and was trying to be a parent to him was enough, I would not discipline him, i think thats the only thing, between me and my husband, that we had to talk about. He would say, it's your son too, If he needs his ass busted and im not here, then bust his ass or he will run all over you. Seven years later, i know more about this child than his mother and father do. The older i got and the more i seen who this woman was, a pathetic low life junkie, I realized, step parent or biological parent, it does not matter, he is my son and i will protect him, so me and my husband realized, we was letting her get to us, she would yell at my husband saying, "your gf/wife can not discipline my child" so, it would get us fighting, but he lives with us now, he calls me his mom and im glad that i have earned this childs respect to be called as such. Yes my hat goes off to single parents. but you never hear much about hats off to step parents, and especially ones who became a parent to another child. Thats alot to take in. You have no idea what to do besides like what you said, do what your parents did. I did the same. so, God bless you single parents and God bless you step parents who have stepped up. my step sons mother is going to prison soon, I thank God he put me in this childs life so that he will have a mom. I'm not the best, but im raising him right. Good luck to anyone whos raising a child and to the ones who are dealing with "the other parent, who is psycho" I'm there with you.

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