Is my marriage doomed
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lonely

Perryville, MO

#1 Apr 27, 2012
I have been married for 2 years now. we don't have sex or any type of intimacy.I have brought it up many times and it falls on death ears, she says she doesn't have the desire. Before we were married we had sex 4 to 5 times a week. I am so unhappy and feel more like room mates instead of a married couple. I know there isn't ant cheating going on because we around each other 24/7. we work together. I have suggested counseling many times but she says she doesn't want to discuss our problems with anyone. I feel if she loves me she could at least do something to help our situation. I can't go on like this very unhappy with the lack of closeness and total disregard of how I feel. I understand her lack of desire to an extent but what about my desires if she loves me wouldn't she want to do something for me to make me happy? I know I would want to make her happy.
get going

Perryville, MO

#2 Apr 27, 2012
go go go you deserve to be happy. If she loved you she would want to seek some kind of help
bev

Perryville, MO

#3 Apr 27, 2012
its time to move on because she doesn't love you or care because if she did she would try and do something
John

Perryville, MO

#4 Apr 27, 2012
divorce

“Alis Grave Nil”

Since: Jul 11

Chicago, IL

#5 Apr 28, 2012
You two probably need some time apart. It definitely strains a relationship when you live and work together...
opie t

Saint Louis, MO

#6 Apr 28, 2012
Move out and move on down the road
been there

Perryville, MO

#7 Apr 28, 2012
go for a walk, give her a back rub.....the good kind, become friends and see what happens
Lonely

Perryville, MO

#8 Apr 28, 2012
been there wrote:
go for a walk, give her a back rub.....the good kind, become friends and see what happens
I have tried all that, I have helped more around the house to the point I'm doing it all. I giver her back rubs, let her soak in hot baths, cook for her. I basically do everything for her and she wont even kiss me unless I initiate it, No physical contact at all. I didn't sign up for a marriage without any romance, companionship, or any physical contact. I'm at wits ends and don't want to stay in a relationship where i am the only one trying to make it work. I feel the love I had for her once turning in to hate. I feel rejected and unloved.
big Dog

Chicago, IL

#9 Apr 28, 2012
Lonely wrote:
<quoted text>I have tried all that, I have helped more around the house to the point I'm doing it all. I giver her back rubs, let her soak in hot baths, cook for her. I basically do everything for her and she wont even kiss me unless I initiate it, No physical contact at all. I didn't sign up for a marriage without any romance, companionship, or any physical contact. I'm at wits ends and don't want to stay in a relationship where i am the only one trying to make it work. I feel the love I had for her once turning in to hate. I feel rejected and unloved.
sounds like you already know the answer. Life is to short to be unhappy all the time.
Lonely

Perryville, MO

#10 Apr 28, 2012
big Dog wrote:
<quoted text>
sounds like you already know the answer. Life is to short to be unhappy all the time.
I agree I guess I was wondering what others would do, and when do you call it quits. I mean is it going to get better or worst? Do I want to invest any more time in this marriage? I want to know when so I bail
nurse / minister

Chicago, IL

#11 Apr 28, 2012
Lonely wrote:
<quoted text>I agree I guess I was wondering what others would do, and when do you call it quits. I mean is it going to get better or worst? Do I want to invest any more time in this marriage? I want to know when so I bail
As a nurse I would advise you to take your wife to see a gynecologist she may have a harmone imbalance causing a lack of sex drive. It does happen. As a minister I advise you to seek counseling if there is no physical problem. As a woman sometimes we fall into the routine of life we want romance. I don't know you or your wife but I can honestly say before going to divorce court I would certainly consider other options.
Lonely

Perryville, MO

#12 Apr 28, 2012
[QUOTE who="nurse / minister"]<quoted text>
As a nurse I would advise you to take your wife to see a gynecologist she may have a harmone imbalance causing a lack of sex drive. It does happen. As a minister I advise you to seek counseling if there is no physical problem. As a woman sometimes we fall into the routine of life we want romance. I don't know you or your wife but I can honestly say before going to divorce court I would certainly consider other options.[/QUOTE]

I have tried to get her see a counselor and she said she what to talk to a stranger about our problems. She thinks that its all about the physical act and its not, its about feeling closer, the need to be touched and loved. I have told her just because you say you love me doesn't make it so, actions (or lack of) speak louder then words." Where do you cut your loses and go on.
Lonely

Perryville, MO

#13 Apr 28, 2012
she wont talk not what to talk.
been there

Perryville, MO

#14 Apr 28, 2012
Does she know you are very unhappy? Does she know you cannot go on forever being unhappy? A marriage is a union where two people become one and it sounds like 2 individuals living together. I wish i could say or do something that would help because seems too few people are willing to do anything to make a relationship work and you sound like you are willing to try anything. I am a married male but I have a lot of friends that are single women and seems they all would be happy if a man would just love them and tell them they how pretty they are and that they are 50% of another person. Good luck.
Lonely

Perryville, MO

#15 Apr 28, 2012
been there wrote:
Does she know you are very unhappy? Does she know you cannot go on forever being unhappy? A marriage is a union where two people become one and it sounds like 2 individuals living together. I wish i could say or do something that would help because seems too few people are willing to do anything to make a relationship work and you sound like you are willing to try anything. I am a married male but I have a lot of friends that are single women and seems they all would be happy if a man would just love them and tell them they how pretty they are and that they are 50% of another person. Good luck.
Thank you. I have tried everything I have told her and she says I don't understand and I need to be patient but 2 years is long enough. I feel if she did love me she would at least try to do something to change the way our relationship has become. I feel like a room mate at best
been there
#16 Apr 28, 2012
Lonely wrote:
<quoted text>
Thank you. I have tried everything I have told her and she says I don't understand and I need to be patient but 2 years is long enough. I feel if she did love me she would at least try to do something to change the way our relationship has become. I feel like a room mate at best
i have been there in a sence my bf of 3years and i had a very rough patch he stopped saying i love u. barely kissed me and hardly touched me. i moved out we kept trying to fix our problems and nothing seemed to work i would maybe get sex once every 2-3 weeks and it would be a hook up and leave i got really depressed and almost gave up i was on the verge of leaveing him i told him i wanted to see him the weekend after valentines day cuz he worked that day but he suprised me and said he wanted to see me that night. it was slow going trying to work on it i had alot to work on my attitude my anger my emotions but slowly we worked back into it i never stopped telling him
been there also
#17 Apr 28, 2012
i loved him but he slowly has started saying it again and we live together again. sex isnt a constant but it is better. im sorry ur going thru this i wish u luck and been there sorry didnt realize there already was on so im been there also sorry. if u truly feel u cant wait it out with her maybe u should sepperate and see other people and then try it again. im not her so i cant speak for her but im almost like a guy sex is all that goes thru my head but its always sex with my man i think of.
Lonely

Perryville, MO

#18 Apr 28, 2012
I've decided I'm leaving her. I can't stand feeling this way anymore. I have need to be happy and if in 2 years she hasn't changed our situation she isn't going to now
Lonely

Perryville, MO

#19 Apr 28, 2012
Thank you for all your post.
Lonely

Perryville, MO

#20 Apr 28, 2012
I told her I was leaving and not one tear. She just said I knew this was coming. Not don't leave or an I love you. Just watched me pack and not said one word.

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