To the idiot who tried to steal my car

Posted in the Peoria Forum

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1 - 15 of 15 Comments Last updated Apr 4, 2013
Kevin

Phoenix, AZ

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#1
Mar 29, 2013
 
Duh, you tried to hot wire my car, did it ever dawn on you there was no battery in the car. I guess now
I know why most wanna be car thieves lack a GED. Get a real life,PUNK.

You better hope I never catch you, no one will ever find your body!
CrassusPal-Bob - THE CAR

Hayes, UK

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#2
Mar 30, 2013
 
I'm the kid thief minder and appointed guardian, I freely admit the kids simple but go easy on him since most people are nowadays. He recently sneaked away from the circus -a run away- and then walked, thumbed lifts, and rode the rails to get to Phoenix a town he loves, he did this so he can return to those who love him, his dog 'Banjo'. This young man wanted your car to sleep in and to make a shelter for him and the dog, tso they would have somehwere to sleep when he returned from begging for spare change outside the Greyhound Bus depot in Phoenix.
Your car was such a mess he wrongly assumed car it was an old abandoned vehicle, one that you did not want or need. He sincerely apoligises if this is not the case and he asks for your forgiveness. If he comes by in person to say sorry, will you lend him an 100.00 dollars cash so maybe he can afford to buy your car from you, if you lend him this money, the $100.00, then he can afford to purchase it from you. and all's well that ends well.
His name is 'Crassus from Greenbay', Wisconsin, and he requests could he please have your name and address so he can call around and discuss this with you man to man, or man to 1/2 man, if you get my drift. Once more he sends his apologies, and asks will you please put a new battery on it for him, you being so knowledgeable in these matter, Thank you. Crassus, Greenbay, WI.
Kevin

Phoenix, AZ

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#3
Mar 30, 2013
 
People from Wisconsin have about half the intelligence of the farm cattle that
reside there. Only retards with major head injuries would be stupid enough to
live there. If my car were ever stolen by someone from Wisconsin I would just
sit back and watch the news or read the paper. Only idiots from Wisconsin are
capable of running over themselves by the very car they are driving!
Crassus-Pal-Bob

Hayes, UK

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#4
Mar 31, 2013
 
Kevin,

I share your views entirely. Only an idiot would try and steal your car, you would think he'd know it was not worth stealing - but diots being idiots won't listen to logic'. A Pyschiatrist would postulate you can judge an idiot by the type of car he steals, and your car if he had stolen it screams I-D-I-O-T at the wheel to those who see it. Could I request purchase that you purchase a much better car, meaning something with a touch of class about it and worth stealing. And next time put a battery on it and, if you will, leave the keys under the drivers seat with a polite note, saying: "Crassus, the keys are under the seat for you, there's a full tank of petrol in the tank, and I'lll give you a 14 day guarantee that this cars reliable and is worth stealing. I apoligise for not leaving a battery on the last car you tried to snitch (it was careless of me) so, I got rid of that heap of junk, and trust and hope this one suits you better'. My Regards Kevin, Phoenix, Az." PS: the Documents are in the glove compartment.
Kevin

Apache Junction, AZ

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#5
Mar 31, 2013
 
I think long cold winter days does not bode well for cattle in Wisconsin, that
somehow a shortage of lambs promoted this mishap. Blame it on bestiality
in Montana, hard to say what these people in Wisconsin are thinking. The
very least they could do for these animals is wear a condom.
CRASSUS

Green Bay, WI

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#6
Mar 31, 2013
 

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Kevin wrote:
Duh, you tried to hot wire my car, did it ever dawn on you there was no battery in the car. I guess now
I know why most wanna be car thieves lack a GED. Get a real life,PUNK.
You better hope I never catch you, no one will ever find your body!
This sounds like something a Knee a Grew would do.
Crassus-Pal-Bob

Hayes, UK

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#7
Mar 31, 2013
 
Crassus, I want you to apologise to this man and go around to his home and apoligise for attempting to steal his car, whilst your there try to remain civil and polite at all ltimes (you know what I mean by this) Can you not see he's an educated, gentle, loving, kind of person, when he screws the cattle, sheep or pigs, whatever, he uses a condom. Why not copy his example, in my opinion you're too greedy to buy condom's and one day you're gonna catch pigs lip, or cattle horn ruptured colon disease, more expense and worry for you dear old mother. Go around to his place soon, tomorrow maybe, and offer to make amends. Maybe if you ask him politely he'll let you stay overmight so you two can discuss Gary Street, San Francsico, or sorting out him getting you a new car.?
CRASSUS

Green Bay, WI

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#8
Mar 31, 2013
 

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Crassus-Pal-Bob wrote:
Crassus, I want you to apologise to this man and go around to his home and apoligise for attempting to steal his car, whilst your there try to remain civil and polite at all ltimes (you know what I mean by this) Can you not see he's an educated, gentle, loving, kind of person, when he screws the cattle, sheep or pigs, whatever, he uses a condom. Why not copy his example, in my opinion you're too greedy to buy condom's and one day you're gonna catch pigs lip, or cattle horn ruptured colon disease, more expense and worry for you dear old mother. Go around to his place soon, tomorrow maybe, and offer to make amends. Maybe if you ask him politely he'll let you stay overmight so you two can discuss Gary Street, San Francsico, or sorting out him getting you a new car.?
What are we going to do about this Knee a Grew problem?
Kevin

Phoenix, AZ

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#9
Mar 31, 2013
 
Wisconsin has stiff fines for people who can bend over and lick their own
behind. Most of the people there are walking advertisements for state
sponsored sterility programs. Banning sex wasn't enough to help the
senseless idiots in that society let alone stop gay circus events at these
freak shows. Write the senators in Wisconsin, ask for a ban on the
traveling circus and other bambi related events. There are enough two-headed
freaks rambling through that state as it is.
Crassus-Pal-Bob

Hayes, UK

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#10
Apr 1, 2013
 
Kevin, I think you're being terribly unfair to another US States Citizens, If you only knew the problems my goof friend Crassus has had in life, you'd understand better. Despite what you say he his my friend and I'm going to ask him not to try and steal your car ever again, I have this theory that items stolen from unhappy homes are jinxed and bring the person who stole them nothing but bad luck, so it might be best on this occasion to not steal anything off yours. iN future I will request that he should stick to a better class of home and neighbourhood than yours for his self-improvment burglary efforts and to consider your home off-limits to him. The Prince of Burglars does have certain standards to maintain otherwise he'd get a bad name amongst thieves, the next time you want your car stolen advertise in want-ads, or leave it down town with the key in the ignition. Good Day to you Sir, and please do not apologise for your slur on the State of Wisonsin. ,
Crassus-Pal-Bob

Hayes, UK

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#13
Apr 2, 2013
 
Crassus,

Help me out - I see your back to talking in tongues again- what do these expressions of yours means?

(1) Bob wants to milk your khawk.?

(2) about this Knee a Grew problem?

Did you get my message about the 50mg Tramadol, YOU'VE BEEN CONNED, there not much better (or the same as) Paracetomal, they are nt a class 1 drug, and you will not get high on them, and when you go tot Court pick anothe rdrug to blame for your behaviour. I now have 11 letters for you, three from your Probation Offficers, 2 from Insurance Companies saying can they have the cars back and they'll take it no further, and one from some guy you mugged whilst dressed as a TORTOISE. Important reminder: Your Parole Hearing is set for the 22nd, I hope you're aware they can revoke your early release, when you go before the Parole Board do wear your electronic-tag, tying it to some dogs neck was stupid. Please call in to collect your mail.
Rafe Hollister

United States

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#14
Apr 2, 2013
 
Check Tijuana. That's where the car will be.
Crassus-Pal-Bob

Hayes, UK

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#15
Apr 3, 2013
 
Rafe Hollister,

Tell me: Why did you steal Kevins car and take it to Tijuana to sell. My Pal Crassus was after that car but left it when he could not get it started. My pal Crassus has just joined the Westboro Church and can be found most days picketing American Service mens funerals. It's certainly keeping him fit, so far he's been ran out of 9 towns and has learnt from bitter experience how to play dead whilst someones using his head as a football. That is why he wanted Kevins car, because the one he was using gets it's windows smashed every time they mount a street picket, even the Police throw stones at them, I mean, if you can't trust the Police who can you trust.
CRASSUS

Green Bay, WI

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#16
Apr 3, 2013
 

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Crassus-Pal-Bob wrote:
Rafe Hollister,
Tell me: Why did you steal Kevins car and take it to Tijuana to sell. My Pal Crassus was after that car but left it when he could not get it started. My pal Crassus has just joined the Westboro Church and can be found most days picketing American Service mens funerals. It's certainly keeping him fit, so far he's been ran out of 9 towns and has learnt from bitter experience how to play dead whilst someones using his head as a football. That is why he wanted Kevins car, because the one he was using gets it's windows smashed every time they mount a street picket, even the Police throw stones at them, I mean, if you can't trust the Police who can you trust.
In the movie "Broke Back Mountain" one of the homosexuals goes to Tijuana to pick up brown meat.
Crassus-Pal-Bob

Hayes, UK

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#17
Apr 4, 2013
 
Crassus go on You Tube and have a look at the Westboro Church picketers having to flee, after being asked to leave town by the Police.And what about the North Korean Fat Kid, a Seal Swat Team is needed to teach him some manners. This could mean the Brits will be asked to join in and save your'e bacon.

Crassus, can you remember when you were nearly lynched after getting caught stealing a car in Missisippi, when they slipped the rope around your neck what were your thoughts, it's a good job I was passing and was able to talk them out of it, otherwise you'd not be eating your Scots Quaker Oats today. Regards and Speak soon. Bob

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