Father daughter physical affection, when is it too much..

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Since: Sep 08

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#2
Feb 9, 2009
 

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Crazy Stepmom wrote:
OK, I feel crazed about this situation. My husband and his 12 year old daughter lay on the couch together every night holding one another.
She will crawl up in his lap, or lay snuggled up with him. He plays with her hair, she holds his hand and when we are in public she walks side by side many times holding his hand.I am grossed out by the type of phycial affection they display. I often feel like a third wheel in my own home.
I get my husband's loving arms when we go to bed. When do I get his attention, besides in the bedroom?
Should there be a hard line between wife physical affection and daughter?
As it is right now, I see no difference in the way he touches her and the way he touches me. Help, need some advice.
Signed,
Crazy Stepmom
I am guessing you are a new step mom and your step daughter is vying for his attentions. I do understand your concern though.(past experience) In just a few more years, she will be past this. However, you are the wife now, and I would strongly suggest you talk to your husband and let him know you would like to snuggle on the couch with him. Just please keep the lines of communication open and listen to him. His reaction to your concerns and needs will speak oodles. If this doesn't work, you might seek someone who counsels people on this who might help you determine if this could be a personal problem (insecurity: in my case) or if there could be more to it. I sincerely wish you the best.

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#3
Feb 9, 2009
 

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Crazy Stepmom wrote:
OK, I feel crazed about this situation. My husband and his 12 year old daughter lay on the couch together every night holding one another.
She will crawl up in his lap, or lay snuggled up with him. He plays with her hair, she holds his hand and when we are in public she walks side by side many times holding his hand.I am grossed out by the type of phycial affection they display. I often feel like a third wheel in my own home.
I get my husband's loving arms when we go to bed. When do I get his attention, besides in the bedroom?
Should there be a hard line between wife physical affection and daughter?
As it is right now, I see no difference in the way he touches her and the way he touches me. Help, need some advice.
Signed,
Crazy Stepmom
Wow. I understand what you are saying. I am not attacking you believe me. Have you ever thought that maybe you are jealous of that affection? Often times, young girls are in love with their daddies. They want to grow up and be with "daddy". If you study psychology. It is outlined in the study that little girls are known to do this. I think that you should feel lucky that there is such love in the family. She will grow out of this slowly. Right now, she just wants to be close to her daddy. I am sure he is reveling in the time he is spending with her. Look at it like this.......could it be worse? Could he beat her? Could he beat you? He is just loving on his own daughter.
Something tells me that deep down you may be jealous of the "amount" of time he spends cuddling with her. You may feel that you want some of that cuddle time. Why should his daughter get it all.....after all, you are the wife. Right? You know what.......she is the daughter. His daughter. It is a matter of understanding that he has deep love for other people too. He loves you. He also loves his daughter. He "chose" to be with you. His daughter is his flesh and blood. It is not her problem. It is not his problem. It is your problem. It is something that you may want to sit down and tell him how you are feeling without getting mad. It will only make him defensive. Tell him that you need that "affection" other than in the bedroom. I am sure he will understand. Any man that can love and dote on his daughter AND wrap his loving arms around his wife every night will also listen to your feelings as you express them and listen with his heart as well as his ears.

You are a lucky lady. Remember that.
Alert All

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#4
Feb 9, 2009
 

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ALERT, the originator of this thread has the same town given, Sacramento CA, as two other very questionable threads begun within a close time period this morning.

Since: Jul 08

Paris, TX

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#5
Feb 9, 2009
 

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Alert All wrote:
ALERT, the originator of this thread has the same town given, Sacramento CA, as two other very questionable threads begun within a close time period this morning.
I noticed that too.
Hello

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#6
Feb 9, 2009
 

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My husband and his 12 year old daughter lay on the couch together every night holding one another.(12 years old is a little old for her to lay on the couch with her dad)

Should there be a hard line between wife physical
affection and daughter?
As it is right now, I see no difference in the way he touches her and the way he touches me. Help, need some advice.(A father touches is daughter just like he touches his wife is Sick.)

Something tells me that deep down you may be jealous of the "amount" of time he spends cuddling with her.(Jealous? bull)

Step mom, I would not walk but run to the first psychiatrist I could find and take your husband. Your husband has a problem or is headed for one.
hmmmmm

Austin, TX

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#7
Feb 9, 2009
 
What about boys with their mother or father? Do you think there is an age when cuddling, sitting in laps, holding hands, sleeping in the same bed.. should stop?
Not so much

Tyler, TX

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#8
Feb 9, 2009
 

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I must admit it pretty much grosses me out. I grew up knowing I was loved ... but not because I was "snuggled or cuddled" with any parent or grandparent. They helped me with homework, shot hoops in the driveway after school, made family time a priority and told me everyday they loved me. I never had to be touched in a perverted way to feel special. It has always grossed me out for people to kiss their kids on the mouth, I used to think it was just me, but have heard alot of others say the same. I know little girls usually have a special bond with Daddy, but it does look pretty bad when a girl who has hit puberty {with her little boobs and all right} up in Daddy's lap. JMO. Sounds to me like you have a point, jsut take a pic and show him what it LOOKS like to others.
tell it like it is

Tyler, TX

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#9
Feb 9, 2009
 

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Hello wrote:
My husband and his 12 year old daughter lay on the couch together every night holding one another.(12 years old is a little old for her to lay on the couch with her dad)
Should there be a hard line between wife physical
affection and daughter?
As it is right now, I see no difference in the way he touches her and the way he touches me. Help, need some advice.(A father touches is daughter just like he touches his wife is Sick.)
Something tells me that deep down you may be jealous of the "amount" of time he spends cuddling with her.(Jealous? bull)
Step mom, I would not walk but run to the first psychiatrist I could find and take your husband. Your husband has a problem or is headed for one.
Oh shutup! What's sick about the whole thing is a grown woman getting jealous of her husband and HIS DAUGHTER! What's wrong with you women? You're not competing with the daughter, and you've already won the competition with the other ladies or he wouldn't have married you! What's your problem? "OMG, he's snuggling with his daughter instead of me!" GET OVER IT! Now I can see why these young girls usually hate their step mothers.
Hello

Paris, TX

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#10
Feb 9, 2009
 

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My husband and his 12 year old daughter lay on the couch together every night holding one another.Do you really think this is appropriate? there are many many ways for a father to show affection to his daughter but laying on the couch every night holding each other is not one of them.
Puebert W Smith

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#11
Feb 9, 2009
 

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I don't know.....laying on the couch holding hands? Sounds a little strange to me! I understand the concern!
Hello

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#12
Feb 9, 2009
 

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hmmmmm wrote:
What about boys with their mother or father? Do you think there is an age when cuddling, sitting in laps, holding hands, sleeping in the same bed.. should stop?
When a child male or female reaches puberty they certainly should not be sleeping with parents.
Really

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#13
Feb 9, 2009
 

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tell it like it is wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh shutup! What's sick about the whole thing is a grown woman getting jealous of her husband and HIS DAUGHTER! What's wrong with you women? You're not competing with the daughter, and you've already won the competition with the other ladies or he wouldn't have married you! What's your problem? "OMG, he's snuggling with his daughter instead of me!" GET OVER IT! Now I can see why these young girls usually hate their step mothers.
Sorry but this is way too much. A girl of 12 cuddling on the couch with her dad is sick and disturbing. That is way over the close bond of anyone I have ever known. I think you must be thinking of a girl much younger like 5 or 6 after that NO WAY. He should know better.

Since: Feb 09

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#14
Feb 10, 2009
 

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Do you really think you married a pedophile? If not, then what you are feeling is jealousy.
Please remember to put the child's best interest first. She is probably scared and wanting her father's attention because she is afraid of the new situation too. She's already lost her original family, so she is probably clinging onto all that she has left. Show her love and attention, and she may just come to you for some of that love. Not only will this impress the new hubby, but it will more than likely be very rewarding to you, and quite possibly help to save your marriage.
Woobies

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#15
Feb 10, 2009
 

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This sounds like your average hillbilly family to me. I snuggled with my mother and my sister up until I was 22 and my hormones were a raging and my sister ended up pregnant.
the wife

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#16
Feb 10, 2009
 

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when i was 12 I would have gave anything to snuggle with my dad, but you see he died when I was 8, I do not see anything wrong with it, I for one did not go through puberty until the summer after my 8th grade year. I was raised by my grandmother, we were raised with affection. My husbands family was not, it has taken years for me to get used to not see them for a year and when you see them they do not hug or anything, to me this is weired, but to all of you Im sure this is the norm... Get my picture...We have a world full of sicko's don't make a dad that loves his child one.

“I'll get you my pretty!”

Since: Jul 08

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#17
Feb 10, 2009
 

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I am 32 and I still snuggle with my daddy and hold his hand, he's my daddy! My sisters-in-law do the same. We have a very close healthy relationship. I love my daddy with all my heart and would not deny him the closeness and one day I won't be able to do that anymore and I gotta get all of him while I can.
My opinion

Paris, TX

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#18
Feb 10, 2009
 

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Yea, the "wife" is jealous! Pretty obvious. He needs to divorce her. I have a feeling that she is coming between them in more ways than one.
Luke

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#19
Feb 10, 2009
 

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Maybe the daughter has a grudge against the stepmom and is doing all of that just to spite. Maybe a little far-fetched for a 12 year-old, but you never know. You might be playing right into her evil scheme!!!
45acp

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#20
Feb 10, 2009
 

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I have a 12yo daughter and she thinks I hung the moon. I wouldn't take anything in the world for the closeness we share. I give her a hug and a peck on the lips when I get home from work and every night before she goes to bed. I was raised in an affectionate family and I've tried to ensure she is raised in one too.
I bet you money she'll keep kissing her daddy when I'm 85.......as it should be, and I'll keep relishing every moment.
plainspoken

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#21
Feb 10, 2009
 

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Woobies wrote:
This sounds like your average hillbilly family to me. I snuggled with my mother and my sister up until I was 22 and my hormones were a raging and my sister ended up pregnant.
F_OFF, whomever you may be.

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