Why Men Are Never Depressed
Posted in the Paris Forum
#1 Dec 13, 2012
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack...
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes
#2 Dec 13, 2012
Men Are Just Happier People
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other
as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually
admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Since: Jan 12
#3 Dec 13, 2012
Keep the stupid email forward crap off Topix, please.
Papeete, French Polynesia
#4 Dec 13, 2012
That sure beats the crap you post on here.
#5 Dec 13, 2012
But a WOMAN can have a cash register between her legs the Man makes deposits into. Obviously you guessed it right I'm a guy and am so freg,n glad I am. I would hate to instigate and fret as Jed would say over the silliest things women fret over.
#6 Dec 13, 2012
I agree with Anon. It is MUCH better than the crap you spew!
#7 Dec 13, 2012
Your the stupid one!!! I want more please.
#8 Dec 13, 2012
Most accurate and hilarious thread I've read on here recently. Makes me want to be a redneck again.
#9 Dec 14, 2012
Like everyone wants to hear about your queer relationship crap all the time? Whatever!
Try losing some weight and grow your hair out a bit, stop walking like you have jock itch, get the men's work boots off, stop taping your boobs down and trying to talk deep so the other bull dykes will like you. Oh, and get your butt into church and stop being mad at God and his church because you like to sleep with you own kind and mock Him.
#10 Dec 14, 2012
Obviously written by a woman. While those points may
be correct, there is another side.
We worry about bills
We worry about "have we done enough for the family and wife"
We see you first thing in the morning and deal with your early
morning attitude until coffee kicks in.
We have to find that perfect place for you to pee.
We must feed you the moment you are hungry. Not just anywhere
but somewhere that has exactly what you want after you have asked
for substitutions to the menu item.
We have to deal with the child that became a father's child when you are angry with the little bugger.
I can go on and on. WE do get depressed. But you know what?
In the big picture, it is worth it because I still have the mother of my children with me every day. That's a blessing.
Since: Jan 12
#11 Dec 14, 2012
Is that how Jesus teaches you to talk to people when you go to church? No wonder people like me consider Christianity a joke.
#12 Dec 14, 2012
your knees will bow,your lips will confess,Jesus is Lord,like it or not,believe it or not,it will happen
#13 Dec 15, 2012
A man will work two jobs so his two-timing wife can lay at home sleeping with other guys while he's busting his azz at work. A woman will max out all the credit cards and then sue the husband for child support once he finds out she's been cheating and divorces her.
Since: Jan 12
#14 Dec 16, 2012
Not gonna happen. Keep dreaming though.
#15 Dec 18, 2012
I am not going to be the one looking for a fan and an icepack in the next life!
Since: Jan 12
#16 Dec 18, 2012
Of course you're not, because there is no afterlife, despite what your ancient magic book tells you. You'll just be remembered as another Christian who doesn't practice what they preach.
#17 Dec 18, 2012
The cool part is knowing that your postings are 99% just for fun and to see what kind of rise you can get out of folks. The remaining 1% is the sad truth....you are lost.
Thanks for the laughs...loser!
#18 Dec 18, 2012
Most of the first list looks like a lot of self inflicted problems for women.
Here are a few other things men/dads have to think about.
1. We without thought will step in front of a bullet for anyone in the family at any second.
2. That really nice lawn and flower bed doesn't grow naturally like that.
3. We have to be mechanic and handyman of the house.
4. We have to go check the house every time you hear a scary noise late at night.(We really do not enjoy that)
5.We have to drive every where, all the time. Mainly because we don't trust your driving, at all.
6. And last but not least - Sit on your balls just once and tell me how good you think I got it.
#19 Dec 18, 2012
You people sure took a funny thread and crapped all over it. It was all meant for humor you dopes. I do have to say alot of it is true but I agree with someone above. Funniest thing on here in a while.
#20 Dec 20, 2012
You should register and post under 'Nobody Likes Me'
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