when the child wants to live with the...

when the child wants to live with the father

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Since: Feb 11

United States

#1 Apr 12, 2011
My son has asked every week for 2 years to live with me full time. My x and i have had joint custody since the divorce. Im not bashing her by no means. Shes a good mom and person. I filed went to court and was gave full custody. We live less than 5 miles apart so distance is not an issue for her visitation. But shes makeing me out to be the bad guy. Anyone else have to deal with this?
been there

Paris, TX

#2 Apr 12, 2011
Yes, we went thru that. My stepson came and lived with us. He was 17. The moms main thing was she didnt want to lose the child support. She made my husband out to be the devil. But she bashed him when the son was living with her, too. He is now graduated from high school and lives on his own . He gets along with the mother now. Your son will see thru the mothers lies, just as my stepson did. Shes only making herself look bad by bashing you. How old is your son, if you dont mind me asking and did the mother lose child support?

Since: Feb 11

United States

#3 Apr 12, 2011
Hes 11. Im not bashing her and i dont think she is bashing me. At least not to our son. Just dont like the drama. Shes ordered to pay child support and carry insurance on him. I dont like the drama. My son wanted to live with me and his happiness is my main concern.
maggie

Paris, TX

#4 Apr 12, 2011
My daughter and her son's daddy came to an agreement without the courts a few years ago. He is 11 also. They both live in Paris, so he spends one week with her and one week with his dad. No child support is paid by either party. She has insurance. He pays half any expences.It's not the perfect situation, but it seems to work ok. My daughter is a single mom of 3 ( he has 2 half sisters with mom), so it can be stressful raising 3 kids with no helpmate. Plus, an 11 year old boy is so energetic..He also has 2 half sibblings by his daddy, so this gives him time to spend with all his sibblings.They were divorced when he was less than 2. At first she had him full time, but he also wanted to spend some time with his daddy.Both are good parents.

“It's all about perspective....”

Since: Nov 08

Location hidden

#5 Apr 12, 2011
maggie wrote:
My daughter and her son's daddy came to an agreement without the courts a few years ago. He is 11 also. They both live in Paris, so he spends one week with her and one week with his dad. No child support is paid by either party. She has insurance. He pays half any expences.It's not the perfect situation, but it seems to work ok. My daughter is a single mom of 3 ( he has 2 half sisters with mom), so it can be stressful raising 3 kids with no helpmate. Plus, an 11 year old boy is so energetic..He also has 2 half sibblings by his daddy, so this gives him time to spend with all his sibblings.They were divorced when he was less than 2. At first she had him full time, but he also wanted to spend some time with his daddy.Both are good parents.
Kudos to your daughter and ex-son-in-law! Although it may not be the prefect situation, it the best example of good parenting after divorce I have heard about in a very long time. I know from experience, both as the child myself and as the parent, that is very difficult for some people to put aside their own feelings for what is truly best for their children. Perhaps not everyone is aware of the fact that the court system is almost always willing to accept the terms of custody, support, and visitation that is agreed upon between parents instead of the state standard. The standards are set for those parties whom could not otherwise come to an agreement.

“It's all about perspective....”

Since: Nov 08

Location hidden

#6 Apr 12, 2011
AceDeuce wrote:
My son has asked every week for 2 years to live with me full time. My x and i have had joint custody since the divorce. Im not bashing her by no means. Shes a good mom and person. I filed went to court and was gave full custody. We live less than 5 miles apart so distance is not an issue for her visitation. But shes makeing me out to be the bad guy. Anyone else have to deal with this?
I am sure you understand that it is hard for a mother to let her children go even when they are grown. Perhaps she is feeling rejected by her son and feels the need to blame someone. It is a natural part of the grieving process. It will likely take some time for her to adjust to the new situation. Although the social sigma is not a bad as it was in recent past, she may feel as if she will be looked at as a bad mother for not raising him herself. After all there are far fewer fathers raising their children after a divorce than mothers. With some time and understanding the situation will probably work itself out. Encourage your son to visit and reassure his mom that he still loves her. Your son is a very lucky young man to have two loving biological parents!
chili

Mccoy, CO

#7 Apr 12, 2011
My daughter want's to come live with me now.Her mother said last summer if my daughter still wanted to come live with me this next summer she would let her,but I met a woman and we are to be married this summer and my daughter still want's to come live with me,but my ex say's she's not going to allow her to since I'm getting remarried.I think this deal with getting our kid's when they turn 12 is a crock,because the kid's get to choose.It suck's because a dad should be able to get to raise his kid's just like the mother's have to age 12,but the court's say the kid's can choose.What a crock!The father should be able to raise his kid's just like the mother's.I think the court's just want less influence from father's.They are sorry(the court's).
maggie

Paris, TX

#8 Apr 12, 2011
Parents need to do what is in the child's best interest. Also, one parent should NOT belittle the other parent to the child. Also, don't be an absent parent. Let your child know you love them even if you live far away. My grandson has 2 younger half-sisters who have only met their birth daddy one time, when they were 5. He now supports them because he has to. It is taken from his check.I really thought he might decide to start seeing them or at least call...but no he hasn't in the year since he started paying. They ask about him a lot. She just tells them he is very busy..Yes, they are identical twins. He left before they were born. It's hard for a child to not have a daddy. I know it affects them.Thankfully their grandpa on their daddy's side is attentive to them. He comes to see them when he's in town.Life is not always fair, you know, even for the little ones.They suffer, too, when a parent does them wrong.
chili

Mccoy, CO

#9 Apr 13, 2011
I want to get the chance to raise my kid's.I have paid child support faithfully and carried insurance on them since we divorced 10 years ago.I want my kid's but the court's give the kid's the choice which parent they can live with.The court's should let father's get their kid's at age 12 if they want,but instead of giving me the choice to raise my kid's the court's let the kid's decide.I know the kid's suffer too,but the parent that get's the kid's the least(1,3rd,5th)suffer's too,but the court's don't care about the father's all the court's care about is that the father's pay child support and pay insurance.The court's are sorry.

Since: Sep 10

Location hidden

#10 Apr 14, 2011
chili wrote:
I want to get the chance to raise my kid's.I have paid child support faithfully and carried insurance on them since we divorced 10 years ago.I want my kid's but the court's give the kid's the choice which parent they can live with.The court's should let father's get their kid's at age 12 if they want,but instead of giving me the choice to raise my kid's the court's let the kid's decide.I know the kid's suffer too,but the parent that get's the kid's the least(1,3rd,5th)suffer's too,but the court's don't care about the father's all the court's care about is that the father's pay child support and pay insurance.The court's are sorry.
Kudos for being a responsible father. Please be aware that most 2nd marriages break up over children issues, so it would probably behoove you to accept that your children may never live with you. Divorce is not fun for anyone involved. It is easy to see why a 12 year old would not want to make another life-changing decision. Pressure is not going to help anyone involved.

Good luck.
maggie

Paris, TX

#11 Apr 14, 2011
If a child is old enough to decide, then they should decide...Unless the living conditions there are not in his or her best interest. The child's welfare should also be a priority,
Smile

United States

#12 Apr 14, 2011
The welfare of the child is what every parent should think about. I think it's great when the parents can come to an agreement without getting the courts completely involved. Some parents have a motive though....That motive is MONEY!! Some moms only want their kids because they see a pay check once a month and then not even use that money for their child's benefit. Most of the time dad's who have custody of their children never see any money from the other parent. Good luck Ace Deuce hopefully you'll see a check every month..... It's been my experience that the courts are much more lenient on the women who have to pay and really go after the men who have to pay. I know a father who got custody of his children and the mother was ordered to pay only a small amount of money. She would pay here and there got a lot behind (over 3,000.00)and they never took it out of her income tax or anything. I know another father who recently let one of his children start living with their mother he never got papers to pay his child support so finally just started sending it in. They never applied it to where it was supposed to go and the father didn't even know it wasn't being applied. He got a letter from the AG's office and called them. They got it straightened out but he was only 3 months behind at that point but they took his income tax at the end of the year. It's sad but it seems the courts a much more helpful when it comes to a woman who is behind and not paying than to a man who never got any paperwork and started sending his money in and they got it screwed up and want to take his income tax over it!

Since: Feb 11

United States

#13 Apr 14, 2011
Oh this aint my first rodeo. I know oh too well what you are talking about soft on women. I dont think that will be a problem this time. This mom is pretty much a good person and works. The other was not and did not. But child support is ordered. I dont care about it really but ut will be nice. I told my son first check we will fix his room up in camo like he wants.
question

United States

#14 Apr 15, 2011
Is this the same dad that was bashing the band that was playing at the Lamar county Mardi Gras, that blamed his 11 year old for getting on here and starting the topix. Just wondering because Ace Deuce was What they were calling him.

Since: Feb 11

United States

#15 Apr 15, 2011
question wrote:
Is this the same dad that was bashing the band that was playing at the Lamar county Mardi Gras, that blamed his 11 year old for getting on here and starting the topix. Just wondering because Ace Deuce was What they were calling him.
i never bashed anyone and my son has been delt with.

Since: Apr 11

Location hidden

#16 Apr 15, 2011
JD you are making your son choose one parent over the other. You both had equal rights and no child support was paid by either party. Insurance was to be split up half anf half on the amout it cost to have insurance. Your ex never tried to make your son choose to just live with her because he needs both parents. But you on the other hand have put a lot of pressure on him to do this. I am not going to go into detail on how the medical insurance has been paid. Just like the people who is reading your post know a little more detail.

Since: Feb 11

United States

#17 Apr 15, 2011
No its what hes been asking for for 2 years. His mom doesnt do things like i would such as move non family members in his room and make him bunk with his 17 yr old sister but thats ok. Some like vanilla and some like chocolate. It takes all kinds. Shes basicly a good person. He just wants to live with me. After all the dust settels it will be fine.

Since: Apr 11

Location hidden

#18 Apr 15, 2011
AceDeuce wrote:
No its what hes been asking for for 2 years. His mom doesnt do things like i would such as move non family members in his room and make him bunk with his 17 yr old sister but thats ok. Some like vanilla and some like chocolate. It takes all kinds. Shes basicly a good person. He just wants to live with me. After all the dust settels it will be fine.
Your right she does not do things like you. But your wrong again the sister and your son switched rooms and the two girls bunked together.

Since: Apr 11

Location hidden

#19 Apr 15, 2011
For your information I know because I am the person that pays for the insurance, buys your son the things he wants and needs.

Since: Apr 11

Location hidden

#20 Apr 15, 2011
Sorry did not mean to sound that you don't meet his needs just wanted you to know who this is.

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