crie rate down 10%

Dallas, TX

#1 Nov 24, 2012
what a crock
call em

Paris, TX

#3 Nov 25, 2012
call em and ask them

Paris, TX

#4 Nov 25, 2012
call em wrote:
call em and ask them

United States

#5 Nov 25, 2012
Dr. Jekyllstein of the American Institute for Emotional Release had this to say at a news conference, "The rate at which Americans cry has gone down 10% over the past 5 years. This basic denial, repression, cutting off of a very basic emotional need cannot be healthy for the longterm emotional stability of the individual. All of us have a basic need to cry, and the fact that 10% less of us are in touch with this emotion is sad. It makes me want to cry..."

United States

#6 Nov 25, 2012
"The longterm economic impact of fewer people crying is potentially devastating," a paper-industry spokeman explained at a convention yesterday, "With fewer people crying, less tissue paper such as Kleenex will be used, leading to a slowdown at the manufacturing level and potential layoffs. People could be put out of work because 10% fewer people are crying." He added, "Having thousands of people stand over onions and chop them would be a quick-fix, bandaid temporary solution, but the longterm solution has to be getting people to cry more often. Here's where Hollywood Studios could be patriotic and step up to the plate by creating more tearjerker movies, you know those date flicks where the girlfriend cries on her boyfriend's shoulder."
Plain and Simple

Paris, TX

#7 Nov 25, 2012
If you really wanna cry, look at my paycheck. Makes me cry anyway.

United States

#8 Nov 26, 2012
In a move set to stimulate the economy, FDA has approved new pharmaceutical company releases of a new pill and eyedrop to create tears. Dubbed "Crylinol" by the drug industry, a spokesman said, "A couple of drops in the eyes and you'll be crying instantly. The pill form takes a little longer, say 10 minutes," he cautioned, "Children under 5 should not take the pill or use the eyedrops because their tear ducts are not sufficiently matured. A warning label will point this out." The food industry has also repsonded with a new candy called CRYBABIES. "Kids and adults alike will love them. They are sweet, chewy, some would say addictive, but eat a handful of these and you'll be crying within a couple of minutes."

United States

#9 Nov 27, 2012
The CDC today announced that Crylinol is highly addictive and has become a nationwide problem. "There are thousands of teenage girls who have become addicted to crying...Crylinol has become a controlled substance almost overnight, selling for 5 or 6 times its prescription cost at the street level. There are Raves where everybody overdoses and Crylinol and then cries all night, they call them 'Cry-Ins'. It's become an epidemic." Among the adult population, Crylinol abuse at the workplace has become a major problem. "I knew this thing had gotten out of hand when I was going through a drive-thru at McDonald's and the girl at the window handing me my order was just sobbing uncontrollably," a spokesman added, "There are even reports coming in of hardhat construction workers crying on the job all day long."

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