Since: Oct 11

Location hidden

#143 Feb 4, 2013
This me Tarzan, you Jane sh!t really needs to stop. A man works & the woman stays home, yes she should keep up the house & kids. For those hours he's working....when he gets home it should be a group effort, she's put in her day as well...now it's time to do shared work. If you both work it's even harder... but it can be done. Being a man isn't an entitlement to get out of helping around the house. On the other hand, if you date a woman that doesn't cook or clean... do you really think that's going to change when you put a ring on her finger? Uh no:) Then men want to gripe...but dang she sure gave good blow jobs... apparently that was way more important than that petty"other stuff" that keeps a household together:) Now do any of you men see where you probably were at fault for picking these women to begin with or what you've done wrong with the good woman you've screwed over?
Guest

Paragould, AR

#144 Feb 4, 2013
True, you say wise words, but at the same time, pretty much all of that is TYPICAL! Who said what is the line for Divorce? Where is the line for an Affair?(never imo) So what if someone (usually us men) start slacking on household chores, affection at every corner. We're working too. We're getting tired of the endless need of getting up for everything, like the kids etc.

Who says that lacking in household chores is screwing them over? I never really griped. She didn't either. Sure, she asked me to help out around the house a time or two (NO, not many, just once or twice).. but where is the OBVIOUS fact that men is hard headed and hard to get through to? I know women are hard at just as many things... but I didn't give up. I flirted, but I never ran off, I never cheated. ESPECIALLY it wouldn't be because of the g/darn dishes! It would be because lack of affection or sex.

Me? I tried everything. Her libido was very low. But when we had sex, she loved it. I felt... well like I wasn't doing enough. So I asked if she wanted to get toys or something. she always said "NO, I just want you" Sure, I needed to listen, but I wanted to make dam sure she was happy everywhere, including in bed. Sure, I NOW know that women require more romantic entry, romantic gestures and affection. Affection leads to Sex, Sex leads to Affection. Should NOT have one without the other!

Just because thats what usually happens when people get married, doesnt mean that, we did that on PURPOSE! I didn't slack just because I knew we were married and I "had" her. I didn't slack because I thought I could get away with it... I didn't "screw her over" intentionally, if I did. I slacked because that's what happens! And THAT's why there's counseling, and others to HELP us get through things. Autopilot! Once we get into autopilot mode, or in the 'rut' of things, doing the same ol same ol, we need outside help to get us through it.

My point is, too many people run at this point instead of trying to get help. If you knew me, you'd understand why this is a huge statement. When the perverbial Sh1t hit the fan, I.. of all people asked to go to marriage counceling. Individual Counseling, SOMETHING to get us back on track. And I'm the man! I'm also someone most ppl wouldn't have thought would want to go. But I did. What did she do? Said she wanted to be free, but at the same time said she could be making a huge mistake, and that she didnt' know what she really wanted. But then to turn around and go to another man's bed, in the same week. A man wh.re none the less.

Can I forgive? Absolutely, we should be as forgiving to each other, as god has forgiven us. But being a strong hearted man, wearing his heart on his sleeve and not being afraid to make the changes, to do what NEEDS to be done to save his family, JUST ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH ANYMORE... not when one is being so selfish and cold.

Sorry this was long.

Thank you for the compliments on the poem btw. I've been told I need to keep writing.

Since: Oct 11

Location hidden

#145 Feb 4, 2013
Male Guest, you should keep writing..the tear soaked quilt is more than just words... it's a massive statement to those of us that's been there. You are a rare one indeed. Most don't fit your mold. You're very expressive & communicate your feelings well. My post was in general, the typical...you are not typical. Can I tell you something? She may have jumped into bed with another..but that "new" will wear off quick & she'll be left with a stranger that she will fall into that "rut" with & he will do her like she's done you. That's just how it works dear:) Probably kicking her own a$$ for what she's done & want to make nice with you. I'm not much about forgetting myself, forgiving..yes. Never enough to ever take a liar or cheater back though. I think more of myself than to be put in a position that will hurt my heart over the same person again. You know everyone has a story, we're all different. The common thread is we are all human. We hurt & we have emotion & feelings. Just for copywrite purposes. Mail these poems to yourself unopened. Otherwise someone will take ownership over them.... eventually.

“make someone smile today”

Level 2

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#146 Feb 4, 2013
A man perspective wrote:
Some men probably do cheat because he can't stay faithful. Some men come home and pit up with BS. Even through that he may not be looking to cheat but some woman was nice to him and it occurs he's been missing something. Women go through it to. Tell me a woman that is treated like s**t doesn't get a boost when a man is nice, polite or pays her a compliment? That doesn't mean she will cheat but it sure makes her feel good to have that compliment. Men like to be complimented and appreciated to. Man or woman choose to cheat. It's a personal choice one makes.
thanks for your input, i do understand your point of view. there are women who just want a free ride and when they are actually lucky enough to find a man to give them that ride they take advantage of him, they are ungrateful for what they are given and complain and want more and/or better, and are too lazy to even take care of the home and car they have been provided. i know this because my brother is married to a woman just like this. but we arent all like that, just like all men arent liars and cheaters. while i do think laptop lolita was a little harsh by directing her response at you directly,(because i dont think you are necessarily the type of man shes talkin about) she is dead on with the majority of men. the job of a wife and mother is never done, we dont clock in and out, we rarely get breaks and when we do get one we are still on call. we work our butts off taking care of our home and family and most of us work outside the home as well, but when we come home we dont get to sit down and put our feet up and have our dinner prepared and brought to us so we dont miss anything on tv. is it really too much trouble for dad to play with the kids or help with homework or anything at all while mom is cooking or doing laundry or getting gum out of suzies hair, etc... and heaven forbid should she dare try to take a shower unless its 5am and noone is in need of her assistance.... yet.

“make someone smile today”

Level 2

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#147 Feb 4, 2013
The Laptop Lolita wrote:
This me Tarzan, you Jane sh!t really needs to stop. A man works & the woman stays home, yes she should keep up the house & kids. For those hours he's working....when he gets home it should be a group effort, she's put in her day as well...now it's time to do shared work. If you both work it's even harder... but it can be done. Being a man isn't an entitlement to get out of helping around the house. On the other hand, if you date a woman that doesn't cook or clean... do you really think that's going to change when you put a ring on her finger? Uh no:) Then men want to gripe...but dang she sure gave good blow jobs... apparently that was way more important than that petty"other stuff" that keeps a household together:) Now do any of you men see where you probably were at fault for picking these women to begin with or what you've done wrong with the good woman you've screwed over?
well said
Therenow

Paragould, AR

#148 Feb 4, 2013
kissmegoodnite wrote:
<quoted text>
just be sure what your feeling is love. im saying this because i realized at one point that part of my hurt and anger was also because i didnt like that he thought so little of me he would replace me with any old ho. this made me feel like i was worthless if he considered such trash a suitable replacement. honestly i didnt like knowing i could be replaced at all, just my leo pride i guess. my point is i think everybody feels like this at least a little, its like adding insult to injury. but most dont understand what they are feeling and some just wont admit it to themselves. once you deal with that aspect it gets alot easier, but its a tough one. it may help if you ask yourself one question... do i love him or do i love the man i want him to be, the man his lying butt pretended to be? does the man i love really exists? if not, move on or be prepared for a lifetime of pain and disappointment cause you will never make him be the man you want him to, he is who he is and the problem is his not yours. you can do better
Thanks...I will definitely think about what you said. I probably loved who I thought he was and not what I see he is now....good point!
honestly

Jonesboro, AR

#149 Feb 4, 2013
Melissa Passmore and Jason Rufkahr can be added to the affair list.
honestly

Jonesboro, AR

#150 Feb 4, 2013
Randy Wyatt and a tramp he worked with had an affair.
honestly

Jonesboro, AR

#151 Feb 4, 2013
Jeremy Wyatt and a bar tramp had an affair.
DGuest

Paragould, AR

#152 Feb 4, 2013
Thank you LL. Very kind words.

Yeah, I got a lot of response to that one so far. We watched Mr. Deeds and a few of my friends tole me I should do what he was doing, write greetings cards. I always thought they were joking. I'm starting to see that very well could have been a serious compliment from them.

Forgiving, yes. Forgetting... never. We are NEVER suppose to forget. Everyone else needs to read this. This is dead serious...

Offender: You are to NEVER forget what you've done! NEVER! Never forget the betrayal you've committed, it'll help you realize in the future how terrible of a thing it is and should help you remember why not to do it again. Never forget because of the pain you caused another. See below.

Betrayed: NEVER forget! You never forget the pain; why? Because for you should know, the general rule is, once a cheater, always a cheater. But we all know that doesn't follow for everyone. So your job is to never forget the pain caused beause it may prepare you for the future hurt. Never forget the pain also, not to hold this over one's head, but to remember yourself, there may be things you done that didn't push him/her to the affair, but there could've been somethings you done BETTER to have kept him from going there in the first place.

We should all work hard to stay faithful, but we should also, equally work just as hard, to make sure we did EVERYTHING possible to keep the other from straying in the first place. This, my friends, can cause lots of guilt and pain. Some deserving, some not.

As long as our society rewards affairs, affairs will always reward!(think long and hard before flaming this line)
A man

Paragould, AR

#153 Feb 4, 2013
You can't let the bitterness take over. I did and it took long time to be able to put it away. It will keep you from being happy. I'm learning to be happy again.
Guest

United States

#154 Feb 4, 2013
A man wrote:
You can't let the bitterness take over. I did and it took long time to be able to put it away. It will keep you from being happy. I'm learning to be happy again.
. Awww that's good lol
TexasNative

Wichita Falls, TX

#155 Feb 4, 2013
A man wrote:
You can't let the bitterness take over. I did and it took long time to be able to put it away. It will keep you from being happy. I'm learning to be happy again.
Really? It's just sex.

“it is what it is”

Level 5

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#156 Feb 5, 2013
A man wrote:
You can't let the bitterness take over. I did and it took long time to be able to put it away. It will keep you from being happy. I'm learning to be happy again.
I agree i recently found out some things about a past relationship. For a long time he had convinced me i was crazy and wrong. I've started a new life and my wounds are healing faster every day. There is to much beauty in the world to let one bad person destroy you're happiness. I have not dated anyone yet but maybe in a few months i will see what happens.
Strength

Paragould, AR

#157 Feb 5, 2013
truthisjust wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree i recently found out some things about a past relationship. For a long time he had convinced me i was crazy and wrong. I've started a new life and my wounds are healing faster every day. There is to much beauty in the world to let one bad person destroy you're happiness. I have not dated anyone yet but maybe in a few months i will see what happens.
My husband has cheating on me physically 3 times that I know about and tried to again 4 more times. He was caught before he actually did the deed, thanks to my friends that let me know what they seen or heard. It has left me hurt, betrayed, and very bitter. It has destroyed my self esteem and happiness, of course I know that the esteem, bitterness and being unhappy is my own doing. Yes cheating, betrayal and lies was on him but how I chose to deal with it and let it effect me was on me. I allowed the feelings to consume me and in doing so I have no happiness and I am a very bitter person. I have trust issues. I am hoping someday I can learn how to stop dwelling on the hurt. I'm so tired of being unhappy. I want happiness but dk if I will ever know how to be happy.
Strength

Paragould, AR

#158 Feb 5, 2013
TexasNative wrote:
<quoted text>
Really? It's just sex.
I can't speak for the OP but yes it's just sex but when they have a spouse or GF/BF there is feelings and a heart involved so its more than just sex.
Betrayed Spouse

Paragould, AR

#159 Feb 5, 2013
Well it's over. Court was 9:30 this morning. I tried to sleep through the day, lay in bed till 2:30 till I couldn't help it. Got up, checked fb... she couldn't wait to get home and change her name and take "I have a wonderful husband.." off her header.

I dont' know if she's in mania,(still?) Or if her actions are still being affected by the drug, but she's the coldest, most brutal person i've ever dealt with at this moment.

I feel gutted. Much more so than when I caught her and OM. I should've killed him. You know I went to their house, with a .38, to talk to him, confronted him. When I got to the door and knocked, I had no idea how i got there, why I had the gun (used it to knock with ) but then I thought of my daughter. And I put it back.

Right now I feel I shoudla put 2 in his skull. Prisonlife would feel better than I do right now.

Faith in people, all gone. Faith in women, destroyed. I put so much work into getting back to loving people, to not hate, to not have resentment towards people. Now it's just shot to hell.

THIS is what happens when affairs are allowed to occur. IT RUINS LIVES!

I have no ounce of hope for humanity right now, no compassion for a single soul except for my daughter. I hate life right now and I hate everyone in this world, except for my daughter. Sure it may pass, but how much time will it take off my life if I live?

So go ahead, continue to affair, don't man up and get a divorce / break up first. Don't think about the kids involved, don't think about the mothers and mother in laws stressing and crying over what will happen to the persons hurting the most.

To all involved in affairs, to hell with you all.

Since: Oct 11

Location hidden

#160 Feb 5, 2013
Nah dear, killing them wouldn't solve it. It would only end him & your life ofcourse. Why do that? To make it easier for her to just go find another? The real fun is about to strart... you need to stick around for that:) You see, the pending divorce was an escape goat for lofty trouble in their on going relationship. Now that it's final.... you're out of the equation, now they get to argue & fight about them. My favorite is the "phone call", we all get them. The "What was I thinking, I still love you, I can't believe I screwed you over" one:) You sit & listen, picking at your fingernails, rolling your eyes & saying "uh huh" & "really" a lot. This amazing thing happens. You realize in that moment you've dealt with the pain & hurt & well,.... now they are just beginning that journey. This feeling of utter dread & confusion will pass (you realize crying & being depressed has become a hobby), then after the anger subsides comes the numbing.... that's when you get the call. That humanity you speak of is not lost. It's in your child. Look at her. Whether she's 5 or 25...you have much left to teach her, experience with her & she has so much more left to experience with you. Think about that. I tell you, kids can give you strength & hope you never thought you had.

“it is what it is”

Level 5

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#161 Feb 5, 2013
Betrayed Spouse wrote:
Well it's over. Court was 9:30 this morning. I tried to sleep through the day, lay in bed till 2:30 till I couldn't help it. Got up, checked fb... she couldn't wait to get home and change her name and take "I have a wonderful husband.." off her header.
I dont' know if she's in mania,(still?) Or if her actions are still being affected by the drug, but she's the coldest, most brutal person i've ever dealt with at this moment.
I feel gutted. Much more so than when I caught her and OM. I should've killed him. You know I went to their house, with a .38, to talk to him, confronted him. When I got to the door and knocked, I had no idea how i got there, why I had the gun (used it to knock with ) but then I thought of my daughter. And I put it back.
Right now I feel I shoudla put 2 in his skull. Prisonlife would feel better than I do right now.
Faith in people, all gone. Faith in women, destroyed. I put so much work into getting back to loving people, to not hate, to not have resentment towards people. Now it's just shot to hell.
THIS is what happens when affairs are allowed to occur. IT RUINS LIVES!
I have no ounce of hope for humanity right now, no compassion for a single soul except for my daughter. I hate life right now and I hate everyone in this world, except for my daughter. Sure it may pass, but how much time will it take off my life if I live?
So go ahead, continue to affair, don't man up and get a divorce / break up first. Don't think about the kids involved, don't think about the mothers and mother in laws stressing and crying over what will happen to the persons hurting the most.
To all involved in affairs, to hell with you all.
I'm sorry for your pain. Though you can't see it now. You can and will make it.
guest

Little Rock, AR

#162 Feb 5, 2013
Betrayed Spouse wrote:
Well it's over. Court was 9:30 this morning. I tried to sleep through the day, lay in bed till 2:30 till I couldn't help it. Got up, checked fb... she couldn't wait to get home and change her name and take "I have a wonderful husband.." off her header.
I dont' know if she's in mania,(still?) Or if her actions are still being affected by the drug, but she's the coldest, most brutal person i've ever dealt with at this moment.
I feel gutted. Much more so than when I caught her and OM. I should've killed him. You know I went to their house, with a .38, to talk to him, confronted him. When I got to the door and knocked, I had no idea how i got there, why I had the gun (used it to knock with ) but then I thought of my daughter. And I put it back.
Right now I feel I shoudla put 2 in his skull. Prisonlife would feel better than I do right now.
Faith in people, all gone. Faith in women, destroyed. I put so much work into getting back to loving people, to not hate, to not have resentment towards people. Now it's just shot to hell.
THIS is what happens when affairs are allowed to occur. IT RUINS LIVES!
I have no ounce of hope for humanity right now, no compassion for a single soul except for my daughter. I hate life right now and I hate everyone in this world, except for my daughter. Sure it may pass, but how much time will it take off my life if I live?
So go ahead, continue to affair, don't man up and get a divorce / break up first. Don't think about the kids involved, don't think about the mothers and mother in laws stressing and crying over what will happen to the persons hurting the most.
To all involved in affairs, to hell with you all.
Just hang on, dude. Been there and I know how you feel. Your life has just started even though it feels like it's over. Take care of your kid and remember she needs you so keep your head together. You gotta take care of YOURSELF now. It's about you now and not the ex. As bad as it hurts, and it may for a while, it will get better, I promise you. Rely on the ones that love you and whatever you do, do not give into the ex when she starts calling.

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