Men who want to stay friends with the...
Tina

Paragould, AR

#21 Dec 12, 2008
Blonde75 wrote:
Tell him it's u or her!! As simple as that...he pick's u ur a winner!! If not move on u will find better!!!
I don't know I've been single for a while and I live in Paragould Arkansas lol

Since: Nov 08

United States

#22 Dec 12, 2008
Yes Please wrote:
<quoted text>
Just hate to hafta give a man an ultimatum
Sometimes u have got to do what is in your best interest. Put yourself in his place and see how he would feel about it. It always turns out bad!! Don't want to see u get hurt...that's all.

Since: Nov 08

United States

#23 Dec 12, 2008
I am sure u r hurting now...think how it will b later on down the rd. This girl may not know what she wants now....he could probley b waiting to see what she wants.
Tina

Paragould, AR

#24 Dec 13, 2008
Blonde75 wrote:
I am sure u r hurting now...think how it will b later on down the rd. This girl may not know what she wants now....he could probley b waiting to see what she wants.
Are you saying he could be waiting to see what his ex wants?
Guest

Gregory, AR

#25 Dec 13, 2008
Tina wrote:
I started seeing a guy who still talks to his ex girlfriend on a regular basis. He says their just friends and will never get back with her. He says he really cares for me. What do you guys think? Should it bother me that he's friends with her?
I am a girl, that is friends wit her ex. So don't freak out just yet. My ex and I were together for years, no kids either. We seperated for a few months, and tried getting back together, but it was gone. There's nothing there anymore. At first, his gf, now wife, hated it. But she's learned to accept me, and realizes that I'm not after him, and I have no desire to be with him. We've just been through a lot together, and are friends. If you really like this guy, don't let the ex ruin it, but also don't push away a great thing because of her. Be patient, keep your guard up still. The best thing you can do, is get to know her too, so you can see what type of person she is, and whether or not you can trust her. I've been hurt a lot in the past too. So I know it sucks :( Good luck with it though! Be patient for him. I know if he was given the me or her lecture, he would have told her see ya. That's the quickest way to push someone away
LLM

United States

#26 Dec 13, 2008
It's great to be able to trust someone. But the person being trusted also has an obligation to be trustworthy. If instead, the person being trusted is continually testing your trust, they're probably abusing it as well.

This is just a word of caution from an old-timer who's been through it all.
unbelievable

Charlotte, NC

#27 Dec 13, 2008
I am suprised at what I am reading on this topic. Why is it that your insecurity should dictate who you boyfriend/girfriend talks to? If the person you are seeing has a friendship with an ex what is the problem? Is it because you are controlling and want to dictate who he/she talks too? With this type of attitude in the end he/she will not be there for you.
Buddy

Gregory, AR

#28 Dec 13, 2008
You need to date for a good time,
if this guy is really caring for you ex's dont
come up. I would not let it bother me in front
of him and if all of this is bothering you
with him move on.
if he dated the same girl for several years
what happen to them ? It sounds like he just
want's a Cum Bag

“Can I borrow a potatoe?”

Since: Nov 08

Where I b.

#29 Dec 13, 2008
Yes Please wrote:
Just hate to hafta give a man an ultimatum
Sometimes you haveta do things that you normally wouldn't do. But if he means anything to you then you should do it.

“Can I borrow a potatoe?”

Since: Nov 08

Where I b.

#30 Dec 13, 2008
Tina wrote:
I don't know I've been single for a while and I live in Paragould Arkansas lol
There is a possibility that your not looking hard enough. There is someone for everyone but sometimes you just have to look in the least obvious places.

“Can I borrow a potatoe?”

Since: Nov 08

Where I b.

#31 Dec 13, 2008
unbelievable wrote:
I am suprised at what I am reading on this topic. Why is it that your insecurity should dictate who you boyfriend/girfriend talks to? If the person you are seeing has a friendship with an ex what is the problem? Is it because you are controlling and want to dictate who he/she talks too? With this type of attitude in the end he/she will not be there for you.
I have to disagree with you. Sometimes there are still existing feelings that you have with an ex. For instance one of my exes still has feelings for me, and I do still for her, so if I was in a relationship with someone and it meant anything like you said I would not talk to her because of that fact.

“Can I borrow a potatoe?”

Since: Nov 08

Where I b.

#32 Dec 13, 2008
Tina wrote:
Are you saying he could be waiting to see what his ex wants?
Or what he wants, or you.

“Jesus luvs U but I'm his fav.”

Since: Jul 08

Knoxville, TN

#33 Dec 13, 2008
I think either you trust him or you don't.
He's already told you that they are just friends and won't ever get back together. Do you not believe him or trust him? If you don't believe him then you shouldn't be dating him.
Love really isn't about jealousy though most people seem to think that if their mate isn't jealous, they don't love them. Love and relationships (romantic or otherwise) are based on a foundation of trust (at least if you want it to last) and without trust ..You have nothing.
Here's the way I see it.. You have 2 choices..
You can trust what he says and enjoy your relationship with him or you can let it "eat you up" that he's still friends with is ex, at which point he's going to see that you're a jealous person and mostly likely will be done with you shortly there after.
That's just my 2 cents :)
unbelievable

Charlotte, NC

#34 Dec 13, 2008
God Of Hell wrote:
<quoted text>
I have to disagree with you. Sometimes there are still existing feelings that you have with an ex. For instance one of my exes still has feelings for me, and I do still for her, so if I was in a relationship with someone and it meant anything like you said I would not talk to her because of that fact.
You will always have feelings for people that mean something to you wither they are friends or an ex. Over the course of any relationship, things happen that make that relationship unique. Most of the time, a certain trust has been built with an ex which creates a mutual lasting friendship. It doesn't mean that every 15 minutes you will run into your ex's arms.

Why should anyone go through life creating trust and friendships with people if they are just going to throw it away once the new boyfriend/girlfriend comes into their life? If you really care about the new person in your life that relationship would trump all others. There is a reason why you and your ex are not together, you want something better. If your new gf/bf cares about you they would understand that you have a past. For a partner to suggest cutting all ties to your past is being possessive and not a healthy relationship from the start.

At least this how I view it.
ANON

Tuscaloosa, AL

#35 Dec 13, 2008
When you've been there, done that, and it didn't work, it is time to move on. People don't change, they just reveal their true selves over time. Although peoplke canm make mistakes and correct their lives,if a relationship does not work, there is more involved than just one or two mistakes. If he cared about you and knew you were uncomfortable with the contacts, he'd quit.
Tina

Paragould, AR

#36 Dec 13, 2008
Well I appreciate all the good advise. I really don't have a problem with him having friends. Ex's or otherwise. But I just get the feeling there's something more then friendship going on. And there have been a few instances where they were still hanging out at each others houses and he didn't tell me about it. I had to find out through other friends. We almost broke up over it a couple of times and we have only been seeing each other a couple of months. I even told him maybe we should just slow down and still see other people. But he insisted that wasn't what he wanted. He wants to only be with me. Then he keeps telling me there's nothing with her but friendship and he really cares for me. Its not jealousy or insecurity. I'm just not sure its over with her. And they have more history then we do.

“boakgirl”

Level 1

Since: Dec 08

LAFE, AR

#37 Dec 13, 2008
Tina wrote:
I started seeing a guy who still talks to his ex girlfriend on a regular basis. He says their just friends and will never get back with her. He says he really cares for me. What do you guys think? Should it bother me that he's friends with her?
bull sh*t!!!
ANON

Tuscaloosa, AL

#38 Dec 13, 2008
Youmean he has all ready lied to you about being at her house, and you had to find out through others? Anndof course he said nothing happpended and you beleived that too?
Hey, can I have a date? You are every guy's wet dream. A woman who will beleive any lie you tell her.
You know what you need to do and what the truth is here. You just don't want to accept it and dont have the balls to kick his sorry ass out.
In the age of AIDS , chlamidia, Herpes, ect, I hope you are practicing safe sex, especially since you have no idea who he is sleeping with.
been there

United States

#39 Dec 13, 2008
I have dated several guys that are friends with their ex. They had children together and I tried real hard to understand. But, it's hard to be understanding when they get off the phone and they are now in a bad mood because their ex said something to piss them off and you know get to have your night ruined too. I had to put my foot down on one guy tho, his ex wife called ALL the time. At first I thought they were recently divorced, then found out it had been five years. Every time we had a date, she'd call and say she couldn't get their son to obey, so our date would be ruined so my bf could go to his ex wife's house to disclpine their six year old. They also would go, in the same car, to the doctor's office when the boy was sick. The night I put my foot down, was the night that she asked if she could stay the night and sleep on the couch because we were having a big sleep over for their son for his birthday. My bf said she couldn't but needless to say, he and I didn't last long, I got sick of looking at his phone secretly and seeing them saying things like, "have a great day, give my boy a kiss" "heard you were feeling bad, hope you get better," etc... Funny thing is, she got her a boyfriend and when that happened, and from what I have been told, her new bf put a stop to all of that..
Tina

Paragould, AR

#40 Dec 13, 2008
ANON wrote:
Youmean he has all ready lied to you about being at her house, and you had to find out through others? Anndof course he said nothing happpended and you beleived that too?
Hey, can I have a date? You are every guy's wet dream. A woman who will beleive any lie you tell her.
You know what you need to do and what the truth is here. You just don't want to accept it and dont have the balls to kick his sorry ass out.
In the age of AIDS , chlamidia, Herpes, ect, I hope you are practicing safe sex, especially since you have no idea who he is sleeping with.
I don't believe every lie. I'm just not sure he's lying. She showed up at his house and she seems to make sure I find out every time they talk so if they slept together I'm sure she would have made sure I found that out to. When I asked him about it he told me what happened. And is not telling me the same as lying? I'm just not sure if I should trust him or if I'm just being insecure

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