Okay, let's tell some jokes

Okay, let's tell some jokes

Created by Some know who on Jan 4, 2013

21 votes

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Since: Oct 12

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#1 Jan 4, 2013
n Kindergarten Naja had a cross-eyed teacher. A waste of a school year. The woman couldn't control her pupils.

Since: Oct 12

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#2 Jan 4, 2013
Now Naja's in first grade. Her teacher takes attendance three times a day. She's real absent minded.

Since: Oct 12

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#3 Jan 4, 2013
The Winter Boots!

(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her
reception class pupils put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots
still didn't want to go on.

By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said,'Teacher,
they're on the wrong feet.'

She looked, and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was
putting them on.

She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.

He then announced,'These aren't my boots.'

She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and
scream,'Why didn't you say so?' like she wanted to.

Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting
boots off his little feet.

No sooner had they got the boots off when he said,
'They're my brother's boots. My Mum made me wear 'em.'

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.

But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked,'Now, where are your
mittens?'

He said,'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'

She will be eligible for parole in three years.

Since: Oct 12

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#4 Jan 4, 2013
My buddy thinks his wife has "memory bulimia" because she's always bringing up the past.

Since: Oct 12

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#5 Jan 4, 2013
While I was on the front porch I saw a neighbor lady walking past with two dogs. "I didn't know you had any dogs," I said.

She said "These aren't my dogs, they're my sisters'."

"In that case," I said, "you have some ugly sisters."

Since: Oct 12

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#6 Jan 4, 2013
I watched one of those food shows and they said we shouldn't be afraid to buy things from the "reduced price" shelf because those items can make a quick, nice and very inexpensive family meal.

I thought it might be a good idea, so I went to town and got some things, brought them home and made a meal to surprise the wife when she gets home from work.

I sure hope she likes her macaroni, gummi bear and cat food casserole.

Since: Oct 12

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#7 Jan 4, 2013
I suck at blowing up balloons... that's probably why I can't do it.

Since: Oct 12

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#8 Jan 4, 2013
I want to get a DVD from eBay but I'm confused. Do I click 'Buy' or 'Watch this item'?

I want to do both.

Since: Oct 12

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#9 Jan 4, 2013
If a guy throws sodium chloride at me, is that a salt?

Since: Oct 12

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#10 Jan 4, 2013
I'm kinda bored with my web browser and asked the kid down at the computer store what he would recommend. He said "Google chrome."

Well, I did, and all I got was a bunch of crappy web sites that sell car parts.

Since: Oct 12

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#11 Jan 4, 2013
How do you make 4 old women say "Sh!t"?

Have a 5th one yell "BINGO."

Since: Jan 12

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#12 Jan 4, 2013
Bait has some good ones..

Since: Oct 12

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#13 Jan 4, 2013
You know you're getting old when instead of 'tripping' you have a "terrible fall."

Since: Oct 12

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#14 Jan 4, 2013
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying,'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Harold stood up. The teacher said,'Do you think you're stupid, Harold?''No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

Since: Oct 12

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#15 Jan 4, 2013
Harold watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked.'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.'What's the matter, asked Harold 'Giving up?'

“E A D G B E”

Since: Oct 10

3rd String is the G String

#16 Jan 4, 2013
x-pitcher wrote:
The Winter Boots!
(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her
reception class pupils put on his boots?
He asked for help and she could see why.
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots
still didn't want to go on.
By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said,'Teacher,
they're on the wrong feet.'
She looked, and sure enough, they were.
It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was
putting them on.
She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.
He then announced,'These aren't my boots.'
She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and
scream,'Why didn't you say so?' like she wanted to.
Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting
boots off his little feet.
No sooner had they got the boots off when he said,
'They're my brother's boots. My Mum made me wear 'em.'
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.
But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
Helping him into his coat, she asked,'Now, where are your
mittens?'
He said,'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'
She will be eligible for parole in three years.
OMG....LOL.:)))

Since: Oct 12

Location hidden

#17 Jan 4, 2013
The math teacher saw that Harold wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said,'Harold! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Harold quickly replied,'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

Since: Oct 12

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#18 Jan 4, 2013
My lazy dog talks in his sleep. He was murmuring about being the fastest dog in the world, I almost woke the deluded old boy up, but it is better to let sleeping dogs lie.

Since: Oct 12

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#19 Jan 4, 2013
I've written a book about reverse psychology. Please don't buy it.

Since: Oct 12

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#20 Jan 4, 2013
Forest Gump and St. Peter
When Forest Gump died, he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "Welcome, Forest. We've heard a lot about you." He continued, "Unfortunately, it's getting pretty crowded up here and we find that we now have to give people an entrance examination before we let them in."

"Okay," said Forest. "I hope it's not too hard. I've already been through a test. My momma used to say,'Life is like a final exam. It's hard.' "

"Yes, Forest, I know. But this test is only three questions. Here they are."

1) Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?"

2) How many seconds are in a year?

3) What is God's first name?

"Well, sir," said Forest, "The first one is easy. Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'? Today and Tomorrow."

St. Peter looked surprised and said, "Well, that wasn't the answer I was looking for, but you have a point. I give you credit for that answer."

"The next question," said Forest, "How many seconds are in a year? Twelve."

"Twelve?" said St. Peter, surprised and confused.

"Yes, sir. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd …"

St. Peter interrupted him. "I see what you mean. I'll have to give you credit for that one, too."

"And the last question," said Forest, "What is God's first name? It's Andy."

"Andy?" said St. Peter, in shock. "How did you come up with 'Andy'?"

"I learned it in church. We used to sing about it." Forest broke into song, "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am His own."

St. Peter opened the gate to heaven and said, "Run, Forest, Run!"

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