out of control teen

[need help]

i have a 12 yr old who is out of control, i cant do anything with her at all? What can I do about this, what is the process, i heard i can take her to the court house and they will take over from there, but what happens, whats the deal please help

[somebody]

they'll put her in foster care...kind of teach her how good she has it at home...the only thing is, at that point only the judge can decide when she comes home

[i have was that teen]

i had a problem when i was younger with being out of control. my parents sent me to a i gues what u would call a reform school and i have to say that it was the best thing that ever happend to me. i learnd different ways to deal with my frustration and i learned that just because my parents didnt want me to go to a party or didnt let me go to the mall or just didnt let me do what ever i wanted doesnt mean that they didnt want me to have no fun. it meant that they were really lokkin out for me and that it might not be the best thing for me to do or they might not be the best people for me to hang out with.
i had theropy meetings at least once a week to talk about what was going on and what i needed to work on. they also involved my parents in those meetings and allowed us to work out or problems as a family under suppervision so that it wasnt just me yelling at them they done this so we could actually work on issues that we had
i was around 12 or 13 at the time and now im 21 and my mom is now my best friend who i can talk about anything with same with my dad. that was one of the best things my family could have done for me if u send them through the court system the will send them to a jouvinal ditention center and it really will not acomplish nothing because i was sent there first and all they did was lock me up there was no comunication with my parents except for mail.

[need help]

do i have to sign away my rights to her, i know i am going to sound like a bitch, but her father isnt exactly the best in the world, he hasnt seen her in 3 yrs and he does drugs, but i know if he hears he will try to get her, can he get her?

[need help]

and who do i talk to exactly

[need help]

what reform school, how much did it cose, as far as the court im also interested in that, i dont have alot of money

[somebody]

if you want to go the court system way, then go down to social services and talk to a social worker...tell her the situation...you don't have to sign over your rights to her, becuase she may eventually come back to live with you...her father can have the opportunity to become her guardian...but he would have to go through extensive checks and stuff...home visits...etc. I have a family member that has been a foster parent for a long time, and it can help some kids. When they go into the sytem, they aren't allowed to do anything...No calling anybody other than their immediate family...no going anywhere without their foster parents...other than school...once they have absolutely no freedom, they sometimes realize how lucky they were at home...and if she does come back home, then you kind of have that little bit of power now...if she starts again, it will be right back to foster care...it does work for some kids.

[Hope for her yet]

I wanted to ask in what way is she out of control? What is she doing? You have to let her know that you are on her side and no matter what happen's you will stay on her side but her behavior cannot continue. She may need counseling or just writing it down on paper to you. Kid's have a hard time letting thing's out and their action's speak louder than word's. The father can petition the court for her if you give up your right's so ask alot of info before you do. I have worked alot with troubled teen's and believe me it is hard. Have you asked her what she want's. I know that sound's stupid but if she is convinced that you won't give up on her she may tell you what is wrong.Kid's hold everything in unless they have friend's that bring out the worst in them.Everything she does is like a puzzle,each piece has a place and as her mom you have to put them together to figure her out.Mother to mother i'm sorry that she is hurting you. It is very frustrating i know but don't give up just yet.

[Common Sense]

need help wrote:

do i have to sign away my rights to her, i know i am going to sound like a bitch, but her father isnt exactly the best in the world, he hasnt seen her in 3 yrs and he does drugs, but i know if he hears he will try to get her, can he get her?

Yes, sign you rights away.
If you csn't raise your child, let someone else.
Who raised you?

[Nope]

I totally understand your frustration with an unruly child. Here is the process you must follow. Talk to a social worker tell them the whole situation, be completely honest dont sugar coat it at all. I know how difficult that may be, considering you are a parent and we as parents try to protect our children. then go to the court house and file Out of control charges against the child...this will get them into the system and make options open for you. The courts will more than likely make it manditory for the child to begin counseling and send a counselor to your home to evaluate the situation and determine if the child needs further treatment. If the child continues to be defiant then they will place her into a short term home to have more intensive treatment. This is as far as i have gotten at this point. The short term facility (2 weeks) has helped a lot at this point for my situation. The next option is for a long term behavioral facility (up to 60 days), then foster care if that doesnt work (if a family member will not take them). You do NOT have to sign any of your rights over for this process. Good Luck! I know from experience how difficult this is.
Oh one more thing....You are allowed to spank your child but there are guidelines...only open handed (ONLY YOUR HAND) and only on the buttocks DO NOT leave a mark. I was told this by a social worker so I know you can bust their a**.

[need help]

Thank you all very much, and as far as the one who was being an a** about this I am doing my best, wait till you have kids and they do this to you!!!!!! Thank you everyone for your help, i was told i had to sign away my rights but i could get them back when and if she straightened up, Thank you everyone for being so nice and assisting me we have tried counseling and shes all good and dandy there until we get in the car, she goes crazy on e for it, then at home its worse

[I Know]

Let her come live with me for a while and then she will see how lucky she has it!!

[Taz]

Need help I wish you all the luck,I hope everything works out for you and your child. I was in a foster home growing up,it was no picnic.Just don't give up. Keep your head held high,you are not the only one having this problem,some people just don't want to see it.

[oh how i know]

I know exactly what your going through. I have a 16 yr old and I have found that if you keep them busy as much as possible they are to tired to fight it out. I also worked for a family who had a ruff time with their kids and what they did was stripped their kids rooms from everything but their bed and cloths. That's all they need is a bed and cloths. They took all the kids stuff put it in their room and made them earn it back piece by piece. makes them respect you and things a lot more.
I have seen beyond parental control kids come into foster care and go home only to behave for a while. Good luck and I wish you all the best. I think there needs to be a military school for low income families.

[lol]

Maybe you could talk to her tell her you will treat her older if she will act older and compremise on things she is wanting to do.... Like if she wants to stay all night with a friend give her one night a week. But she has certain chores she has to finish in order to go. What ever she wants to do within reason of course make her work for what she wants....

[lol]

Foster care is not always safe either there has been kids messed with and everything try ur best to work with her yourself if u can.......

[kat]

I admire the fact that you've admitted there is a problem and tried to get counseling, so many people today don't want to admit that their child is anything but perfect. I agree with the person that said to take away everything but necessities. I knew a lady that did that too, all she provided was shelter, food, and clothes. Her daughter had to earn it back piece by piece. I also agree that some of the places that they send kids don't have the best environment. I knew someone growing up that actually learned more bad habits from the other kids while they were there. I don't know your exact situation but I would try some more stuff at home first and go to social services as a last resort. I truly hope everything gets better for you and your child.

[Nope]

need help wrote:

Thank you all very much, and as far as the one who was being an a** about this I am doing my best, wait till you have kids and they do this to you!!!!!! Thank you everyone for your help, i was told i had to sign away my rights but i could get them back when and if she straightened up, Thank you everyone for being so nice and assisting me we have tried counseling and shes all good and dandy there until we get in the car, she goes crazy on e for it, then at home its worse

Oh i know that fit too. after leaving the counselor..the child goes off the deep end. I made sure I carried a small tape recorder and taped the fit to prove exactly how bad it really was. After the fit, I would call the CDW (court designated worker) and let them know what happened. Then allowed the counselor to hear the tape. Sometimes allowing the child to hear exactly how ignorant they sound when they act up helps. Again Good luck..it's a LONG HARD road!

[Nope]

OMG wrote:

<quoted text>
Oh that last one is great advice - NOT. Hitting a twelve year old is not going to help your situation at all.

By the way I was not saying to hit the child, but some parents chose to bust their childs behind. I was just offering a tidbit of information if that was an option the parent wanted to pursue. I just wanted to state that it is not illegal if you do it in the right manner.

[Get a life]

need help wrote:

Thank you all very much, and as far as the one who was being an a** about this I am doing my best, wait till you have kids and they do this to you!!!!!! Thank you everyone for your help, i was told i had to sign away my rights but i could get them back when and if she straightened up, Thank you everyone for being so nice and assisting me we have tried counseling and shes all good and dandy there until we get in the car, she goes crazy on e for it, then at home its worse

I have raised two kids, one was a "perfect" child the other its a wonder I'm not on drugs.
When you say "out of control" sure it isnt normal teenage stuff?
My "devil child" as I called them has outgrown their crappy promblem once they turn around 15 years old, we get along great now. They have told me now that yes when they thought I was a total bitch by not allowing them to do what they want that they see what I was preaching to them now now and they have regrets about their actions toward me
Do not ever get the court in the middle unless its the last resort because they will turn it around that it's your fault.
Once you sign away your "rights" they will be put into foster care and up for adoption which is a rare chance they will be adoptioned being their a teenager and once they hit 18 they are left out on their own.
You should sit down and have a heart to heart talk with them and find out why they are acting like they are. My "devil child" is my best friend now and they know they can come to me for anything without me passing judgement toward them.