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curious

Evansville, IN

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#1
Mar 22, 2014
 
Say your with someone for many years, so you know everything about this person. If they all of a sudden started focusing on their appearance constantly and shaving their downstairs and have never done that before, but they weren't having sex with YOU, what would be your thoughts? The spouse says they started shaving regularly because they just wanted to look good for THEMSELVES to see, wanted to look their best so they felt better about themselves. Would that make any sense to anyone?
not curious

Fishers, IN

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#2
Mar 22, 2014
 
Yeah, its obvious SHE'S cheating. If her spouse doesn't see it, he's blind.
curious

Evansville, IN

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#3
Mar 22, 2014
 
So it makes absolutely NO sense that someone would suddenly start shaving "just for themselves" to see?
not curious

Fishers, IN

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#4
Mar 22, 2014
 
What is your point?
curious

Evansville, IN

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#5
Mar 22, 2014
 
My point is that I would like to hear many other opinions as to whether or not one would ever maintain their "landscaping" for their own self esteem or for their own enjoyment if they knew no one else would see it.
Honestly I was fed a load of crap about it so I am conducting a poll to see if anyone agrees with their BS story
dont care

Fishers, IN

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#6
Mar 22, 2014
 
OK the truth is I keep myself trimmed for hygiene reasons. I'm a man and I have an electric razor I use to keep myself trimmed. If I'm dating someone and she wants it purely bald than I'm going to keep it that way for her. Now, if your spouse is suddenly shaving herself bald and doing other things to work on her appearance with the combined fact she's not sleeping with you. Than YES. The preponderance of the evidence states that she's banging someone else.....hope that helps.
curious

Evansville, IN

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#7
Mar 22, 2014
 
Definitely a helpful comment "don't care". Hoping to get many more also, either perspective! Would anyone just suddenly START going through the hassle of regularly shaving, just for appearance (not hygiene reasons), and just for themselves???
Wat

Owensboro, KY

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#8
Mar 22, 2014
 
I am a female and have maintained my "landscaping" for many,many years. I do it for hygiene reasons,self confidence,and so my man don't get lost when he's down there. Lol. I you two have been together for a longtime it is odd that she would start doing this out of the blue although she could just be trying something new. It's the not sleeping with you part that makes me wonder while all of a sudden worried about all around appearances. I would think if she was trying new things and feeling better about herself then she would want to share that with you. I don't know. Women can be complicated as even I myself will admit. Just because she's not sleeping with you at the moment doesn't always necessarily mean cheating. Wish you the best o luck.
Experience

Bardstown, KY

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#9
Mar 22, 2014
 
The word "suddenly" stands out. If they have never done these things, now have changed many things about themselves, and are not into you...red flags. Any other things going on? Late night's at work, more nights out w friends, phone calls, texts, e-mails, spending lots of time on phone/computer, new ways of dress, cologne/perfume? Just saying..been there, done that.
curious

Evansville, IN

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#10
Mar 22, 2014
 
Let me clarify... to get a better idea of my questions. It is my HUSBAND who was suddenly shaving. Had never done it before in the 5+ years we were together, and he admitted to seeing someone else but maintains the story that there was NEVER any sex. Stayed out late (all night a couple times), showered as soon as he got home, worked together w her, was seeing her for months, but says it was a strictly emotional affair despite these other facts. I am simply trying to make sure I'm not reading too much into very obvious (to me) signs of lying.

Now I know I will get comments like "just leave" blahblahblah, I'm not looking for advice on the marriage, looking for opinions on the suddenly shaving and trying to look hot for "himself"
experince

Bardstown, KY

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#11
Mar 22, 2014
 
I could have predicted what you just said, same thing happened to me. For the record, I don't believe that. An emotional affair wouldn't require the need to be groomed in an area that would never be seen-unless of course it was being seen. No other reason. Logically, an emotional affair may have him thinking he wants to look good on the outside, but why the need to clean up the private areas? Where was he when he was gone all night? No advice on the marriage, I'm still in mine and everyday is a struggle, I no longer trust him. Some days I actually hate him for the things he has done. Hope you get your answers and find some peace.
curious

Evansville, IN

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#12
Mar 22, 2014
 
Thank you SO much! I can't trust either, because every single thing I've ever found out about it I've had to find out on my own. He hasn't (and obviously never will) volunteer any information unless I confront him with irrefutable evidence that he cannot talk his way out of... and even then ill get explanations like "I just wanted my junk to look its very best SO THAT I could look at it" LOL :-(
ouch

Bardstown, KY

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#13
Mar 22, 2014
 
Been through this myself. Your mate is cheating. Their trying to make up excuses on what their doing but really they need to be honest and tell you who rheir cheating with.
BeenThereToo

United States

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#14
Mar 22, 2014
 
I married young, as soon as a turned 18. He seemed perfect for me. Whenever we had first started dating, he kept himself trimmed which when I asked, he told me it was just one way of his to be polite should things ever progress into a physical thing with us. He didn't want to seem like he didn't care what all it looked like if I ever saw him naked. The first year we were married, he kept at it but as time went on, he stopped keeping himself so neat. 4 years later, he 'suddenly' picks up the habit again. Trimming every few days as opposed to every few weeks. Just like the year we dated and the first year of our marriage. A few weeks pass and he says he has to stay over at work a few hours. He comes home the next morning claiming he fell asleep on his desk and he heads for the shower. I asked to join him and he declined. I was suspicious so I went into the bathroom as he was showering and peaked in the curtain to see he had scratches down his back. He and I hadn't made love in a couple weeks and that's when I realized he wasn't grooming himself for me or for him, but for his new found relationship.

So yes, I do believe sudden grooming as that and the things you've described point to cheating. That's my opinion from experience.
curious

Tampa, FL

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#15
Mar 22, 2014
 
I just wish he wasn't DOWNPLAYING everything, and would just admit to having sex with her! I KNOW it to be true already, but he treats me like an idiot and refuses to own his actions, will NEVER admit to fault! Not just the A, its just the way he is I guess, but I can't live with lies, especially about this!!! Polygraph is on it's way, anyone feel like donating to my polygraph fund feel free LOL.
BeenThereToo

United States

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#16
Mar 22, 2014
 
Since he was sneaky, I was sneaky right back and used a white lie to get him to confess.

One night while he was late getting home a couple weeks later, I figured I'd try the old "your phone dialed me" trick because I knew he'd never confess even if I had seen the scratches, which he didn't know about. He walked in to me sitting in the living room very serious and somber. He asked what was wrong and I told him his phone had dialed me about an hour ago and I heard him having sex with someone else. Then I told him to tell me the truth and he did. When he was finished I told him to check his phone and that he hadn't called me in two days, I just knew from the scratches I saw on his back from that first night.

He didn't know what to say after that so I just handed him his bag and told him his mother said she would take him in while the divorce was being processed unless his new love interest was ready for him to move in. Since I was so young when we married, my mother had convinced me to sign a pre nuptial agreement and left the house solely to me when she passed away. So he was an unwelcome guest in my home. Over the course of the divorce, he kept pleading for me to let him come back and that it was a mistake. From what his mother told me, his affair couldn't take him in as she was married as well. So I sent his things to his mother's house and didn't look back. Thankfully we hadn't had kids yet so that was one less thing to handle emotionally.

The point of all that was to show that he won't tell you without proof and that he will regret his choices. And even then, you can claim to have something you don't if you play it well enough. Just don't take being played for a fool. No one deserves such treatment.
curious

Evansville, IN

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#17
Mar 22, 2014
 
So no other opinions about the shaving? I really appreciate everything you have all said, just wanted to hear a few more opinions as to whether or not that scenario would make sense to anyone!
BeenThereToo

United States

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#18
Mar 22, 2014
 
I'm biased because of my experience so I don't think it's anything else.

Keep an eye on his actions a while longer. Look over his body casually for marks you didn't make. Your gut will tell you what's going on.
curious

Evansville, IN

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#19
Mar 22, 2014
 
Well your advice is spot on, but the affair that he is still lying about definitely ended, hard to say if there have been others since (I suspect). So the only progress I can make is through remembered facts and saved messages between them etc. And he KNOWS that there is no way I can produce video evidence or anything damning that he couldn't just deny, so here we are... he thinks I'm so stupid, and will just continue to lie til I can't take anymore and leave.
Hello there

Central City, KY

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#20
Mar 22, 2014
 
curious wrote:
I just wish he wasn't DOWNPLAYING everything, and would just admit to having sex with her! I KNOW it to be true already, but he treats me like an idiot and refuses to own his actions, will NEVER admit to fault! Not just the A, its just the way he is I guess, but I can't live with lies, especially about this!!! Polygraph is on it's way, anyone feel like donating to my polygraph fund feel free LOL.
maybe he'd be more into telling you things if you were honest with him and admit your doings. Everyone's made mistakes. Some just let it get the best of them. Do you lie to him now or before in the past? Lying to each other is not a way to keep a relationship going.

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