Marriage troubles

[Working Man]

Sorry for you too late for me, but got to vent. Was gone yesterday doing extra work. Bi...wife had new furniture delivered when I was gone. I got the raise but I paid extra on some bills this month, Christmas is coming, and our furniture is only 2 years old. Came in last night tired. Had her bi...friends here showing off the furniture and telling what else she was going to do to the house. They just looked down their beaks at me. I went to bed. She's in there asleep.

What can I say? Yours wouldn't do that to you. We all say that. She is all about you, they are all about themselves. All about what they can get out of us. And it's not just the bi...wives. Most women. I listened to them talk last night. A few were single and saying what they could get out of men, what they could make them do, what they culd make them believe.

Yours is not most women. She is the real deal in among these plastic ones. What does she do when she's not at work or with you? Does she go to friends houses, does she go to bars, does she run around? I bet you say no to that. She is all about you. Tell me what that is like. I could read it over and over and over. I could close my eyes and dream about it. And you have it in the real deal. You don't have to close your eyes. She is there. Take her hand and lead her home.

Or trade with me. She has new furniture and she has friends. You will get all that. I will take yuors and what comes with her. I will have the real deal then. You will have..... when you could have the real deal. Wise up.

[too late for me]

Overslept. Still helping my friend on his farm. Don't have time this morning. Working Man, no offense taken. Man1, in a few words, bring her home. Thank you for listening.

[Yard Man]

Working today. Spilled gas on pants, came in to change this morning. Strange smell coming from the kitchen. Food! Big pot of soup. I said it smells good and I'd be back at lunch to eat some. No comment. Came back at lunch. Bi...wife's not here. Soup pot in dishwasher. No soup. Looked all over to find it. Can't find the ham I bought. I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Came in after work and asked where the soup went. She said it was good and she and brother-in-law ate it all. He's still staying here. They had gone to buy him some clothes and not with his money. He's leaving tomorrow.

Saem question we all ask. Yours do that to you? No way. Your lunch would be fixed and I bet brought to you. Just like you like it. She'd be there when you came in too. Make sure you got the first of it. And no family staying with you, or buying for them. Can't you see all this? Don't you know that yours is the best? I would like to have one that's half as good as yours. Maybe even 1/4.

Trade with me. I will still do your yard for the rest of your life. Let me have a little of what it's like. I would probably die from the shock. It's got to be good.

[Truck Driver]

Packed and ready to head out. Will only be gone 3 days this time. Cut backs, means more time at home. Should find part time job just to be out of the house. Bi...wife had some of her bi...friends over yesterday. They were talking about people, no surprise there. Hammering a few ladies and all the men. These bi...es are so much better than everyone and have all the answers. If you aren't like them, you are wrong. That is their motto. There's a lot more of them. Always new ones being added to their pot boiling. Bought some food to take with me. They ate it! These aren't only bi...es, they are pigs. And bi...wife knew what I was going to take. Have to rebuy this afternoon on my trip. Said she didn't know so many were coming. As she says, whatever! She called this a very fun afternoon.

I bet all my money your wife didn't do this and wouldn't. She would buy your food and not let anyone get it. And she sure wouldn't have friends over when you were home. And she wouldn't have friends like these. Does she have any friends left that she does things with? Or have they all shown their true colors toward her? Does she have fun anymore? I bet the fun she has is only when she is with you or the family. She would defend you with her dying breath. The bi...es I saw yesterday only think of themselves. I bet yours face lights up when she sees you. Is her smile as big as it used to be? Are her eyes as clear as they used to be?

Trade with me. I told you already I would throw in my truck and whatever you wanted. I will pay alimony, pay off all the bills, and give you my retirement. But you will have to build a fire stand for the pot boiling. And you could keep all she gave to you. I wouldn't need anything but her. To have someone's face light up and smile when she sees me. To have someone love me that much. To have someone like that I can't begin to think what it would be like. But I want it. And you have it. What we all are wanting you have. Go get her. You know exactly where she is. Where she will always be.

[Arctic stone]

For all those years she probably bent over backwards for you to try to make up for her mistake. She put you first because she felt she owed you something. She took your abuse because she felt like she deserved it and still feels that way. She has paid her debt in full plus. Do you thing she deserves what she's getting? Now it's time for you to start giving back some of that overpayment. Get your wife back. You wont find another one like her out there. If you do, then you must be the luckiest person around here. Lightening doesnt strike twice.

[LAB]

Arctic Stone, He won't do that. He won't take her back because of his foolish pride. His pride stands in the way. He thinks he still needs to punish her. Man 1, I just have some questions for u. When are u going to quit punishing her for one mistake? Didn't u make a mistake in the marriage too? U need to make up your mind on what to do. It not right that u are leading her on. Don't u understand how much u are hurting her. She can't go to her friends because they think she is a fool. She can't find a shoulder to cry on within her friends. She doesn't want to cry on a man shoulder because he will tell all the right things she wants to her but she wants them from u. Not a stranger. Her friends smile and be nice to her in her face but as soon as she gone or earshot away they are talking about her. They are saying what a fool she is waiting on u. Do u know how that makes her feel? Of course u do. Are u enjoying doing this to her? She deserves so much better but she wants u. She wants to be u. Maybe u think the grass is greener on the other side. Maybe u think u can have your cake and eat it to. You are hurting her so much and the only thing she wants is to be with u. She wants you to hold her and tell her that u love her. She wants so take of u. How much longer do u think she going to wait on u? Do u know how many other guys that would love to be in your place? I know i'm lucky and my husband is lucky. He is my best friend. I can tell him anything and he supports me on whatever decision i make. I take care of him and he takes care of me. Don't be fool to long because the grass might be greener for her then u. To man1 wife, If u ever need anyone to talk to u can talk to me. I won't judge and I feel your pain. I hope and pray that u and him can work it out.

[too late for me]

She has times when she feels almost normal. But they are only moments and are getting farther and farther apart. You have them too. When you're busy. When you are together and laughing. When you are sleeping. Which isn't very much. Seeing you helps her make it through the day. When she doesn't her nerves take over.

And you enjoy seeing her too. She is still beautiful to you. She wants to look her best for you, but she doesn't feel beautiful. She's tired and weighted down. So much on her shoulders she doesn't stand tall anymore. She feels she doesn't deserve to. But she keeps taking what is piled on her. Her so called friends pile on her because they can. She won't fight back for herself. She won't say a bad word about you, so she takes it.

There could be some that don't know the situation. When they ask about you, her husband, she tells them how hard you work, how busy you are, but protecting you at all costs. She still wears her wedding ring.

Man1, it's heavy, isn't it? That chip you carry around on your shoulders? And the what will people think bricks? And the poor me rocks? Set them down and take a deep breath. Open your eyes. Look at her and breathe her in. What a wonderful smell and such a beautiful sight! All just for you. She is much lighter to carry. Much easier. Much better. Without her is like being without your arm or your leg. You are not whole. You make each other whole.

I can say all this because I know. I know. Don't wait. I know that too. Thank you for listening.

[i think]

tell you what I think. He's pi$$ed at her, or at what she did. Ok. But he's pi$$ed at hiself for still loving her and still wanting her. And he keeps punishing her for it. Punishing a good lady for the bad a girl did, a manipulated girl. She's taking all the punishment and keeps coming back. He can't see past what she did to see who she is.

But he knows it all. Poor him. He is the only one on this earth that this has happened to. All the wrong that ever happened to him is her fault. She's the scum of the earth. And the fact that he still wants her would make him look bad to everyone. Would make him look weak. And he keeps punishing her to make her go away. Then he will be right. Cause he's always right.

In a perfect world, she wouldn't have efd up, he wouldn't be pi$$ed, and everyone lives happily ever after. But there is no such thing as a fairy tale. This is the real world. She did bad and he did bad. The built a life together, a good life. Of all the fish in the sea, he will still pick her. And she will be nowhere else on this earth but with him.

The real world doesn't start with once upon a time. It starts with she and I are at home. Write that story together.

I would give anything you ask for her, with her bad. Any man would. We all want someone to love and care for us as she does you. Put down the bad burden. Read all of these again. They make sense. You love her and want her home. Start living again and bring her home. Leave being pi$$ed for the john.

[Working Man]

Bi...wife tried to get rid of my chair when the new furniture came in. Can't do nothing about the new stuff but the chair stays. Told her the new stuff was the Christmas present. All kinds of food in the kitchen. Must be having a pot boiling tonight. Who's is in the pot besides me and their husbands?

We could write a book. We would be rich if you would bet with us. I bet your wife wouldn't do that to you. A sure bet. She would never touch your chair. Your chair you picked out. She wouldn't have spent without your input. Never on herself. Wouldn't have a pot boiling. But you know all of this which is why you won't bet.

Isn't it strange how we give others chances but not her? How we believe others but not her? How we can see in her eyes and not believe? How we make her pay and pay and pay but not others? How we can be in the gray but she can't? How we can be conceited and arrogant and be above her and mash her down?

Trade with me. New furniture and I'll throw in my chair. My favorite chair. All I need is her. She's what you need and want and love. These that got their wives home are not less of men because they did it. It makes them more.

[Arctic stone]

Working Man wrote:

Isn't it strange how we give others chances but not her? How we believe others but not her? How we can see in her eyes and not believe? How we make her pay and pay and pay but not others? How we can be in the gray but she can't? How we can be conceited and arrogant and be above her and mash her down?

Oh, he believes what he sees in her eyes. He also believes the cold that's getting in them. One day when he cant see any thing else, he'll wish.

He must be one heck of a righteous dude. He's the only one in the world better than this woman he describes. He must be absolutely flawless....no.....wait. He already said he aint. Hmmmm. I wonder what makes him think he's so great. She only has the one flaw. I wonder how many he has.......I guess he doesnt think much about that.

How about it dude? What makes you so great that you can condemn her for the one flaw? The only reason you can is because she lets you. She lets you because she thinks you will eventually turn back to her. She suffers for you. Stop her suffering. Bring her home.

[experience]

Everyone has a dark side, lurking. Even you. Hers was opened for a moment and then she shut it. Never to be opened again. From lack of use, her dark side shrunk so small it can't be seen with the naked eye. Her good side overpowered it. Even with all the punishment from you and from her, her goodness has kept it down. Even with all the putdowns and ridicules from people, it doesn't come out.

Yes, she punishes herself. Thinks she's unworthy. She's much quieter now. Stays in the shadows, doesn't want any attention on her except for yours. She doesn't want them to notice that her eyes are red because she cried herself to what little sleep she does get. Doesn't want them to notice that she feels lost and alone. Doesn't want them to notice that she is doing something for you.

She has no safe place anymore. It used to be her home with you. But she has no home now. She retreats into herself. When you punish her, when people judge and ridicule her, she goes inside herself. But that isn't a safe place. What if she goes inside one day and doesn't come out, can't come out? How much punishment you think she can take? Cause she will, you know. Take all you dish out at her and still be there. Still wanting you and loving you.

[experience]

Bear with me again. My meds make me not sleep much. As I said, everyone has a dark side. People out there with them that are much bigger and bolder than hers. Do you make them confess? Do you scrutinize them? Do you see their hidden motives? Maybe in times of anger you've said too much. Any info they have they use it against her. Keep it in your face. Keep you angry. All to make them look better. But she doesn't. She protects you. Won't let anyone talk about you. Talks highly of you when asked. But only when asked. And gives out no info.

I been there and done that. Look at my post name. Some of my dates treated my wife pretty rough. And I let them. Talked too much to make myself look better. And they used it against her. But she didn't.

Yours trembles at your touch. It's all she can do to keep from jumping in your arms when she sees you. You can hear it in her voice when she talks to you. She is there for you. She makes your day too. Even with everything, she is the only one that makes you feel alive. And everything is not all bad. You have such a good memory. You can quote chapter and verse of the bad. Use your memory better. Bring the good memories front and center. They will crowd out the bad ones everytime. She is better than the others. You are too. Make her feel like it.

I'll shut up now. But just for now.

[retired widower]

The vultures are circling. Different kinds, but still vultures. They aren't waiting until their prey is dead. As soon as she was down they came. They come in at her one at a time, taking a bite before they fly up again. She stands her ground and fights them away. But they never go very far. Her flesh and blood are too sweet. They fly up and land on a branch looking down on her.

You know these vultures. But some try to fool you by putting on a gentle bird disguise. Don't be fooled. They are all taking swipes at her. Sometimes you come and cover her where they can't get at her. But sometimes you come and open the wounds, and they come with a taste for blood. The "gentle bird" has fooled you and whispered in your ear. Can you not see the blood dripping off her beak? But the prey still stands her ground. She takes the vultures so they don't get to you.

There are many of them, but they haven't been able to take her down yet. They go and tell she's an easy prey and more come. Most don't know why they are there, just have a taste for blood. But she is not an easy prey. How many more will it take to take her down? How long will it take before you see through the gentle bird's disguise to the vulture underneath? How wounded will you let the prey become before you come and rescue her? How many bites can she take protecting you?

[retired widower]

She has no shelter. No place to hide. She has to try to heal out in the open still having to look out for them. They try to fool her too. She is weak and hard for her to see through them. From a distance they look harmless, but as they get closer and closer she sees them. Sometimes she can scare them away. Other times they come in so fast they get their bites in. She doesn't complain to you. You don't know the extent to which they hover and how many there are. But she still keeps them at bay from you. Not letting them get to you.

She is not the vulture, she is not the gentle bird in disguise. She is your dove. She is taking the bites for you. You can come in and get her and take her to your nest and help her heal. Only you can rescue her.

[Arctic stone]

Experience could have just as easily been my name too. But from the other side. If you knew who I was and you knew me, you're jaw would drop. No one would know this about me. No one. This is a side of me that's hidden. Whispering out from the safety of the shadow of a screen name. Whispering out for her sake because I know where she's heading. This part of me is all but gone (thought it was completely gone til I found this thread). All the compassion beaten back only to emerge for her and for you. People I dont even know. And only in safety of hiding, only under the cover of a screen name. The people I know dont see this. They cant. I wont let them because of "never again". This is where she's heading.

"Never again" is a powerful thing. It makes you cold and harsh. Unapproachable by anyone new and distant from the ones that are already in your life. This is where she's heading. No longer will she be the one who wants to comfort those who need it (and I bet she was always the first to do that). Gone will be her desire to do for you because you are the beginning of "never again". No longer keeping hope in the few good people who exist, but seeing all the bad in society and asking herself "why would I want to be a part of that?".

And you are the beginning of this. When her faith in you (the best there is) is lost, her faith in all will be lost. If you think she seems alone now, just wait til that happens. As always she is in your hands to do with as you will. Will you allow this?

[Arctic stone]

continued... guess you'll have to bear with me a little too.

When she made her mistake, she DECIDED "never again" and it didnt happen again. The "never again" that's coming isnt her choice though. It comes in and crushes any resistance and there is nothing that can be done about it. It's the last survival instinct and is probably the most powerful of them all. When you burn your hand, "never again" wont let you touch whatever burned you any more. When you burn your hand on something else later, "never again" wont let you touch that thing that burned you any more either. It's not a consious decision, but it is one that we are aware of and it's very powerful. How often do you touch a hot skillet? The "never again" that's coming is far bigger version of the dont get burned "never again". At a certain point you become the biggest skillet in the world. Are you really gonna let this happen? Right now, she still holds onto you, but when the burn gets bad enough, she will let go. Dont keep waiting.

[retired widower]

We would all be surprised at who we all are. As much as I want to help, I will not do that to my wife. She is resting and I will not disturb her for that. But I know that she would tell me it was okay if it helped someone else going through this. If it would bring them back together. If she was here, she would be beside me in this. Arctic, my friend, she would take you under her wing. Her dove's wing. Through your posts I see the compassion you have. It's still there.
If he knew who I was he would see that I am a man, not a wuss, not a mouse, not henpecked, not less. Not living by what people will think. I did that. People don't want you to do well. That might make you more than them and they can't have that. They delight in you being down. You're easier for them to kick when you are down.
That's what she is going through. They don't kick her for the bad. Most don't know the bad. They kick her for what she does for you, how she loves you. Talk behind her back for it. Some even talk at her, trying to beat her down more than what she already is. To make her feel bad for loving you. They say they would do this and they wouldn't do that. But they have never loved like she loves you. They can't begin to know the love and want she has for you. But she holds herself. Her feet never leave. And they keep coming. Tell her things about you, tell her lies. This is not to help, but to get a reaction. She shows no emotion to them. She won't give them the satisfaction. She knows you. They leave only to return with more. But her feet never leave.
They come to you. They lie to you about her, about what they would do. Some are trying to put you down on their level. Some are trying to make themselves look better by making her look worse. See through them. Some you already can, but some are good at it.
Yes, you would be surprised at who I am. Because you think that taking her back would make you less. Because you think about what people will think. Because you LET this be up front. You are stronger and better than the bad. This is coming from me, I have been there. I know how you have felt, I know how you feel. But I also know how you could feel getting her home. No one is out there like her. No one ever will be. The two of you together is the best there is, no matter what.

[too late for me]

Just a few minutes before work, but I had to talk. The lightbulb that would come on in his head if he knew who we were. The help that would bring him to know that this can turn out. And turn out good. I waited too late. I fear he will too. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. No one knows if the next time she retreats into herself will be the last time anyone sees her. Don't take that chance. Get her home as soon as possible. Don't wait. Thank you for listening.

[Music Man]

When I get ready to say something on here, one of you has beat me to it. Our bi...wives are all alike! Had their book club here last night. Think they should call it the bi... club. That's most of the talk. At the end they talk about 15 minutes on the book. When they FINALLY left her bi...ing started on them. Some of them didn't agree with her on something in the book. They are wrong and she is right. Had a new girl there. Never heard her say anything until talking about the book. Bet she was expecting a real book club. Bet she won't be back.

Came to bed in think pants, PANTS!, and cream all on her face and rollers in her hair. Picture that! Go on, close your eyes and picture that!Cream is okay but later, you know. And the cream won't take that snarl off her face. That comes from inside. Her insides is what needs the cream.

Bet yours wouldn't come to bed like that. She'd come to bed in a gown or one of them short things or maybe even nothing at all. Her face with a smile and her hair down. I can't picture that. With my eyes closed I can't picture that. Don't know what your wife looks like on the outside. Don't matter. But she is beautiful on the inside. That's what matters. And that is what comes to the outside.

Look around you. Bi...es are everywhere. Hiding waiting to come out. They go after you, they go after her. All to make them look good. She doesn't go after them. She doesn't have to. She is the one that looks good. Trade with me, please! Let me have that picture I don't want to close my eyes to. Whatever you want, whatever it takes, trade. Could be only for a short time, but I will take it. I will trade right now. I look in there at mine. I will trade right now!!!! I'll give you all my music, my escape. I will give it in the trade.

[too late for me]

You get home from a long hard day at work. She is there at the door to greet you with a smile and a comforting touch. She has supper waiting for you. It smells good. All your favorites. She only cooks your favorites. She pours you a glass of tea and you wash up and eat. She asks about your day and listens as you talk. Then you take a shower to wash away the day. She cleans up the kitchen and comes to you. She smells wonderful, her smell. She looks beautiful. She has fixed up for you. You turn out the lights and feel her. She feels.......

You get home to a dark house. She is not there to greet you. She is not there with supper ready. There are no smells in the kitchen, no favorite foods. She is not there to talk to. You pour a glass of milk and eat a cold sandwich. You take a shower to wash away the day. You don't hear anyone in the kitchen. No one comes to you. You don't smell her. You turn out the lights and feel the cold bed. You feel......

Which one sounds better? Which one feels better? Which one do you want? Which one can you have? The answer to all of these questions is Door #1. Go open Door #1 and get her back home. All you have to do is take her hand. Don't wait. Door #1 won't always be unlocked, never to be opened. I know. Thank you for listening.