One-night stand debate continues

One-night stand debate continues

There are 137 comments on the Chicago Tribune story from Feb 14, 2008, titled One-night stand debate continues. In it, Chicago Tribune reports that:

The debate continues on the responsibilities for an unwanted pregnancy after a one-night stand ... Barbara: I'm the wife of a man who had a child after a drunken one-night stand.

Join the discussion below, or Read more at Chicago Tribune.

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Ann

Chicago, IL

#1 Feb 14, 2008
To Barbara, who's chastising the mother of her hubby's love-child by citing as being "selfish" and "Her religious beliefs played no part in becoming intoxicated and engaging in unprotected, premarital sex and being deceitful". Uh, ok...then what does that make your husband??? I cannot believe your overall tone of actual SYMPATHY towards him!! He "blames himself for the situation"...uh, well, YEAH...he should!! Did this woman knock him out, cut him open and steal the sperm from his body?? Why is HIS deceitfulness being overlooked here? You DO know that it was your husband, not this woman, who was unfaithful to you, don't you?
steph

United States

#2 Feb 14, 2008
Why do people insist on "punishing" the child for something the parents did? Barbara sounds like a hell of a stepmother.

Bob, Roe v. Wade gives women the right to terminate their pregnancies for more than health reasons. And if you're so concerned, I suggest you wear a condom and nip the problem in the bud.

Alice--damn straight. Couldn't have said it better myself.
marie s

Greenwood, IN

#4 Feb 14, 2008
Ann wrote:
Why is HIS deceitfulness being overlooked here? You DO know that it was your husband, not this woman, who was unfaithful to you, don't you?
ann: there was no mention of this guy being unfaithful. i took it that he fathered the child before he met/married his now wife. no need to jump to conclusions here. AND you need to calm down a tad. it's just a silly newspaper column, here for our entertainment.
BradM

Vernon Hills, IL

#5 Feb 14, 2008
steph wrote:
Bob, Roe v. Wade gives women the right to terminate their pregnancies for more than health reasons.
Steph -- Bob was referring to the companion case of Doe v. Bolton, which came to the Supreme Court at the same time, part and parcel to, Roe v. Wade. The Doe v. Bolton case never has really received much ink in the newspapers. It's a forgotten case next to Roe v. Wade.

But Bob was NOT incorrect in regard to what THAT case was about. Don't confuse the two cases.
Jake55

Vernon Hills, IL

#6 Feb 14, 2008
In this article, "Bob" is quoted as saying "What about how the father's mental health is affected by the stigma of being an unwed father?".

Oh, Bob. See a psychiatrist if your mental health is affected that much.
steph

United States

#7 Feb 14, 2008
BradM wrote:
<quoted text>
Steph -- Bob was referring to the companion case of Doe v. Bolton, which came to the Supreme Court at the same time, part and parcel to, Roe v. Wade. The Doe v. Bolton case never has really received much ink in the newspapers. It's a forgotten case next to Roe v. Wade.
But Bob was NOT incorrect in regard to what THAT case was about. Don't confuse the two cases.
It's forgotten because it is redundant that they would need two different decisions dictating that women have the right to end their pregnancies.
Aurora

Newark, DE

#8 Feb 14, 2008
Paul, dear. You do have the same choice about becoming a parent as a woman does, Ahole. Use a condom, or better still, keep it in your pants. If you can't figure that out you probably should not reproduce anyway.
suzyq

Nashville, TN

#9 Feb 14, 2008
To Paul: men and women both have the right to not become a parent you twit - we don't need legislation for that. It's called responsibility and being a grown up. For both genders - if YOU personally are not using birth control - just assume a baby will be on the way. Even if she says she is using the pill. Use a condom, insist that she use contraceptive foam. If you don't use all the means available to you particularly in a one night stand you may get way more than a baby out of it. Of course you could use the oldest method of birth control in the world - abstinence. But you would really have to be a self disciplined adult to do that. I agree with so many other writers, the poor child that you two idiots bring in the world did not ask for either of you as parents, this child is the ONLY victim.
Garth Algar

United States

#10 Feb 14, 2008
steph wrote:
<quoted text>
It's forgotten because it is redundant that they would need two different decisions dictating that women have the right to end their pregnancies.
It can't be redundant, if that were the case then the Supreme Court would not have accepted the case. But they did because of it's merits and therefore the ruling has importance and differences.
Really- - -

Chicago, IL

#11 Feb 14, 2008
That REDICULOUS statement ... "She cited her religious beliefs as a reason for keeping the child. I cite selfishness. Her religious beliefs played no part in becoming intoxicated and engaging in unprotected, premarital sex and being deceitful." says that as a woman, this "wife" has no compassion or morals. She'd rather point the finger at the other woman, AND have a child killed, rather than have her husband (who is doing the right thing and properly paying his penance for a previous wrongful act) do what is right and good for the baby. What's wrong with that wife? Get some morals and move on.
Amazed

Lake Zurich, IL

#13 Feb 14, 2008
To all of you who say a man should keep it in his pants, do you know the meaning of consensual? It is "entered into by mutual consent". It is a cop out to blame either party for these situations, although granted there is a great degree of mutual irresponsibility. All of the events after the mistake is made, however, are clearly biased. How the hell can you rationalize a situation such as where a dad of more modest means than the mom has to pay child support and all expenses?

And marie s., your reaction to the mention of of an equal rights amendment was way over the top. Something hitting a little too close to home?
Rational

Waymart, PA

#14 Feb 14, 2008
Im still seeing a very big divide on this issue where men are saying: "we wish we had all the options available as to being a parent, or rather, not being a parent that women have"

and women are continuing to say"well keep it in your pants then, or wear a condom".

I have yet to see the women telling each other to KEEP THEIR LEGS CROSSED! Also, its not about that, its what happens AFTER a woman gets pregnant. Many of you here are still blind to that and dare I say what is actually true: its a se ist position for some of the women here to be saying "well if you get the woman pregnant 'man up'" etc. Men don't have the ability to terminate the pregnancy, meaning that they don't have the same options women have in this decision. When will some of these women finally see it as fair? I guess they wont be satisfied until they have the same rights at black widow spiders and can eat their mates after copulation?

I agree men and women probably shouldn't be having _ex with each other if they are not in a relationship but how many of us here can raise our hand and say we didn't?*scanning the room* yeah, thats what I thought, we have all done it.

Another counter to the keep it in your pants, wear a rubber etc is this:

Women, if you dont want to get knocked up and have to try and track a man down for money DONT GET PREGNANT by a one night stand! BUT IF YOU DO, dont also then fully expect for a male to run to your side, and dance and throw cash in the air around you and kiss your feet and tell you how great it is that you two met on $3 margarita night!! You are equally culpable.

I dont know where this form of equality came from where some women think everything is equal until until something as serious as this comes up, then its up to the man to basically "take care of" the little woman. What type of gender equality is that? Ladies if you have a one night stand and get pregnant, you should have appreciated the risks beforehand, during, and after and after you made your choice to keep the child, you know, that choice no man has ever gotten?

Just my two cents. As stated before I wouldn't turn my back on my own flesh and blood. So I am not stating this from most mens perspective and certainly not my own. However as we see this as a huge problem I am stating it from a practical standpoint.
joe

Chicago, IL

#16 Feb 14, 2008
guys never ever ever forget to wear your rain coat and girls make sure you have some extra around
Get To The Point

Austin, TX

#17 Feb 14, 2008
Let's look at this article again...

The woman wrote in asking a question, and not a SINGLE person addressed it.

"The child is as well adjusted as can be expected. However, the questions she asks get harder as she gets older. She wants to know why I don't work and her mother does. She wonders why my husband doesn't know anything about her mother. When this child is an adult, does she deserve to know some part of the truth?"

My answer: Of course she will deserve the truth - HOWEVER, will she get the truth, or will she get the truth with a huge helping of finger pointing on the side? Both her mom & dad better be prepared to admit (as it appears dad has done) that their actions weren't what fairy tales are made of. And stepmom should refrain from entering the discussion altogether.
someone

United States

#18 Feb 14, 2008
Rational wrote:
Im still seeing a very big divide on this issue where men are saying: "we wish we had all the options available as to being a parent, or rather, not being a parent that women have"
and women are continuing to say"well keep it in your pants then, or wear a condom".
I have yet to see the women telling each other to KEEP THEIR LEGS CROSSED! Also, its not about that, its what happens AFTER a woman gets pregnant. Many of you here are still blind to that and dare I say what is actually true: its a se ist position for some of the women here to be saying "well if you get the woman pregnant 'man up'" etc. Men don't have the ability to terminate the pregnancy, meaning that they don't have the same options women have in this decision. When will some of these women finally see it as fair? I guess they wont be satisfied until they have the same rights at black widow spiders and can eat their mates after copulation?
I agree men and women probably shouldn't be having _ex with each other if they are not in a relationship but how many of us here can raise our hand and say we didn't?*scanning the room* yeah, thats what I thought, we have all done it.
Another counter to the keep it in your pants, wear a rubber etc is this:
Women, if you dont want to get knocked up and have to try and track a man down for money DONT GET PREGNANT by a one night stand! BUT IF YOU DO, dont also then fully expect for a male to run to your side, and dance and throw cash in the air around you and kiss your feet and tell you how great it is that you two met on $3 margarita night!! You are equally culpable.
I dont know where this form of equality came from where some women think everything is equal until until something as serious as this comes up, then its up to the man to basically "take care of" the little woman. What type of gender equality is that? Ladies if you have a one night stand and get pregnant, you should have appreciated the risks beforehand, during, and after and after you made your choice to keep the child, you know, that choice no man has ever gotten?
Just my two cents. As stated before I wouldn't turn my back on my own flesh and blood. So I am not stating this from most mens perspective and certainly not my own. However as we see this as a huge problem I am stating it from a practical standpoint.
For the record....ladies, keep your legs crossed if youre sure you dont want to knocked up by a one night stand

And see my post on the last thread. I do support the whole choice thing I outlined for guys with the conditions I put on it

Now off the record.....as a chick, what I think means crap to what actually gets done. Just like choice for women and birth control options for women,_nothing_ will ever get done in the legal and social arena until men stand up and fight for what they want.

I have yet to see a concentrated unified effort by a group of men going after this.

Until they do, the situation will not change
Really- - -

Chicago, IL

#19 Feb 14, 2008
The "CHOICE" needs to be made BEFORE the sex part. That's why the whole making love thing was specifically designed for MARRIAGE only. If only these rules would be followed - NONE of this kind of thing would EVER even BE an issue. And, if you don't follow these simple rules and make your "CHOICE" at the appopriate time,(BEFORE anything happens) then you no longer have a choice......you have a child.
No getting out of it via murdering the child. If all of the inmates on death-row were given a "CHOICE" of weather or not to kill someone AND be able to leave prison,...people would FREAK! Why, because they've already passed up their window of opportunity,... the time limit on their "CHOICE" has expired. When they made the "CHOICE" to do the crime, that's ALSO when the "CHOICE" is made to do the time.
WomanNoFault

United States

#20 Feb 14, 2008
This is simple. If a woman has the constitutional right to her privacy and that means only she and not the state or anyone else can tell her whether to have an abortion or not, then she herself is responsible for what goes on in her body. If she does not want to get pregnant, she simply does not have sex. Once she does she must assume all consequences of how she uses her body so unless it was forced sex it is TOTALLY HER PROBLEM. OOOOOpppps wait I know it takes two to tango, but guess what..she didn't have to dance. No dance no tango. Either woman get to control their bodies and thus assume all responsibility for anything that happens to them or not. But they (woman)want it both ways don't they?
And let us not forget how many woman get pregnant to ensnare a man into hopefully marriage and then a life of being supported by the man. Yes there are still woman who believe it here role to stay at home and live off a man. They should be charged with felonies and jailed. FRAUD is what it is called particularily when they lie about using birth control.
Stop whining women either you are in control or you are not.
Jennifer

Stamford, CT

#21 Feb 14, 2008
Regardless of who is 'responsible', a child still needs to be taken care of, financially and otherwise. The differences between the health implications of becoming a father and having a child grow inside of you and giving birth to that child are monumental. To even consider that they should be equal shows very little understanding of the whole subject.
As for the cost of a child - they cost more than $1,755 a month. I can only presume that the father complaining that he is funding his ex's lifestyle on this amount does not have any kids in his own custody. If so he'd realise that what he is paying is at least fair, and possibly even a good deal.
I agree that the guys need to keep it in their pants if they have a problem with having to pay child support, and yes women should keep their legs crossed if they don't agree with having to pay their fair share of the cost of raising a child or even all of it if the dad is a deadbeat.
I also don't think it's fair for the amounts fathers pay to be judged on the mother staying at home rather than working however, because that should be a luxury and not a right.
Jennifer

Stamford, CT

#22 Feb 14, 2008
Oh and Rational - my hand is in the air. Some of us were raised right.
Kathy

Chicago, IL

#23 Feb 14, 2008
My parents' generation was criticized for staying in a "loveless marriage" for the sake of the children. I don't condone abuse of any sort in a marriage, however, people also need to quit being so selfish. Everyday is not a picnic and you can't expect it to be one. Take responsibility for the children you help to create. It's not all about YOU! No wonder there are so many screwed up adults ... they were probably never cherished or thought of first as children. My kids aren't perfect, but they know they are the center of my (and their dad's) universe. And my stepdaughter also knows this!

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