When spouse doesn't want sex, what are the possible options?

Full story: Chicago Tribune

W hat do you do when you're married and your partner doesn't want to have sex any more? What's the answer? If counseling doesn't work or your partner won't go, what are your options? Divorce? Death? Affairs? ...
Comments
941 - 960 of 972 Comments Last updated Mar 18, 2014
Fred Garvin

Parsippany, NJ

#999 Jul 11, 2008
Terri at home wrote:
<quoted text>
I know, but did you look in the link? Do and tell me what YOU think. Hee, hee.
I think it should be more publically known. A little humiliation goes a long way.
EEE

Tinley Park, IL

#1001 Jul 11, 2008
Sorry, his mugshot was my wallpaper for a while, not the link.
Another Midwest Guy

United States

#1002 Jul 22, 2008
Midwest guy wrote:
My wife is perfect in every way (even if she isn't), but she doesn't want sex. I can "get some," but it never feels mutual. I've kept in shape and I'm respectful to her, so I'm pretty sure I'm physically or emotionally not turning her off. We're affectionate and playful, but just never do the deed. We have a daughter and I'll never leave because of that and due the rest of our relationship, but there's one huge, gaping and persistent void from my perspective and I'm trying to hang in and keep faithful. It's tough, but so far so good. To the men and women who do stray -- I understand.(We've been married 6 years and are in our mid-40s.)
I'm in very much the same situation as you, except I've been married 38 yrs. and we're in our late 50's. No children at home. We love each other, but there is little intimacy.I understand why some stray also. We're not all able to enjoy,--- but we're all not willing, or able, to abstain either.
Tom P

College Station, TX

#1003 Sep 10, 2008
Guys if you're married and not getting any get out, move on. It's not worth
sticking around for 40 years of misery. There are women out there who do
enjoy sex and its far better if you find one when you can enjoy her than when
you are 60 and going limp. You work hard for your money - lavish it on a woman you can love physically and emotionally, not a burnt out sexless
hulk.

“Walking Attitude”

Since: Aug 07

The Q continuum

#1004 Sep 11, 2008
Tom P wrote:
Guys if you're married and not getting any get out, move on. It's not worth
sticking around for 40 years of misery. There are women out there who do
enjoy sex and its far better if you find one when you can enjoy her than when
you are 60 and going limp. You work hard for your money - lavish it on a woman you can love physically and emotionally, not a burnt out sexless
hulk.
True, but those kind of women are rare indeed in the US. And the very few you encounter "already have a boyfriend/fiancee/husband " (usually said with a high pitched whine).

“An Apple a day”

Level 6

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#1005 Jan 28, 2010
And remember this one.
Mpre

Ashland, KY

#1006 Mar 16, 2010
I was wrong wrote:
Ok...I was in a sexless marriage too...I couldn't understand why my husband wasn't interested in making love/having sex with me? It seemed to stop after the honeymoon. I put the blame on me, i.e. not attractive enough, not smart enough, blah, blah, blah. I was (and still am) in fabulous shape, am fairly attractive, and intelligent. Took care of my end of the "bargain"; worked full-time (for awhile, even supported him when he was out of work)cleaned, cooked, etc. Every time I tried to explore why he wasn't interested, he told me "all you ever think about is sex!" to which I anwered "right, because you never give it to me". He would not go to counseling, saying that I was the one with the problem. Needless to say, I took the cowards way out and ultimatley had affaires. I am ashamed of that to this day (I finally filed for divorce). I have since re-married, and thankfully, my husband knows how important intimacy is to the relationship. We are close in every way, which is what I believe a marriage should be.
I had a friend (sex buddy) that was in the same boat. However she loved her husband and she turned to me for help. I was there for her when she needed me but I wasn't threatning to her marriage and my help brought her and her husband closer and now they moved to ID and she emailed me that they are having great sex and she thanked me saying if not for me they would have divorced long ago. Maybe its cheating but it doesn't mean anything and sometimes a sex buddy really helps.
Tom

Chilliwack, Canada

#1007 Mar 16, 2010
Been in a sexless marriage for along rimw. I get release by masturbation...
Join Free
Dudet

Moncton, Canada

#1008 Sep 3, 2011
Anne wrote:
Who are you freakin' kidding? Perhaps if these men were more in tune with their wives, and instead of putting the pressure on them try to remove some of the pressure, and adjust to their schedule, it would be more mutually satisfying. Maybe it's not that the wives do not want sex anymore, but it is simply one more thing to do on a list that goes on and on. Perhaps these "mem" should take up some of the household duties, and they would very surprised.
I have the same problem as these dudes. My spouse has sex with me but I sure feel like it is just to appease me. It's a shame that she isn't still the same woman I met. We too have 3 kids...and fought lots over this. I have tried to take on lots if household chores...didn't change anything. I've tried to be more loving...affectionate..attenti ve...and it's still the same. She seems to enjoy it when we have it...but getting there is like pulling teeth. It's almost not even worth the bother. I know how a women responds to a man she is interested in...and this us just not it. If it has got to the point where you have to tell her that there is a problem, it's already to late. It really sucks.
The real

Opelousas, LA

#1010 Jan 28, 2014
My wife of 20 years don't like to have sex anymore I don't know why I don't have any problem with my tool it still working fine I stay ready she won't to do it when she is ready and that's not very often she always have excuses i can get other women if I really won't to I get offer all the time women see things in me that she don't see I just dont understand it should i leave her someone may have this same problem respond
achyfi

Hartford, CT

#1012 Jan 28, 2014
The real wrote:
My wife of 20 years don't like to have sex anymore I don't know why I don't have any problem with my tool it still working fine I stay ready she won't to do it when she is ready and that's not very often she always have excuses i can get other women if I really won't to I get offer all the time women see things in me that she don't see I just dont understand it should i leave her someone may have this same problem respond
thats cause she grew a fking dick.

“An Apple a day”

Level 6

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#1013 Mar 8, 2014
And of course, whining about it on line really helps!

“Groooovin'”

Since: Feb 14

Location hidden

#1014 Mar 11, 2014
WELL,..The Question IS:

DO YOU LOVE Her/Him ENOUGH to go through a SEXLESS Marriage???

I MEAN..When YOU Said "I DO" ..It was To be With THAT Person YOU Fell in LOVE With..To be With THEM Forever..

INTIMACY is Just a BONUS PRIZE..When ya tie the knot!
.
Okay, Let's FLIP FLOP the original Subject..

Say You gave been MARRIED for 25 years..AND your Hubby becomes IMPOTENT!!
ARE YOU The WIFE, GONNA go and CHEAT on The MAN Who Has Given you.. EVERYTHING you have EVER Desired??

WOULD D-I-V-O-R-C-E even be CONSIDERED??.

LOVE is the KEY Word here!!

It's ALL up to the Individual to DECIDE if LOVE is the Determining Factor or NOT...to STAY!!

;)

“A Time for laughter and ...”

Level 3

Since: Apr 13

A Time to be candid.

#1015 Mar 11, 2014
_Annabella_ wrote:
And of course, whining about it on line really helps!
You are kinda funny. After all you are the one that reopened it after a year and a half.
Whining about it on line may not help, but there are some reasonable ppl out here that
are able to give others a different perspective.

I believe sex is very important in a marriage and shouldn't be withheld as it is by so many.
Over 50% of the marriages end and this will be one of the top reasons why it does.

PP gives us another perspective. I see there are worse things than being single and
more than I've seen of good examples of what a marriage is supposed to be.

“Groooovin'”

Since: Feb 14

Location hidden

#1016 Mar 11, 2014
Had a Pal of mine. Tell me..that his WIFE isn't ROMANTIC..

When he arrives thru the door after a Grueling day at work..He's EXPECTS her to Smother him w/Kisses.. and a Martini in tow!!

FORGETTING..she has a Toddler in the High chair Crying, a Teenage daughter ranting about NEW Jeans and a 20ish Son..Wanting MOM to iron his FAV Shirt..
.
All he Desires is a Bit of Attention WHEN he comes home..SINCE he said..That They Haven't Had SEX in ages..and Looks like it AIN'T gonna Happen Ever..

So, Did he EVER Consider THAT she may be EXHAUSTED!!

WHY is IT..That HUBBY'S think their WIVES are doing it to PIZZ them OFF???

“Groooovin'”

Since: Feb 14

Location hidden

#1019 Mar 12, 2014
bands wrote:
If your hubby tratn u bad and u like long dark wood and want it rough text me 3013384834
REPORTED!! Take it to the Human Sexuality Forum!!

“Groooovin'”

Since: Feb 14

Location hidden

#1020 Mar 12, 2014
SERIOUSLY.. Couple Therapy!!
.
A WIFE..or HUBBY..Just DOESN'T wake Up ONE Day..and SAY.."THAT'S IT...DONE with SEX"!!!

There HAS to HAVE Been .SIGNS!!

Spouses.Anything out of the Ordinary.. TALK About It..

SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE!!

Level 5

Since: Sep 12

Cadillac MI

#1021 Mar 12, 2014
Petal Power wrote:
<quoted text> REPORTED!! Take it to the Human Sexuality Forum!!
LMAO!!! Thought that's where we were ;)
Katie

Phoenix, AZ

#1022 Mar 12, 2014
David0407 wrote:
<quoted text>LMAO!!! Thought that's where we were ;)
Hey I left you a message on your forum
Mimi

Baltimore, MD

#1023 Mar 13, 2014
Cynthia wrote:
WOW! Amazing, totally amazing. Sex is ALL that marriage is about? Believe me, the man who has been cheating for over 20 years is fooling himself when he says his wife doesn't know about it! She may not know precisely who and when and how often, but she knows and it is probably one of the reaons she is having an 'nonsexual affair'. She, as is true with most women, needs an intimate emotional connection, sex comes second in most cases (mine included). A woman feels like a piece of meat when a man only pays attention to her when he climbs into bed when sleep is all she has on her mind. I thought marriage was about commitment, companionship, love, goals, and sex. I didn't know that sex is all it was about. Dumb me. The man didn't mention if there were children in this 25 year marriage. Wonder if they know Dad is a liar and cheat because that is precisely what he is!
I couldn't say it better.

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