janes ctoe

United States

#14984 Jul 15, 2013
Just cave allready ! She wants some gurl on gurl action ! Don't worry, strangers are always clean & honest . Tap dat shet . O wait, you don't have a tap or the pecks to push it .kinda like driven home on a flat . Lmfao

Level 9

Since: Sep 11

Weeki Wachee, Florida

#14985 Jul 15, 2013
LizW wrote:
Good Morning All
Spooky hopw you enjoyed your dinner last night. What did you end up ordering?
The filet, as usual. It was nice getting out. Back to housework today.

“Incorrupta fides, nudaque veri”

Level 9

Since: May 07

Vincit qui se vincit

#14986 Jul 15, 2013
AAADD, can anyone relates to this?

Recently I was diagnosed with AAADD - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decided to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find a can of Coke that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the coke a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered. I set the coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, we will be looking for the remote, but nobody will remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

“Incorrupta fides, nudaque veri”

Level 9

Since: May 07

Vincit qui se vincit

#14987 Jul 15, 2013
How to shower like a Woman.....How to shower like a Man

How to Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband/boyfriend along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.

11. Shave armpits and legs.

12. Turn off shower.

13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.

16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

17. If you see husband/boyfriend along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

AND NOW How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife/girlfriend along the way, shake wiener (the helicopter) at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

3. Look in the mirror, look at your wiener and scratch your ass.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Wash your face

6. Wash your armpits.

7. Blow your nose in your hands with a loud honking sound and let the water rinse them off.

8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

11. Shampoo your hair.

12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

13. Pee.

14. Rinse off and get out of shower.

15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.

17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife/girlfriend, pull off towel, wink at her, do the helicopter, and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

19. Throw wet towel on bed.

“Incorrupta fides, nudaque veri”

Level 9

Since: May 07

Vincit qui se vincit

#14988 Jul 15, 2013
The wife wakes up in the middle of the night to find that her husband is not there.

She goes downstairs to find him sitting in the kitchen staring blankly into space.
"What's wrong" She asks.
"Honey" He replies "Do you remember when we were dating? You were so young then."
"Yes" she says
"Do you remember when your dad caught us in the backseat of my car?" He asks.
"Yes I remember that" She says
"And remember he put that shotgun to my head and said that if I didn't marry you, he would
make sure that I did 20 years in jail?" He asked.
"Yes, why?" She asked.
"Well," He said, "I would've gotten out today."

“Incorrupta fides, nudaque veri”

Level 9

Since: May 07

Vincit qui se vincit

#14989 Jul 15, 2013
A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double scotch on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch.
After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double scotch.
Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you drinks all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order another,"
The customer replied, "I'm looking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home,"

**********
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all," "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good
with the kids."
**********
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

Level 9

Since: Sep 11

Weeki Wachee, Florida

#14990 Jul 15, 2013
Ricky F wrote:
How to shower like a Woman.....How to shower like a Man
How to Shower Like a Woman
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband/boyfriend along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs.
12. Turn off shower.
13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
17. If you see husband/boyfriend along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
AND NOW How To Shower Like a Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife/girlfriend along the way, shake wiener (the helicopter) at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look in the mirror, look at your wiener and scratch your ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face
6. Wash your armpits.
7. Blow your nose in your hands with a loud honking sound and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife/girlfriend, pull off towel, wink at her, do the helicopter, and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
19. Throw wet towel on bed.
Sounds about right.

“Incorrupta fides, nudaque veri”

Level 9

Since: May 07

Vincit qui se vincit

#14991 Jul 15, 2013
LizW wrote:
I thought the same thing. Those juror's I'm sure knew their not guilty verdict would cause tensions across the country,but in the end they just couldn't support a guilty verdict. I'm not too sure about Zimmerman making the TV interview circut. He's better off just laying low.
I just read where people in CA blocked a freeway exit to protest the verdict. Like that was a productive idea.<quoted text>
He's going to have to lay low for the rest of his life now.

“That's all folks...”

Since: Jan 12

Paradise North Georgia

#14992 Jul 15, 2013
Zimmerman could fade into the sunset if he really
wanted to.
First thing he would have to do is a change of last
name.
He could blend in with the average population after that.

Time will tell in a very short while, will Zman
try and profit off of this himself?

Level 8

Since: Mar 12

Sugar Land, TX

#14993 Jul 15, 2013
Ricky F wrote:
AAADD, can anyone relates to this?
Recently I was diagnosed with AAADD - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decided to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find a can of Coke that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the coke a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered. I set the coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, we will be looking for the remote, but nobody will remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.
The story of my life...

Loved the jokes, Ricky!

Level 8

Since: Mar 12

Sugar Land, TX

#14994 Jul 15, 2013
Good Morning everyone.
Murph

United States

#14995 Jul 15, 2013
rubygoober wrote:
Zimmerman could fade into the sunset if he really
wanted to.
First thing he would have to do is a change of last
name.
He could blend in with the average population after that.
Time will tell in a very short while, will Zman
try and profit off of this himself?
I hope he sues NBC for the intentional editing of the 911 tape. Because of that editing, plus the constant picture of an angelic 12 year-old, Z was painted a racist. Someone was behind that--the person who was blamed and fired for the editing didn't just decide on his own to do that in order to create racial tension.

Level 6

Since: Oct 11

Location hidden

#14996 Jul 15, 2013
Good morning everyone...

I agree with your post "Murph" on the 911 tape.

I Pray no one con_fuses me with you "MURPH"...

Be on the watch for "RAMBLER" she loves to
Distort information..to confuse the data.

Have a Blessed Day...
2400
Hans Zimmerman

United States

#14997 Jul 15, 2013
Hi ya'll

Level 2

Since: Jun 13

Location hidden

#14998 Jul 15, 2013
Murphey_Law wrote:
Good morning everyone...
I agree with your post "Murph" on the 911 tape.
I Pray no one con_fuses me with you "MURPH"...
Be on the watch for "RAMBLER" she loves to
Distort information..to confuse the data.
Have a Blessed Day...
2400
Nobody can mistake you for anybody else.
2401
Ctz

Riverside, CA

#14999 Jul 15, 2013
Murph wrote:
<quoted text>
I hope he sues NBC for the intentional editing of the 911 tape. Because of that editing, plus the constant picture of an angelic 12 year-old, Z was painted a racist. Someone was behind that--the person who was blamed and fired for the editing didn't just decide on his own to do that in order to create racial tension.
Painted as a racist ? Z was a racist! Didn't you hear George's best friend Frank Taffee ?

Level 8

Since: Mar 12

Sugar Land, TX

#15000 Jul 15, 2013
Hans Zimmerman wrote:
Hi ya'll
Hey!

“Don't Worry Be Happy”

Since: Apr 09

Happytown, USA

#15001 Jul 15, 2013
rubygoober wrote:
Zimmerman could fade into the sunset if he really
wanted to.
First thing he would have to do is a change of last
name.
He could blend in with the average population after that.
Time will tell in a very short while, will Zman
try and profit off of this himself?
Ruby, I like Curlie's chair. We always had two recliners, one for Mr. Tribe and one for me. Somehow we ended up with one, and I ended up with one of those wooden rockers with the cushions you usually see in baby nurseries, you know with the matching foot rest. I can't wait to unload that thing and get another recliner.

;-)

“That's all folks...”

Since: Jan 12

Paradise North Georgia

#15003 Jul 15, 2013
tribe mom wrote:
<quoted text>
Ruby, I like Curlie's chair. We always had two recliners, one for Mr. Tribe and one for me. Somehow we ended up with one, and I ended up with one of those wooden rockers with the cushions you usually see in baby nurseries, you know with the matching foot rest. I can't wait to unload that thing and get another recliner.
;-)
Every time I mention getting a new recliner Curlie grabs his
chest and carries on like, Fred Sanford.
That recliner looks like something Fred Sanford would have in
his house.

The lamb skin he draped on it is so big and heavy they had to
sew several lambs together.

Then he tells me, the way to maintain it is to brush it with a
wire dog brush~~
Yea right Curlie, I'll get right on it...

“Don't Worry Be Happy”

Since: Apr 09

Happytown, USA

#15004 Jul 15, 2013
rubygoober wrote:
<quoted text>
Every time I mention getting a new recliner Curlie grabs his
chest and carries on like, Fred Sanford.
That recliner looks like something Fred Sanford would have in
his house.
The lamb skin he draped on it is so big and heavy they had to
sew several lambs together.
Then he tells me, the way to maintain it is to brush it with a
wire dog brush~~
Yea right Curlie, I'll get right on it...
;-) I can just picture that. I don't blame him. It looks very comfortable.

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