Woman says being beautiful has lots of disadvantages

Full story: Chicago Tribune

Let's put all the "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and "love is blind" stuff aside.

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Polarity

United States

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#1
Nov 8, 2007
 

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"Beauty is like currency. It's seldom a good idea to flaunt your money, and it doesn't necessarily buy happiness. However, it's better or certainly more fun to have it, than not."

Well put. This is, in my opinion, an accurate representation of reality, for both men and women, in today's society.

This social currency model does create winners and losers, but no one has a monopoly on happiness.
CLM

San Antonio, TX

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#2
Nov 8, 2007
 

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Um, I am neither plain nor overweight and I have been in a successful relationship for about 15 years now (11 of them married). I have a number of friends who have been with their partners at least as long as I have, and while one or 2 might be a little overweight, not one could be described as plain. Perhaps this woman has forgotten that a person can be attractive without necessarily being a "beauty".
randy wells

United States

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#3
Nov 8, 2007
 

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Hey CLM - attractive is NOT beautiful. If you've never been there you simply do not know what beautiful women contend with. And do not mistake "pretty" for beauty. Many women are supposedly "beautiful" when they are young - without trying - but often due to being meticulously groomed. It's carrying the beauty throughout their lives - all ages - all adversity - with or without the make-up, clothes, or even having their hair combed.
I'm from a family of beauties - starting with both my parents - all five of their children. My mother is now 87 and people call her beautiful. I'm 66 and hear it more often now than ever and often hear it from women (straight). Yes - men have always been attracted to me - beginning when I was very young and I was always uncomfortable about it. Later as an adult I realized they thought I was much older than 12 or 13 so perhaps they weren't lechers - but I was an innocent and knew very little except I did know the way they looked at me and talked to me wasn't right. My life was filled with jealousy and criticism from other women no matter how hard I tried to remain in the background. One problem was my intelligence and lack of concern about whether anyone knew this or didn't know it. The rule is you can't be both! All my life - including now - I have been uncomfortable around men I had zero interest in who I knew would eventually make a pass at me. I felt an extreme tension in their presence and often wished they would just get it over with so I could say no. "NO" often came with retaliation. I progressed in my career because I "slept" my way. Wives were afraid I would take their husbands - as I would be thinking there is no way I would get near the creep. Get the picture? Now take your jealous pokes at me - it won't be anything NEW. Just remember when my former mother-in-law passed away 2 years ago my mother was approached and asked if she didn't get tired of being around beautiful people all the time. We are the real thing and we are nice - not arrogant - not demanding. Just ordinary giving people.
Sara

United States

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#4
Nov 8, 2007
 

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As I get older (now 41) I receive more compliments on how beautiful I am than I ever did in my youth when I was cute or perhaps pretty or maybe even plain to some. This comes from both men and women. Beauty is the aura you carry, the mannerisms, the calm, and the maturity that sets into one's body and facial features.
Jennifer

Chicago, IL

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#5
Nov 8, 2007
 

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Wow I hope this conceited and petty woman never gets old, gains weight, gets pregnant or has a disfiguring accident that would endanger her "good looks". She certainly does not possess any humility, class or personality that would make up for anything.

As for her "pitying" her friends and not being a witty or vivacious as she can be, I hope her friends don't read this article and realize what a jerk they have for a friend.

Sure beauty has its privledges, but I don't think being a classless witch is one of them.
Julie

Salt Lake City, UT

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#6
Nov 8, 2007
 

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It sounds like this person hasn't really tried to be a good friend or partner. If she's wondering WHY the plain, overweight women can often find men to love them (after all, isn't that what we are talking about-Love? Or is it just dollar $igns)?

Could it be because they know that beauty does fade, and that there are other things that might, just might, be more important? Like loyalty, friendship, sharing, commitment, and caring?
Bruce

Schaumburg, IL

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#7
Nov 8, 2007
 

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I know, but when the pig lickedme, I thought he was George with some sort of intensions...
Sympathy

United States

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#8
Nov 8, 2007
 

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I am tired of hearing how "hard" these beautiful people's lives are and how they never meet anyone. Shallow is as shallow does. Have any of you incredibly gorgeous people ever tried to meet someone through a charity or through volunteer work? Maybe if you gave a little of yourselves, you'd be able to find an honest, good hearted person. Get out of in front of the mirror and try doing something for your inside vs. your outside.

“Bene Gesserit”

Since: Oct 07

Lincoln Park

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#9
Nov 8, 2007
 
Gahh! Women are being constantly bombarded by images showing that they have to "look" a certain way to be happy. It is madness!! Let us accept who we are and be happy. Once we start loving ourselves the inner beauty will show and things will fall into place. Guys will notice a confident and approachable woman. Our role has changed in this society and we can control our destiny! hehehehhe chicks rule!
CLM

San Antonio, TX

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#10
Nov 8, 2007
 
Randy - my comment was that this woman described women in successful marriages as "extremely plain" and "overweight". I was simply pointing out that, contrary to her assertion, a number of women are in successful relationships who are neither plain nor overweight.
FYI - I was born into a family of Texas beauties. I personally don't qualify, but frankly it's just not that big of a deal to me. You are right that I will never personally know what a beauty goes through, and I imagine some of it must not be any fun at all. But jealous? Nope. I learned a long time ago that a pretty girl with brains and wit does just fine.
MJJ

Northbrook, IL

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#11
Nov 8, 2007
 
this is what the outcome is when we define ourselves by the "societal" vision of beauty - mostly crafted by the media and a paternal culture.

This woman has uncovered the truth beneath the stereotype.

You are not ENTITLED to anything. It must be earned - and skin (which is what physical beauty is) only wraps the outside.

Very few people I know are more impressed with the book cover than the story that is inside - OK maybe not - but you get the idea.

Too bad - pretty gets paid, but not in the currency she is looking for ... will she ever figure out what is lacking?

Let's wait ans see ...
TimP

Chicago, IL

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#12
Nov 8, 2007
 
Beauty is superficial. What is inside is far more valuable. Money is superficial as well. It will buy you material possessions, but they will never make you happy.

There are worse things than being single - unhappily married just for the money is one of them.

Love is worth far more than beauty or money.
Jake

Dublin, OH

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#13
Nov 8, 2007
 
Let's recap what your letter says:

1. You are beautiful and you know it. That's a plus, right?

2. You intentionally don't act as yourself around men.

3. You have great group of girlfriends that you can't act yourself around.

So, given what you are doing do you really expect to meet the guy you are looking for? Yet, all you do is complain that you can't find a guy. I am going to guess that your standards are veryyhigh (thats good though), and that you don't personally approach men. Should readers feel pity for you, or should they think that you need to change your behavior to get the results you desire?
cfwm

Chicago, IL

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#14
Nov 8, 2007
 
So the conclusion the woman in the article draws is that plain, overweight women have no right to be in happy, committed relationships???

Puleeze.
CHFC

Chicago, IL

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#15
Nov 8, 2007
 
"Pretty" describes something transitory, vapid, and shallow.

"Beautiful" describes something deep, lasting, and valuable.

Perhaps this pretty woman should worry more about inner beauty, which comes in all shapes & sizes.

The most beautiful woman I've ever known (I'm 54 years old) was my Aunt Irene, who at the age of 39, was stricken with multiple sclerosis, and spent the next 30+ years battling it, eventually becoming totally bedridden and unable to even comb her own hair or feed herself. However, her intelligence, bravery & unfathomably deep faith made her eyes shine with nothing but sheer beauty.

By the way, her husband of more than 50 years took care of her every need and after her death speaks of losing "his girl."

I don't know that many of us could become as beautiful as my Aunt Irene was.
Devo

United States

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#16
Nov 8, 2007
 
Here is the genuine definition of a fool.
Married woman are plain and/or overweight???
I guess if you are a concieted vacuous zombie (which she is)its pretty easy to convince yourself the reason youre single is that men are intimidated by you. Heheheh...maybe its because that open grave she calls a mouth is always saying something dumb is the reason she's single.
LS in MI

Rochester, MI

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#17
Nov 8, 2007
 
Let's peel this back a few layers, starting with this woman's basic premise: Being beautiful has few advantages.

Who told her it would? Why would she expect that it should?

Here is a woman who was raised with the idea that how she looked, whether she went to college and could carry on a converation would entitle her to marry a rich man. Now, she's certainly smart enough to know relationships are about more than physical attributes, education and the outer trappings. But inside is a child whose life and whose ego were built on a very weak foundation.

That's probably got more to do with why she has trouble in relationships than anything else.
distraught

Springfield, IL

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#18
Nov 8, 2007
 
I loved this piece! Having several beautiful female friends I know what they are facing! I am personally intimidated by them, however, the 'jerks' certainly aren't! Unfortunately they always end up having their hearts broken! Why did these guys approach? Often times its for one thing and one thing only! It breaks my heart to see my friends hurt in such a way!
Seriously

Matteson, IL

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#19
Nov 8, 2007
 
EWWW- maybe she's just a conceited, shallow person. I myself am neither plain nor overweight and have been happily married for over 4 years. My husband and I are both attractive....that is such a rude comment to make that 'most solid relationships' contain a wife that is plain or overweight. She needs to grow up and get some dimension to her life.
Chicago babe

Chicago, IL

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#20
Nov 8, 2007
 
Beauty's mom was right about beauties catching the best guys -- in her day.(But my mom's in her 80s, and the only women who sustained happy marriages over the years were the plain ones! Surprise, surprise -- men who marry women mostly for their beauty lose interest as the woman ages.) Over the last couple of decades and now more than ever, landing a man has becme a game of out-sexing other women. And looks have very little to do with that beyond fleeting attraction. Ask any honest man: The most beautiful women are the worst sex partners because they have such a sense of entitlement and deservedness.

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