“JUSTICE DENIED, AGAIN!!!”

Level 8

Since: Mar 10

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#69738 Jul 29, 2013
Murph, I'm leaving you stuff to make you laugh, and stuff to make you think for in the morning when you are reading.

“JUSTICE DENIED, AGAIN!!!”

Level 8

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#69739 Jul 29, 2013
"A key prosecution witness in the racketeering and murder trial of Boston crime boss Whitey Bulger was found dead this week. Who could have seen that coming? What, a witness in a mob trial dead? Turned out the guy suffered an allergic reaction to a baseball bat." -Jay Leno

“JUSTICE DENIED, AGAIN!!!”

Level 8

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#69741 Jul 29, 2013
If I offend anyone please let me know and I will cease and desist.

“JUSTICE DENIED, AGAIN!!!”

Level 8

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#69744 Jul 29, 2013
My 94 year old granny laughed so hard at the above I think she peed her britches.

“JUSTICE DENIED, AGAIN!!!”

Level 8

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#69745 Jul 29, 2013
Colonoscopy

All the organs of the body were having a meeting,
trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood,
"Because I circulate oxygen all over so without
me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I
process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache,
the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, andvthe blood wasvtoxic.

They all decided that the rectumvshould be the boss
.
The Moral of the story?

Evenvthough the others do all the work...

The ass hole is usually in charge

“JUSTICE DENIED, AGAIN!!!”

Level 8

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#69746 Jul 29, 2013
Five surgeons are having drinks together at a surgical convention and making jokes...

The first, a Florida surgeon, says: "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, a Michigan surgeon, responds: "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside of them is color coded."

The third, a California surgeon, says: "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside of them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth, an New York surgeon, chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth, from Washington D.C. shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable."

==========

I'm not even sure this is a joke. LOL.
Murph

Wichita, KS

#69747 Jul 29, 2013
zazz wrote:
Murph, how's that GS of yours doing? I hope his pain is subsiding. I hate to see a kid in pain.
When will he be well enough to start rehab? That's going to hurt also but a necessary step for him. My continued prays for the both of you.
He is still in a lot of pain and pretty bitter about it because someone who'd had the surgery said the pain starts to lessen on the 3rd day. Today is his 4th day. He will be in the sling, which has a holder with a ball in it that he is supposed to squeeze periodically. The sling will come off in 4 weeks (after the 2nd doctor visit) and he can start doing the simple exercises on his own.
Sure appreciate the prayers. When my kids' or grandkids' world is not right, my world is not right either.
Murph

Wichita, KS

#69748 Jul 29, 2013
zazz wrote:
My 94 year old granny laughed so hard at the above I think she peed her britches.
Heehee---Laughed so hard the tears rolled down her leg.
Murph

Wichita, KS

#69749 Jul 29, 2013
This was a good day for me. My hands worked (sort of) and my feet worked, (sort of) and I took the dumpster to the road and did some other stuff. My helper will be surprised when she comes tomorrow, I think.

“JUSTICE DENIED, AGAIN!!!”

Level 8

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#69750 Jul 29, 2013
On life's journey faith is nourishment, virtuous deeds are a shelter, wisdom is the light by day and right mindfulness is the protection by night. If a man lives a pure life, nothing can destroy him.

Buddha

“JUSTICE DENIED, AGAIN!!!”

Level 8

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#69751 Jul 29, 2013
Murph wrote:
<quoted text>
Heehee---Laughed so hard the tears rolled down her leg.
She's gonna love that. Thank you.

“JUSTICE DENIED, AGAIN!!!”

Level 8

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#69752 Jul 29, 2013
Murph wrote:
<quoted text>
He is still in a lot of pain and pretty bitter about it because someone who'd had the surgery said the pain starts to lessen on the 3rd day. Today is his 4th day. He will be in the sling, which has a holder with a ball in it that he is supposed to squeeze periodically. The sling will come off in 4 weeks (after the 2nd doctor visit) and he can start doing the simple exercises on his own.
Sure appreciate the prayers. When my kids' or grandkids' world is not right, my world is not right either.
At his age it's hard to understand but the more he squeezes the ball the less his pain will become. It hurts to do it at first but the pain will be a lot less if he does it as much as possible.

“JUSTICE DENIED, AGAIN!!!”

Level 8

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#69753 Jul 29, 2013
MAGNOLIAS..........By Edna Ellison

I spent the week before my daughter's June wedding running last-minute trips to the caterer, florist, tuxedo shop, and the church about forty miles away.

As happy as I was that Patsy was marrying a good Christian young man, I felt laden with responsibilities as I watched my budget dwindle ..

So many details, so many bills, and so little time.

My son Jack was away at college, but he said he would be there to walk his younger sister down the aisle, taking the place of his dad who had died a few years before. He teased Patsy, saying he'd wanted to give her away since she was about three years old!

To save money, I gathered blossoms from several friends who had large magnolia trees. Their luscious, ceamy-white blooms and slick green leaves would make beautiful arrangements against the rich dark wood inside the church.

After the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, we banked the podium area and choir loft with magnolias. As we left just before midnight,

I felt tired but satisfied this would be the best wedding any bride had ever had! The music, the ceremony, the reception - and especially the flowers - would be remembered for years.

The big day arrived - the busiest day of my life - and while her bridesmaids helped Patsy to dress, her fiance Tim walked with me to the sanctuary to do a final check. When we opened the door and felt a rush of hot air, I almost fainted, and then I saw them - all the beautiful white flowers were black.

Funeral black. An electrical storm during the night had knocked out the air conditioning system, and on a hot summer day, the flowers had wilted and died.

I panicked, knowing I didn't have time to drive back to our hometown, gather more flowers, and return in time for the wedding.

Tim turned to me.'Edna, can you get more flowers?

I'll throw away these dead ones and put fresh flowers in these arrangements.'

I mumbled,'Sure,' as he be-bopped down the hall to put on his cuff links.

Alone in the large sanctuary, I looked up at the dark wooden beams in the arched ceiling.'Lord,' I prayed,'please help me. I don't know anyone in this town. Help me find someone willing to give me flowers - in a hurry!' I scurried out praying for four things: the blessing of white magnolias, courage to find them in an unfamiliar yard, safety from any dog that may bite my leg, and a nice person who would not get out a shotgun when I asked to cut his tree to shreds.

As I left the church, I saw magnolia trees in the distance. I approached a house...no dog in sight.

I knocked on the door, and an older man answered. So far so good. No shotgun. When I stated my plea
the man beamed,'I'd be happy to!'

He climbed a stepladder and cut large boughs and handed them down to me. Minutes later, as I lifted the last armload into my car trunk, I said,'Sir, you've made the mother of a bride happy today.'

No, Ma'am,' he said.'You don't understand what's happening here.'

'What?' I asked.

“JUSTICE DENIED, AGAIN!!!”

Level 8

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#69754 Jul 29, 2013
'You see, my wife of sixty-seven years died on Monday. On Tuesday I received friends at the funeral home, and on Wednesday ... He paused.

I saw tears welling up in his eyes.'On Wednesday I buried her.' He looked away.'On Thursday most of my out-of-town relatives went back home, and on Friday - yesterday - my children left.'

I nodded.

'This morning,' he continued,'I was sitting in my den, crying out loud. I miss her so much. For the last sixteen years, as her health got worse, she needed me. But now nobody needs me. This morning I cried,'Who needs an eighty-six-year-old worn-out man? Nobody!' I began to cry louder.'Nobody needs me!' About that time, you knocked, and said,'Sir, I need you.'

I stood with my mouth open.

He asked,'Are you an angel? The way the light shone around your head into my dark living room...'

I assured him I was no angel.

He smiled.'Do you know what I was thinking when I handed you those magnolias?'

'No.'

'I decided I'm needed. My flowers are needed. Why, I might have a flower ministry! I could give them to everyone! Some caskets at the funeral home have no flowers. People need flowers at times like that, and I have lots of them. They're all over the backyard! I can give them to hospitals, churches - all sorts of places. You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to serve the Lord until the day He calls me home!'

I drove back to the church, filled with wonder. On Patsy's wedding day, if anyone had asked me to encourage someone who was hurting, I would have said,'Forget it! It's my only daughter's wedding, for goodness' sake! There is no way I can minister to anyone today.' But God had found a way. Through dead flowers.

'Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.'

THIS IS SO TRUE. BEING NEEDED IS SO UPLIFTING TO EACH OF US.

Level 7

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#69755 Jul 30, 2013
Saying good morning to all you nice people and hope you have a great day!
Murph

Wichita, KS

#69759 Jul 30, 2013
zazz wrote:
'You see, my wife of sixty-seven years died on Monday. On Tuesday I received friends at the funeral home, and on Wednesday ... He paused.
I saw tears welling up in his eyes.'On Wednesday I buried her.' He looked away.'On Thursday most of my out-of-town relatives went back home, and on Friday - yesterday - my children left.'
I nodded.
'This morning,' he continued,'I was sitting in my den, crying out loud. I miss her so much. For the last sixteen years, as her health got worse, she needed me. But now nobody needs me. This morning I cried,'Who needs an eighty-six-year-old worn-out man? Nobody!' I began to cry louder.'Nobody needs me!' About that time, you knocked, and said,'Sir, I need you.'
I stood with my mouth open.
He asked,'Are you an angel? The way the light shone around your head into my dark living room...'
I assured him I was no angel.
He smiled.'Do you know what I was thinking when I handed you those magnolias?'
'No.'
'I decided I'm needed. My flowers are needed. Why, I might have a flower ministry! I could give them to everyone! Some caskets at the funeral home have no flowers. People need flowers at times like that, and I have lots of them. They're all over the backyard! I can give them to hospitals, churches - all sorts of places. You know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to serve the Lord until the day He calls me home!'
I drove back to the church, filled with wonder. On Patsy's wedding day, if anyone had asked me to encourage someone who was hurting, I would have said,'Forget it! It's my only daughter's wedding, for goodness' sake! There is no way I can minister to anyone today.' But God had found a way. Through dead flowers.
'Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.'
THIS IS SO TRUE. BEING NEEDED IS SO UPLIFTING TO EACH OF US.
This is a really beautiful story. Thank you for sharing.
Murph

Wichita, KS

#69760 Jul 30, 2013
Good morning, Zazz and YooHoo and Liz and Allbodies. I hope you all have a really good day.
We had thunderstorm warnings until 11 PM last night with a possibility of 70mph winds. the sheriff's department was worried because our county fair is in a little town 20 miles south of us and last night was the first night of the fair.
There is no public safe room in that town. The fair always draws a huge crowd, day and night, all week long. It can be 102 degrees and people will still go to the fair.
I don't think we had any really bad wind.

“JUSTICE DENIED, AGAIN!!!”

Level 8

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#69762 Jul 30, 2013

"Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it."

Michael Jordan

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Level 8

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#69763 Jul 30, 2013
Today is NASA's Birthday. In 1958, President Eisenhower signed the National Aeronautics and Space Act, which created NASA. Since its inception, NASA has accomplished many great scientific and technological feats in air and space. NASA technology has also been adapted for many non-aerospace uses by the private sector.

“JUSTICE DENIED, AGAIN!!!”

Level 8

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#69764 Jul 30, 2013
LizW wrote:
Wow I remember watching that show when I was just a kid. Seemed like everyone either won a Broyhill Dining Room set or washer and dryer.
Remember Let's make a deal and the zonk prizes?<quoted text>
Way before my time.

I've seen Let's Make A Deal, but only in passing. Game shows are just not my thing. I do like Jeopardy once in a while though.

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