Throat-clearing could be sign co-worker has medical condition

D ear Amy: I work in an office where we sit in cubicles. A new hire has a very annoying habit of clearing his throat and making grunting sounds constantly. Full Story
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Dienne

United States

#1 Jun 20, 2008
Oh my, we've come full circle. I guess since Christmas is six months away we can't talk about charity as an alternative holiday gift idea, so, this being wedding season, we have to talk about charity as an alternative wedding gift idea.

As for "Hates Asking For Money", I had a thought - why doesn't she just enclose wire transfer instructions with the invitations? I think people will get the message without her having to say a word.(Yes, I'm being sarcastic.)
Nick

Roselle, IL

#2 Jun 20, 2008
Someone on my office clears their throat all day long and it is very annoying and distracting. To the person doing it: I do not care if it is a medical condition. Fix it. We are sick of you and hate you.
EEE

Westmont, IL

#4 Jun 20, 2008
Dienne wrote:
Oh my, we've come full circle. I guess since Christmas is six months away we can't talk about charity as an alternative holiday gift idea, so, this being wedding season, we have to talk about charity as an alternative wedding gift idea.
As for "Hates Asking For Money", I had a thought - why doesn't she just enclose wire transfer instructions with the invitations? I think people will get the message without her having to say a word.(Yes, I'm being sarcastic.)
*snort*

Good morning, Dienne!
EEE

Westmont, IL

#6 Jun 20, 2008
LW1: You work in close quarters. Things other people do are going to be distracting and annoying. It's YOUR job to overcome these distractions and work. Especially when it's something as psuedo-involuntary as throat-clearing.

My bet is that the throat-clearing and grunts aren't nearly as bad as you've worked them up to be. I'm sure they started as a mild annoyance and now you're obsessing about it, gossiping with your posse, and building it into way more than it really is.

Build a bridge and get over it.
EEE

Westmont, IL

#7 Jun 20, 2008
And OK,(sorry for the mulitple posts) I have to say that I thought Amy did a good job with LW2 today.

Discouraging her from giving up and going the divorce route, encouraging her to push her doctor for more info and to INVOLVE HER HUSBAND were all good.

Especially the last. It's important that the husband sees that his wife is actively trying to solve the problem, that his needs are important to her and she's trying to make things better.

Amy did all right.

I guess it's true that even a blind pig finds an acorn once in a while.
throat-clearing

Forest Hills, NY

#10 Jun 20, 2008
Amy, SHAME ON YOU!! YOu are NOT in a position to put forth the notion that the young man in L1 "might" have Tourette's. You could simply have said that he might have a medical condition and that if he did, it wouldn't be any of his coworkers' business. And FYI - constant throat-clearing could also be a sign of sinus infection, larygeal cancer, even cardiac dysfunction, or any number of other conditions.

So stop being so irresponsible. You're NOT a health-care professional.
Anon

Saint Joseph, MI

#11 Jun 20, 2008
How many times must it be said? Gifts should never be referenced on an invitation! I don't care how noble the suggestion is or how much you need it... NO!
jlp

Pleasanton, CA

#12 Jun 20, 2008
Once again, Amy passes up the opportunity to point out the crassness and etiquette faux pas of asking for gifts and, instead, actually ENDORSES this behavior! It is simply wrong to assume that a) you are entitled to a gift of any sort, whatever the occasion, or b) that you can tell the giver WHAT to give. It is one thing to say, if asked, "We would be honored if you would donate to X charity"; it is quite another to have the unmitigated gall to enclose a list with the invitation!
If D.C. Reader and her husband have favorite charities, then they should write their own checks to those charities or donate their own time.
Kate

Arlington Heights, IL

#13 Jun 20, 2008
Gotta Love It wrote:
<quoted text>
You must be another "compassionate conservative". I really hope some day you come down with a life changing disease/injury so everyone around you can treat you with the same level of respect and compassion that you are displaying. Let me guess, you are a "cristian" as well?
I would say to ignore it as well I have had the same thing, and never let it bother me, but it gets me when people are bothered by things I do, like what side of the desk my phone is on (I am left handed) the only thing thats left about me.
To the message above, I am conservative and christian, and in my experiences, its the bleeding heart liberals that wish for a person with a illness to be removed. they will feel sorry for them, but dont want to be near them..
Mickey

Chicago, IL

#14 Jun 20, 2008
It is completely, appallingly inappropriate to tell people how they should donate their money. And yes, to assume off the bat that you are going to receive a gift of any sort is wrong. Write your own checks and support your own charities. And what does any of that have to do with a wedding, the celebration of two people joining? So stupid.
marie s

Greenwood, IN

#15 Jun 20, 2008
re: LW3: telling people where to donate is also borderline impolite. i realize it's asking people to donate to "charity," but there's potential that a guest may not support or care for said charity (or, in some cases, find it offensive).
marie s

Greenwood, IN

#18 Jun 20, 2008
Anon wrote:
How many times must it be said? Gifts should never be referenced on an invitation! I don't care how noble the suggestion is or how much you need it... NO!
hear hear!
Rebecca

Savage, MN

#19 Jun 20, 2008
I wanted to do something similar to what LW3 did, except I don't know how to go about "asking" for it. We also don't need anything when we get married, coming from two households... but my dream is to have the guests do something -- something for charity, donation, visit a sick or elderly person, bake cookies and give it to a new neighbor, etc. and then write a paragraph or so about what they did, and stick it into a card for our wedding. I then could make a scrapbook of all the "good deeds" that were started due to our wedding.

Some people think this is tacky, and I for one don't know how I would even request it, even as our wedding date draws closer. It stresses me out so much that I sometimes just want to elope so no one has to buy any presents or do anything for us.
Sarah

Cleveland, OH

#20 Jun 20, 2008
marie s wrote:
re: LW3: telling people where to donate is also borderline impolite. i realize it's asking people to donate to "charity," but there's potential that a guest may not support or care for said charity (or, in some cases, find it offensive).
I pretty much agree with this, I have a very stubborn, traditional family. When another family member got married, this topic got brought up, and many members said they would prefer not to give anything at all vs. giving to a charity. They want to shower the couple, not just give a gift. It's twisted logic, but I get the sense more than just my family members feel this way.
someone

United States

#24 Jun 20, 2008
Return the gifts and donate the money

Heck most places will at least give you a store credit on a gift card. Lots of places transition shelters, humane societies, etc would be thrilled to accept that card. Sure your guests wouldn’t be able to know how selfless and giving you are but as long as places are getting helped, it's all good right?

Just do it anonymously. You don’t have to use your wedding to say to everyone, "we are giving people. Even at our own wedding, we put others first! Aren't we great!"
suzyq

Princeton, IL

#25 Jun 20, 2008
Well - here we go again - in two prior responses to LW1 the writer refers to a "compassionate conservative" and then the response is that they must be a "bleeding heart liberal". Does anyone else get as tired of this back and forth conservative/liberal crap that pops up in almost every comment column? I sure do - I don't know where these notions come from that ALL conservative or ALL liberals are horrible monsters. The real problem in LW1's office is how businesses take people and cram them in small confined spaces with no privacy. I worked in a cubicle office with too many people in too little space, some people had to share desk space. After a while of throat clearing, gum snapping, overwhelming perfume it does sort of twist your thinking. Like in "9 to 5" a little rid-o-rat in the offenders coffee would clear that up. Just kidding.
Dienne

Chicago, IL

#26 Jun 20, 2008
throat-clearing wrote:
Amy, SHAME ON YOU!! YOu are NOT in a position to put forth the notion that the young man in L1 "might" have Tourette's. You could simply have said that he might have a medical condition and that if he did, it wouldn't be any of his coworkers' business. And FYI - constant throat-clearing could also be a sign of sinus infection, larygeal cancer, even cardiac dysfunction, or any number of other conditions.
So stop being so irresponsible. You're NOT a health-care professional.
I had a similar thought (not to mention of all the medical possibilities, Tourette's is probably the least likely). But on the other hand, Amy does indicate that it *might* be a medical problem and gives Tourette's as only one possibility. She doesn't say that's definitely what's going on.
BEARDY GRUNTER

Southall, UK

#27 Jun 20, 2008
Whta goin on ere???..... COUGH!! COUGH!!! COUGHHHH!!!!!...
Tough Love

Piscataway, NJ

#28 Jun 20, 2008
robin in wrp wrote:
Feed people not pets!!!
Neuter people, not pets!
Bee

Winter Park, FL

#29 Jun 20, 2008
LW2: Buy a vib and use it with your husband

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