Girlfriend has packed on some pounds

Girlfriend has packed on some pounds

There are 276 comments on the Chicago Tribune story from Dec 30, 2008, titled Girlfriend has packed on some pounds. In it, Chicago Tribune reports that:

Girlfriend has packed on some pounds Not everyone can call man 'Pooh Bear' Amy Dickinson Ask Amy December 30, 2008 Dear Amy: My long-term girlfriend has gained some weight during the course of our relationship.

Join the discussion below, or Read more at Chicago Tribune.

“"Wilson" model in "Cast Away"”

Since: Dec 08

Decatur, GA

#28 Dec 30, 2008
me too wrote:
LW1--I've been there, as have millions of other men. Your plight is hopeless. No matter what you say or how you say it, YOU are the bad guy.
Let's face it, she let herself go because she no longer has a reason to care about her appearance--she has you already. She is not looking anymore.
Get ready to hear : "If you REALLY loved me, it wouldn't matter..."
..... have you ever thought that dealing with your issues depresses your girlfriends, they eat more to quell the anxiety or maybe even to discourage you,(subconciously), from wanting to have sex with them?
Or maybe they haven't really gained that much weight- but your fear of intimacy propels you to look for something "less perfect" on her as an excuse to break up and move on?

“"Wilson" model in "Cast Away"”

Since: Dec 08

Decatur, GA

#29 Dec 30, 2008
correction: (subconsciously)

“Bene Gesserit”

Since: Oct 07

Lincoln Park

#30 Dec 30, 2008
LW1: Yeah this is a tough one. Some guys here who say that you will always come out as the "bad guy" are correct. Women are extra sensitive when they hear "you are gaining weight" from their significant other. Voice your concern to one of her close friends or relative. But make sure you are careful about telling her friends and relative too... The trick is to come off concerned about their WHOLE being and not just the weight issue. For me and most women... the motivation has to come from within and no matter what you say wont make a difference. Good luck hunney!

“"Wilson" model in "Cast Away"”

Since: Dec 08

Decatur, GA

#31 Dec 30, 2008
Angela wrote:
<quoted text>
A few years ago, I was dating a guy who was into body building. I am rather petite, but I enjoy weight training as well, and I stay very active with sports. We were lying naked in bed, watching TV afterwards ;) and he said to me: "You know, if you lost 10 pounds, you'd have one hell of a hot body."
Gotta love the brutal honesty. But I didn't have 10 pounds to lose. But I lost 190 pounds very quickly.
LOL! That's a good one. I dated bodybuilders before, too. The issue was never my weight or theirs- but, how when they weren't looking at their own biceps, tricepts, and pecs in any reflective surface in private or public.. no wait! They were ALWAYS looking at their biceps, triceps and pecs in reflective surfaces in private or public. It is a high to look at what self-discipline and dedication resulted in, but it did remind me of that greek mythology story of Narcissus and the pond.
Sometimes, you just have to leave them with their own reflection. ;)

“"Wilson" model in "Cast Away"”

Since: Dec 08

Decatur, GA

#33 Dec 30, 2008
.......... however, I could gaze indefinitely at the magnificent sculpture that is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
Sandy

Chicago, IL

#34 Dec 30, 2008
Some of us are addicted to food and use it for emotional reasons. The answer is Overeaters Anon. You have to love the whole person not just the outside of her.
Sarah

Schaumburg, IL

#35 Dec 30, 2008
AngelaMN wrote:
L1: Let's be honest: This isn't about her health, it's about her becoming less attractive to you. Say something. Does she turn you off? Are you less interested in sex? Tell her: "You've gained some weight, and I love you, but I'm not as attracted to you because of it." She deserves to know this.
So what if it IS a health problem? Should he have the right to dump her fat a$$ anyways? Good thing they didn't actually get to the "in sickness and health" stage of the relationship then.

I had a boyfriend dump me after six years together because "you got fat and I'm not attracted to you any more". So I blamed myself and beat myself up for years and began to eat more healthy (not that I ate bad to begin with) and exercised and still gained weight. It wasn't until other symptoms cropped up that I finally spent two years trying to convince my doctors that something was wrong - and finally found out that I had a metabolic disorder and once I got proper treatment, I dropped 35# almost immediately and am working on the rest.

Dealing with the weight is turning out to be the easy part now. Dealing with the crippled self-image and the firm belief that no one could ever find me attractive again is what sucks.

“"Wilson" model in "Cast Away"”

Since: Dec 08

Decatur, GA

#36 Dec 30, 2008
Shallow Hal wrote:
<quoted text>
So, before your husband even says anything, you're already talking down about him and his gut. Classy.
I say that guy should dump the heifer before she really balloons up and develops ham-hands and tankles.
Get real, ladies... no doubt she'd bust his chops if he changed significantly (in any way) after they got together. Remember the person they were and WHY you started a relationship in the first place. If they are no longer that person and it really bothers the other, the deal's off.
No doubt most people won't like what I'm saying but it's only because the truth hurts.
Speaking of puddles..
James Bond

United States

#37 Dec 30, 2008
Dr Who wrote:
I've had a couple of girl friends who started to put on weight.
I get rid of them real quick because they never lose it. They only gain more and turn into real sweat hogs.
You are very correct Dr.Who. They'll never become any of my bond girls!
Dogman

Downers Grove, IL

#38 Dec 30, 2008
Think wrote:
<quoted text>
Statistically More men are overweight than women. You rarely hear about a wife or girlfriend complaining about their man's weight. However, men often complain about their woman's weight, even when their own waistline is expanding. Why is that? So, yes, that does make many of you "the bad guy".
Where did you find this statistic? I have always seen the reverse of this claim.
RACE

Boca Raton, FL

#39 Dec 30, 2008
Get a Pooh doll, hold it out to your friend and say "Pooh-Bear",
As she reaches for it, snatch it back and scream "MY! POOH BEAR!!!".

Repeat until she catches on!
Angela

Saint Paul, MN

#40 Dec 30, 2008
Turnip Truck Driver wrote:
<quoted text>
****! That's a good one. I dated bodybuilders before, too. The issue was never my weight or theirs- but, how when they weren't looking at their own biceps, tricepts, and pecs in any reflective surface in private or public.. no wait! They were ALWAYS looking at their biceps, triceps and pecs in reflective surfaces in private or public. It is a high to look at what self-discipline and dedication resulted in, but it did remind me of that greek mythology story of Narcissus and the pond.
Sometimes, you just have to leave them with their own reflection. ;)
You are exactly right! The body builder types I've dated have been *very* image conscious. That has been okay, because they generally have had a good personality, been very smart, sweet, etc. This guy took the cake. I call him my "Sicilian a hole." Six long weeks I'll never get back.

“Patience is a virtue”

Since: Dec 08

Milpitas, CA

#42 Dec 30, 2008
Think wrote:
<quoted text>
Statistically More men are overweight than women. You rarely hear about a wife or girlfriend complaining about their man's weight. However, men often complain about their woman's weight, even when their own waistline is expanding. Why is that? So, yes, that does make many of you "the bad guy".
I like meat on the bones of my men!!! Well, I only have one man, but I like the meat on his bones :) As long as his stomach doesn't get bigger than his shoulder/chest girth, then I am fine with him!:)
Angela

Saint Paul, MN

#43 Dec 30, 2008
Sarah wrote:
<quoted text>
So what if it IS a health problem? Should he have the right to dump her fat **** anyways? Good thing they didn't actually get to the "in sickness and health" stage of the relationship then.
It's not so much about the weight gain, as attitude. If someone is going to let themselves go and not care about being fit and attractive for their significant other, well... they risk some things in that process.

You know, no one can make someone stay with another person. If health problems cause the weight gain and your partner can't be sympathetic to that, that's their loss. Good riddance.

Not everyone cares about their partner's weight. I am very fit and honestly, I have a killer body. But I'd date an overweight guy (and have) without any problems. Because I don't personally care about weight on other people.

But if someone else DOES care... what can you do? We're all entitled to our own preferences, turn ons, turn offs, etc.
Who Cares

Palos Heights, IL

#44 Dec 30, 2008
The upside is the fat woman are usually more uninhibited with regard to "strange" sex! Hoorah, get out the toys & lube!!
someone

United States

#45 Dec 30, 2008
Dogman wrote:
<quoted text>
Where did you find this statistic? I have always seen the reverse of this claim.
Non-Hispanic Black Women: 79.6 percent
Mexican-American Women: 73 percent
Non-Hispanic White Women: 57.6 percent

Non-Hispanic Black Men: 67 percent
Mexican-American Men: 74.6 percent
Non-Hispanic White Men: 71 percent
(Statistics are for populations age 20 and older.)

http://win.niddk.nih.gov/statistics/index.htm

“No. 1 with a bullet”

Since: Aug 08

Chesterfield, MO

#46 Dec 30, 2008
Dr Who wrote:
I've had a couple of girl friends who started to put on weight.
I get rid of them real quick because they never lose it. They only gain more and turn into real sweat hogs.
Send them to me! Chubby chicks rule!!
Whatthe

Gooding, ID

#48 Dec 30, 2008
LW1 your girlfriend sounds immature. Why is she offended if you tell her that she has gained some weight? It's a statement of fact, she can see it herself in the mirror and on the weighing scale. Why would you want to be with someone who don't care if they are attractive to their partner or not. Talk to her one more time about it, tell her that the additional weight is unattractive to you (yea,like many other posters, I am not buying your 'health concerns' argument!). But I doubt anything is going to chane. So be prepared to walk away. You will be saving yourself many years of passion-less relationship.
Christy

Atlanta, GA

#49 Dec 30, 2008
LW2 - If the husband is bothered by it, he should just tell the woman that he prefer that he refer to him as "Tom".

The wife shouldn't really say anything.
High School Parent

West Hartford, CT

#50 Dec 30, 2008
I highly doubt hes acting like he's concerned about her "health"..lol Please. He's looking at other young beauties and wishing he had the same. He just wants her trim again so it'll make HIM feel a bit more manly.

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