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Shamed

Helenwood, TN

#1 Jun 14, 2011
I have been dating a man for almost a year. He is a very gentle and loving man. He is good with my children and respectful of others. He has been married before and so have I. My ex husband was never rough during sex so this is something that I am not use to.

The man that I am dating now seems to really enjoy rough sex and this makes me very uncomfortable sometimes. It started with playful hair pulling, spanking me, and biting me. It has progressed now into slapping me, calling me names, grabbing my throat and just being forceful. We now have a safe word and this all just seems wrong to me.

Should sex be painful? I feel like he is being disrespectful and that he likes degrading me. It worries me that he associates sex with violence. He has talked about us getting married but I can't marry a man that can be violent during such an intimate, loving and trusting time.

I have told him my feelings about it. He has even seen me cry during sex a few times. He will stop and not do it for awhile but then he always starts again.

If he loves me then he should want to make love to me and associate love with sex and not violence. Am I wrong?
daughter

Oneida, TN

#2 Jun 14, 2011
No u are not wrong. You are actually very right. Not only is he disrespecting u but he is also talking advantage of u. I do not blame u one bit for not wanting to marry somebody like that.. If he still doesn't stop then take a time when he is loving and be rough then give him an idea of how he's making u feel..
justagurl

Nashville, TN

#3 Jun 14, 2011
i like it rough! plain ol sex is just boooring.
yeayea

Oneida, TN

#4 Jun 14, 2011
Well u may like it but when somebody doesn't like it and they talk to their man and he still is rly rough then it us demeaning
OCTO-Tighe

Oliver Springs, TN

#5 Jun 14, 2011
SHAMED SAID: "If he loves me then he should want to make love to me and associate love with sex and not violence. Am I wrong?"
JUSTA GURL Said: "i like it rough! plain ol sex is just boooring."
The United States Supreme Court Said: " CONSENSUAL sex among adults is legal!"
The operative word here is (CONSENSUAL)
(CONSENSUAL) means you BOTH consent (agree)(allow) and (accept!)
EROS LOVE is a bond! That bond is a CONTRACT!
Each person in a CONTRACT gives and receives freely!
A person who ABUSES another person is called an Abuser! A person who routinly accepts ABUSE is called a "patst!"
Ever ONE deserves a LOVING relationship!
OCTO-Tighe

Oliver Springs, TN

#6 Jun 14, 2011
OOPS
patst is "PATSY"
Shamed

Helenwood, TN

#7 Jun 14, 2011
justagurl wrote:
i like it rough! plain ol sex is just boooring.
try having you face shoved into the floor and it busting your mouth. or maybe someone spitting on you. if plain ol sex is boring to you then maybe you have issues or are with the wrong people.

a man once said to me that if women really enjoy rough sex then why is rape wrong or illegal because it is just rougher sex. scary thing is that some women have rape fantasies!

I know now that it starts with little things like pulling hair and then progresses to much more hurtful things.
yeayea

United States

#8 Jun 14, 2011
I'm sorry I wish I could give u the advice u need but I don't know what u are goin thru.. I will just say I will pray for u
ohhellno

Sunbright, TN

#9 Jun 16, 2011
Shamed wrote:
I have been dating a man for almost a year. He is a very gentle and loving man. He is good with my children and respectful of others. He has been married before and so have I. My ex husband was never rough during sex so this is something that I am not use to.
The man that I am dating now seems to really enjoy rough sex and this makes me very uncomfortable sometimes. It started with playful hair pulling, spanking me, and biting me. It has progressed now into slapping me, calling me names, grabbing my throat and just being forceful. We now have a safe word and this all just seems wrong to me.
Should sex be painful? I feel like he is being disrespectful and that he likes degrading me. It worries me that he associates sex with violence. He has talked about us getting married but I can't marry a man that can be violent during such an intimate, loving and trusting time.
I have told him my feelings about it. He has even seen me cry during sex a few times. He will stop and not do it for awhile but then he always starts again.
If he loves me then he should want to make love to me and associate love with sex and not violence. Am I wrong?
i do know what you are going through, i have been there to! problem is if a guy has had previous relationships in which his partner did like it rough as well as he did, then of course he is going to want the same from you! i was very uncomfortable with it also and i told him so, he knew that if he didn't stop then he could go right on out the door! there were times i would let it get a LITTLE bit rougher than my comfort zone but beyond that, he was left with a boner and told to go bite it until it bled like he wanted to do to me! i think this is totally disrespectful and especially since you have told him so. from my experience, it eventually turned into abusive behavior (not in the bedroom)! lol run woman you might have my ex! all jokes aside, good luck to you sweetie, i do understand and wish the best for you!
someone

Lancing, TN

#11 Jun 16, 2011
when he wants to be loving and huggable be mean as hell to him and ask him how it feels then maybe he will get the hit if he doesn't don't stay were you are uncomfortable
kayla

Oneida, TN

#12 Jun 16, 2011
honey i dont know what you are going through but if you have told him how you feel and he doesnt respent that the you dont need him. Find someone that will respect you and be with you for who you are not who they want you to be..I wish the best for you and i will pray for you but you need to get out of that relationship and find someone who loves you for who you are..
trueBUT

Sunbright, TN

#13 Jun 17, 2011
someone wrote:
when he wants to be loving and huggable be mean as hell to him and ask him how it feels then maybe he will get the hit if he doesn't don't stay were you are uncomfortable
lol he may be one of those freaks that gets even more turned on by it since he likes it rough. maybe not but hard to know unless ya try i guess.
OCTO-Tighe

Oneida, TN

#14 Jun 17, 2011
While Working ar the Cincinnati Municipal Court Psychiatric Clinic a client was a recent parolee from the Ohio State Prison. He had served his time exercising and getting even more muscle bound. He had been arrested in Cincinnati dressed as a woman, wearing garish make-up, posing as a female prostitute! When a "JOHN" would pick him up off his street corner he would beat and strong arm ROB the "John" - after a homosexual activity!
Lots of ideas flowing from this TOPIX thread and that that student experience! His 'victim' swore he thought the 'prostitute' was a woman! I thought the 'victim' lied!
johnny jane

Wartburg, TN

#15 Jun 17, 2011
OCTO-Tighe wrote:
While Working ar the Cincinnati Municipal Court Psychiatric Clinic a client was a recent parolee from the Ohio State Prison. He had served his time exercising and getting even more muscle bound. He had been arrested in Cincinnati dressed as a woman, wearing garish make-up, posing as a female prostitute! When a "JOHN" would pick him up off his street corner he would beat and strong arm ROB the "John" - after a homosexual activity!
Lots of ideas flowing from this TOPIX thread and that that student experience! His 'victim' swore he thought the 'prostitute' was a woman! I thought the 'victim' lied!
huh? are you saying that men that like rough sex like dressing up like women and having gay sex? makes sense!
hahaha

Dayton, OH

#16 Jun 17, 2011
johnny jane wrote:
<quoted text>huh? are you saying that men that like rough sex like dressing up like women and having gay sex? makes sense!
Wow
OCTO-Tighe

Pine Knot, KY

#17 Jun 18, 2011
johnny jane wrote:
<quoted text>
huh? are you saying that men that like rough sex like dressing up like women and having gay sex? makes sense!
NO! I say!
1. NON-consensual rough sex is illegal!
2. There are sociopaths out there who might kill you!
3. There are those who commit SUICIDE by cop!
4. THERE are Sadists!
5. THERE are Masochists!
6. THERE are mentally balanced people!
7. There are mentally unbalanced people!
8. Some choose unwisely while others choose wisely!
9. Hopefully - the BOTTOM LINE IS -> If you are hurting - DO something to STOP!
Interesting

United States

#18 Jun 19, 2011
OCTO-Tighe wrote:
<quoted text>
NO! I say!
1. NON-consensual rough sex is illegal!
2. There are sociopaths out there who might kill you!
3. There are those who commit SUICIDE by cop!
4. THERE are Sadists!
5. THERE are Masochists!
6. THERE are mentally balanced people!
7. There are mentally unbalanced people!
8. Some choose unwisely while others choose wisely!
9. Hopefully - the BOTTOM LINE IS -> If you are hurting - DO something to STOP!
Yeah, I was thinking Sociopath too Octo! Sounds like a rape to me..
kayla

Oakdale, TN

#19 Jun 19, 2011
it sounds like rape to me i hope everything works out for her before something worse happens im going to keep her in my prayers
OCTO-Tighe

Lancing, TN

#20 Jun 19, 2011
RAPISTS are most often SOCIOPATHIC!
52 resident

Oneida, TN

#21 Jun 26, 2011
Shamed wrote:
I have been dating a man for almost a year. He is a very gentle and loving man. He is good with my children and respectful of others. He has been married before and so have I. My ex husband was never rough during sex so this is something that I am not use to.
The man that I am dating now seems to really enjoy rough sex and this makes me very uncomfortable sometimes. It started with playful hair pulling, spanking me, and biting me. It has progressed now into slapping me, calling me names, grabbing my throat and just being forceful. We now have a safe word and this all just seems wrong to me.
Should sex be painful? I feel like he is being disrespectful and that he likes degrading me. It worries me that he associates sex with violence. He has talked about us getting married but I can't marry a man that can be violent during such an intimate, loving and trusting time.
I have told him my feelings about it. He has even seen me cry during sex a few times. He will stop and not do it for awhile but then he always starts again.
If he loves me then he should want to make love to me and associate love with sex and not violence. Am I wrong?
Girl, you need to get him going, hot and heavy into it and then turn and punch him right in the nuts!! Then when he says "wtf" ask him how he likes it!!:)

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