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41 - 60 of 67 Comments Last updated Jan 30, 2013
rancher

Oklahoma City, OK

#42 Jan 20, 2013
nope wrote:
<quoted text>Oh boy long story short...I was at home raising kids, taking care of our home, farm, fencing,books,bills,etc. and he was off on a pipeline job. He's a welder. I would travel to go and see him as often as i could. Spring break so kids could come etc. I got my mom or mom in law to babysit when they would,but my youngest has hyper active disorder and getting them to watch them was hard to do and came very few and far between. So he told me he just felt like i didn't love him and this gal in the trailer park was coming over and giving him attention. So he cheated,but not just for a week or two,he gets a supervisors job in north dakota and puts her to work for him and carried on for 7 months. When i confronted him,and told him to either come home or never come home again he quit and came straight home. I don't accept any of the blame for him cheating. I was alone and taking care of everything except the job he goes to,and I was traveling to go and see him everychance I got. He finally told me that he had just been married to me for 22 years and wanted to experience being single. We are 41 now and I have remained faithful. He is trying to make it right with me,but forgiving doesn't help one to forget. Trust is given the first time,but must be earned the second. I just feel for anyone going through it, Male or female,it's a terribly hard thing to deal with.
Boy! If your that hard of a worker I can't understand why he would do that to you, I assume you are a nice looking cowgirl aren't you? Looks to me like something failed along the way. Does he tell you how you look, say your fat (not saying your fat lol, just asking why) or say negative things to you? Sometimes there has to been a reason behind these things. Do yaw fight and have an abusive relationship? Maybe you've been sick or feel bad sometimes and he would maybe think you couldn't meet his needs.
thatonegirl

Perkins, OK

#43 Jan 20, 2013
rancher wrote:
<quoted text>Boy! If your that hard of a worker I can't understand why he would do that to you, I assume you are a nice looking cowgirl aren't you? Looks to me like something failed along the way. Does he tell you how you look, say your fat (not saying your fat lol, just asking why) or say negative things to you? Sometimes there has to been a reason behind these things. Do yaw fight and have an abusive relationship? Maybe you've been sick or feel bad sometimes and he would maybe think you couldn't meet his needs.
He's just selfish. There is no excuse or reason except selfishness
nope

Dallas, TX

#44 Jan 21, 2013
rancher wrote:
<quoted text>
Boy! If your that hard of a worker I can't understand why he would do that to you, I assume you are a nice looking cowgirl aren't you? Looks to me like something failed along the way. Does he tell you how you look, say your fat (not saying your fat lol, just asking why) or say negative things to you? Sometimes there has to been a reason behind these things. Do yaw fight and have an abusive relationship? Maybe you've been sick or feel bad sometimes and he would maybe think you couldn't meet his needs.
I am 5ft 4" 140 lbs black hair and eyes I am told that I am very pretty by lots of men, but what does it really matter. He told me that he had just been married to me so long that he wanted to do it, that I had so much on my plate and didn't get to travel to see him enough. Basically just trying to place the blame on me. He cheated with a 54 yr old that has solid gray hair heavy set and big buck teeth. God Honest. Told me she was just available to do it with. She has not taken care of herself and looks really older than she is. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with people in their fifties or with gray hair either. I was just shocked at the person he cheated with. He even went into our friends house and told the mans wife he had a girlfriend and she was on her way to north dakota and he would appreciate the woman being friends with her. My friend didn't tell me,but when I called and asked her she did tell me that she told him he had a whore on her way and a lady at home and that he could go to hell and keep the bitch away from her. Others on the job told me no one could believe what he was doing and with who. I accept no blame for his actions and I am as hard working as I said. How can i do everything at home taking care of it all and the children and still get to travel all the time and go see him. I went every time I could get a sitter. It's not easy to get someone to care for animals kids and home when there is that much to do. I am not his excuse. Funny thing is...now I have men that know us trying to go out with me,using what he did as the reason for asking, and he is so jealous acting I can't go to town without having to check in constantly,an I haven't done anything! Also I am not conceited in anyway,I don't think I am some great looking gal. I am definitely not ugly though.
nope

Dallas, TX

#45 Jan 21, 2013
He doesn't say negative things to me either. He actually tells me how pretty sweet cute etc that he thinks I am. I just have trouble believing him now. It just all seems fake now.
thatonegirl

Perkins, OK

#46 Jan 21, 2013
nope wrote:
<quoted text>I am 5ft 4" 140 lbs black hair and eyes I am told that I am very pretty by lots of men, but what does it really matter. He told me that he had just been married to me so long that he wanted to do it, that I had so much on my plate and didn't get to travel to see him enough. Basically just trying to place the blame on me. He cheated with a 54 yr old that has solid gray hair heavy set and big buck teeth. God Honest. Told me she was just available to do it with. She has not taken care of herself and looks really older than she is. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with people in their fifties or with gray hair either. I was just shocked at the person he cheated with. He even went into our friends house and told the mans wife he had a girlfriend and she was on her way to north dakota and he would appreciate the woman being friends with her. My friend didn't tell me,but when I called and asked her she did tell me that she told him he had a whore on her way and a lady at home and that he could go to hell and keep the bitch away from her. Others on the job told me no one could believe what he was doing and with who. I accept no blame for his actions and I am as hard working as I said. How can i do everything at home taking care of it all and the children and still get to travel all the time and go see him. I went every time I could get a sitter. It's not easy to get someone to care for animals kids and home when there is that much to do. I am not his excuse. Funny thing is...now I have men that know us trying to go out with me,using what he did as the reason for asking, and he is so jealous acting I can't go to town without having to check in constantly,an I haven't done anything! Also I am not conceited in anyway,I don't think I am some great looking gal. I am definitely not ugly though.
See

Any reason that can be given goes back to selfishness. When a mans wants or "needs" are put ahead of his wife's feelings or ahead of his family, that's selfishness plain and simple
nope

Dallas, TX

#47 Jan 22, 2013
thatonegirl wrote:
<quoted text>
See
Any reason that can be given goes back to selfishness. When a mans wants or "needs" are put ahead of his wife's feelings or ahead of his family, that's selfishness plain and simple
I agree with you,and it has nothing to do with my looks or hers. I have had more healing reading your posts than I have had with counseling. I tried to rush forgivness in the beginning,but soon realized it was going to take a lot of time. After reading your post I no longer feel guilty for still having this anger inside. it has been a year,but what is a year really when my life died. It sounds dramatic,but for people going through it, it's the truth.
thatonegirl

Perkins, OK

#48 Jan 22, 2013
nope wrote:
<quoted text>Thank you for the kind words. I have trusted God all my life and will continue to do so. It has been a little over a year now,and I am still messed up in many ways,but I have realized I am not to blame in any way for his actions and choices. I think what got me the most is in the beginning when he told me "It's not like I was fuc**** some whore. She is a decent woman like you." I hit him hard. Then explained to him that as a decent woman I had never cheated. Much less cheated with a married man who had 3 kids at home. I mean what the heck?
I missed this post before. Yes, I heard the same shit. And my husbands whore was married too. He defended her a lot to me. I said u f&))ing idiot. She's a married woman screwing a married man with kids and she has kids of her own. Umm HELLO!! Then I called her husband and told him what his wonderful, sweet, nice wife had been doing :)
thatonegirl

Perkins, OK

#49 Jan 22, 2013
nope wrote:
<quoted text>I agree with you,and it has nothing to do with my looks or hers. I have had more healing reading your posts than I have had with counseling. I tried to rush forgivness in the beginning,but soon realized it was going to take a lot of time. After reading your post I no longer feel guilty for still having this anger inside. it has been a year,but what is a year really when my life died. It sounds dramatic,but for people going through it, it's the truth.
I really am glad it helped you. I had a friend that was going through the same thing and it helped to talk to her bc she understood and she didn't tell me just leave!! Like it was so easy to do. She understood what it does to you inside. It does get better, IF he changes and stays that way, it just takes a REALLY long time and God. The only good thing that came out of his affair is that it brought me so low, only God was able to pull me back up. I became much closer to God. I was then baptized and saved. My husband followed to be baptized, he still has a heckuva lot of work to do but it's not my problem anymore. It's his and Gods problem. You hand the control over to God and let him to deal with it. Think of this. It can't get much worse than it is right now. If someone had told me u can either have ur husband cheat on you or beat you, I would have taken a 100 beatings over what he chose to do. People don't understand that it is THAT bad. One other piece of advice, don't fight with him about it all the time. It won't change it, nothing will, and he'll probably just say something hurtful to you which is something else you'll have to figure out how to get over. And after all that, tell him I said he's a sorry POS and he needs to make it his life's work to make it up to you
nope

Dallas, TX

#50 Jan 22, 2013
thatonegirl wrote:
<quoted text>
I missed this post before. Yes, I heard the same shit. And my husbands whore was married too. He defended her a lot to me. I said u f&))ing idiot. She's a married woman screwing a married man with kids and she has kids of her own. Umm HELLO!! Then I called her husband and told him what his wonderful, sweet, nice wife had been doing :)
Oh my gosh, I can't believe it, but his whore was married too. I have had God in my life since I was 19 yrs old and realize he is the only reason I have made it this far. My husband is trying hard to make things right and has told me he would like to go back to church but feels ashamed ( Our church is old school and he got a phone call from one of the older men about his behavior) I told him he was proud enough of her to put her to work for him and tote her around in front of all on the job site and sleep in the same bed with her every night,so man up and be proud enough to go back to church with me. He still hasn't,but that will between him and God also. I have enjoyed talking with you,it's nice to have someone who really understands. I can't talk to my family as it would just make tensions worse,so when I saw this topic I decided to just let it out. Thanks for listening.
2 funny

Oklahoma City, OK

#51 Jan 22, 2013
Suicidal Affair wrote:
It was on April Fool's Day, I came up with a prank with a neighbor to play on my husband. We confronted him at our home that we were having an affair and that I was pregnant. My husband completely lost control and became emotional and his last words were "I bought you a new car for your birthday" which has been hidden in storage. We were about to tell him April's Fool when he rushed into the bedroom, locked the door and shot himself to death. We had 4 children together. The car he bought was specifically "girl colors" ordered inside and out for me. To this day, I still remain single.
HAW HAW HAW ! Thats the dumbest assedest piece of idiotic fiction I've ever read ! LMAO !!
thatonegirl

Perkins, OK

#52 Jan 23, 2013
nope wrote:
<quoted text>Oh my gosh, I can't believe it, but his whore was married too. I have had God in my life since I was 19 yrs old and realize he is the only reason I have made it this far. My husband is trying hard to make things right and has told me he would like to go back to church but feels ashamed ( Our church is old school and he got a phone call from one of the older men about his behavior) I told him he was proud enough of her to put her to work for him and tote her around in front of all on the job site and sleep in the same bed with her every night,so man up and be proud enough to go back to church with me. He still hasn't,but that will between him and God also. I have enjoyed talking with you,it's nice to have someone who really understands. I can't talk to my family as it would just make tensions worse,so when I saw this topic I decided to just let it out. Thanks for listening.
Church is for sinners. I would have much respect 4 someone that can face what they did. If your church is good, they will see this and not judge him. Even if they do, he is not there for those people, he is there for God. He cannot hide from God.
nope

United States

#53 Jan 23, 2013
thatonegirl wrote:
<quoted text>
Church is for sinners. I would have much respect 4 someone that can face what they did. If your church is good, they will see this and not judge him. Even if they do, he is not there for those people, he is there for God. He cannot hide from God.
They all ask about him all the time,and there are others in church who have dealt with this same thing. They just want him to come back to God and have been a great support. The elders in our church still believe in going to a man and talking to him about what has happened and urge them to return to God. They don't judge at all. He is just ashamed of himself,and I have told him he is just going to have to face it and move on. That is after all what I am having to do each and every day.
thatonegirl

Perkins, OK

#54 Jan 24, 2013
nope wrote:
<quoted text>They all ask about him all the time,and there are others in church who have dealt with this same thing. They just want him to come back to God and have been a great support. The elders in our church still believe in going to a man and talking to him about what has happened and urge them to return to God. They don't judge at all. He is just ashamed of himself,and I have told him he is just going to have to face it and move on. That is after all what I am having to do each and every day.
Very glad to hear that about your church. He needs to understand that he has already put a wedge between you and him. By separating himself from you and the kids in the area of church, he is still doing that. Again, selfish, since yes you're right, you have to do it and didn't even get a choice in having your life changed overnight, but he had all of the control over that choice and he gets to run from it. I understand why it would be hard for him and glad to hear he has some kind of real shame, he should. Him choosing not to go is Satan using his emotions to keep him away from going back to God. Hopefully in time since your church is like that he will able to go again.

I am glad you have been to counseling. I tried marriage counseling but I tried it 2 1/2 years after the fact. Mistake. By then my husband had done so much shit, I had spent so much time trying to push it all down and get over it, and I was so pissed off and hurt at the same time, that it didn't end well. After about 5 visits and having the counselor make me drag up emotions I had been trying to get rid of for years and pissing me off on purpose to get me to do it, I couldn't take it anymore and I never went back. I know he meant to help, but I had spent years in emotional hell and I couldn't handle going through a break down once a week and it taking days to pull myself back together only to go back and do it again. The last time I was there, he told me I was like a wounded bulldog, whimpering one second and lashing out the next. I said no shit??? You're not helping. Then he thought it would be a good idea to tell me that he understood us bc he had cheated on his wife. So here I was in a room with 2 cheating men that neither one of them understood me, they understood each other. Lol He knew when I left that day that I wouldn't be back. So I am glad you started it early

Since: Feb 11

Neverland

#55 Jan 24, 2013
rancher wrote:
<quoted text>
Why did your husband decide to cheat?
A guy's just got to get something strange ever so often.

“what ever floats your goat”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#57 Jan 24, 2013
it is not natural to be betrayed this way, and has caused many a death to both the innocent and the guilty, and neither is desirable to the children left without a parent

I suppose you think this post is inappropriate?

maybe it is you stabbing in the dark and you need to be adjusted right
thatonegirl

Perkins, OK

#58 Jan 25, 2013
Ignore these people. There are people out there with no scruples and love to hurt others and find it funny when they do
nope

Palestine, TX

#59 Jan 25, 2013
I counsel with the pastor from church. He is a board certified counselor and since he is a christian and I am familiar with him it's easier. Well correction to that I counseled with him,and haven't in a few months now. I am at a better place than I was,and I quit. Not totally certain why because I still sure have issues,but like you I think because he has never been through it I sort of pulled away. I feel better talking to others who have actually been there.
justleave

Palestine, TX

#60 Jan 28, 2013
You are all crazy for staying with sorry low life cheaters,and you nope for staying with a man who did all that then begs you back like some lost little boy. He was a big man when he screwed that old hoe,my gosh! Just leave and tell him to pi-s off.
thatonegirl

Perkins, OK

#61 Jan 28, 2013
nope wrote:
I counsel with the pastor from church. He is a board certified counselor and since he is a christian and I am familiar with him it's easier. Well correction to that I counseled with him,and haven't in a few months now. I am at a better place than I was,and I quit. Not totally certain why because I still sure have issues,but like you I think because he has never been through it I sort of pulled away. I feel better talking to others who have actually been there.
Well I'll tell you this too. Those thoughts you have--- you know the ones Im talking about. The thoughts you have of the whore where you have to force yourself not to go anywhere near her or your kids won't have a mom, those thoughts that scare the hell out of you bc u never thought u were capable of them and pray that God will forgive you for having them bc you can't control them, those last for a lonnnggggg time. They will be the reason you will not be able to get rid of the anger for a long time. I don't know what to tell you except pray and control it. Only time makes it go away. Have you crosses paths with her since finding out?
thatonegirl

Perkins, OK

#62 Jan 28, 2013
justleave wrote:
You are all crazy for staying with sorry low life cheaters,and you nope for staying with a man who did all that then begs you back like some lost little boy. He was a big man when he screwed that old hoe,my gosh! Just leave and tell him to pi-s off.
It is not that easy to just get up and leave. Easier said than done especially in the emotional state she is in. It's the same reasons women do not leave abusers. You are not helping

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