“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#1 Jan 2, 2013
DEAR AMY: I would like your advice on how to handle a growing problem in my marriage. My husband has become increasingly conservative politically. He has moved away from formerly moderate views and is now very right wing.

A recent poll he took ranked him in the most conservative 9 percent of people in the country. I have been a lifelong Democrat and continue to support liberal viewpoints. This has resulted in some heated arguments between us.

My husband claims that if I don’t agree with him it’s because I’m not listening. He refuses to acknowledge any validity to my opinions. He criticizes and mocks any Democratic politician or supporter. In the heat of an argument, he has said that if I can’t agree with him, we should just get divorced.

I even voted for Mitt Romney in November to avoid a fight, not because I supported him for president. How can I resolve this? Can Democrats and Republicans have a happy relationship?-- Democrat in Hiding

DEAR DEMOCRAT: Democrats and Republicans can have happy relationships, but unhappy, combative and intolerant people probably can’t.

I don’t understand why you would value your own rights so little that you would throw your vote away on a candidate you didn’t support. I also don’t understand why you would disclose to your husband whom you chose to vote for in the privacy of the voting booth. This is your business, not his.

You should assume at this point that politics is a place holder for other problems in your marriage.

If your husband is bullying, mocking or threatening you by playing the divorce card in the heat of a political argument, then you should take this as a sign that unless you and he find a new way to talk (and listen) to each other your marriage is in deep trouble.

A marriage counselor could help you get to the bottom of your reactions to each other and help you learn to interact more respectfully. You should be able to respect each other personally, even when you disagree about politics.

DEAR AMY: I am over 40 and seeing a divorced woman several years older than I. She has been divorced for more than eight years.

She belongs to a health club that I am against her going to. Over the years, she has had many intimate encounters with men she met there, including a sexual romp with a trainer at the club. She says he no longer works there.

I have asked her to go to another gym, but she won’t. She claims this gym is convenient for her and there are no all-female gyms in the area.

I have no issues with her going to another coed gym. What do you think? Why won’t she give up that gym? Do I have a right to be upset that she goes there, knowing her past at this gym?-- Sad

DEAR SAD: You feel how you feel, and you have a right to your feelings. However, you don’t have a right to forbid the woman you are dating from going to her gym.

You know her relationship and sexual history. I assume you believe her version of her own life. It’s much harder to trust your girlfriend than to insist that she remove herself from her stomping grounds. But your request is unreasonable, and she doesn’t want to give in to you because she doesn’t want you to control her.

She should respect your discomfort by asking you to join her during workouts, but removing her from her gym does not remove temptation from her life. Dealing with trust is a real workout for you. You’d better suit up.

DEAR AMY: The letter from “Concerned Fiance” had to do with an older couple whose marriage was in trouble because the husband wanted to maintain a “polyamorous” lifestyle.

Well, for this math to work out, both parties need to embrace this lifestyle. Otherwise it’s a deal-breaker.-- Been There

DEAR BEEN THERE: I agree that polyamory is by necessity a state that requires mutual consent.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Jan 2, 2013
1 fake latter, your just trying to bash the right and spout your own liberal views.

2 Ha, your dating the gym wh*re, no worries dude, she's already been tapped more times that then a keg, your the only one who is sticking around for seconds.

3 Captain obvious weighs in.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#3 Jan 2, 2013
1- Typical liberal. It's all the Republican's fault. You two just aren't compatible and you're using his political views as a scapegoat.

2- Heh, what Race said. She's been under more sweaty men than a bench press at an all male gym. She's got more miles on her than a treadmill. She's... oh, all right...

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#4 Jan 2, 2013
I answered the other one, but what the heck. I am so fully of wisdom I'll post my opinion here.(Sarcasm)

L1: Obviously, hubby doesn't respect you and/or is very controlling. That's the real problems, not the political affiliation.

L2: Do we know how long they've been involved or how serious their relationship is? They could have gone to dinner twice and this guy is trying to tell her what to do. I agree with Amy -- join her gym if it bothers you.

L3: Okay.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#5 Jan 2, 2013
Toj wrote:
L1: Obviously, hubby doesn't respect you and/or is very controlling.

They could have gone to dinner twice and this guy is trying to tell her what to do.
Your man-hating is showing...

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#6 Jan 2, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Your man-hating is showing...
Obviously. Could be no other reason why I would say that other than I hate men.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#7 Jan 2, 2013
And she is an enabler.
I have a female friend, she is the total bleeding heart, I am not.
If we were to discuss politics, as soon is either one of us gets preachy, the other just shuts them down with "alright, lets give it up". And we do because we know there is nothing to be won.

If you cant reach the same accord with your spouse, then your both just looking for a fight.
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Obviously. Could be no other reason why I would say that other than I hate men.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#8 Jan 2, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Obviously. Could be no other reason why I would say that other than I hate men.
Maybe the liberal wife is the one causing these arguments?

And you're just assuming the man in the second letter has only gone out on two dates with this woman and is now trying to control her. What's THAT all about?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#9 Jan 2, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
And you're just assuming the man in the second letter has only gone out on two dates with this woman and is now trying to control her. What's THAT all about?
2 dates, 10 dates, 50 dates. Do you really think it is acceptable to demand she stop going to the gym because she has a past with some of the people there? What if she dated someone at the grocery store near her house. You think its acceptable to expect her to stop going to that grocery store? Either you trust her or you don't. You can't expect temptation and other options to be eradicated from her life unless you lock her in the basement.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#10 Jan 2, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Maybe the liberal wife is the one causing these arguments?
And you're just assuming the man in the second letter has only gone out on two dates with this woman and is now trying to control her. What's THAT all about?
He is. He is trying to tell her where she can or cannot go. If you reverse the genders I'd say the same thing.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#11 Jan 2, 2013
Well, I don't want to be left out! From the other thread:

LW1: This could have been written by my mother, except that she would vote for whom she wanted and lied to my step-father. She blames it on Fox News.

And if the LW's husband is anything like my step-father, divorce is the only way anything is going to change.

LW2: Either you trust her or you don't. Changing gyms ain't gonna change a thing.

LW3: Um, OK.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#12 Jan 2, 2013
Brilliant, but how is she gonna cook?
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
lock her in the basement.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#13 Jan 2, 2013
RACE wrote:
Brilliant, but how is she gonna cook?
<quoted text>
Maybe the gas furnace is in the basement.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#14 Jan 2, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
Do you really think it is acceptable to demand she stop going to the gym because she has a past with some of the people there?
I never said it was

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