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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Mar 7, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I am writing to you because I can share this anonymously. I am close to 60 years old and I'm terrified of the dentist. Every time I pick up the phone to make an appointment I get so anxious I feel like I'm going to die.

Do you think I will be able to find a caring, compassionate and nonjudgmental dentist? Are they out there? Sometimes I wish I could die instead of going to the dentist. Am I crazy?-- MRS. ANXIETY IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR MRS. ANXIETY: Let me put it this way -- if you're crazy, you have a lot of company. Many people fear going to the dentist. However, there have been improvements in the field since you were a child -- including sedation for people who choose "not to be there" while their dental problems are being attended to.

Good dental health is very important to our overall health, so please don't put off any further making an appointment. Tell the person who is booking the appointment what your needs are, and if that dentist can't accommodate you, ask for a referral to one who can.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a nanny for four families over the last 10 years. I am now working for a family of five. I don't make a lot of money, but I enjoy what I do.

My problem is all the gift-buying I feel required to do -- such as on the children's birthdays, Christmas and the mom's birth of more babies. My employer is expecting yet another baby this summer and her 3-year-old has another birthday coming up.

I'm tired of the gift-buying and really can't afford to do it anymore. When the new baby is born, I am tempted to just say "Congratulations!" Any suggestions?-- GIFTED OUT

DEAR GIFTED OUT: Yes. When the newest addition to the family arrives, give your employer a nice card. You should not be expected to come up with a gift. You are already giving these children loving and responsible care and that is gift enough.

DEAR ABBY: During the first year of our marriage, my husband cheated on me with women from his past as well as new encounters. When I confronted him, he promised to stop. He would then call and email these women, and tell them I was checking up on him and he'd contact them later.

This has gone on for years. He swears he's no longer cheating, and we have sought counseling -- which I stopped because the counselor and I agreed that my husband didn't think he had a problem.

When I confront him with my suspicions, he insists that I am "driving him away" by accusing him. He is very arrogant, and people who don't know him believe he's a great guy and I am the problem. I have considered revenge cheating, but it goes against my morals. I think about divorcing him, but then I think -- what if I am wrong? What if he really is being faithful? What should I do? I love him.-- UNSURE IN TEXAS

DEAR UNSURE: I agree that "revenge" cheating is not the solution to your problem. Hire a private detective and get to the bottom of this. If you're wrong, you need counseling to resolve your insecurities. However, if he's cheating, you will know you haven't been imagining things and can decide rationally if it's in your best interests to continue being married to a womanizer.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Mar 7, 2013
1 Drugs. Take drugs, have a friend drive and get your teeth fixed.

2 Tough spot! I got nothing.

3 While I would love to be on your side, the letter reads all crookedy. You say "During the first year of our marriage" Then you say "This has gone on for years..."

Most people would say "Amby my husband has cheated thru our entire marriage" or at least make it clear that the husband has always been unfaithful.

Do what lamy says and hire a PI then when you find out he is not cheating, you can trust him and he can divorce you because he cant tolerate that you did not trust him enough.

Lose/Lose situation

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#3 Mar 7, 2013
Lw3: "I think about divorcing him, but then I think -- what if I am wrong? What if he really is being faithful?"

Well which is it? Your whole letter is constructed to tell the tale that he IS cheating and you know it. Now you wonder if you are wrong? Have you actually caught him? Or are you just paranoid? If he's cheating as much as you claim, then I see no need for counseling. Just get a divorce. But if you have never busted him and this is just your paranoia, then YOU need counseling.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#4 Mar 7, 2013
Lw1: When you start dentist shopping, the first question should be will they give you nitrous oxide for a cleaning. If the answer in no, move along.

LW 2: They know how much they pay you so I'm pretty sure the expectation of gift-giving is coming from you.

LW3: You sound like an effing mess. Hire the PI and find out the truth.

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#5 Mar 7, 2013
L1: Don't even try to conquer your fears. In time you won't have any teeth to worry about. Or smoke crack. That will take care of it.
pde

Palatine, IL

#6 Mar 7, 2013
Lw3: well, you've gotten yourself all twisted into a mess.

First, you don't need couples counseling. You need individual counseling. You need an outside person who can look at what's been going on and give you a perspective on whether/how badly your husband has been gaslighting you here.

Once you've figured that out and gotten that outside perspective, then you can decide whether you want to still be married to this man. Cheating is not the only possible reason for divorce. If you feel you can't trust him, why are you still married to him?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Lawrence, MA

#7 Mar 7, 2013
1- Are you 6 or 60? Get over it.

2- Why do you feel required to give anything?

3- Yeah, PI's are extremely cheap, and they sure wouldn't violate any anti-stalking laws. And if hubby discovers he's being tailed, I'm sure he'll be understanding and cooperative.
Worst. Advice. Ever.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Lawrence, MA

#8 Mar 7, 2013
squishymama wrote:
Lw1: When you start dentist shopping, the first question should be will they give you nitrous oxide for a cleaning. If the answer in no, move along.
Are you being serious?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#9 Mar 7, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Are you being serious?
Totally. I was once in this person's shoes, after having 4 cavities filled as a child with no novacane and 10 years of orthodontia, I was terrified of mouth pain.

I finally found a dentist who would give nitrous for just a cleaning. Totally got me over my fear and I don't need it anymore because Abby is right; the technology has gotten much better. They don't even use a drill anymore to fill cavities.
pde

Palatine, IL

#10 Mar 7, 2013
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
Totally. I was once in this person's shoes, after having 4 cavities filled as a child with no novacane and 10 years of orthodontia, I was terrified of mouth pain.
I finally found a dentist who would give nitrous for just a cleaning. Totally got me over my fear and I don't need it anymore because Abby is right; the technology has gotten much better. They don't even use a drill anymore to fill cavities.
One of my coworkers has some (justified) dental paranoia and she goes to a dentist where they will give nitrous for a cleaning. Insurance won't cover that, of course, so you pay for the nitrous out of pocket. But if you really need dental care, it's worth it.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#11 Mar 7, 2013
I sympathize with LW1. My dentist chart has to be retrieved from archives when I show up. On the front, in big letters is written High Anxiety. My dentist is old fashione. He keeps a bottle of white wine in the lower cabinet and gives me 2 slugs in a spit water cup when I first get in the chair.

OTOH they will never identofy my corpse using dental records.

That reminds me....

P.S. Ecxcept for the remains of a root canal when I was 18, I have all my teeth , intact, including my wisdom teeth. So there.

“Rope Swingin'”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#12 Mar 7, 2013
LW1: Maybe if you took to your teeth that probably look like raisins, you wouldn’t have so much anxiety about it. I like having my teeth cleaned.

LW2: Get them something small. Maybe a 10 or 20 dollar gift card to Ben and Jerry’s.

LW3: He’s still cheating. He’s just better at hiding it. You have two options, either live with it or don’t. If you are going to live with it, don't bring it up or go on and on about it, either.

“Rope Swingin'”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#13 Mar 7, 2013
took care of your teeth, I meant

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#14 Mar 7, 2013
L!: Most good dentists know how to work with anxious people.

L2: A card is fine.

L3: Go to a therapist to develop yourself independent of your husband. You are so wrapped up in his cheating you don't know what YOU want.(And why have you put up with it?) Isn't this what it really is about? What do you want? Focus on changing you, not changing him because changing him isn't going to happen.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Lawrence, MA

#15 Mar 7, 2013
Any dentist worth his salt should laugh in your face if you ask for nitrous for a teeth cleaning. That's like asking a dr to put you under so he can take your blood pressure.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Lawrence, MA

#16 Mar 7, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
LW2: Get them something small. Maybe a 10 or 20 dollar gift card to Ben and Jerry’s.
"Small" is relative. 10 or 20 dollars can make or break someone who doesn't have much money. Multiply that by several clients with several kids and it adds up fast.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Nashville, TN

#17 Mar 7, 2013
1. Yelp, ya' old fart.

2. A card is fine.

3. Leopards change their spots all the time. If he says he's done cheating, then surely he's done.

Sorry lady, I have no sympathy for you. I do have a lot of sympathy for the first person you date if you ever do get out of this clusterfrick of a marriage.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#18 Mar 7, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
Any dentist worth his salt should laugh in your face if you ask for nitrous for a teeth cleaning. That's like asking a dr to put you under so he can take your blood pressure.
For you maybe. Some people's fears are real to them and if it would help them get their teeth clean I'm sure a dentist who is worth his salt and then some would never laugh.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#19 Mar 7, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
Any dentist worth his salt should laugh in your face if you ask for nitrous for a teeth cleaning. That's like asking a dr to put you under so he can take your blood pressure.
Wrong. I don't need nitrous, but because my dentist (or more correctly the hygienist) does a deep (rather than just superficial) cleaning, they always give Novocaine because otherwise it would be painful. They do that for everyone, not just me.

“Rope Swingin'”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#20 Mar 7, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
"Small" is relative. 10 or 20 dollars can make or break someone who doesn't have much money. Multiply that by several clients with several kids and it adds up fast.
Most Nannys live with you and are provided with free room and board. Given this, I don't see how $60-120 bucks could break her. I don't think she has to do anything for the parents, but the children she watches, she should give them a little something.

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