“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Jul 1, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My problem is my mother-in-law and her abundant use of perfume. The last time she visited, it was so bad we had to open our windows to air out the rooms.(This was in January in Minnesota.)

My husband addressed the problem with her when I was pregnant, but now that the baby is here she's back to her old habits.

We are all sensitive to perfumes and get headaches when exposed to it. When she visits, we can't get away from the smell. I don't wear perfume, but was always told that "perfume is to be discovered, never announced." However, when I say that around her, she dismisses it.

What's the proper etiquette in addressing the perfume cloud that surrounds her?-- THE NOSE KNOWS

DEAR NOSE: I receive complaints about perfumes almost daily. Perfume "in abundance" can cause serious allergic reactions in people who are sensitive to it. And when they are exposed to it in enclosed places (elevators, airplanes, houses with storm windows, gymnasiums, etc.), it can cause real problems.

Your mother-in-law should be reminded again that her perfume is causing headaches and asked to please not use it around you. Depending upon how old she is and her sense of smell, she may not realize she is using as much as she is.

Women's perfumes and men's after-shave lotions and colognes can also cause problems at the gym. When people who are exercising begin to sweat, the smell can become overpowering and a nuisance to others. Scents that were applied the day before can turn rancid, so a shower before working out would be considerate if this could be you.

DEAR ABBY: I have a son, "Billy," who will be 9 soon. He was conceived through rape by a man who was physically, emotionally and sexually abusive, as well as controlling and manipulative. He threatened to kill me and Billy, but I eventually got free. I have a criminal no-contact order on him, and he has no legal rights to Billy.

I have raised my son without any knowledge of his father. I feel it would be cruel to tell him how he came into the world. My mother disagrees. She thinks it will backfire if and when Billy finds out. She points out that Billy has two half-sisters he doesn't know about. I don't like to keep that from him.

I need to protect my son, no matter what. But am I doing the right thing? I sometimes question what is in my son's best interest and that of our relationship. Please give me some advice.-- LIVING IN THE PRESENT

DEAR LIVING IN THE PRESENT: I'm surprised your son hasn't already asked about his father, because surely he must have questions. When Billy asks, he should be told some of the truth in an age-appropriate way. He does not need to know about the rape, but he should know that his father was violent, so for your safety and his, the courts decided Billy's father should not be in contact with the two of you. Billy should also be told that until he is an adult it will have to remain that way.

When he's older, he can be told that there are half-siblings.(I agree with your mother on that.) While you can't protect your son forever, you can keep him safe until he's old enough to process the information.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Jul 1, 2013
1 get one of those misting spray bottles and hose grandma off!

2 Intern gave great advice, cause yes billy will either "find out" or be "found out".

3 Wonderful rehash! Tastes great and less filling.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Jul 1, 2013
L1: Ban her from the home and baby until she shows up without perfume. Seriously. She sounds obnoxious in her use of perfume.

Just like my boss.

L2: Nine seems young to tell him that he's the product of rape (nice job, though, glossing over that this was your boyfriend/husband who did this). You WILL have to tell him because the rest of your family knows, and that's no secret.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#4 Jul 1, 2013
LW1: Make it clear that perfume automatically = no grandbaby. It should sink in pretty quickly if you stick to your guns.

LW2: It would be better to hear it from you than someone else right? So start thinking that way and answer the questions he will have accordingly.

Where's this lovely rehash that RACE mentions? It sounds like beer and I could really use one of those right about now.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#5 Jul 1, 2013
LW1: Have sonny boy tell mom not to wear it in your home. Make sure he explains that it's non-negotiable.

LW2: I think you can wait on that. I wouldn't lay that on a child.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#6 Jul 1, 2013
2- how did he get to be almost nine and hasn't asked about his daddy? I think you're keeping him a little TOO sheltered.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#7 Jul 1, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
2- how did he get to be almost nine and hasn't asked about his daddy? I think you're keeping him a little TOO sheltered.
I think it is possible he got to be 9 and hasn't asked his mom because someone else already told him

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#8 Jul 1, 2013
'I have raised my son without any knowledge of his father."

We don't know that the kid hasn't asked about his father. She's actively lied and deflected for nine years.
Stina

Ronkonkoma, NY

#9 Jul 1, 2013
LW1: I hate getting into the elevator and smelling the remains of cheap perfume! But some people ARE hypersensitive about it.

LW2: You don't EVER have to tell your son he is the product of rape, but you will definitely need to tell him what Amy's intern said. How the sex happened isn't relevant to the son and telling him that he was the product of rape will make him feel horrible forever.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#10 Jul 1, 2013
You're smart.
Stina wrote:
LW1: I hate getting into the elevator and smelling the remains of cheap perfume! But some people ARE hypersensitive about it.
LW2: You don't EVER have to tell your son he is the product of rape, but you will definitely need to tell him what Amy's intern said. How the sex happened isn't relevant to the son and telling him that he was the product of rape will make him feel horrible forever.

Since: May 13

Monterey, CA

#11 Jul 1, 2013
Stina wrote:
LW2: You don't EVER have to tell your son he is the product of rape, but you will definitely need to tell him what Amy's intern said. How the sex happened isn't relevant to the son and telling him that he was the product of rape will make him feel horrible forever.
THIS. I would tell my son that his father became violent and that you had to file a protective order for your safety and his. I would *never* tell him that he was the product of rape.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#12 Jul 1, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
THIS. I would tell my son that his father became violent and that you had to file a protective order for your safety and his. I would *never* tell him that he was the product of rape.
Exactly. I just think that would mess with his head.

And when he's 20 and the buttinski grandma or aunt tells him, mom can say "I didn't want you to know that about your father" with a pretty clean conscience -- because who would want to know that?

Hey, kudos to the woman for keeping the child and giving him a loving home. I bet that if she couldn't have done that, she would have given him up for adoption. That's pretty courageous of her. I think a lot of women in her shoes choose abortion becuase the thought of carrying their rapist's child is unfathomable.
Stina

Ronkonkoma, NY

#13 Jul 1, 2013
RACE wrote:
You're smart.
<quoted text>
Yeah, I know!:D

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#14 Jul 1, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I think a lot of women in her shoes choose abortion becuase the thought of carrying their rapist's child is unfathomable.
Interesting little factoid: abortions because of r@pe or incest make up about .5% of total abortions. The major reason women have abortions is simply because of the life changes, responsibility, and costs having a baby will incur.

And then there is this

http://www.lifenews.com/2012/09/21/pregnant-r...

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