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“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#1 Jan 2, 2013
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Share1Print......DEAR ABBY: After years of denial I have come to realize that I am bisexual. I'm happily married to a straight man, and we have a great marriage I wouldn't change for the world. He is my soul mate, and we plan to be together for many years to come. I just happen to be physically attracted to women, too.

Some people say I can't be bisexual if I've never been with a woman; I say they're wrong. Am I correct?

How do I deal with this in social situations? I'm afraid to put it on my social media profile for fear of a backlash from my family. I'd like my friends to know, but it doesn't feel proper to just come out and say, "I'm bi."

I was hoping some of your readers might be able to give me some input. How does one "come out" without overdoing it or coming across the wrong way? Is there a right way? Should I continue keeping it a secret?

I'm not sure what to do with my revelation. I have pondered it for some time now, and felt I could trust you to give me tactful, unbiased advice.-- BI IN THE DEEP SOUTH

DEAR B.I.T.D.S.: Bisexuality is having an attraction to people of both sexes, and yes, it is possible to be bisexual without having acted upon it.

However, being married means you are (happily) involved in a monogamous relationship. To announce that you are bisexual and/or put it on the Internet would be a mistake, in my opinion, not only because it would shock your family, but also because it might seem like you were advertising that you are "available." Unless you are promiscuous, you are not available. Most married people agree to be committed to their spouses regardless of whether they are straight, gay or bi.

If you choose to confide your diverse sexual orientation to your close friends, that is your business. But if you do, please remember that once two people know something, there's a strong likelihood of the news spreading faster than the flu.

P.S. If you do decide to divulge, be sure to tell your husband first.

----------

DEAR ABBY: I work in a jewelry store where the associates get generous discounts. I mentioned the amount of my discount at one family party, and ever since, my brother-in-law has continued to ask to use it for my sister.

Abby, letting others use my discount is strictly forbidden. Although the store may never find out, this goes against my morals.

My sister's birthday is in six weeks, and today I told him we can split the cost for the item she wants. I offered because I felt pressured. I have now decided that I can't go against my morals, plus the item is pretty expensive even with my discount.

How do I tell him no? I have told him before that it's against company policy, but the message isn't getting through.-- FEELING USED IN GEORGIA

DEAR FEELING USED: Tell your brother-in-law that even with the discount, splitting the cost of the birthday gift is too much for you. Then reiterate firmly that doing this is against company policy and could cost you your job. It's the truth.

While the conversation may not be pleasant, it's important to deliver the message now so he can make other arrangements to pay for that expensive piece of jewelry your sister is expecting.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Jan 2, 2013
1 Your not bi, your just curious. Get over yourself, and quit being an attention wh*re.

2 You are an idiot for mentioning the discount to begin with. Quit and get another job.
chicagolandchica

Atlanta, GA

#3 Jan 2, 2013
I'm bisexual and happily married to a man. Monogamy and bisexuality are not mutually exclusive, and I hate the bi = sleeps around a lot stereotype.

But I see no point in telling people just to tell them. Your husband, sure; a close friend maybe, but it doesn't need to go on your Facebook page. If it comes up in conversation and you want to out yourself, go for it. I tell people if and only if it's relevant.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#4 Jan 2, 2013
LW1: Why do you have this huge need to announce this to everyone? If you liked furry handcuffs and being dp'd would you feel the need to put it on your facebook profile? Sheesh!

LW2: I would have just said it's not worth losing your job over it and it's not going to happen from the get go. If he mentioned it again, I would repeated and then tell him to stop bothering you about it. Your mistake was not being firm.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#5 Jan 2, 2013
1- Since you have the desire to shout your sexuality from the rooftops, that means you're gay, not just bi. Anyway, sex should only be between the three people involved. I doubt your husband would be opposed to a threeway.

2- Don't be so dam prudish. Buy the item at the discount price and have your BIL give you the money. I had an employee discount when I worked at Menards and did this frequently.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#6 Jan 2, 2013
L1: Why do people's lives revolve around FB? Seriously, if you're married and unavailable, no one cares. That's your status. Married. If and when it becomes relevant to post you're bi, then post it (divorce, hubby is up for a 3-some, poly lifestyle, etc.) What is the reason to do it now?

L2: Bragging backfired, huh?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#7 Jan 2, 2013
LW1: I can't fathom why you'd want to announce this on Facebook.

LW2: Just say no.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#8 Jan 2, 2013
LW1: What Toj said.

LW2: You have learned that it is not wise to mention your employee discount. But that ship has sailed. You have also promised to pay for part of the item. If the gift is partly from you and partly from your brother-in-law, then the employee discount should apply. Tell your BIL that you can only comfortably afford to pay $X dollars and ask him to pay the remainder. Then refuse to get yourself in this situation again.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#9 Jan 2, 2013
L1: I think you sound like an attention whore.

L2: I bet you all your coworkers use their discount for close family members. My cousin did when she ran a jewelry store. all my aunts and my mom got diamond rings at cost. I got my diamond ring at cost. Don't be such a dipstick.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#10 Jan 2, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: I think you sound like an attention whore.
L2: I bet you all your coworkers use their discount for close family members. My cousin did when she ran a jewelry store. all my aunts and my mom got diamond rings at cost. I got my diamond ring at cost. Don't be such a dipstick.
I'm on Team Red Dogxxx.

If your stop to consider why this rule is in place, I'd imagine it is so employees don't start buying items from the company at deep discount and then go selling them for a profit. No one's looking to fire you for the occassional use of your discount for a friend or family member. The fact that there is no way for the company to find out makes it even less of a big deal. As if 6 months down the road the company is going to demand that your produce the piece of jewelry to prove you bought it for yourself.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#11 Jan 2, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm on Team Red Dogxxx.
If your stop to consider why this rule is in place, I'd imagine it is so employees don't start buying items from the company at deep discount and then go selling them for a profit. No one's looking to fire you for the occassional use of your discount for a friend or family member. The fact that there is no way for the company to find out makes it even less of a big deal. As if 6 months down the road the company is going to demand that your produce the piece of jewelry to prove you bought it for yourself.
WEll, and the LW didn't say the discount can't be used to buy GIFTS for friends or family. ARen't I entitled to use the discount to buy a necklace as a gift to my mom? I think the discount also is so they buy jewelry for themselves to "sell" the store's products that way.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#12 Jan 2, 2013
I would not have a problem using a discount if I received one in the situation that the LW is mentioning. BUT -- she does. She's uncomfortable. I think she's a bit clenched, too, but whatever.

Her main problem is that she's not being consistent. She should have stuck to no instead of changing her mind. Also, once she said okay she needs to go through with the transaction. If it bothers her THAT much then she needs to sit down and be honest with BIL.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#13 Jan 2, 2013
Toj wrote:
I would not have a problem using a discount if I received one in the situation that the LW is mentioning. BUT -- she does. She's uncomfortable. I think she's a bit clenched, too, but whatever.
Her main problem is that she's not being consistent. She should have stuck to no instead of changing her mind. Also, once she said okay she needs to go through with the transaction. If it bothers her THAT much then she needs to sit down and be honest with BIL.
ITA. And she's probably too nervous about this to do it in a way that lets her get away with it. She'll end up in the boss's office confessing at some point. She needs to just tell the BIL straight up that she has no intention of using the discount.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#14 Jan 2, 2013
Toj wrote:
I think she's a bit clenched, too, but whatever.
I agree and I just don't get people like this. My MIL being a prime example.

Years ago, she had a Sam's club membership. We did not. If I recall correctly, she let my wife use the card to go get some stuff. Wife bought something. Turns out she bought the wrong thing. MIL was headed home(a few hours away). Wife was going to get her to take the stuff with her and return it to the Sams in her hometown. She wouldn't do it. To her, she would be lying if she told the Sam's employee that SHE bought it. She didn't. My wife did. And telling that lie was a big deal. And she was afraid to tell them that wife used her card since you're not supposed to lend your card to people(though you can bring guests in whenever you want). So we had to wait till she was back in town a few weeks later for wife to go to Sam's with her and return it herself.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#15 Jan 2, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree and I just don't get people like this. My MIL being a prime example.
Years ago, she had a Sam's club membership. We did not. If I recall correctly, she let my wife use the card to go get some stuff. Wife bought something. Turns out she bought the wrong thing. MIL was headed home(a few hours away). Wife was going to get her to take the stuff with her and return it to the Sams in her hometown. She wouldn't do it. To her, she would be lying if she told the Sam's employee that SHE bought it. She didn't. My wife did. And telling that lie was a big deal. And she was afraid to tell them that wife used her card since you're not supposed to lend your card to people(though you can bring guests in whenever you want). So we had to wait till she was back in town a few weeks later for wife to go to Sam's with her and return it herself.
That's crazy, but what are you going to do? Some people are very skittish. They're not trying to be mean.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#16 Jan 2, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
That's crazy, but what are you going to do? Some people are very skittish. They're not trying to be mean.
Totally. They really do believe they could get caught.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#17 Jan 2, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
That's crazy, but what are you going to do? Some people are very skittish. They're not trying to be mean.
I know she's not trying to be mean. But its just fascinating from the perspective of what she considerss wrong or not. That would be wrong to her. That's lying. But she's got no problem asking me to put certain music on her phone. Copied from me. Not purchased. And she copies dvd's. Some people would call that stealing. I have no problem with it, but still. Its just so puzzling how she determines what's wrong and what is acceptable.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#18 Jan 2, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I know she's not trying to be mean. But its just fascinating from the perspective of what she considerss wrong or not. That would be wrong to her. That's lying. But she's got no problem asking me to put certain music on her phone. Copied from me. Not purchased. And she copies dvd's. Some people would call that stealing. I have no problem with it, but still. Its just so puzzling how she determines what's wrong and what is acceptable.
Copying the dvd's is a "faceless crime", as in she doesn't have to look someone in the face while stealing a movie.

Going into a store and actually talking to someone is way more scary if you think that you're lying or doing something wrong.

I can sorta see where she's coming from. I'm a terrible liar (like don't ask me to get someone to a surprise party) but this Sam's Club situation wouldn't bother me a bit. It's not like the item was stolen in the first place.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#19 Jan 2, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree and I just don't get people like this. My MIL being a prime example.
Years ago, she had a Sam's club membership. We did not. If I recall correctly, she let my wife use the card to go get some stuff. Wife bought something. Turns out she bought the wrong thing. MIL was headed home(a few hours away). Wife was going to get her to take the stuff with her and return it to the Sams in her hometown. She wouldn't do it. To her, she would be lying if she told the Sam's employee that SHE bought it. She didn't. My wife did. And telling that lie was a big deal. And she was afraid to tell them that wife used her card since you're not supposed to lend your card to people(though you can bring guests in whenever you want). So we had to wait till she was back in town a few weeks later for wife to go to Sam's with her and return it herself.
In college, I bought a bike on my friend's Sam's Club card. We were both standing at the register and she forked over her membership card and I forked over the money. The cashier couldn't have cared less.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#20 Jan 2, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
The cashier couldn't have cared less.
Exactly. At a job like that, I'm not paid enough to care.

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