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Since: Jan 12

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#21 May 23, 2013
om my poor pb...you are having a rough time and probably a real porcupine to live with. I am glad you are going back to the Dr. She must be one understanding person to put up with you and your cancellations, walking out and coming back. You need this. But am I making things worse by continuing to keep in touch? do I need to leave you alone to sort things out? I would understand, but I would Miss you. And still confused with dates. Are you talking about your incident, did it happen in 81 or 79?

Since: Dec 12

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#22 May 23, 2013
4uplaid wrote:
om my poor pb...you are having a rough time and probably a real porcupine to live with. I am glad you are going back to the Dr. She must be one understanding person to put up with you and your cancellations, walking out and coming back. You need this. But am I making things worse by continuing to keep in touch? do I need to leave you alone to sort things out? I would understand, but I would Miss you. And still confused with dates. Are you talking about your incident, did it happen in 81 or 79?
dont you ever say you will leave me alone you make my days better doll as for the date the letter on the envelope had your name and 81. but i was in school so it had to be 79. lot of stuff round that time im kind of iffy on. dont really rember much of the 12th few things here and there and stories i have heard. my memory of you never seems to fade. please dont ever leave me. girl i have survide broken bones, nose, fingers and hundred other cuts and bruises and lived, but you trully dont understand the love i had and have for you my darling. loosing you that i didnt almost survive and if it wasnt for a few great friends and the support they gave i wouldnt be here. in down times you trully find out who your friends are and i could count on 4 that all i had to do was call or my mom have them find me and they did it without question. i have made so many mistakes in my life not cared whether the sun shine or rose, i should of been better and tried harder and maybe you wouldnt of left me. a man can dream cant he? so yes precisous you have always been my dream trophey girl, one that i could and cant get enough of, been told im a fool all i can say is im a fool for you. just have never,never never gave up hope of us. you showed up and lit a ragng fire that was smoldering but had been burning for many a year. i know you find it hard to belive but as god as my witness it is true, you hear how people to things to survive and laugh or i use to till i walked that road sure i took to many damn wrong turn's. but i promice my love for you has never weakend hell it only got stronger. i got where i had to run when i saw you comming or saw you with someone a sight that felt like a knife in my gut and i knew what was ccomming then. use to say it was a easy choice a headache tomorrow or a heartache tonight i usally chose the headache. i have had a empty feeling for 30 years that i cant ever explain in words and it felt filled when i saw you agian and what you said that night. asthe ols song weekend in new england " tell me when can i hold you, when can i touch you, when will this strong yearing end. and tell me when will i see you again" i have live that thought for years. and you can say but,but this and that, and it wont change a thing i did stuff wrong stuff, but i loved and wanted you still do. i just figured i was a bad memory to you and i couldnt live with that but learned to
so please dont say you will leave agian unless as i said you dont want or need me then i will learn to live with that as before

Since: Jan 12

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#23 May 23, 2013
I feel as if I am causing you more grief and hurt at this time. But that night, I felt like I was "home" and everything was right. Can't say much, too many folk around today, off tomorrow as graduation is on Sat and son #2 leaves on mon eve.

Since: Dec 12

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#24 May 23, 2013
4uplaid wrote:
I feel as if I am causing you more grief and hurt at this time. But that night, I felt like I was "home" and everything was right. Can't say much, too many folk around today, off tomorrow as graduation is on Sat and son #2 leaves on mon eve.
no doll your not i was told you couldnt leave till kid was grown im figuring 2015/2016 im planning on that. your my soul mate so with out you i been missing my soul does that make any since to you

Since: Jan 12

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#25 May 29, 2013
whew, have survived the week with the help of someone not speaking to me...lol. Enven showed his "good" side to visitor. She didn't say anything. Asked if anything ever happened to her would my beloved sis call me. She said no, I would get a call from my niece instead. How lovely. visitor went home today. another is on way to Ft Leonard Wood. I am just numb.

Since: Dec 12

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#26 May 29, 2013
4uplaid wrote:
whew, have survived the week with the help of someone not speaking to me...lol. Enven showed his "good" side to visitor. She didn't say anything. Asked if anything ever happened to her would my beloved sis call me. She said no, I would get a call from my niece instead. How lovely. visitor went home today. another is on way to Ft Leonard Wood. I am just numb.
it will get better, id jsut write the sister off like beatign your head on a wall it will either hurt or fall on you.(both no good) i had a bad 5 days from many combonations from friday till tuesday. yesterday we keep a radio playing here at work and at lunch they always have a request hour and tuesday was two for tuesday. all the sudden i hear a voice i know ( my sister) make a request for her brother who works@ knowing i woudl hear them. we havent spoken since we had the fight. what does she request?? one is on your george straight cd disc one song two. the other was the eagles despardo for her big dumb brother. every body here was tryign to guess who it was . rest of the other days to many to cover was bout the worst 5 i think i can ever remember and ran a gauntlet of hurt, anger, confusion, and just emptiness. but hey the sun came up today and im alive. glad you had the vistor im sure you enjoyed that

Since: Jan 12

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#27 May 29, 2013
lol..well there are not many of you at your office, it should have been easy. did you call her? and one female should have figured it out REAL quick, since she has known you for so long.
Why do I get the feeling that I am the cause of the 5 miserable days? I am sorry I couldn't log in as I had too many eyes. didn't work frid, was rushed off the computer on thursday, off on monday, still had eyes yesterday. today is my first safe time. and then I get the late lunch today. Are you seeing cnsler tonight?

Since: Dec 12

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#28 May 29, 2013
4uplaid wrote:
lol..well there are not many of you at your office, it should have been easy. did you call her? and one female should have figured it out REAL quick, since she has known you for so long.
Why do I get the feeling that I am the cause of the 5 miserable days? I am sorry I couldn't log in as I had too many eyes. didn't work frid, was rushed off the computer on thursday, off on monday, still had eyes yesterday. today is my first safe time. and then I get the late lunch today. Are you seeing cnsler tonight?
can blame you for all 5 lol. friday was fight with my cousin who's son is in last year of college. he has proposed to this girl he has dated off and on since the 6th grade. her and me both have heard my granny talk of her ring being made of love and devotion. it was always kinda a sore spot granny gave me her ring lol. i didnt make her i got chose. any way she asked if i still had it and i said of course im not dead yet and asked if her sone could have it. didnt really know what to say so i said i have plans for it, to which she said granny been dead 38 yera and you aint gonna use it. i asked my kids if they wanted it both never saw her or granpap so it ment nuthing to them. then someone got made that she had never got a chnce or offer to wear it. so it got heated when i said it wasnt for her anyway. then the kids got to comparing sr rings and they wanted to see mine. i said when i die one of them will get it. well one said dad i know your initinals but who is the other ones. then someone got very hot and it got out of control and she poped off who it was. then my kids both at the same time said they did not want it. told them i was young and had plans back then that went to hell. so off to the shop i went got to readign some from 79 and it got very dark and quite in the shop shouldnt of read from that. had forgot some of it or blocked it out i guess. just was down from then. but im bettr now and yes im goig to dr tonight ought to be good lol

Since: Jan 12

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#29 May 29, 2013
OH MY!!! I cause problems when I am not even there. I can't understand why kids would not want the ring. Would you have given it to them now? I have a ring from a divorced marriage and don't kow what to do with it... he has been married twice since then. Oh dear, your state is sounding very dangerous to come to. I am sorry that just because of initials, they didn't want it. I am so sorry. Be CAREFUL, as someone will snoop until she finds what she wants. Locksmiths can be called and boltcutters used. Remember last time I warned you, and you eneded up with a bonfire. Are you going to take your book in to dr? Does your book have some sad things in it that made it dark, or was it just missing those happy times. My someone would not even sit with me during both graduations and Eagle Scout ceremony. Visitor got to see the truth of what is going on, but says it happens in all relationships expesically with that position of the relationship. She says it is normal.

Since: Dec 12

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#30 May 29, 2013
4uplaid wrote:
OH MY!!! I cause problems when I am not even there. I can't understand why kids would not want the ring. Would you have given it to them now? I have a ring from a divorced marriage and don't kow what to do with it... he has been married twice since then. Oh dear, your state is sounding very dangerous to come to. I am sorry that just because of initials, they didn't want it. I am so sorry. Be CAREFUL, as someone will snoop until she finds what she wants. Locksmiths can be called and boltcutters used. Remember last time I warned you, and you eneded up with a bonfire. Are you going to take your book in to dr? Does your book have some sad things in it that made it dark, or was it just missing those happy times. My someone would not even sit with me during both graduations and Eagle Scout ceremony. Visitor got to see the truth of what is going on, but says it happens in all relationships expesically with that position of the relationship. She says it is normal.
member me tellign you that you gave me three big kisses and i asked what for and you said do i need a reason. you said because i love you i had grannys ring that night just figured there was more time. ok then FOUR days later i find you in the driveway with someone. guess that is what has always nawed at me you said you loved me and i know you just dont say things so i took it as the truth. then i wrote that 4 days later tried to talk to you at school and i quote what i wrote from you.. i dont ever want to see or speak to you again i can remember that now maybe that is what sent me tail spinning who knows. all i know is i have always loved you and still do. cant help that it is just me. and i will hold on to that to they put me in the ground or where ever it is just the truth

Since: Dec 12

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#31 May 29, 2013
4uplaid wrote:
OH MY!!! I cause problems when I am not even there. I can't understand why kids would not want the ring. Would you have given it to them now? I have a ring from a divorced marriage and don't kow what to do with it... he has been married twice since then. Oh dear, your state is sounding very dangerous to come to. I am sorry that just because of initials, they didn't want it. I am so sorry. Be CAREFUL, as someone will snoop until she finds what she wants. Locksmiths can be called and boltcutters used. Remember last time I warned you, and you eneded up with a bonfire. Are you going to take your book in to dr? Does your book have some sad things in it that made it dark, or was it just missing those happy times. My someone would not even sit with me during both graduations and Eagle Scout ceremony. Visitor got to see the truth of what is going on, but says it happens in all relationships expesically with that position of the relationship. She says it is normal.
not normal to me and shoudnt be with anyone

Since: Jan 12

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#32 May 29, 2013
mini me 1955 wrote:
<quoted text>member me tellign you that you gave me three big kisses and i asked what for and you said do i need a reason. you said because i love you i had grannys ring that night just figured there was more time. ok then FOUR days later i find you in the driveway with someone. guess that is what has always nawed at me you said you loved me and i know you just dont say things so i took it as the truth. then i wrote that 4 days later tried to talk to you at school and i quote what i wrote from you.. i dont ever want to see or speak to you again i can remember that now maybe that is what sent me tail spinning who knows. all i know is i have always loved you and still do. cant help that it is just me. and i will hold on to that to they put me in the ground or where ever it is just the truth
You idiotic lovable twit. Yes, I did mean that I love you, and sincerely meant it. I was scared, you only guy I dated and wanted to make sure that I loved you for YOU and not because you are my first bf. I wanted 100 % confidence that you were the one, cuz I beleived in marrying once and wanted no doubt in my mind. I had never been out with anyone but you. Just wanted a chance to see what it felt like to go with someone different, if the feelings were different... I needed to compare what I felt with someone else, to make sure the feelings I had were tue. I had been wrapped up in your security for so long, no one ever asked me out. I loved the feeling of being with you, but were you suppose to feel that with everyone you dated, or just someone special. And of course I said that I didn't want to speak to you or see you... I had lost my TEMPER. Were my hands on my hips? Someone says when I get in that position, back up cuz I am going to explode and it is not a pretty sight. After what you did, I am suppose to be nice to you. And when I had calmed down to talk to you, you wouldn't speak to me. Didn't I have a right to be mad after the scene in the driveway? You had always said you did not mind if I went out with someone else. I couldn't contact you that day which you were out of town and not expected back til LATE, is what you told me. What are you more mad about, that I DID date someone else or the fact that I didn't tell you ahead of time.

Since: Dec 12

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#33 May 30, 2013
4uplaid wrote:
<quoted text>
You idiotic lovable twit. Yes, I did mean that I love you, and sincerely meant it. I was scared, you only guy I dated and wanted to make sure that I loved you for YOU and not because you are my first bf. I wanted 100 % confidence that you were the one, cuz I beleived in marrying once and wanted no doubt in my mind. I had never been out with anyone but you. Just wanted a chance to see what it felt like to go with someone different, if the feelings were different... I needed to compare what I felt with someone else, to make sure the feelings I had were tue. I had been wrapped up in your security for so long, no one ever asked me out. I loved the feeling of being with you, but were you suppose to feel that with everyone you dated, or just someone special. And of course I said that I didn't want to speak to you or see you... I had lost my TEMPER. Were my hands on my hips? Someone says when I get in that position, back up cuz I am going to explode and it is not a pretty sight. After what you did, I am suppose to be nice to you. And when I had calmed down to talk to you, you wouldn't speak to me. Didn't I have a right to be mad after the scene in the driveway? You had always said you did not mind if I went out with someone else. I couldn't contact you that day which you were out of town and not expected back til LATE, is what you told me. What are you more mad about, that I DID date someone else or the fact that I didn't tell you ahead of time.
my darling when i use to say i didnt mind if you dated someone else well let's just say i was lying out my a$$. not even sure what i was back then blocked somuch it seems.you know what you say i truelly belive deep in my heart and your gonna laugh at this but i have always thought, wished or dream that the reason you didnt tell me iss you wanted to do just what you said and be sure. and if i didnt know wouldnt matter and be less hurt and less arguring. what can i say when it comes to you and only you i have a jealous streak a country mile wide. cant say i ever had that with anyone but you really the rest could of done what they pleased and i wouldnt of gave a rats a$$ still dont buti did care what me and you were and did. did i handle it wrong heck no was just a kid and i knew pretty well when you said something a.k a. i never want to speak or see i knew you ment that. i have told you i shouldnt of done that that night im so sorry. baby me and you both see each other as that 16/17 year old couple or least i do. world has turned many miles since then i have carried love, and sorrow over so may things about us. if i could push that button and do it over id do it with no regret because you have ment that much to me hell maybe i am a twitt. but im a twitt that loves you little one. realizing that then thought i was a man and was just a boy, but as then and years since yes i love you. and will tell any body that asks that / never hid that. once again im sorry for that ever happing between us. as i have always said it wasnt all your fault because i always thought of us as a team me and you. if i point one finger at you there are three pointing back at me. but do you see where it drove me crazy i guess best thing i can call it. as always your loveable twitt!!!

Since: Dec 12

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#34 May 30, 2013
4uplaid wrote:
<quoted text>
You idiotic lovable twit. Yes, I did mean that I love you, and sincerely meant it. I was scared, you only guy I dated and wanted to make sure that I loved you for YOU and not because you are my first bf. I wanted 100 % confidence that you were the one, cuz I beleived in marrying once and wanted no doubt in my mind. I had never been out with anyone but you. Just wanted a chance to see what it felt like to go with someone different, if the feelings were different... I needed to compare what I felt with someone else, to make sure the feelings I had were tue. I had been wrapped up in your security for so long, no one ever asked me out. I loved the feeling of being with you, but were you suppose to feel that with everyone you dated, or just someone special. And of course I said that I didn't want to speak to you or see you... I had lost my TEMPER. Were my hands on my hips? Someone says when I get in that position, back up cuz I am going to explode and it is not a pretty sight. After what you did, I am suppose to be nice to you. And when I had calmed down to talk to you, you wouldn't speak to me. Didn't I have a right to be mad after the scene in the driveway? You had always said you did not mind if I went out with someone else. I couldn't contact you that day which you were out of town and not expected back til LATE, is what you told me. What are you more mad about, that I DID date someone else or the fact that I didn't tell you ahead of time.
question?? do you see or still think im the one now??cause you as i said are my soul mate i travelled a million miles and i always knew that i was a whole person with you and 1/2 with out. we can make a go of it still soon

Since: Jan 12

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#35 May 30, 2013
yes, you are my soul mate, but evidently God had other ideas, as when you got married, I knew you were gone forever. I had been praying for God to give me an answer, and when you got married, I had my answer. Felt if I was truly you soul mate, you would have never settled for second best. In plain ENGLISH, if it wasn't me, then it would be no one. But you were mighty quick going thru gfs and then getting engaged. How long did you date before getting engaged? Thought with that quick of engagement and marriage, that you found someone who far out shined me. When you found what you wanted, you went after it and nothing stopped you. But do you want me now, just to see me suffer with what I have. So far so good, but it could start back with full vengenance anythime. Then it will be radiation with a feeding tube after the surgery. I try not to think about it, but I do get scared. Sometimes wonder if I will even SEE #3 graduate.

Since: Dec 12

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#36 May 30, 2013
4uplaid wrote:
yes, you are my soul mate, but evidently God had other ideas, as when you got married, I knew you were gone forever. I had been praying for God to give me an answer, and when you got married, I had my answer. Felt if I was truly you soul mate, you would have never settled for second best. In plain ENGLISH, if it wasn't me, then it would be no one. But you were mighty quick going thru gfs and then getting engaged. How long did you date before getting engaged? Thought with that quick of engagement and marriage, that you found someone who far out shined me. When you found what you wanted, you went after it and nothing stopped you. But do you want me now, just to see me suffer with what I have. So far so good, but it could start back with full vengenance anythime. Then it will be radiation with a feeding tube after the surgery. I try not to think about it, but I do get scared. Sometimes wonder if I will even SEE #3 graduate.
doll i felt i had totaly lost you, the fw times we did talk just didnt get a good vibe or it didnt feel right. do i want you now you ask?what part of yes dont you understand i understand all the issues and fears. i guess im one that belives stress causes issues such as yours who's to say you wont get better i cant belive god brought us this close agian to mess it up after both of us doing a great job. we cant change what happend between us who dated who, or any of that. that was then this is now. you said get #3 out of school least i think i heard that we plan till then. unless you want to do differently im all ears lol

Since: Dec 12

Location hidden

#37 May 30, 2013
4uplaid wrote:
yes, you are my soul mate, but evidently God had other ideas, as when you got married, I knew you were gone forever. I had been praying for God to give me an answer, and when you got married, I had my answer. Felt if I was truly you soul mate, you would have never settled for second best. In plain ENGLISH, if it wasn't me, then it would be no one. But you were mighty quick going thru gfs and then getting engaged. How long did you date before getting engaged? Thought with that quick of engagement and marriage, that you found someone who far out shined me. When you found what you wanted, you went after it and nothing stopped you. But do you want me now, just to see me suffer with what I have. So far so good, but it could start back with full vengenance anythime. Then it will be radiation with a feeding tube after the surgery. I try not to think about it, but I do get scared. Sometimes wonder if I will even SEE #3 graduate.
hey after me and you finish this life we living and we meet up in our next life let's us both rememeber what we have went through and do it differently next time. but till then figure i started out on a life i wanted with you and id liek to finish that with you for better or worse

Since: Dec 12

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#38 May 30, 2013
ment to tell you bout what i did after doctor visit. was drivign home and jsut felt i wanted to feel connected to something. thought of my old favorite watering hole and said to self hey let's go visit. drove there and found a parkign spot was kinda nervous. last time i belive i went there we all had cowboys boots and hat;s on. anyway walked in and hadnt changed much little differnt not as western i guess but same old floor and dance floor.dindt know anybody crowd was tad younger than i member walked up to the bar and hey i knew the bartender rocky he owns the place. he said hello stranger do you want your normal.( glass of of jim beam with a shot glass of beer droped in it a bolier maker they call it, told hin naw just a coke woul do. we sat there and chatted liek old times he asked bout the crew and how we all were. tld him close as we all were we kinda all spread out now and dont talk much.did almost feel like home lol and part of me wanted that boiler maker bad but after 20 years just told him see ya round rock maybe in another 20 years. got up walked across the dance floor a place i had been a million times and just as my foot hit the dance fllor he got them to play" i am a outlaw" by the eagles which was once my song kinda a nice send off. got in the truck windows down just took a slow ride home. last trip to dr that is all the trips our company will cover. told her thanks for making me see some things and some tha twont ever change. as for the night didnt sleep to good and for the morning i aint at a high or aint at a low just kinda numb. think that is how i always handled us after we spilt to keep my sanity.as for us doll you know now how i felt then, you know how i felt through the years and i sure as heck hope you know how i feel now. as i have always said it's your world i just want to share it with you. am i making any since

Since: Jan 12

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#39 May 30, 2013
My goodnes, you are a glutton for punishment. You are opening up old scars that have healed AND pouring salt into them. However, I am totaly awed at how you stuck to your coke. You are amazing. Tonight go home and do somehting upbeat. You are starting to worry me. Go play with the dogs, mow the yard, take a grad out for ice cream, just something in the present that will make you smile.
BTW, did you call your sister about her noon day stunt?

Since: Dec 12

Location hidden

#40 May 30, 2013
4uplaid wrote:
My goodnes, you are a glutton for punishment. You are opening up old scars that have healed AND pouring salt into them. However, I am totaly awed at how you stuck to your coke. You are amazing. Tonight go home and do somehting upbeat. You are starting to worry me. Go play with the dogs, mow the yard, take a grad out for ice cream, just something in the present that will make you smile.
BTW, did you call your sister about her noon day stunt?
no we arent speakign and she knows it. till she says she is sorry guess she is dead to me. the water hole trip actualy helped enjoyed that very much.im through with booze been there done that so dont woorry bout that. got one thing in the presenti would enjoy but you would have to be there for that dont see that happing tonight.i have got a few things to do to night that will keepme moving for a bit long as im moving my mind dont wander to you.mind is moving and thinkig need to slow that down lol.have sweet dreams doll. as for old wounds to many scars to mention one big one beign you lol.

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