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Since: Dec 12

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#1 May 17, 2013
what is to do up here

Since: Jan 12

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#2 May 17, 2013
get snowed in and snuggle with a special person

Since: Dec 12

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#3 May 17, 2013
4uplaid wrote:
get snowed in and snuggle with a special person
works for me i can think of a few things to do

Since: Dec 12

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#4 May 17, 2013
sorry you had to go through all that and getting called disgusting is horrible. sounds like he is very biter and angry at something. but hey im sure he will get over it. and i would of told you how pretty you were for the dance. always figured i owed you least two dances maybe 3 but two for certain. hope to do that soon

Since: Jan 12

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#5 May 17, 2013
wasn't a dance, choir concert, and I adored it. Should of see them sing "Big Spender" they had fun with it. Then trashing the camp, from Tarzan, and had one boy "bshing bop" whole time. THe funny part is seeing how long the girls last in the extremely high heels. They gt up on stage, and then walk off carrying their shooes.
Yes, when I got home, all I could think of was you would have noticed and even given me a kiss, and look like you enjoyed being with me. Son 2 gave me a big hug, which he always does, in front of everyone. Of course son 1 won't even go and makes fun of him. Sigh. I will be cleaning and hoping to get out in my yard. hope your weekend goes well, when is your graduation? ours is next sat at 10 am. Are you sure you want to be seen with a disgusting person?

Since: Dec 12

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#6 May 20, 2013
you are not disgusting so hush up. beauty is in the eye of the beholder so i see you as beautiful as i always have

Since: Jan 12

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#7 May 20, 2013
wonderful weekend, someone is not talking to me. but have just about made myself sick with getting ready for visitor and Eagle Scout Ceremony

Since: Dec 12

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#8 May 20, 2013
4uplaid wrote:
wonderful weekend, someone is not talking to me. but have just about made myself sick with getting ready for visitor and Eagle Scout Ceremony
take it a day at a time makign your self sick does nobody anygood. get done what you can rest just have to wait. so i take it you you had a quiet weekend. i did brush clearing with fire, chemicals and chain saw im beat

Since: Dec 12

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#9 May 20, 2013
graduation was friday night was excited and sad. one excited that my baby was graduating and soon off to college. sad because it made me think of mine and what should of been a great thing and happy day but i was sad, scared and really just didnt care what the day brought i really wish i had that day to do over, spent the first half the day fishing a place where i could always hide from the memories in my head. i didnt make it home to almost 5. and got ready fast as i could. was so afraid id run into you that night iwas petrified, i sat three rows back just about even with you but enough angle i could see you and just day dreamed of what could of been . dont remember much of that night or even leaving the school went to a big party and just sat there most the night think i went home round 3 maybe later or earlier i wont swear lol. just another wasted night in my life of many. god you were so pretty that i can still see. sorry didnt mean to ramble

Since: Jan 12

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#10 May 20, 2013
mini me 1955 wrote:
<quoted text>take it a day at a time makign your self sick does nobody anygood. get done what you can rest just have to wait. so i take it you you had a quiet weekend. i did brush clearing with fire, chemicals and chain saw im beat
lol, well did you get all the brush cleared? must have been pretty bad if you had to use all three

Since: Jan 12

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#11 May 20, 2013
mini me 1955 wrote:
graduation was friday night was excited and sad. one excited that my baby was graduating and soon off to college. sad because it made me think of mine and what should of been a great thing and happy day but i was sad, scared and really just didnt care what the day brought i really wish i had that day to do over, spent the first half the day fishing a place where i could always hide from the memories in my head. i didnt make it home to almost 5. and got ready fast as i could. was so afraid id run into you that night iwas petrified, i sat three rows back just about even with you but enough angle i could see you and just day dreamed of what could of been . dont remember much of that night or even leaving the school went to a big party and just sat there most the night think i went home round 3 maybe later or earlier i wont swear lol. just another wasted night in my life of many. god you were so pretty that i can still see. sorry didnt mean to ramble
I like to hear you ramble. Do you know there is a pic of you in yearbook after graduation. I think you were about to hug D. Wished I could have gotten one. lol...don't even remember what we did. taking off rest of the day, but will think of you

Since: Dec 12

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#12 May 20, 2013
4uplaid wrote:
<quoted text>
lol, well did you get all the brush cleared? must have been pretty bad if you had to use all three
ust went to war on it lol. got tired of looking at it

Since: Dec 12

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#13 May 20, 2013
4uplaid wrote:
<quoted text>
I like to hear you ramble. Do you know there is a pic of you in yearbook after graduation. I think you were about to hug D. Wished I could have gotten one. lol...don't even remember what we did. taking off rest of the day, but will think of you
doll i promice if you had come and wanted a hug you would of got more never could hug you that i didnthave to kiss you and i woul dof told you how i felt cried ,begged or just anythign to let you see how i felt, whether it would of done any good i cant say but it would of gave you something to think on. guess that is why i was so terrified it mite of turned out good or i could of been destroyed again. plus i figure it would of got oyu in trouble. i will have to look at the anual havent in years and see that picture

Since: Jan 12

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#14 May 20, 2013
mini me 1955 wrote:
<quoted text>ust went to war on it lol. got tired of looking at it
or were you trying to get your mind off your baby graduating and our graduation. Just had to peek one more time ;)

Since: Dec 12

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#15 May 20, 2013
4uplaid wrote:
<quoted text>
or were you trying to get your mind off your baby graduating and our graduation. Just had to peek one more time ;)
no the baby graduating was great im proud of her. told you last two weeks i have im gonna say flashbacks to what should of been one was the prom night. kept seeing me and you together, then the graduation same thing kept seeign me and you. have been so many places or done something so many times and have saw me and you there/ and whether you belive it or not i think of us together all the time from long time ago til now, i see and wonder on things we would of done together, things im sorry i missed and it haunts me more than you will ever realize, cant help how i feel or who i am. but somewhere long time ago i gave my heart to you fully even if you didnt realize that i did. and through the years you never gave it back to me or released the hold you had on me i hav etried ot run from it or escape the shadow you cast but no mater what i tried or did it was no use. many times i have hit my knees and asked god to seed down just a little peace and ever thing he sent me was just more thoughts of you. so as i told you once long time ago there aint one thing to keep me from loving you forever, not time, distance or any other mtn in the way. its just i me that little smile and little things you do that maybe i have searched for in others and failed miserabley for lord knows i aint ever felt that feeling i have with anyother but you, thats bout plain as i can put it cause the sight of you i get week in the knees and i just ramble, but the love i feel and have is real and deep and it belongs to you my dear. enjoy your day off

Since: Jan 12

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#16 May 21, 2013
mini me 1955 wrote:
<quoted text>doll i promice if you had come and wanted a hug you would of got more never could hug you that i didnthave to kiss you and i woul dof told you how i felt cried ,begged or just anythign to let you see how i felt, whether it would of done any good i cant say but it would of gave you something to think on. guess that is why i was so terrified it mite of turned out good or i could of been destroyed again. plus i figure it would of got oyu in trouble. i will have to look at the anual havent in years and see that picture
strange, I tried on at a wedding to get a hug, and that got me no where. Then at a reunion, I gave a hug, didn't get a kiss, and igonored again. In a parking lot, I did get a kiss, but it wasn't your kiss as it tasted of beer, and you knew how I felt about alchol, yet you had it before meeting me. Your hugs were always different from other hugs I have ever gotton. I seem to melt into you and become a part of you, and feel as if I belonged there. Good thing you held tight, cuz my knees always got wobbly.

Since: Jan 12

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#17 May 21, 2013
mini me 1955 wrote:
<quoted text>no the baby graduating was great im proud of her. told you last two weeks i have im gonna say flashbacks to what should of been one was the prom night. kept seeing me and you together, then the graduation same thing kept seeign me and you. have been so many places or done something so many times and have saw me and you there/ and whether you belive it or not i think of us together all the time from long time ago til now, i see and wonder on things we would of done together, things im sorry i missed and it haunts me more than you will ever realize, cant help how i feel or who i am. but somewhere long time ago i gave my heart to you fully even if you didnt realize that i did. and through the years you never gave it back to me or released the hold you had on me i hav etried ot run from it or escape the shadow you cast but no mater what i tried or did it was no use. many times i have hit my knees and asked god to seed down just a little peace and ever thing he sent me was just more thoughts of you. so as i told you once long time ago there aint one thing to keep me from loving you forever, not time, distance or any other mtn in the way. its just i me that little smile and little things you do that maybe i have searched for in others and failed miserabley for lord knows i aint ever felt that feeling i have with anyother but you, thats bout plain as i can put it cause the sight of you i get week in the knees and i just ramble, but the love i feel and have is real and deep and it belongs to you my dear. enjoy your day off
same problem here for the past few weeks, can't focus, and very distracted. be off taday and tomorrow

Since: Dec 12

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#18 May 21, 2013
4uplaid wrote:
<quoted text>
strange, I tried on at a wedding to get a hug, and that got me no where. Then at a reunion, I gave a hug, didn't get a kiss, and igonored again. In a parking lot, I did get a kiss, but it wasn't your kiss as it tasted of beer, and you knew how I felt about alchol, yet you had it before meeting me. Your hugs were always different from other hugs I have ever gotton. I seem to melt into you and become a part of you, and feel as if I belonged there. Good thing you held tight, cuz my knees always got wobbly.
reunion was bit differnt had someone lookign right at me ready to explode. the wedding by then geuss you would of had to know my mind frame. the grocery store think beer was only way i could of done that. last night i decided i was gonna have a night to remember [ should of know it was trouble then lol] as for me hugging you hell yes you belonged there these arms were custom built for you and maybe now you mite see what i felt because yes you are a very deep part of me. found so old letters out in the shop last night one dated 12/24/81 had your name on the front never been opened i guess because it was still sealed. but i can repeat it almost word for word. started out saying i was sorry how things got between us, for truely you are the only girl i ever loved. said i was lonly and tired of puttign on a brave face for everyone and tired of mom riding me to get better or least try. think it was during this time mom found out how truly deeply i loved you. i wrote friends keep trying to fix me up, but nuthin works or fits like you do to me and im sure if your reading this im in a better place or least im not hurting. seems all i do now is hurt, drift through the day and cruse the night, i want to call you but im afraid im have destroyed everything that existed between us most days i look in the mirror and dont like or know what i see. but i truly want you to know you been a better part of my life and made it bright and sunny while it lasted. sorry for any hurt i caused cause hurting you only made me hurt and hate my self more a friend told me i should fear death, truth be known i dont fear death but what scares me to death and im not sure i can face is my life without you in it. for 3 short years i lived my dream, but realized i must of been dreaming and woke to a nightmare. with out you. and have found no amount of beer or whiskey kills the numbness i feel. so tonight im sittign hear alone looking at a sad moon that is looking back at me, that is company but not what i want. be happy girl because that smile of yours always did just drive me crazy, seems that is one memory i want forget. once agian im sorry for all the hurt. later

few more pages but it just rambled but that is the first page. was told it was in my hand held tightly dont really now first memory is hospital and mom crying. made a call last night im going back to counsler to much locked up in me

Since: Jan 12

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#19 May 23, 2013
oh dear, what did you do to make Tuesday a night to remember. And I thought the incident happened in 79 but you said is was dated 81.

Since: Dec 12

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#20 May 23, 2013
no it was 81 plain as day that i remember. tuesday night i found something i didnt even remember till i saw it. somehow in jan of 79 i started writing a day by day journal of my day lol. it owuld make a good movie of the week. wrote in every day up till a sept day. it brought back alot of stuff i had forgot or just want to remember. one day last week of august me and you were out and you just gave me 3 really deep kisses , i asked what that was for and your responce was do i have to have a reason and then you said because i love you. you could feel the excitment in the way i wrote. then 4 days later wrote that i drove up at your house and walked into hell, was so tore up and it brought back so many feelings and thoughts i was just floored. cant belive iforgot writtign all that. then wensday at doctor, i pretty well just cried the hole hour i was so filled with emotions. cant ever rememer feelign that that but once. that sept day was last day i wrote in it. it was really just wild. so im in a weird mood i guess lol.

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