When Ex-Wives violate court orders regarding child custody

[sameboat]

Guest wrote:

To Child Custody Advice, not sure if you found all of the answers you were hoping to find. You can find some additional information about Parental Alienation and Hostile Aggressive Parenting at
http://causatum.blogspot.com/2011/11/parental...
Hope that helps. Good luck with your situation.

video of her acting as such that way there us no he said she said bs you won't have to drag anyone else into the mix itll be the absolute truth. Not trying to sound hateful but im all for busting women that act like that out. Same thing is happening to me and yet everyone thinks that im an a$$ the court system will straight out screw a man over just because he's a man my experience the longer its drug out the more complaints the worse it is for you and the harder it us on the kids. My advice is one good try just make sure you have her by the short and curly. Hard evidence. Make it go your way

[PAS n abuse]

http://ritualabuse.us/research/parental-alien...

[PAS n abuse]

http://www.thelizlibrary.org/bruch/bruch.pdf

"Second, most U.S. courts
considering the question agree that PAS has not been generally accepted
by professionals and does not meet the applicable test for scientific
reliability."

[PAS n abuse]

I'd pass on PAS - it has alot of association with pedophiles/abusive parents seeking forced visitation and/or custody. Dr. Gardner's views are not widely supported by the legal, medical communities either.

Document what you can. Corresond in writing when you can and do all you can for your kids. Hopefully things will get better with ex and you can find some middle ground. Hope it works out for the best.

[Brandon]

Child Custody Advice wrote:

Here’s the deal:
My ex-wife and I have a couple of young children (one almost 6, the other almost 4). I pay my child support every month, as ordered by the court. My wife has custody of our kids (I should have fought for joint custody during our divorce, but being the sucker that I am I gave her everything she wanted: custody of the kids, the house, the TV, the furniture, the bed, and so forth).
Anyhow, in court the judge ordered that I shall get the children every other holiday as well as for an extended period of 30 days every summer. She is far too greedy to share the kids on holidays, so I never get them on any holiday. Now she has informed me that she intends to violate the court order and not allow me to have my kids for 30 days this summer (or any….I know her, and she will have a different excuse each year as to why I cannot have the kids). What can I do? I cannot afford an attorney. She has walked all over me since day one and there is nothing I can do about it because if I do confront her about anything (and I do mean ANYTHING), she runs to the police and files false police reports claiming that I’ve abused her or some other such nonsense. I have NEVER abused or mistreated that woman. She is a pathological liar who expects to be treated one way, yet who treats others in a way that she would never accept. She has hit me, thrown things at me, kicked me in testicles, screamed obscenities at me, told me how much she hates me, and all sorts of other things that bi-polar, self-obsessed types do. Yet if I so much as demand that she abide by the judge’s orders she screams at me, spits on me, throws objects at me, and then rushes to the police station and tells the police that I’ve been abusive to her. And of course she tells her family all of these lies, too. So I come out looking like the bad guy even though I have done my best to maintain a civil relationship with her for our kids’ sakes. I NEVER say bad things about her in the presence of our children (she is their mother, after all), yet numerous times my kids have said things to me like “my mommy hates you (yes, she taught them the word hate),”“my mommy don’t like you cause you mean to her,” and questions such as:“Daddy, how come my momma hates you?”
Please, if anyone has any advice pertaining to what I should do to ensure that my rights are not trampled on any longer (I am fed up with it), I would really appreciate it. I cannot confront her or say anything to her because she will run to the police station and file a false police report ... then commit perjury when the court date arrives. She has done it before (more than once), and I have no doubt she will do it again. So what should I do? What can I do? I have saved up vacation hours for almost a year in preparation for my 30 days with my kids, yet now I don’t get them just because she has decided that her own authority trumps that of the judge.
I am sorry about the rambling post, but I am a bit upset at the moment and hoping that maybe someone out there who’s been down this road before can give me some sage advice.

Wow, sounds like the EXACT same thing I am dealing with currently! Did we happen to have a baby by the same woman? lol... My ex is extremely bitter. I also have court mandated visitation with my son and she has failed to follow four times. We do all exchanges at the police station because she too has filed false charges against me (b/s restraining orders, harassment charges, claimed I am a drug addict, alcoholic, abusive, unfit father, the list goes on to everything imaginable.) Now we are at the point in which she has blocked ALL communication with me and fails to give me my son and totally disobeys court orders. My advice is to do the same as I do, DO NOT have telephone contact with her, communicate ONLY in writing so everything is documented. File reports with the police if she fails to exchange and keep filing in court. Best of luck man!

[PASS on PAS]

RE: PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME

Theory Generated By Richard A GARDNER in 1985

Theory basically contends that a parent (usually the mother) can turn the child against another parent.

Gardner thought that PEDOPHELIA WAS OK.

In addition, Gardner proposes that many different types of human sexual behavior, including pedophilia, sexual sadism, necrophilia (sex with corpses), zoophilia (sex with animals), coprophilia (sex involving defecation), can be seen as having species survival value and thus do “not warrant being excluded from the list of the `so-called natural forms of human sexual behavior.’”
See, Gardner, R.A.(1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics.(pp. 18-32)

( http://carvercountycorruption.com/fathers-man... ;)

and

Special care should be taken not alienate the child from the molesting parent. The removal of a pedophilic parent from the home "should only be seriously considered after all attempts at treatment of the pedophilia and rapprochement with the family have proven futile."
Gardner, R.A.(1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics.(p. 537)

The child should be told that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. "The sexual exploitation has to be put on the negative list, but positives as well must be appreciated"
Gardner, R.A.(1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics.(p. 572)

Older children may be helped to appreciate that sexual encounters between an adult and a child are not universally considered to be reprehensible acts. The child might be told about other societies in which such behavior was and is considered normal. The child might be helped to appreciate the wisdom of Shakespeare's Hamlet, who said, "Nothing's either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
Gardner, R.A.(1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics.(p. 59)

"In such discussions the child has to be helped to appreciate that we have in our society an exaggeratedly punitive and moralistic attitude about adult-child sexual encounters"
Gardner, R.A.(1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics.(p. 572).

[PASS on PAS]

Oh, and Gardner was so stable, he finally committed suicide by stabbing himself to death.(5/25/2003)

Guess each to his own...

[Good Luck]

My husband went through the same thing with his ex. We hired an lawyer. I understand you dont have the money we really didnt either. She told us to keep a log, and write down every time she refused visits. To save any phone messages and text from her (she would text nasty things and call at screaming). My step child even said she was going to kill herself over the whole issue. My husband treid talking to his ex, and she wouldnt talk about it. So our lawyer had us call CPS. We went to court twice before she got in her head he was going to stay in his chids life.

I could go on, but bottom line is get a lawyer. My husband sold some guns to pay. Some lawyers will let you pay it out monthly. No luck in Bowie. Try Nocona, Decatur, or WF.

Hopefully, you have already solved the problem, since it was several months ago. Hang in there if not. Let you kids know you love them, and its not their fault.

[Tara]

:( Most of us single moms would be so thrilled to have an actively participating dad in the picture, that this is hard to imagine - one that paid his child support AND wanted to have an active part in his kids' life - that would be priceless. I can't even hope for that.

These women are crazy and good for you for wanting to be responsible parents - your kids will love you all the more for the struggle it took to do it.

[Bat Foy]

Umm wrote:

Why on earth are you asking people on here how to handle you business?

You know this has got to be his ex!!!

[Also desperate]

I truly hate this for you and I also know exactly how you feel. It's very very unfair and I don't understand the law. I have a court order as well and it apparently doesn't hold any more value than the paper it's written on. I'm in Harris county and I have often wondered what the purpose of that big family court house in downtown Houston is for other than making a whole lot of money for very costly and uncaring attorneys. Not to mention, WOW the similarities in our ex's. They could easily be confused for one of the same. It's very unfair for us fathers who truly want a relationship with our children. There are way too many dead beat fathers out there and I get that, but just the same there are horrible mothers that think they are above God and are able to take our God given right to our kids. I can't and I won't give up ever on my kids, I just wish us fathers had more access to help when we need it. These horrible mothers that think they are getting back at their ex's are damaging the lives of the children. Come on, lets face it, this isn't the 1950's where most woman WERE good mothers who cared for the best interest of their children. No, it is too common today to see mothers who have kids for ALL the wrong reasons, don't take care of them, use them as a tool, and a paycheck, and in turn treat the fathers that want their kids to know the better ways of life as if they were horrible and unworthy. The courts however see it still as "mother knows best". Well I have knews for all those family court judges and law makers and that is stop being so stereotypical (they seem to like to throw that word around themselves) and look a little deeper. Times have changed. People are fake, they lie, and they cheat the system by putting their gender in front of the faces of the courts and flaunt iy like its a fun game to win. These are real children with real fathers that love and care for them and in allot of cases these fathers are way better care takers then these so called "MOTHERS". And I will not apologize for my anger because its too real and no hope is out there to change things as long as we continue to live in the past where fathers are not good for anything other than "bringing home the bacon" as the OLD saying went!

[Holly]

Also desperate wrote:

I truly hate this for you and I also know exactly how you feel. It's very very unfair and I don't understand the law...... It's very unfair for us fathers who truly want a relationship with our children. There are way too many dead beat fathers out there and I get that, but just the same there are horrible mothers that think they are above God and are able to take our God given right to our kids. I can't and I won't give up ever on my kids, I just wish us fathers had more access to help when we need it. These horrible mothers that think they are getting back at their ex's are damaging the lives of the children. Come on, lets face it, this isn't the 1950's where most woman WERE good mothers who cared for the best interest of their children. No, it is too common today to see mothers who have kids for ALL the wrong reasons, don't take care of them, use them as a tool, and a paycheck, and in turn treat the fathers that want their kids to know the better ways of life as if they were horrible and unworthy. The courts however see it still as "mother knows best". Well I have knews for all those family court judges and law makers and that is stop being so stereotypical (they seem to like to throw that word around themselves) and look a little deeper. Times have changed. People are fake, they lie, and they cheat the system by putting their gender in front of the faces of the courts and flaunt iy like its a fun game to win. These are real children with real fathers that love and care for them and in allot of cases these fathers are way better care takers then these so called "MOTHERS". And I will not apologize for my anger because its too real and no hope is out there to change things as long as we continue to live in the past where fathers are not good for anything other than "bringing home the bacon" as the OLD saying went!

I'm a mom and I hear you. It's not about "the best interest of the child" - it just whatever it takes to make the attorneys/court money.
My ex has already asked to relinquish parental rights (multiple times) and we'd love to oblige. He has had no contact since infancy, has paid NOTHING in child support, but the court won't even allow us any closure because they're "so concerned" with "HIS rights". What about the kids' rights? This is the FIFTH child that he's not supported emotionally or financially - he's still having wages garnered for grown kids in their THIRTIES, but we're so concerned for his rights. Then there are guys like you that WANT to do the right thing....it's CRAZY.
If the attorneys even smell a whiff of genuine concern for the kids' well being, they're going right for your wallet (and your jugular) and going to hurt your kid (cause if they did what was right, they'd lose money). It's just a big game to keep an anguished parent on pins and needles and in court as often as possible, so it drags out and they get money. It's years of people's lives lost and whole childhood's spent in anguish and a whole lot of pain for the family. If it wasn't impossible when you started, it will be by the time the attorneys play their little games. Only the lowest of low could do that to a child/family...and boy, some of my attorneys have be the scum of the earth.
Bottom line is, the courts are broken and corrupt. It just has to be changed, it has to be about the kids (not Mom's rights or Father's rights) and we need to get all these crooked attorneys and judges OUT of the whole process. There needs to be some common sense used and somehow quit letting it just be a money maker for the courts and taking such a huge emotional toll on these kids.

[Sophia]

My huband has a similar issue with his ex. Our attorney sate to keep records of everything. When you get the kids.When she violates the order (date time what the violation was what was your reaction to her) everything. When she states she will not bring the kids just say ok and leave it at that. Try to communicate primarily through text and save them to your email/computer or communicate via email. Save all communications that you can. Go to the police and make an incident report, and have a lawyer file a motion to enfoce (the court order). If she continues to violate the order file a motion of contempt of court as well as a motion to have her pay for your legal fees as penalty. If she continues to violate ths order file a motion to have thd order modified based upon refusal to abide by the order. Eventually she will dig her own grave and have zero custody (physical and legal)

[Bannanahammic]

Well when they are really young children they should be with the mother. Unless the mother is unfit, every situation is diffrent & if my ex pulled that on me (above) I would leave the state. There is no way in hell I would ever let him have sole custody.

[anonimo]

If you violate court orders pertaining to the father's visitation rights and file false police reports like the mothers in some of the situations mentioned above, you deserve to have "that" (above) pulled on you. Play fair if you expect fair play in return ... also, would leaving the state and distancing your children from their father be best for them???

If the answer is NO, your doing so would make you a BAD mother. If the answer is yes, then he probably does not have anything to do with them anyhow. I HATE parents who use their children as pawns merely to punish the other parent ... how would you like to be treatd that way and have your children taken to another state so that you cannot see them on a regular basis?

[Bannanahammic]

That's your opinion, and if you have not personally been in a situation where you have children & are divorced you have no business on this forum.
Like I said, every situation is diffrent and sometimes the ex husbands are bad people even though they act like they are sweet and innocent.
So if you wanted to keep your child away to protect them, especially very young children well that's your business.
Not every situation is black and white, & some fathers deserve to be kept away!! A mothers job is to protect her children.

[Alief]

Do not put any faith in the persons who work in the system. It has been 12 months since I have seen my grandson. My son was brought to court
For abusing my grandson, 90 days after the TexAs attorney general signed off on the custody documents. His ex was ordered to pay all court Costs, after the charges were found to be made up. We never received a penny, and she promptly disappeared with the child. It has been 12 months We have called/ reported it to the local city cops and constables. We have contacted the Texas attorney general ( who makes sure she gets her payments every month) to no avail. If you are the man and doing everything your suppose to your screwed. The only thing you can do is hock the farm and hire a GOOD lawyer!
I am writing this post from the Forth Bend county courts parking lot, another day off work and another day without my grandson. The court seems to be as inept as the cops in helping anyone out. I must now hire a private investigator to find her and my grandson. The judge seems it unfair to legally publish it in our local county paper and make her appear. We must find her first so We can pay to have her served... What a very unfunny joke the " system" is.
Good luck, I am over five grand Invested already. Hopefully before the next five is used up I can see the kid!
Stay strong!

[Frustrated mother]

I feel every single bit of your pain, and it's pretty insane the amount of things we have in common as far as this goes. I live in Ohio, and I have no clue what to do. They bother my through my cell phone, won't let me have my daughters at all, threaten me, scream at me, file reports, take me to court, etc it goes on and on. Him and his wife are a nightmare. All I am is a mother who wants to see her kids. I don't have a drug or drinking problem, or any other issues that refrain me from seeing them. I'm healthy, I work 40+ hours a week. I have no husband boyfriend or anything of the sort. I go to church and bible studies and all of that jazz. I work hard at being a great person, and role model for the girls. Why can't him and his wife leave me alone??? Anyways I can't help, because I can't seem to help myself. Contacting a lawyer was laughable. I'm broke! Legal aid won't help either. So I suppose the kids get the shaft and I role the dice on my visits to see if I get them. I usually don't. I'm thinking about you. I hope your issue is resolved, or is being resolved.

[Joe Schmoe]

"my ex revealed her true evil, racist, vindictive, selfish, hypocritical, materialistic, dishonest self"

Welcome to American women 101. If you don't have the balls to beat her like a dog then she will treat you like the helpless wimp you are. Nice guys finish last or not at all in that country.

Do it or get the hell out of the country and marry a non Anglo woman.

The American dream has turned into the American nightmare!

[Joe Schmoe]

Oh and either way your not going to see your kids again. By the time they are old enough to stay in touch on their own they will hate you for leaving them and will have been totally brainwashed by years of your ex's lies.

I'm sorry for you and know your pain but thats how things really work in America.