4 real

United States

#141 Mar 30, 2012
just a mom wrote:
<quoted text>
You're right, my opinion does not have much to do with this post. In another thread, someone asked for my opinion on this thread and I took it as sort of a dare. However, this thread is so bizarre that I had nothing logical to post and decided to post what I posted as it is what I believe and practice.(wow, what kind of sentence is that, lol). Anyway, thanks for the compliments.
Ive found its hard to find heartfelt,literate,and intelligent comments.You expressed your opinion well.The compliments are well deserved.
4 real

United States

#142 Mar 30, 2012
wondering wrote:
I'm not a female..And I'm not stalking you. But I have seen your posts on other threads and you are negative. No,nobody deserves to be run down like you do with your hateful comments.Some people are just mean and I think you're one of those people.
Few people on this forum get thanked for there comments.I HAVE!But as you know ...LOL.....I TELL IT LIKE IT IS!Oh yeah,did they take your stools too?ha ha
4 real

United States

#143 Mar 30, 2012
wondering wrote:
I'm not a female..And I'm not stalking you. But I have seen your posts on other threads and you are negative. No,nobody deserves to be run down like you do with your hateful comments.Some people are just mean and I think you're one of those people.
Glad your not a female.that would would make the stalker thing even more wierd.LOL!You sound like you find it offensive to discuss the illegal activities of gambling,leading to tax evasion,not to mention the drug involvement and uh...indescretions of certain people!Your feelings for them,does not excuse theyre behaviour!.
Thorn in her side

Mount Holly, NC

#144 Mar 30, 2012
Well I let my wife control me. I do it because she has considerable wealth and she uses it to hold over my head. I have good friends that do everything their wives say because if they didn't they say their wives would leave them and they would be paying child support and spousal support until the end of time. I say society has turned against good fathers. In their place is lying, unfaithful, scheming, conniving, single mothers. Just look at the way most children from single mothers turn out. They are disrespectful to adults, thieves, druggies, and unsuccessful for the most part. If you are lucky enough to find a good woman, then you surely the luckiest man alive.
A mom

Tucson, AZ

#145 Mar 31, 2012
This whole post is a giant headache. There are good mothers as well as bad mothers, and the same goes for fathers. Everyone knows someone who has been on one side of the fence or the other. I personally know several people who dont deserve their children, and I have witnessed mothers using their children against the father and I have met women who are great mothers who all but beg a deadbeat father for a little help. It goes both ways, only the people involved know the real story and you can't compare one case with another because they are all different. At the end of the day it is the children being hurt, some by mothers and some by fathers. Its a very sad thing and an all to real evil in this world. There are times when people just need to let go of their own feelings, shove them aside, and do what is best for the children. If people would put their children first then we wouldn't have need of custody wars and child-support orders. When my husband and I split up I had no need to go and ask a judge to make him pay child support, he let me know from day one that he loved his kids and would do anything he could to help. He told me what he could afford to give me, and told me if I needed anything else to call and he would figure something out. He never had to go and have a Judge order specified time for him to see his kids, we worked out a schedule that worked for us. He hurt me alot, and I hated him for it, but he is a good father and he loves his kids, and they love him. I would never keep them from him, if he meets someone else and that person is good to them then who am I to say they shouldn't reap the benefits of that persons love also. Its just so very sad how anyone man or woman can be so selfish as to A) abandon their child because they dont want the responsibility, or B) Use that child as a tool to inflict pain on another, ultimately hurting the child. To bad some people just cant seem to grow up and do what is right for their children.
Thorn in her side

Julian, NC

#146 Mar 31, 2012
A mom wrote:
This whole post is a giant headache. There are good mothers as well as bad mothers, and the same goes for fathers. Everyone knows someone who has been on one side of the fence or the other. I personally know several people who dont deserve their children, and I have witnessed mothers using their children against the father and I have met women who are great mothers who all but beg a deadbeat father for a little help. It goes both ways, only the people involved know the real story and you can't compare one case with another because they are all different. At the end of the day it is the children being hurt, some by mothers and some by fathers. Its a very sad thing and an all to real evil in this world. There are times when people just need to let go of their own feelings, shove them aside, and do what is best for the children. If people would put their children first then we wouldn't have need of custody wars and child-support orders. When my husband and I split up I had no need to go and ask a judge to make him pay child support, he let me know from day one that he loved his kids and would do anything he could to help. He told me what he could afford to give me, and told me if I needed anything else to call and he would figure something out. He never had to go and have a Judge order specified time for him to see his kids, we worked out a schedule that worked for us. He hurt me alot, and I hated him for it, but he is a good father and he loves his kids, and they love him. I would never keep them from him, if he meets someone else and that person is good to them then who am I to say they shouldn't reap the benefits of that persons love also. Its just so very sad how anyone man or woman can be so selfish as to A) abandon their child because they dont want the responsibility, or B) Use that child as a tool to inflict pain on another, ultimately hurting the child. To bad some people just cant seem to grow up and do what is right for their children.
I agree with most of what you said. Only one thing I didn't see addressed. How the courts automatically order custody yo the mothers without cause. We call that a kangaroo court, where the outcome of a case is predetermined. Another thing is how many women falsely accuse the fathers of sexual misconduct just to gain favor with the court. Also, how the courts set the rules which mandates only one parent is given custody. It's a racket from the get go. As I said. If a man is lucky enough to find a good woman then he is surely the luckiest man alive.
4 real

United States

#147 Mar 31, 2012
To a mom,your opinion on this subject was well written.You do come across as good mother.Hats off to you.And TO THORN IN MY SIDE,Your story is all too common.Society has handed the women the power to strip a father in every way.Financially,emotiomally,re lationships with children,EVERYTHING!These type of women are setting the children up for a hard life.They worry only of Vengence,with no regard for the welfare of theyre own children!The few that dont react in this manner are to be commended.
jambru

Jefferson, GA

#148 Mar 31, 2012
A mom wrote:
This whole post is a giant headache. There are good mothers as well as bad mothers, and the same goes for fathers. Everyone knows someone who has been on one side of the fence or the other. I personally know several people who dont deserve their children, and I have witnessed mothers using their children against the father and I have met women who are great mothers who all but beg a deadbeat father for a little help. It goes both ways, only the people involved know the real story and you can't compare one case with another because they are all different. At the end of the day it is the children being hurt, some by mothers and some by fathers. Its a very sad thing and an all to real evil in this world. There are times when people just need to let go of their own feelings, shove them aside, and do what is best for the children. If people would put their children first then we wouldn't have need of custody wars and child-support orders. When my husband and I split up I had no need to go and ask a judge to make him pay child support, he let me know from day one that he loved his kids and would do anything he could to help. He told me what he could afford to give me, and told me if I needed anything else to call and he would figure something out. He never had to go and have a Judge order specified time for him to see his kids, we worked out a schedule that worked for us. He hurt me alot, and I hated him for it, but he is a good father and he loves his kids, and they love him. I would never keep them from him, if he meets someone else and that person is good to them then who am I to say they shouldn't reap the benefits of that persons love also. Its just so very sad how anyone man or woman can be so selfish as to A) abandon their child because they dont want the responsibility, or B) Use that child as a tool to inflict pain on another, ultimately hurting the child. To bad some people just cant seem to grow up and do what is right for their children.

It is to bad they won't grow up because in many cases family and friends defend and lies for and stir up the immature behavior. "Your feelings for them,does not excuse theyre behaviour!." When its wrong its wrong no matter how many people defend the lieing mothers and fathers or try to blame someone else.
I feel ur pain

Jefferson, GA

#149 Mar 31, 2012
Heartfelt wrote:
<quoted text>
I think the topic is "men who let women control them" It's not just no visits I have been around men that shake in their shoes because they went to a friends house. Seriously? Oh and "SHE" won't let him play his video games either. Piss on all that.... I would tell her a thing or two. Mainly that I'm a grown ass person and you aint controlling me! Craziness!
It must orf been very painful what you went through 20 Years ago!
Is this your 6 year old son your talking about? now 26 years old? so didYour pain turned into bitterness envy and misery? one minute your sobbing on your life story next your talkin bout someones control. how messed up did your 6 year old really getr?
blackeye

Jefferson, GA

#150 Mar 31, 2012
Heartfelt wrote:
<quoted text>
I was in this very same predicament 20 years ago. My son was 6 when my ex-husband found another woman that incidentally ended his relationship with his very own son. To see the disappointment on his little face every time his Daddy let him down. You absolutely right it is the Dad's loss. It's also the boy's loss. I did everything I knew to do and say. But if somebody doesn't want to do something even be a father, we can't make them. I tried to be the Dad and the Mom. I continued to take him to his ballgames and activities but it just isn't the same relationship. A boy needs a father figure in his life and he needs to be of male gender. My son asked me why his Dad wouldn't pick him up for visits or even return his calls. I had no excuse for his dad. I told him I have no idea but I do know he loves you and it's not your fault, I told him to ask his dad why. My Son grew up to be a good man even with a part time dad. Their relationship is still about the same really. My Son hardly ever calls him and doesn't expect anything from him.
You should have been more controlling !!!!! Your marriage would have worked. But who am I to judge it really is none of my dam buiseness!!!!!!!! Unless I am real controlling too.!
blackeye

Jefferson, GA

#151 Mar 31, 2012
Heartfelt wrote:
<quoted text>
I was in this very same predicament 20 years ago. My son was 6 when my ex-husband found another woman that incidentally ended his relationship with his very own son. To see the disappointment on his little face every time his Daddy let him down. You absolutely right it is the Dad's loss. It's also the boy's loss. I did everything I knew to do and say. But if somebody doesn't want to do something even be a father, we can't make them. I tried to be the Dad and the Mom. I continued to take him to his ballgames and activities but it just isn't the same relationship. A boy needs a father figure in his life and he needs to be of male gender. My son asked me why his Dad wouldn't pick him up for visits or even return his calls. I had no excuse for his dad. I told him I have no idea but I do know he loves you and it's not your fault, I told him to ask his dad why. My Son grew up to be a good man even with a part time dad. Their relationship is still about the same really. My Son hardly ever calls him and doesn't expect anything from him.
His daddy left u for another women it hurt, but nothing hurt ur son more than ur anger resentment and interfering
family member. you should admit it and stop writting on topix sending girls in thier 20s on a road of anger and resentment setting thir children up for failure and losing out on a dad. ur older and ur wrong. you have hate for his daddy still 20 nyears later i can feel it through the page.
your hate blocks out good judgement your son probably suffers from it still and forever.
Anonymous

Lesotho

#152 Mar 31, 2012
t so tops really,a mature growm up woman says like t s!!!
blackeye

Jefferson, GA

#153 Mar 31, 2012
To heartfelt : If your not a LIER than you should be very proud of your son tell us his name so we can live by your example and raise a healthy son after the father leaves. Unless your a blod face lier, we will all see how ur husband And YOU and your presipitators made it bad for your cson because of your games lies and bitterness,
A mom

Tucson, AZ

#154 Mar 31, 2012
Thorn in her side wrote:
<quoted text>I agree with most of what you said. Only one thing I didn't see addressed. How the courts automatically order custody yo the mothers without cause. We call that a kangaroo court, where the outcome of a case is predetermined. Another thing is how many women falsely accuse the fathers of sexual misconduct just to gain favor with the court. Also, how the courts set the rules which mandates only one parent is given custody. It's a racket from the get go. As I said. If a man is lucky enough to find a good woman then he is surely the luckiest man alive.
I do agree that alot of courts automatically assume that a child will be better off with the mother, its an age old stigma that that a child's place is with their mother, but there is being progress made as to the rights of fathers so we are moving in the right direction. In our world today fathers are taking a much more active role in the upbringing of children, and there are alot of men out there who are wonderful fathers and deserve to enjoy every part of their child's life. Also some women are vindictive and make false allegations against a man for their own pleasure or revenge. It all goes back to people being selfish, self centered, and vindictive. They care more about hurting the other person rather than caring if they hurt their child. I know that when people split up it can be tragic one one or both, but when you bring a child into this world it is your first duty to see to the health, happiness, and well being of that child, and so much of the time you have to put your own wants and needs on the back burner and concentrate on what your child needs first. I mean the parents splitting up in the first place is extremely traumatic for children, and then to be fought over, tugged around, and used as a means of control has to be even worse. I do agree with you though that a judge should look at the entire situation before settling on a custody arrangement. Also another thing that bothers me is the unfair way in which the time is split up. The standard is the custodial parent retains primary custody, and the other parent is granted every other weekend and usually some time in the summer. I remember my ex telling me that he just couldn't bare the thought of being a weekend dad and he needed his kids more than that, sometimes everyday. I think that visit time should be 50/50 and both parents should have equal time with their kids. I hate that the world is this way, and that the kids have to suffer for it, I really just dont understand how people can behave so immaturely and vindictively. I mean at some point you obviously had feelings for the other person to have created a child together, focus on that and let go of the animosity for the sake of the children. I'm sure they are hurt enough already.
blackeye

Jefferson, GA

#155 Mar 31, 2012
A mom wrote:
<quoted text>
I do agree that alot of courts automatically assume that a child will be better off with the mother, its an age old stigma that that a child's place is with their mother, but there is being progress made as to the rights of fathers so we are moving in the right direction. In our world today fathers are taking a much more active role in the upbringing of children, and there are alot of men out there who are wonderful fathers and deserve to enjoy every part of their child's life. Also some women are vindictive and make false allegations against a man for their own pleasure or revenge. It all goes back to people being selfish, self centered, and vindictive. They care more about hurting the other person rather than caring if they hurt their child. I know that when people split up it can be tragic one one or both, but when you bring a child into this world it is your first duty to see to the health, happiness, and well being of that child, and so much of the time you have to put your own wants and needs on the back burner and concentrate on what your child needs first. I mean the parents splitting up in the first place is extremely traumatic for children, and then to be fought over, tugged around, and used as a means of control has to be even worse. I do agree with you though that a judge should look at the entire situation before settling on a custody arrangement. Also another thing that bothers me is the unfair way in which the time is split up. The standard is the custodial parent retains primary custody, and the other parent is granted every other weekend and usually some time in the summer. I remember my ex telling me that he just couldn't bare the thought of being a weekend dad and he needed his kids more than that, sometimes everyday. I think that visit time should be 50/50 and both parents should have equal time with their kids. I hate that the world is this way, and that the kids have to suffer for it, I really just dont understand how people can behave so immaturely and vindictively. I mean at some point you obviously had feelings for the other person to have created a child together, focus on that and let go of the animosity for the sake of the children. I'm sure they are hurt enough already.
Yes I agree with the immaturity of parents. How can a father be a good dad when the mother is full of hate. It's like a wounded animal not letting you near even when your intentions are to help or to be a father to the child. Than you add people like, heartfelt, who have long grudges because of their past. They cant see beyond the bitterness. Or family members who slant a parent to make bad choices about decisions regarding raising their children because they are bitter about the expeirences they went through.
Thorn in her side

United States

#156 Mar 31, 2012
A mom wrote:
<quoted text>
I do agree that alot of courts automatically assume that a child will be better off with the mother, its an age old stigma that that a child's place is with their mother, but there is being progress made as to the rights of fathers so we are moving in the right direction. In our world today fathers are taking a much more active role in the upbringing of children, and there are alot of men out there who are wonderful fathers and deserve to enjoy every part of their child's life. Also some women are vindictive and make false allegations against a man for their own pleasure or revenge. It all goes back to people being selfish, self centered, and vindictive. They care more about hurting the other person rather than caring if they hurt their child. I know that when people split up it can be tragic one one or both, but when you bring a child into this world it is your first duty to see to the health, happiness, and well being of that child, and so much of the time you have to put your own wants and needs on the back burner and concentrate on what your child needs first. I mean the parents splitting up in the first place is extremely traumatic for children, and then to be fought over, tugged around, and used as a means of control has to be even worse. I do agree with you though that a judge should look at the entire situation before settling on a custody arrangement. Also another thing that bothers me is the unfair way in which the time is split up. The standard is the custodial parent retains primary custody, and the other parent is granted every other weekend and usually some time in the summer. I remember my ex telling me that he just couldn't bare the thought of being a weekend dad and he needed his kids more than that, sometimes everyday. I think that visit time should be 50/50 and both parents should have equal time with their kids. I hate that the world is this way, and that the kids have to suffer for it, I really just dont understand how people can behave so immaturely and vindictively. I mean at some point you obviously had feelings for the other person to have created a child together, focus on that and let go of the animosity for the sake of the children. I'm sure they are hurt enough already.
Here, here! Children need their mothers and their fathers, they don't need a father figure as some have referred, out if ignorance I suspect.
blackeye

Jefferson, GA

#157 Mar 31, 2012
A mom wrote:
This whole post is a giant headache. There are good mothers as well as bad mothers, and the same goes for fathers. Everyone knows someone who has been on one side of the fence or the other. I personally know several people who dont deserve their children, and I have witnessed mothers using their children against the father and I have met women who are great mothers who all but beg a deadbeat father for a little help. It goes both ways, only the people involved know the real story and you can't compare one case with another because they are all different. At the end of the day it is the children being hurt, some by mothers and some by fathers. Its a very sad thing and an all to real evil in this world. There are times when people just need to let go of their own feelings, shove them aside, and do what is best for the children. If people would put their children first then we wouldn't have need of custody wars and child-support orders. When my husband and I split up I had no need to go and ask a judge to make him pay child support, he let me know from day one that he loved his kids and would do anything he could to help. He told me what he could afford to give me, and told me if I needed anything else to call and he would figure something out. He never had to go and have a Judge order specified time for him to see his kids, we worked out a schedule that worked for us. He hurt me alot, and I hated him for it, but he is a good father and he loves his kids, and they love him. I would never keep them from him, if he meets someone else and that person is good to them then who am I to say they shouldn't reap the benefits of that persons love also. Its just so very sad how anyone man or woman can be so selfish as to A) abandon their child because they dont want the responsibility, or B) Use that child as a tool to inflict pain on another, ultimately hurting the child. To bad some people just cant seem to grow up and do what is right for their children.
"only the people involved know the real story" This is a true statement so it boggels my mind when family members and friends interject their opionions or advice or blame. They should keep their noses out of the buisness of others. We know how perfect we are and how easy it is to judge.
A mom

Tucson, AZ

#158 Mar 31, 2012
This is true, it is a sad world. After so long and so much the other parent doesn't have a chance. There are those cases when one parent or another just wont stop, after a long time people become beat down and discouraged so they start giving up. It isn't because they dont love their child but because it isn't good for anyone. The financial cost, emotional strain, and one disappointment after another get to be too much to handle. My brothers ex wife seriously choked herself in the bathroom to try to trump up charges against my brother to prevent him from seeing his daughter. It backfired on her when the sheriff showed up though, he really looked at the marks on her neck and realized there was no way that he had done that, it was put in the police report and later a judge decided that she was mentally unstable and awarded my brother custody! In college I took several communications classes and 'letting go of the past' is a therapy used to improve the quality of a persons life. At some point you have to let go of all that has happened and concentrate on the things that are going to happen. Anyone who holds on to past wrongs has no hope for a happy future. The sad part is they not only ruin their own chance at happiness but also transfer that negativity to their children endangering their happiness. People dont always see how their decisions affect their children until it is to late.
jambru

Jefferson, GA

#159 Mar 31, 2012
A mom wrote:
This whole post is a giant headache. There are good mothers as well as bad mothers, and the same goes for fathers. Everyone knows someone who has been on one side of the fence or the other. I personally know several people who dont deserve their children, and I have witnessed mothers using their children against the father and I have met women who are great mothers who all but beg a deadbeat father for a little help. It goes both ways, only the people involved know the real story and you can't compare one case with another because they are all different. At the end of the day it is the children being hurt, some by mothers and some by fathers. Its a very sad thing and an all to real evil in this world. There are times when people just need to let go of their own feelings, shove them aside, and do what is best for the children. If people would put their children first then we wouldn't have need of custody wars and child-support orders. When my husband and I split up I had no need to go and ask a judge to make him pay child support, he let me know from day one that he loved his kids and would do anything he could to help. He told me what he could afford to give me, and told me if I needed anything else to call and he would figure something out. He never had to go and have a Judge order specified time for him to see his kids, we worked out a schedule that worked for us. He hurt me alot, and I hated him for it, but he is a good father and he loves his kids, and they love him. I would never keep them from him, if he meets someone else and that person is good to them then who am I to say they shouldn't reap the benefits of that persons love also. Its just so very sad how anyone man or woman can be so selfish as to A) abandon their child because they dont want the responsibility, or B) Use that child as a tool to inflict pain on another, ultimately hurting the child. To bad some people just cant seem to grow up and do what is right for their children.

You probably believe that you never put your nose in other peoples buisness or believe a one sided story do you?
A mom

Tucson, AZ

#160 Mar 31, 2012
No I never said I was perfect, when my brother went through his custody thing I was 100% on his side in everything. He is my brother and it is my job as his family to be supportive of him. Did I sent her hate mail, or lie to police, or harass her? No I'm not that immature. But yes I did support him and even helped him financially obtain a lawyer, but the difference is my brother wasn't doing what he did to be mean, his ex became addicted to drugs and refused to get help. He was awarded custody of his daughter because her drug use made her so unstable, and despite that he still went out of his way to let her see their child and to help her in any way he could. Obviously I nose in other peoples business from time to time, I mean I am on topix right? If you really think about it though, if a person puts their business on the internet for anyone in the world to form an opinion on then they cant really say you are nosing in my business, now can they. If they didn't want other people to know what was going on then they would keep it private. So while no I am not a saint, and I do from time to time 'put my nose were it does not belong,' at least I will admit to doing that. I am however a fair person, if you haven't noticed I dont trash anyone in particular, nor do I put names, or try to purposely offend people. I am simply expressing an opinion on the subject of this forum. I am sorry if you dont agree with what I say, that is your right. If you would care to express your opinion without becoming immature then I will gladly listen and respect your thoughts, even if I dont agree with them. So please dont try to start trouble when none has been directed at you, I am not the person to argue about the rightness of ones thoughts on a computer.

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