know_it_all -Sometimes-

Suwanee, GA

#64 Jan 20, 2013
IF YOU think HE was SUCH A GREAT AND WONDERFUL PERSON, get a hand FULL of HIS LEFT OVER PILLS AND THROW THEM IN YOUR MOUTH, and FORCE HANDFULS into the REST OF HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS MOUTHS.
EVERYBODY LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!!!!!!!!
problem solved!!!!!!
Anonymou5

Garland, TX

#65 Jan 20, 2013
When deciding whether to speak up to your friend, you may have some reservations, such as the following:

"It's none of my business how much my friend drinks or gets high. I wouldn't want anyone telling me what to do."

Think about it this way: Suppose you were in a restaurant and someone at a nearby table was having a heart attack. If you know CPR, you'd perform it right away, wouldn't you? Or if you didn't, you'd at least try to get help. You'd do everything you could for a total stranger.

Addressing a friend's substance abuse is just as critical. Thirty-five percent of all hospitalizations are due to the abuse of alcohol and other drugs. And addiction is a leading cause of death in America. So, when you talk to your friend about drinking or drug use, you may be literally saving a life, as well as helping your friend get that life back together again.
Anonymou5

Garland, TX

#66 Jan 20, 2013
How to talk to your friend
The best time to talk

Don't try to talk when your friend is drunk or high; it's too difficult to take in what you're saying, and the situation could turn out badly.

Don't worry if you don't say things perfectly. The scenarios below are just guidelines. The most important thing is that you express your concern for your friend in a caring and honest way.
How to get the conversation started

Anytime you can talk to your friend when he or she is clearheaded is fine. One approach is to sit down the next day when your friend is hung over and remorseful or soon after, while the drinking or drug-related incident is fresh in your friend's mind. But if you can't get to your friend right away, that's okay, too, since you're not talking about an isolated incident but one in a long pattern.

You might want to take someone with you who understands your concern for your friend's problem, perhaps someone with a connection to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or a similar group. Or you could tell someone what you're doing and have him or her available by phone for support. It is also a good idea to meet on neutral turf, but not in a bar or where alcohol is available.
Keep in mind these key points

No matter how "bad" you friend's behavior has been lately, the person is not bad. He or she may be suffering from a medically proven disease that causes abnormal action, including hurting the people closest to him or her. So don't blame or criticize. You're talking because you care about your friend's life and health, not to make someone "get their act together."

Be specific when you talk. Bring up incidents such as "When you cancelled our plans the other day" instead of "You never keep your word." And use "I" phrases, such as "I noticed" or "I'm worried," since your friend can't argue with your feelings.

Talk about the effect your friend's drinking or drug use has on whatever he or she cares about most: career, children, sports, etc. Your friend may not be concerned about his or her own situation, but may care deeply for the children and what the problem may be doing to them.

Everyone has different levels of friendship: good friends, casual friends, and co-workers. You might want to write down what you want to say. Here are some "opening lines" to help you approach each type of friend in the most appropriate way. Of course, your friend can respond in any number of ways besides the few examples given. The main thing is to listen, stick to the facts, show caring attitude and offer to help.
Anonymou5

Garland, TX

#67 Jan 20, 2013
Helping a Good Friend

"You know, Barb, we've been friends for a long time now, as close as sisters. And, while I don't want to interfere with your life, I have noticed that you're drinking and getting high more lately, and you don't seem to be getting along with your family as much as you used to. I'm worried about you. Let's talk about it."

If Barb says: "You know, you're right. I have noticed that I've been drinking more in the last couple of months. But I think it's because I've been under more pressure than usual at work and at home. It's probably just a phase. I'm sure I'll snap out of it soon."

You can say: "I know it appears a drink or two can take the edge off temporarily. But drinking can't solve your problems, and from what you've told me, they seem to be only getting worse, maybe because you're drinking more. A professional assessment will help you find out if drinking is the problem or if it's something else."
Helping a casual friend

"Jim, I've always enjoyed playing cards with you. But after a couple of beers, I see a personality change, and there are arguments. It's not like you. You usually get along with everyone except when you're drinking. I'd hate to see you lose your friends."

If Jim says: "Who are you to tell me I drink too much? We all have a few when we play cards. And the words I had with Al and Walt were no big deal. I just got a little hot under the collar."

You can say: "Jim, I don't count how many drinks you or anyone else has. I've just noticed that at some point in the evening, after you've been drinking awhile, I see a more argumentative side of you. I don't want to see you destroy your relationships with people who care about you. So I thought I'd mention it now because I'm your friend and I want to help."
Helping a coworker

"Barb, you're one of the brightest people I know. But recently, you've been missing a lot of work and coming in late. And this week, my report got held up because I didn't have your input. You don't seem to be yourself. I know you've been drinking (or using drugs) a lot. If you're having a problem with alcohol, drugs, or anything else, I'd be happy to help you get the assistance you need. I'd hate to see you lose your job."

If Barb says: "Hey, I know I've been a little out of control recently, and I have been partying more than usual, but don't worry. I'm working on getting my act together."

You can say: "Well, I hope you do. But sometimes it's hard to get your act together by yourself. So if you need any help, I just want you to know that I'm here and I'll listen. I value your friendship and will do anything I can."
Anonymou5

Garland, TX

#68 Jan 20, 2013
What to do if your friend isn't ready for help

Don't be surprised. Denying that there is a problem or that drinking or drug use is the cause of it is one of the unfortunate symptoms of the diseases of alcoholism and drug addiction. So if you feel you're not getting through to your friend, it's not your fault or your friend's fault. Don't take it personally. The only thing you can do is back off and let your friend know that when he or she is ready for help, you'll be there. You could also give your friend the phone number of a local AA group.

But don't despair. And don't think you didn't present your case. You have planted a seed of recovery that may grow when you least expect it.

Stay in touch and know that there are ways to show your concern. For example, if your friend only wants to meet where he or she can drink, suggest another place.

Don't offer alcohol when your friend visits. Don't continue to lend money if that's an ongoing problem. Don't accept late-night calls when your friend is drunk or high.
If your friend is ready for help

Your friend may have been secretly hoping someone would notice the problem and reach out to help. Maybe others along the way have said they're concerned about it. And now your friend is ready to get assistance. How can you help? Before you meet with your friend, call the local numbers for AA or Narcotics Anonymous (NA) in your area to get a schedule of meetings. If your friend readily admits to having a problem and wants to do something about it, offer to provide a ride to a meeting or to set up a contact in AA or NA.

If your friend hesitates or says he or she drinks a lot but doesn't have a problem, suggest a formal assessment by a professional who is trained and knowledgeable about substance abuse.

You may also want to talk with someone at a treatment center so you can have the name of a place handy if your friend feels outpatient or residential care is needed. If your friend decides to call a treatment center, offer to be there while the call is made, and if possible, take your friend to the center.
Anonymou5

Garland, TX

#69 Jan 20, 2013
These are all great tips to trying to help a friend when they need you the most. Sadly to say, most do nothing in fear of losing a friend. But to me, life is way more valuable to want to intervene or try. If you care enough for that persons life like you care for your own. Sometimes it takes putting yourself in their shoes. It is a tragedy to see one lose their life in this way. May God be with this family at this time.
For Your Info

Garland, TX

#70 Jan 20, 2013
Many dealers have never experienced unconditional love and equate sex, infatuation and mutually beneficial arrangements as “love.” People do not wake up one day and say “I want to be a crack addict.” Nor do they wake up and say “I want to be a drug dealer.” You cannot go to the local community college and get a certificate for drug sales. People are introduced to it through their relationships and those people who are most meaningful and impactful in their lives.
Anonymou5

Garland, TX

#71 Jan 20, 2013
That last post "For Your Info" was me
WTF

Jefferson City, TN

#72 Jan 20, 2013
Anonymou5 wrote:
That last post "For Your Info" was me
Thanks!! Never would have figured that one out!!!! LMAO!!!
Anonymou5

Garland, TX

#73 Jan 20, 2013
WTF wrote:
<quoted text>Thanks!! Never would have figured that one out!!!! LMAO!!!
It was a typo. I meant to put that as Heading above the text but accidentally put it as the name. Just trying to get the correct information to all so that maybe it can help someone. I am trying to help and not be sarcastic. Unlike you. I guess that makes you feel better to cut others down. Must have some self-esteem issues. I hope you know that you are better than all that. Blessings.

Since: Jan 13

Garland, TX

#74 Jan 20, 2013
Hey now I registered with the community! Now my name looks a little different but it is I! ;)
i know

United States

#75 Jan 20, 2013
Jason was jason family couldn't help him he had a addiction and he died ob account of it and if your kid is over 18 there is ntn parents can do to help they have to do it on their on and jason didn't want that help he done a lot of wrongs but he is gone now so let his family have peace his dad is upset cause he hadn't talked to him as for me i was upset with jason have been for awhile but didn't want him to die like this God i hope intevened before he died !! And i used to be his. stepmom and I'm going to remember him befoere the pills took over his life i hope you all will feel sympathy for his parents they are having rough time
sad

Carlisle, KY

#76 Jan 20, 2013
Jesus took him home, God's will.

Since: Jan 13

Garland, TX

#77 Jan 20, 2013
sad wrote:
Seems like you are hurting and for that I feel bad for you.
I didn't even know Jason. But yes there is some sadness in my heart because I feel saddened that this has happened. My heart pours out to those that have lost this young man. I know he may have been mixed up in drugs, dealing and addiction, but that does not mean he was a bad person. It is just tragic! I pray this is a reality check to others and that they realize they can come out of addiction if they seek help and support. I know addiction can be very hard to deal with but I hope that others can see their real beauty and make the right decisions. Life is so beautiful if you allow yourself to see. Addiction likes to put up blinders on people and keep them in the dark. But I know when the addict is sober or straight, they are easier to reach and I just wish more people seen Addiction for what it really is. It is robbing our fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, children, friends, and loved ones from the potentials that they have...From life and beauty. It is a deadly disease and this is just a reminder of what addiction leads to. So sad, scary! Some addicts feel alone and ashamed or scared of what life would be without their fix. But I am here to tell them that if they just give it chance, work through their pain and be strong, hold on... There is HOPE! This is a deep subject! I have been there and I know your life can totally change if you really want it. The addict can get through this and live the life they were meant to live. They just have to believe in themselves, want to get help, have love and support from others... I know addiction does not have to be your chains... Break them and you can be a totally different person. Better, stronger, confident! It doesn't happen over night and it takes strength and hard work. But with support...YOU CAN SUCCEED!

Since: Jan 13

Garland, TX

#78 Jan 20, 2013
i know wrote:
Jason was jason family couldn't help him he had a addiction and he died ob account of it and if your kid is over 18 there is ntn parents can do to help they have to do it on their on and jason didn't want that help he done a lot of wrongs but he is gone now so let his family have peace his dad is upset cause he hadn't talked to him as for me i was upset with jason have been for awhile but didn't want him to die like this God i hope intevened before he died !! And i used to be his. stepmom and I'm going to remember him befoere the pills took over his life i hope you all will feel sympathy for his parents they are having rough time
I totally understand all you are feeling. I didn't know Jason but I am saddened by this loss. Do not blame yourself for anything. I know that sometimes we can only do so much. I just wish that their were more that could have tried to reach him before it came to this. My condolences to the family and loved ones. I know how it feels to lose someone you cared so much about. My deepest sympathy.

Since: Jan 13

Garland, TX

#79 Jan 20, 2013
Addressing a friend's substance abuse is just as critical. Thirty-five percent of all hospitalizations are due to the abuse of alcohol and other drugs. And addiction is a leading cause of death in America. So, when you talk to your friend about drinking or drug use, you may be literally saving a life, as well as helping your friend get that life back together again. Let us all be more aware and caring of our loved ones and friends. You just may save someone's life!
lacrisha

United States

#80 Jan 20, 2013
Let him. rip people please.
for example

Morristown, TN

#81 Jan 20, 2013
Anonymou5 wrote:
When deciding whether to speak up to your friend, you may have some reservations, such as the following:
"It's none of my business how much my friend drinks or gets high. I wouldn't want anyone telling me what to do."
Think about it this way: Suppose you were in a restaurant and someone at a nearby table was having a heart attack. If you know CPR, you'd perform it right away, wouldn't you? Or if you didn't, you'd at least try to get help. You'd do everything you could for a total stranger.
Addressing a friend's substance abuse is just as critical. Thirty-five percent of all hospitalizations are due to the abuse of alcohol and other drugs. And addiction is a leading cause of death in America. So, when you talk to your friend about drinking or drug use, you may be literally saving a life, as well as helping your friend get that life back together again.
How many people do you know that smoke or are over weight and have had a heart attack? Don't you bet their Dr. or friends had talked to them and tried to warn them what could happen. Talking to a drug addict does no good. I wish we had answers other than I hope they all od. But you do sound like you care.

Since: Jan 13

Morristown, TN

#82 Jan 20, 2013
Wow! People tearing up the thread now! Can I get a "hot topix" over here!
really

Easley, SC

#83 Jan 20, 2013
More like stfu drama maker.

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