Non-Offensive-Offensive Jokes

Non-Offensive-Offensive Jokes

Posted in the New Roads Forum

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bdp

Donaldsonville, LA

#1 Jul 31, 2008
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and Police car?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
'Are you sure it's mine?'

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby?
They named him 'Sum Ting Wong'

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with...'a recipe'.

How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time ...'

A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t....

Why is there no Disneyland in Japan ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
Aidan

London, UK

#2 May 10, 2009
how do u blindfold a chinese person?

dental floss
Aidan

London, UK

#3 May 10, 2009
why cant pakies play football?

bcoz they will build a shop on every corner
Aidan

London, UK

#4 May 10, 2009
why dont u play football in space?

bcoz theres no atmosphere
Aidan

London, UK

#5 May 10, 2009
what do u call a sheep on a trampoline?

a wooly jumper
Bud

Tiverton, RI

#6 Jun 11, 2011
What happened to the TV after he crossed the road?

He became a flat-screen TV!

Since: Jul 10

Ventress

#7 Jun 11, 2011
Some people can't appreciate offensive humor.
They take it personally.
Humor dealing with cancer, death, hardships, sexual orientation and serious issues was George Carlin's forte. It's something everyone of us have experienced. And most avoid.
Humor should never be bestowed upon any individual at that individuals expense. Generalized humor is hard to distinguiush from personalized degradation, sometimes, for many.
Sarcasm is another concept many do not grasp.

Carlin's humor always impressed me.
It made us look deeply into our own lives.
It made us think about what is truly important through the eyes of our own self conciousness.

I prefer humor.
Humor has cost me a great deal these days.

Since: Jun 09

Endless Summer

#8 Jun 11, 2011
Carlin said he felt it was the comedians duty to find where the line is drawn and cross it. And even when he crossed my confort zone I still found myself either laughing or thinking or both..

Since: Jul 10

Ventress

#9 Jun 11, 2011
Southwind wrote:
Carlin said he felt it was the comedians duty to find where the line is drawn and cross it. And even when he crossed my confort zone I still found myself either laughing or thinking or both..
Right.
I've never met anyone else who knows these things.
I know you don't make a habit of posting so it means a lot.

Since: Jun 09

Endless Summer

#10 Jun 12, 2011
Woodsman I will have to confess that as a younger man I liked Carlin because I saw him as a smarta$$, which I probably was myself (being a typical young man, lol)..it was many years later that I got him tho..
Rodney Dangerfield

Baton Rouge, LA

#11 Jun 13, 2011
My wife is on a life support machine...
It's called a refridgerator
Rodney Dangerfield

Baton Rouge, LA

#12 Jun 13, 2011
Took my wife to the beach......
Some guy walks up and said, What kind of bait are you using ?
Fred Sanford

Baton Rouge, LA

#13 Jun 13, 2011
" Ester, they could mash yo face in dough ,
and make Gorilla Cookies "

Since: Jul 10

Ventress

#14 Jun 16, 2011
Fred Sanford wrote:
" Ester, they could mash yo face in dough ,
and make Gorilla Cookies "
Just a bit of trivia.
Redd Foxx's name in real life was John Sanford.

“Resurected”

Since: Feb 10

Destin, Fl

#15 Jun 16, 2011
Sitting together on a train was Obama, a Cajun, a little old lady and a young blonde girl with large breasts. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, Obama has a bright red hand print on his cheek.
No one speaks.

The old lady thinks:
Obama must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped him.

The blonde girl thinks:
Obama must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped him.

Obama thinks:
Cajun must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.

The Cajun thinks:
I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can slap the crap out of Obama again.

Since: Jul 10

Ventress

#16 Jun 16, 2011
Vigilandy wrote:
Sitting together on a train was Obama, a Cajun, a little old lady and a young blonde girl with large breasts. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, Obama has a bright red hand print on his cheek.
No one speaks.
The old lady thinks:
Obama must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped him.
The blonde girl thinks:
Obama must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled
the old lady and she slapped him.
Obama thinks:
Cajun must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
The Cajun thinks:
I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can slap the crap out of Obama again.
Lol!
Now, they gunna wanna know if it was the left hand or the right hand coming from you.

I noticed the moderators felt inclined to pull an Obama thread from the NR forum yesterday.
Yet they allow threads that hurt innocent locals to remain.
pokie

Philadelphia, PA

#17 Jun 17, 2011
"Ever heard about the black man that went to college?"

"No"

"Me either"
Obamanation

Baton Rouge, LA

#18 Jun 17, 2011
What do you call a dumba$$ from PC Parish?

Vigilandy
hahaha

Baton Rouge, LA

#19 Jun 17, 2011
or work!!!
pokie wrote:
"Ever heard about the black man that went to college?"
"No"
"Me either"
hahaha

Baton Rouge, LA

#20 Jun 17, 2011
what thread was that??? They can just pull the ones they want?

How convienient
Woodsman_1 wrote:
<quoted text>Lol!
Now, they gunna wanna know if it was the left hand or the right hand coming from you.
I noticed the moderators felt inclined to pull an Obama thread from the NR forum yesterday.
Yet they allow threads that hurt innocent locals to remain.

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